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dear everyone, dear gladimhere,

thanks for your words and encouragement. gladimhere, i suddenly saw you had written to me.

hug!

dear libby, i hope you’ll be ok!!

gladimhere, you mentioned you might have PTSD. i hope you very soon overcome it all.

right now, i’m even more furious than when i last posted (some days ago, “whine moment”). my LO very often defends my siblings! my LO even says “maybe your brothers are helping. they’re always so helpful”.

i do everything, millions of things.
my siblings do nothing.

i get furious when my LO says they might be helping.

of course i love my parents. i’m very angry however. i’m considering letting my LO call my 3 brothers next time there’s an emergency. (and i do nothing). the brothers won’t help.

i feel betrayed by LO’s words/lack of disapproval of my siblings.

i’m not sure how to get out of this (this, meaning extreme anger).

i wish us all well.
hug!!
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Just venting.... my daughter came home for a couple of weeks and can work at home which is good to see her. We had a cookout with friends and I got extra lobsters and some fresh tuna (caught that day) for sushi. I made up enough for all of us, I had a zoom meeting so scarfed down my dinner. Dad comes into the kitchen "oh what a surprise, lobster" later he said "wow, that was a nice surprise to have lobster", I said "it was for my daughter" then he proceeds to thank her for the lobster and tuna........ the man thinks every time we have something nice it is for him, just drives me crazy.
The other day I'm driving him from the Dr. I'm on the phone with my daughter and heading to pick something up and he yells twice when he sees the golden arches, "stop and McDonald's, stop at McDonald's. I had to yell at him like he was a child, "Let me get finished what I need to do then we will stop".....
He gets in the car to go to therapy and blurts out "the office in town"..... like I am a taxi driver...... What the hell?
I feel like I am just the cook, valet, and driver...... Getting tired...... Never a thank you or "can I pay for groceries or gas"? No, but he can sure take his friends out to lunch or dinner.
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Dementia does that to an elder's brain--they misunderstand what's being said to them, they think it's all about them, and yes, their impulse control (McDonald's!) goes way down.

I empathize! ((((Hugs)))))).
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Car racing at the track in the valley tonight. It is so loud and I am so tired!
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Well, where to start?
Right now I'm in a hotel room, because I have had to evacuate Lake Tahoe. Been watching news, praying my home of 35 years does not burn down and wondering if I really should buy a trailer or a van...to escape the fires ...snow...etc...so I can survive my sister who is in hospice for cancer, but who I recently discovered is not dying of cancer but alcoholism. Both are so completely devastating the poor girl is struggling to comprehend her life choices but continuing her drinking as the solution. Too hard to fathom through the smoke of my evacuation, lingering in the past of my mom's caregiving that neither sibling chose to honor. Measure for Measure the good book says. I wish blessings for us all...and pray you are who you want to be.
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Healthy, best wishes to you and yours.

The western fires, especially the candor fire, are so terribly devastating. The smoke from them are affecting air quality across the country.

Hope conditions improve soon and by some miracle your home is spared.
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Healthy, hoping your home survives these devastating fires. My cousin's in-laws have just had to evacuate from Lake Tahoe. I am worried for them. Stay safe...
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I just received a message from the dentist... Not for me, not for my mum, neither for my son nor my husband.
It was to ask mil to anticipate her visit...
Why the heck am I to be everyone's secretary when I am no longer able to deal with my own appointments.
Then I am asked why I am overwhelmed...
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Anche, I am with you on that one. My brother is constantly asking me about his appointments. I have more than I can handle with mom and me.
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Feeling burnout and feel like the good and bad person daily. Caring for 85yr mum with water on brain hydrocephalus - memory loss. Single mum with 11 and 21 at home. No real support from 21 daughter who proceeds to criticise argue wants to battle with me when she hears me letting off emotional steam at my mum for wetting floor after taking pullups off and daily wetting floor now as new Thing!.....no offer of own let me get on and help to give mum a break...but just.ps out if room conveniently to offer Help! Fuming.......low maintenance as my mum is compared to others on here I am doing sole care daily and have 2 brothers 1 older sista in same area and no daily support from any. Doing this for 12 months now and fed up and feel obligated to carry on even though I am peed as ever but carry on. To curl up and watch Netflix without worrying or doing anything for no one is a far reality and rarity when at home. I do miss and wishing for my own space Alone!
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claurdette - sounds like you need to arrange breaks for yourself. No one can survive without them. Your mum will only deteriorate and need more care. She may need Medicaid and facility care at some point. Please look for ways to get respite. Your local agency for aging may be able to help with ideas.

anche and eb - some will try to suck you in to look after them. My sis is like that. Once when she was coming from overseas for a visit with mother, she requested that I buy her some shoes as she couldn't get them in Scotland. She gave me the style and size. Mind you she was retired and I was still working and lived 5 hrs drive from mother's where she was going to stay. She had lots of time to do it once she got here. I bought what she wanted and got them to mothers. She tried them on and informed me that they were the wrong size and I should exchange them for her. I told her to do it herself. That's only one example till I learned to say no all the time and distance from her. Of course, mother was a complicating factor as she felt I should look after my sister and do these things for her and told me off if I didn't. You have to develop a thick skin. I am so glad those times are over.

