My "whine moment today." What's yours?

Exvee, our good friends parents behave the same way! He too is single without a wife and children. Retired from his career but has a part time job teaching. Mom constantly complains they don’t see him enough and is always saying “do I even have a son?”? All it does is make him to be around them even less! And like he says, it’s a 2 way street they can call and come visit him. They just expect HIM to go them. It’s a 30 minute drive. They are snowbirds and are currently at their Florida house. So they can easily come over here to see their son but they don’t. They just complain about never seeing him!

Not a whine moment but alarm bells are going off. Maybe not alarm bells but I’m now feeling anxious about thanksgiving. Got a text from my BILs ex wife out of the blue late Tuesday night. Don’t know what she actually wanted, we talked about the kids for a minute and then I got in the shower and went bed so I stopped responding to the texts. I wondered if she was going to bring up thanksgiving and finagle an invitation. I am fine with her coming but I do not know how my husband and his brother & sister would feel about that & my husband was out of town so I didn’t invite her even though I wanted to. I forgot all about it until just now when.....my BIL just posted on FB that he is in a relationship with someone! So now I am wondering, and this is because of past history with my BIL and his ex wife and holidays, is there some drama over this new relationship? My BIL also has a history of waiting until major holidays to introduce us all to the new woman in his life. I am having flashbacks to thanksgiving of 2015 which is the year BIL and ex wife separated for the 2nd time and we had major drama just before thanksgiving because he jumped in to a relationship with a woman who was bat sh*t crazy and he insisted on bringing her to our family thanksgiving (they had been dating for like 3 weeks and she was all over Facebook proclaiming how in love they were, it was just nuts!). We hosted that year and got dragged in to it all. Ex SIL said she could be civil but didn’t want the new GF there. BIL insisted the new GF be there, husband didn’t want the new GF there because he didn’t want drama and he thought it wasn’t the time or the place for us to all be introduced to the new GF. His sister agreed with but. In the end. We gave in and he did bring her but they were over 3 hours late because she wouldn’t get off her butt & get ready so they walked in just as my in-laws were getting ready to leave! So now I can’t help but wonder.....is history repeating itself yet again (it always does with these people)? Thanksgiving is just days away....my BILs ex wife is still family and I’ve told her she is always welcome here. I just don’t know what to think about all of this and I am feeling very anxious like I should anticipate my ex SIL coming and my BIL trying to bring the new GF.....history repeating itself.......i’m Happy for my BIL but the first family holidays since the separation are not the best time to introduce us to new people. I mean he is still married to my ex SIL.......hoping this all means nothing and we will have the nice peaceful holiday I’ve been anticipating.

Uh oh, Worried, I'd be hearing alarm bells too. Could you and hubby have an escape plan if they do try to bring drama your way? If they do, you and hubby and kids should plan to be gone on Thanksgiving. Take a little road trip, go out to eat, shopping, anything to avoid a repeat of the last time between BIL and his ex.

Do you think ex-SIL might be wanting to "keep tabs" on BIL? I know she is still close to the family, but I immediately thought she might be trying to spy on him and his new GF. I hope that's not the case, but it does seem like the holidays bring out the crazy in family even more than usual.

BINGO frazzledmama! That’s mostly likely what’s going on here—Ex-SIL was likely fishing for info & trying to keep tabs. Gosh I was so anxious when I wrote my post that it is just all over the place! Been through this with these people several times already so I know *something* is up! I’m thinking Ex-SIL already knew about the new girlfriend (he would have told her probably, they have an odd relationship, he has keys to the house still amongst other odd things) and I don’t think she was actually looking for an invite on thanksgiving, I think she was trying to find out what I know about this woman and if she’s coming in thanksgiving! The timing of her text and my BILs relationship status update is NO coincidence! Something is up.....
and no we can’t cancel and go out of town. We are hosting (just a small family gathering) and my husband wouldn’t agree to go out of town. I already asked, back when the family started asking what the plan for thanksgiving was! I wanted to either stay home and cook or go up to Tahoe for a long weekend :(

My "whine" is that I've had this respiratory virus that has me coughing for 9 weeks. I've been using my nebulizer for 10 days and I see some progress, but all I want to do after each treatment is sleep. I use my nebulizer 4 times a day with 4 hours between each use. This gets real old quickly.

