My "whine moment today." What's yours?

I am suffering diarrhea / nausea, but somehow have to cure myself overnite, as I have to take my mom to her doctor in the morning.....if I cancel, it will be 6 or 8 wks before another opening. And she really needs to be seen. So I guess I will pray for miracule. There is no one else to take her to doc. And I feel so sick, but can't not go. Am taking ginger tea in hope it will help.

Oh Samaara..... I do hope you feel better by morning. We caregivers are not allowed to have sick days ya know?

Try your best hun... and my prayers are with you and a speedy recovery.

My neighbor came to ask for 2 sticks of butter, and when she saw my pale face, offered to drive to Walgreens for some Pepto......usually I don't do OTC stuff but the gigner tea didn't seem to help (all day). So at least now I've had one whole hour of sanity! God bless those good neighbors.

Yes folks yet another sleepless night with my mom, but my little sister is the best and she has sent me off for a 2 hr massage. So this is a whine and yay moment! Have a great day Caring ya'll

Samara thank God for good neighbors. Borrow a pair of Moms depends but wear a pair of tight fitting panties of your own over the top. That keeps them snug enough to stop the you know what from running down your legs when the worst happens.
Fellow sufferer

juddabuddhaboo, you are so right about drugs that can wreck havoc on one's body. I was put on what I call an anti-cancer drug after having breast cancer and that medicine was worse than having the surgery. After 4 years of dealing with all sorts of non-user friendly side effects, and trying different similar drugs, and trying different manufacturers because of the fillers, I had it... I stopped taking the meds. My risk of the cancer returning was about 12% so I decided to take that risk so I could live a more normal life. Even though I had stopped 8 months ago I still am having the side effects but not as severe, which tells me meds can latch on for months after the fact.

Are we having fun yet?

test

Comming in loud and clear Boni over and out

Hey, Boni! Good to see you back. How are your doing, girl?

Yay! I can post! Thanks AC. It looks like the post I was trying to do last night has gone through. Busy day, but will be back later. Thanks y'all. Extra thanks to Jessie

My whine just got turned upside down, yay :) The doctor agreed to provide the letter for my mother's banker. I can pick it up this week and bring it in. WHAT a RELIEF...

Wish I could convince my Dad that I really really really do hate shopping.... just because Mom loved to shop doesn't mean that all women love to shop.... [sigh]

I am trying to get my Dad [93] to shop via the Internet, then he can spend all afternoon in the Home Depot on-line store instead of having me roam around the real store with my empty cart while he decides what he wants and needs... usually at the check-out Dad has only one item. But Dad doesn't want to pay the shipping and handling associated with on-line stores [me banging head against wall].

Why don't you just move into ALS yourself, that would show him!!!!!!!!!!!!

Tell him the shipping cost is less than the cost of gas to get there and he will be saving money. I do most of my shopping on-line, including groceries. I get free shipping often if I spend a certain amount. Sometimes buying one more little something for $3 will save you $8 with free shipping.

Looloo, that's excellent news! Yay for you!

Boni, glad to see you back in action! :-)

FreqFlyer...if you live in the area I think you live in, I can't blame you for not wanting to drive or shop. No thanks! I'm not a big city girl by any means. I have made ONE trip to Chicago my whole life, and though I *love* the cultural opportunities over there - so many things to see and do - I don't know if I'll ever go back, unless it's on an organized tour of sorts, where I don't have to drive myself. That was a nightmare.

Veronica, I am so ready to move to a 55+ retirement community myself... I can see it now, my parents call me wanting me to drive them somewhere and I would have to tell them no I can't because the community bus is taking us on a sightseeing trip, or the community is having a Hawaiian luau at the indoor poll :)

BoniChak, I do the same thing that you are doing for myself. Recently I bought some books on Aging Care and I was shy a few dollars, so I threw into my on-line cart "Eldercare for Dummies" and it has turned out to be THE best of the books I had ordered. Now if only I could convince Dad to do the same thing. Poor guy, he was an engineering and computer whiz back when he was in college in the 1940's, one of his buddies invented the capacity of memory for a computer. Dad use to write computer code, etc. but today's technology has him so baffled :(