To everybody still on this thread, I wish you all the best, good healing, and a calm, stress free Thanksgiving. Hugs to all caregivers.

Yoda,

I hope that you start to feel better soon. I use the nebulizer with my asthma. It’s miserable not being able to breathe.

That nagging cough is always the last thing to go long after a person does feel better after an infection. The nasty cough seems to hang on for quite awhile.

Hugs! Feel better soon. Have a wonderful Thanksgiving.

Just had my staples removed. Uhm, ow?

No uhm to it cwillie-Ouch!

Ouch!!!!!

Gosh, from here it seems you are healing fast!
So sorry it hurt more.

People on line say they barely even noticed - I guess I'm a wuss because I spent the next hour clutching my lower incision waiting for the tylenol to kick in. Beyond that I'm feeling great and even made it to Tim's for lunch yesterday (1 mile each way).

Update -DH still in the hospital (Day 25). Hip fracture (femur break actually) is healing well. But he aspirated into lungs, has pneumonia, had a heart attack (stent put in) and is feeling like rubbish. So they've been treating with antibiotics. I'm quite tired. Thank heavens one of the kids has extensive health care experience because I'm out of my depth with this pulmonary component. I've had a few minor and one major set to with doctors who want to dump info, with no patience for my questions. I'm really trying to keep from being testy with the doctors. The nurses and techs have been so good - I'm grateful to those who do this work. My support team has been wonderful - I'm having to learn to ask for and accept help. I guess when God actually does give us more than we think we can handle, sometimes he sends a support team. I don't know -- still think he's overestimating my abilities.

My mom was cremated, we opted to forgo any service as my family can't leave town, and the remaining relatives are too health compromised to attend. We prepared a beautiful book (Snapfish) that chronicles her life in photos. The extended family finds the book wonderful, it's bringing up good memories and there's been no pushback, just thanks. At some point, we'll return her ashes to be interred with my dad. I realize it's unusual not to have any services but it's best for our family. My thoughts and feelings are so full of DH that my emotions regarding my mom's passing are set aside. The kids and I will gather on Thanksgiving, not at our house as usual, but our daughter's. The meal will be simple and little prep needed. We need something non-traditional that doesn't point out missing loved ones.

Anyhow-adapt, adjust, take another step.

Linda, contrary to what many say, God does allow things to happen that are beyond our ability as Paul describes in II Corinthians 1:8-11..

"We do not want you to be uninformed, brothers and sisters, about the troubles we experienced in the province of Asia. We were under great pressure, far beyond our ability to endure, so that we despaired of life itself. Indeed, we felt we had received the sentence of death. But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead. He has delivered us from such a deadly peril, and he will deliver us again. On him we have set our hope that he will continue to deliver us, as you help us by your prayers. Then many will give thanks on our behalf for the gracious favor granted us in answer to the prayers of many. New International Version

Praying for you in this difficult time.

Yay Willie, you made it to Tim's. For those non-Canadian's out there Tim Horton's is our local, go-to coffee shop.

Only Tylenol cwillie? You shouldv'e had something stronger....whatever,I just hope it helped.

Congratulations Cwillie

I'm guessing when you said Tim’s was a mile each way - you walked ?

The good drugs were discontinued while I was still in the hospital Luckylu. I was sent home with a schedule of tylenol and advil and really, it's been enough.

Yes MsM I walked. I can't lift anything over 10lbs but I can walk, in fact I'm supposed to walk. I'm not supposed to drive until the incision heals a bit so walking is my only option if I want to get out of the house, at least for a few more days.

Ggood for you, CW! I was just reading an article on pain management in Consumer Reports that says research studies seem to show that Tylenol+Advil in very much as good as Tylenol+opiate. Feel better, heal well!

Well things are getting real here, and I am normally upbeat,, no more,, I am exhausted. We have noticed a big decline in Mom in the past 3 weeks. She can't grasp ideas ( her tablet is not working for one game, she needs a new one.. maybe its the game mom?) I'm going to give up on that one and cancel the table, and get her a Kindle, she only plays one gambling game.. can't understand she'll have to start over no matter what. ( What?? I'll lose my money?) Cardiologist told her for the 9 millionth time she has a small problem, probably never need anything for it but if so a pacer.. she has been told this for about 8 years now.. Nope, never heard that before.. I told him to stop mentioning it,, she is fixated on it now. She has had " crap pallooza" for months now, her Dr is about ready to test her for C Diff but none of us has it, and it goes away for weeks.. today I had to clean a trail of it off the carpeted floor. she tried but missed all the poop and cleaned everything else. We are now going to wear depends ALL day ( hope she remembers this) I even found poop on the wall because she leaned on it while "cleaning herself up" She was terribly embarrassed, but this is ongoing. He and I have explained that she needs to drink more water..no go, and has never been a big eater but now is only eating when pushed to. But won't give up the dang glass of wine! ( Hey ok , it's calories) Tonight she said that if she can't get upstairs ( we can get her to bed) she will just sleep on the couch in the rec room because it's "closer to the bathroom".. no it's not, and there is a lot of furniture between the couch and the bathroom, not to mention it will be strange for her. I told her if she can't go to bed, in the bedroom, then we are going to have to look at other arraingments. She has a bad back, lots of pain, and no way will the couch help! Plus her bedroom is right across from the bathroom, with plenty of things to hold on to when she leaves her walker for 2 feet to cross the hall. And she right by our bedroom if she falls.. we will never hear her in the lower level. And I pointed out it is easier to clean her bed than replace the couch! Oh god there is more.. but just pray for us! I am pretty sure the end is coming, and I am OK with that.. but I am tired..

Yoda, I hear you about the residual coughing after a respiratory virus. It often lasts for many weeks and sometimes it seems like coughing is all you do all day long. Hang in there. One of these weeks your coughing will no longer be the ONLY thing you think about all day.
I've been there a couple of times myself in the last two years. You may be a bit of a limp rag for several weeks as well. But someday down the line you'll notice you are feeling pretty normal. Amazing.

Pam, I’m sorry you’re seeing a decline in your mom. Hope you get sleep location worked out. Jay and I have sleep problems. I slept in recliner last night. When I got up this morning he was on the sofa. I always have sleep issues, but they’re worse since I started dialysis. Take care of yourself.

One more whine. Retinal detachment just came out of the blue yesterday in my one good eye. The other eye had a detachment a few years ago while I was taking care of my bedridden mom in my home. At that time I waited too long because I didn't know what it was and was overwhelmed with her care, and lost a bit of central vision in that eye. I am dependent on the other eye and now that one "blew out", as my husband says. I am scheduled for emergency surgery this afternoon. Then I have to keep my head down for around 10 days because of the gas bubble they insert behind the eye. Fun holiday so far...harhar.

I cannot see too well, but thankfully learned how to place my fingers on the keyboard. I can make out several of you are also having issues and some health problems. I wish you all well.

Oh no Katie, that sucks. ((hugs))

Oh Man, so many of you are struggling with various issues, I am So sorry!

CWillie, hope you are feeling better every day and I'm glad to hear that the biopsy results were good news!

NTDY, You Too, hope that cough of yours resolves here really soon!

Katie, you poor thing, I remember when you were struggling with your other eye here a couple of years ago, I hope your surgery is successful and your "good" eye heals up real soon!

Linda, I am so sorry about your hubby"s health issues, you have had several bombs dropped on you here of late and I pray he recovers quickly and you get back to some sense of normalcy soon. I am So sorry for your loss of your Mom, we went through the whole "no time to grieve", losing one parent after another, 3 in 14 months time, Ugh! We lost our Dad (PSP) right at the start of our Mom beginning 30+ straight days of Radiation therapy, and nursing her back to "health", 11 months later lost my MIL (CHF), THEN 3 months later lost our Mom (uterine cancer), it was a nightmare of a year +, and I struggled to grieve, while holding my job and family together (4 kids ages 16-22) through it all.

In the end I don't know if it was a blessing or a curse to just Not have the time to think and grieve, when there are so many pressing and other stressful things to take care of, the stress puts you into survival mode and it really takes it's toll on you! I really hope that you are doing OK and trying to do some self care as long the way!