SusanA43, I look back to when I was younger, one time I lived in Maryland and drove weekdays to northern Virginia, on the Capital Beltway, to get to work... and it was one hour each way... and I thought nothing of it. I want that old me back !!! Now I can't go any further than say 3 miles here in northern Virginia. Give me Mayberry :)

I hear that, FreqFlyer! I lived in VA for 16 years, and drove my kids up to the zoo in DC a few times, and have been on that beltway more than once. Those few times of driving that 6-to-8-lane insanity were enough for me. Give me my good ol' 2-3 lane rural highways here in Michigan. I'll take those any day. (We do have larger freeways around places like Grand Rapids and Detroit - I just avoid them whenever possible.) And don't get me started on my drive from Michigan to VA to see my son and driving on the turnpike....which involves going through a tunnel.

That is great news, looloo

Freq, shopping is an activity to our parents. Like a concert or a museum would be for us. (Banging head) spent many the afternoon in Bed Bath and Beyond so that mom could examine toothbrushes and compare the price of tissues. Boni, so good to see you back! You taking care of yourself? Does anyone know where Garden Artist went?

ba8alou, I haven't seen Garden Artist on here for awhile, I always enjoyed reading her postings, hope her Dad is doing ok.... haven't seen Texarkana in a couple months, either, wonder how her Mom, the dogs and the church ladies are doing..

So funny you should ask. I just looked up her profile to see when she was here last. I'ts been a while......sept. I hope she's ok.
I see the heart Dr tomorrow for my 1 month check up. I want to know when my energy will be back!

BoniChak, it's tough getting older.... as a kid I use to bounce back from anything and everything.... but it seemed like since I turned 60 a few years back, that was the magic number that if anything medical happens I am zoned out for awhile. Heck, the other day I had to call out sick from work because I only had a couple hours of sleep. Gosh, it took me 3 days before I felt normal [whatever that is] again.

those freakin colonoscopy meds always cause me a couple weeks of depression . a phsyc doc agreed that was very possible . depression of course wrecks energy and amplifies body aches . my lower legs are howling tonight . im done cutting wood for now and using different muscles for different tasks . that sounds trivial but these suckers ache .
its supposed to rain tomorrow . it wont upset me a bit if it does .
ive made my mind up on something . the next nail salon day at ednas nh im gonna let the girls paint my nails some hot and loud color like they offered to do last time . it would make edna bust a gut for a week . she laughs a lot for a 90 yr old lady and her and mines claim to fame is we do what we want and dont need anyone elses approval . if the construction men thinks its some show of femininity ill bet they keep the thought to themselves . he he
s*it is gettin real out at the farm . the framing crew is there . those guys and i go back 25 years . all i have is one girl helper . i dont want more , i dont like running a crew .

he he . gettin ready for the concert sunday evening..

I have a question maybe some of you can help me with. I dont want to start a new topic but maybe I should. When my father's caregiver took him to the neurologist the other day he wrote down Aricept on a piece of paper and only asked if he'd been on the medication before. Im confused. I looked it up and its an Alzheimer's medicine. Does that mean he was diagnosed with Alzheimer's and no one was informed...Im very confused.