PammyZ, gosh you too! Sorry to hear about your Mom's recent decline, and pray her Drs can come up with some reasonable treatment options.

You be sure to get her Casino games back up and functioning, lol, as I'm sure that keeping her occupied helps you more than it amuses her!!! I will be praying for her and your family as well in the coming weeks!

Becky, so sorry to hear that you have needed to start Dialysis therapy, that is a rough one, and trying to work too, I don't know how you do it, and caring for your brother too! Perhaps it's time to step back from working if you can, as Dialysis ain't for Dummies, with so many side effects and the sheer exhaustion of it all! You take care and rest as much as possible!

Golden, I hope that you are feeling better following your recent illness!

MsMadge, hoping your Mom is doing better too!

Captain, hoping that they finally arrest and convict the Azzholes that murdered your Son, this has gone on far too long and I know how Stressed and Heartbroken you are over it. If you do get custody of your Grandson, prayers that he is an easy child and brings you much Comfort and Joy in your retirement (I think I read where you are considering retirement here soon, if not, My Bad! Lol!)

Wowza, when it rains it pours it seems, and I am sure that it is only the tip of the iceberg with so many of you caring for Loved ones, and to all the others that I have missed, please know that you also are in my thoughts and prayers!

I hope Everyone is able to have a Happy Thanksgiving Despite all the Stress of holding it all together! You Guys Deserve a day of rest and relaxation, so let someone else do the cooking, unless that is your Jam, and Thanks for Giving all that you do! Try to Take Care All! Stacey ❤❤❤

cwillie," good drugs "
several years ago my son jake had all 4 wisdom teeth removed at once . we stopped at kroger on the way home for his codone scrip .
i didnt have money to waste but i couldnt pass up a 1 dollar bottle of baby aspirin .
i came out with the bag of pain meds he needed but quite ceremoniously pulled the baby aspirin out of the bag first .
he knew i was screwing with him but i'll never forget the scowl i got along with the huge doubled up fist he displayed .

i sure love and miss him .

I woke up sick today. Thought it was a cold coming on but I’ve got a cough and I usually get a cough at the end of a cold......so whatever this is, it’s not my usual cold. Hopefully vitamin C and elderberry will make it go away fast!

i just did the thanksgiving shopping and had to go to 3 grocery stores to find everything I needed!!! The stores were crowded and shelves were empty! Couldn’t believe it.

I am now officially regretting telling my husband to invite whoever he wanted for thanksgiving dinner. My SIL was hoping we would eat early since MIL always served thanksgiving dinner at NOON which left SIL plenty of time to go to her in-laws. Noon is no can do for me. I am not a morning person and the turkey will take about 6.5 hours to cook on the smoker and I don’t have the fridge space to be able to prepare all the sides the night before so I need all day to cook. I had originally planned on dinner at 5 but hubby said it was too late so I changed it to 4pm. SIL said ok after some initial complaining and said that they would come over a little early so the kids could hang out. Well now SIL just texted hubby and is pulling a fast one because she said “I don’t know if J**** told you but we’re coming over at noon. It’s ok if we miss dinber because we have to leave at 4:30pm.”
WHAT? She never said anything about coming over at noon and if she had, I would have said that is way too early. I am beyond annoyed right now. I will be in the middle of cooking and doing last minute cleaning at noon and had planned to get myself ready around 3 but now I guess I have to be ready at noon? And cook and clean in nice clothes? WTF? This is a bunch of horse chit and I refuse to do this again. Call me whatever you want, think I’m selfish if you want but my husband and his siblings make very little effort to see each other and you know....act like a family until the holidays come around so I really don’t feel any obligated to all be together. If you cant make time in your lives to see us during the year then why is there so much emphasis on spending the holidays together? All it does is create stress! So I am now officially over it and I regret the day I said I was staying home to cook and hubby could invite whoever he wanted.

Worried, I think when people come over to your place for dinner that it's up to them to respect the time you want them over. No discussion. If they can't make it then they don't come. Simple.

Katie - wishing you a successful eye surgery and recovery.

WorriedinCA - hope you feel better. Yes, load up on Vit C. It should help your body fight whatever it is. Speedy recovery and take it easy on Thanksgivings. Let the guests help themselves as much as possible.