This may be long. Just had to take a break for a while. Healing up after 2 level neck surgery July 3rd. Then starting Oct.1st came down with cold/allergy/who knows what it was for the last 4 weeks and only now starting to feel human and now my lower back where I had surgery Nov. 2013 has muscle spasms but that is getting better, so that catches up on my personal health ailments.I have been trolling the last couple of months and was surprised anyone missed me. I know my sarcasm can be biting and I apologize now to anyone I will probably offend,except Ferris. I read one of her usually judgemental comments to someone and almost responded then but I had forgotten my password and couldn't sign on but I am back and can't wait for her to post again.Mother is still alive and actually thriving, not to listen to her, have her going to PT twice a week which means I can con her into taking a shower twice a week.Just this morning she informs me I almost killed her last night because I turned the central fan off and she almost burned up, it was down in the 40's last night and her usual complaint is she is to cold, don't care, nothing I do is right anyway and I have come to terms with it, besides she sounded pretty good for someone so "close" to death. Did I mention she is a big time Narcissist? and that I can't stand her? She has now been living with me for 2 yrs. this month and all in all things are going pretty well. After 8 months of mental therapy for me I handle her behavior and my feelings much better so our little ecosystem is efficiently chugging away. All 8 dogs are doing well, and as for the church ladies, well they haven't been back.I don't know if I mentioned but at the end of their visit the "leader" of the gang of 3 "forgot" her tray and car keys and turned around to go back into the house, unnoticed by her I turned to follow her, and sure enough I caught her in the kitchen in the process attempting to go thru the cabinets,caught her with her hand on the knob to one of the doors, that is when I very innocently said "Oh there are your keys" which were very visible inside the door, her behavior was no accident, it was hilarious, she about came out of her shoes as she did not realize I was right behind her, she didn't do very well trying not to look guilty, I just smiled and played dumb.I informed my mother of this, kinda felt sorry for her as I knew they were just on a spy mission and also to find out where a big $ contributor had been for the last 2 months(she had foot surgery)it's a small church so her contributions are noticed.She also has a very nice ,large collection of china that they are now aware she has.I made it clear that no one from any church was coming in my house again, however, that I would be more than glad to transport anyone from her sunday school class to lunch and I would even pay for it but I am not going thru that again.Also had to again make it clear that if she ever accused me of any wrong doing and APS or any authorites showed up at my house because of something these women said or that she said they had better bring a UHAUL because she would need another place to live. I will not be a hostage. I treat her very well, I even made a video of the house, her and her room with her permission, made her aware I was showing this to my therapist,(I respect my mother's privacy even though she doesn't respect mine.)My therapist thinks she lives like a queen.(not what my mother thinks.)Big thing in working with my therapist is defining what is a need versus a want. This is where my mother and I will disagree as she thinks everything she wants is a need. For instance, when I was sick these last weeks, she had an appointment with her pain MD, can't miss those,that is a need,going to Hobby Lobby is a want( not to her).However, being sick,I will get you to the MD that prescribes the pain med that gives her quality of life but to h@ll with Hobby Lobby.Now before anyone thinks this "poor" lady is just wasting away in her room, we have been able to afford, thank you GOD!,a companion to drive her to shopping and out to eat anywhere she wants, anytime she wants, she also goes to the salon once a week to get her hair done, gets manicures and pedicures, and transported to church when she feels like going.,she also has an area we made for her art stuff that she can go to,even has a big screen TV so she can watch FOX news .I think it is someone named emjo, I may be wrong, that writes about detachment and is she ever right. I have to do that everyday.When this journey began I had very little contact with my mother from 1978 until 2012.Big adjustment for both of us, I know she didn't want to live with me,it's just that life didn't give her a choice. She isn't rich but what she does have would have lasted her a few years in an ALF but not at the level of living she was accustomed to and they wouldn't take her 2 little dogs that she was unable to properly care for anymore.She sure wouldn't have the privacy she now at a facility and I believe she wouldn't have the level of care I can provide.She sees the MD more than I do, always has her meds up to date,she even stated she has been more painfree living with me than when she lived alone.Also prior to her moving in with me, I told her it was only going to happen if I had POA,DPOA and MPOA and that my name was on everything! I am an honest person, in fact she amazingly admitted that she trusted me and that she considered me to be a decent person like my father. Lucky for her I am not at all like her.When I write checks on her account or move funds I ALWAYS tell her and explain to her why, she is kept very much in the financial loop. Did I mention I had to give up a great job I had in order for her to move in with me?The spending I have to watch is hers,she has always been like this, spending money I believe, and so does my therapist, is like the high a gamble gets,it's not so much getting something it's the act itself.I can still remember the yelling every Saturday when my father did the bills about her credit card spending.I am more like my father, always keeping any eye out for the rainy day.I try to keep us within our retirement incomes,I could probably spend more but I look toward the future. Maybe this money I am thinking of spending, with her permission , could be better used for a sitter so I could get some sleep.Right now, she doesn't have dementia, sharp as a tack despite the pain meds but that can always change. Her money will be used for her care, my plan is to keep her here in my house,even the day she eventually becomes bedbound and hospice if needed. I know her environment will be better here than an ALF or NH (I am an old retired nurse),she won't be exposed to various viruses/bacteria that lurk at these places, also I will be able to be sure she is never abused by staff, that she will always see a MD when needed ,she will always be able to have her little dogs sleep in bed with her. I can't give her back her youth or health, I can only try to make the present and the future of as best a quality as I can.There are some days I can't stand the sound of her voice, brings back so many unpleasant memories and some days I don't mind. My therapist did diagnose me with PTSD.Right now though I am trying to take better care of myself,lose weight,I actually got a pedicure for myself yesterday,oh the extravaganze! Just before she moved in with me I had gotten my weight down to 170lbs, was only 1 week from getting off orientation at a sweet little OR job that was close to home with really great people to work with, getting out with friends and then it all went to h#ll one sunny Sunday morning with a phone call from her literally screaming in pain. Since then,I have gained 80lbs, had 2 major back surgeries and only now 2 yrs later starting to reach out to old friends,baby steps but at least they are forward. I have kept up with what's going on with a few folks on here,just reading,it just got to painful for a while and I had to take a mental break, I was starting to envy those whose loved one had passed away, how disturbed is that? Also talked this over with my therapist.Going to a therapist was one of the best things I ever did, has helped me cope in a healthy way with so much. Also, when this journey first started I was so angry with God that I was an only child,my mother is also an only child. However, as time goes on and I read the many situations on this board I have come to the conclusion thank you God for the prayers you don't answer.At least I have no one second guessing every move I make and questioning every penny I spend. I feel for those caregivers that are harassed by the siblings that do absolutely nothing yet think they know everything. My biggest advice right now for those caregivers that don't have POA,MPOA and DPOA and they are being harassed by a sibling that does NO caregiving that has these document, GET OUT of this situation, this a no win situation.Call their bluff, if they can do it better tell them you are leaving or ship momma to them.I don't think there will be to many takers and demand these documents be made out to you or you are WALKING! Always have an exit plan.And lastly for those of you that are feeling guilty,that you just aren't doing enough,well, you are doing enough because you are THERE!,you are living this day after day, you didn't run,you didn't shut your eyes and live in denial, you faced reality and are doing the best you can with the resources you have ,you neglect your own physical and mental health for another,sometimes for someone that was a complete @ss to you,yet you still do the decent thing day after day with no pat on the back,little to no resources,bickering #ss siblings that do no actual help and yet you still stay and do the right thing.You are a heroe everyday and don't let anyone tell you any different. Take care of yourselves, it is not a selfish thing to do.Sorry this was so long winded, will be posting more after this mental respite.Again, I apologize if I have offended anyone, I guess I will include Ferris now,I welcome all replies.

toomuch4me, it means that he noticed cognitive impairment, which is not necessarily Alz. Aricept is used with other early-to-mid stage dementias as well.

Thanks for the information Jessie Belle. Im really trying to figure out what is going on and what steps I should take in order to protect my own sanity. It seems like now that the doctor has mentioned taking the medication my family is ready to blow off Dad's behavior with. "well you know he may have Alzheimers.." as if that should shut me up. This morning he started the day off looking for trouble. He made sure to take his time in the bathroom when it was time for the girls to get ready for school. When I told him he needed to hurry up, well that set off a morning argument. Im angry at myself for ALWAYS taking the bait. My children are starting to see me as a crazy person. Then later when Im supposed to be working I sit at my desk and cry tears of frustration.

Toomuch the thing to focus on is tryiong to remember if he has always behaved this way. When you were a child did his needs always come first? Was he passive agressive with things like the bathroom when he knew you had to go to school or your mother had a meeting and needed to get ready. Did he always wait till the last minute to get ready when Mom had been rushing around getting done and only had five minutes left to wash her face and change her clothes. If he has always been this way it is not due to the dementia but if he does have dementia it is only going to get worse so plan for that. Altzheimers can obnly be definitely diagnosed a t PM but he could have many other causes and the Dr may feel it is worth a trial of the drug to see if it improves his quality of life. Can you talk to his Dr yourself? I started writing this without going back to see your background and history here and if I do that now I will loose this post so will stop and post then go back