Whining this morning about pollution coming from the plants again. My nose is running and my eyes are stinging, This version smells like cat pee. You wake up thinking "what the heck, kitty" then realize the smell is coming in the windows. On the way to the bathroom I stepped on a cold, slimy-wet fur ball. That one was the kitty. She is sleeping peacefully on the sofa. I am surrounded by Kleenex.
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Just tired of being the only one left in the state to help my Mother. My selfish three brothers moved out of state when my Dad was still alive and needed help. We planned on leaving the state as well when we retired but feel we got cheated and now we are stuck here. My brothers can't be bothered to come back for anything an do nothing to help. My Mom still brags and brags about one of them because he at least send things her things. Now my Mom need help alot and it's only going to get worse. Just feel stuck and bitter.
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BJR, maybe it's time Mom moved? Say into a nice AL near your new home?
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Yesterday evening the home aid called me at 21.30 to tell me she got confused about when she needs a day off (in 6 months she has already asked for 3 weeks off, plus a couple of days). On Wednesday, she told me she had to go to the hospital on the 4th October, so I asked for a day off myself to replace her. Yesterday evening she realized her appointment is on the 5th. So I asked to work at home which I really dislike...
This morning she called to tell me she was locked outside my house... Thank got our neighbors have the keys...
I do think I am making the right choice to place my mom in a facility... All this will not happen. I go to work by train, I leave at 6.40 how could I bring her the keys!?
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Anche, I would agree that your mother would be better off under professional care with more support than the apparently novice care aide is providing.
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dear BJR,

i’m in a similar situation with 3 selfish brothers who do nothing.

actually, they do negative things. i’m surrounded by sharks in my family.

courage to all of us.

bundle of joy
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A bear upset my garbage container last night and strewed garbage over the front lawn, 🐻 So first job this morning was picking it up and putting the container in the garage. The neighbours got hit too. Haven't had that happen in 40 years here. Once they hibernate when it gets colder that problem should go away - till next year!
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Nope nope nope nope no, heck no! NO bears!!! (dogs and raccoons in the garbage are bad enough)
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Golden, that is scary.

We have to be careful because the javelinas will dump our cans and charge you if they have babies present. One actually challenged my truck because it thought I got to close.

I think I would be hard pressed to pick which one, bears or javelinas. Hopefully hybernation happens soon.
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I think the bears scavenge mostly at night when people aren't about. They make the rounds looking for easy pickings. I have only seen one around here in the daytime quite a few years ago. Generally they aren't aggressive, so we are told. The javellinas sound scary to me and I don't suppose they hibernate.
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You are right, no hibernation for these critters.

I wish they were only active at night, oh my, you can bump into them at anytime of the day or night. You learn to keep something you can climb in site when you park in the dark. LOL!
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You are right, no hibernation for these critters.

I wish they were only active at night, oh my, you can bump into them at anytime of the day or night. You learn to keep something you can climb in site when you park in the dark. LOL!
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My whine moment for today is about how annoying it is when people tell me "I understand how you feel." No you freaking DON'T! I understand that their intentions are always kind, but I just want someone to be honest and say, "I have absolutely no idea what you're going through, it sounds incredibly hard."
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Keep in mind that maybe some people really do know how you feel kitchenwitch, I've discovered that there are a lot more people are providing care (or who have in the past) than I ever realized - I think that's because caregivers are one of the undervalued, underappreciated and therefore invisible segments of society.
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Along with people saying they know how I feel, I hate when people (especially sellers) claim to know exactly what I want, or what I want to say, especially when they are completely wrong.

As this year rolls toward the end, I get sick of being asked "all ready for Christmas?" I think I'll answer "no, and I don't give a ____" (whatever word seems most suitable for the context).
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I hate it when I'm looking for a certain thing and the salesperson tries to sell me on something else cause they don't have what I'm looking for.
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I think there s plenty of "bait and switch" going on now depending on the goods that can actually be received. Some places are not special ordering for that reason.

Case in point my son was looking for a chest of drawers to match some other furniture he has. All places he called to check either told him there is not any of that available, it has been discontinued. I think with shipping problems that businesses just are not trying to special order anything because of impatient customers. Probably safer that way, no bad reviews because something just has not come in.

I checked with the small town furniture store here. They ordered it. I kept expecting a call telling me they couldn't get it. Well it came in last week. It took a couple of months, worth being patient, my son was thrilled.
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Seething.

Staff shortages meant that my line manager was on as Shift Leader this evening.

My Line Manager's top tips for person-centered care:

#1 Like it or lump it.
#2 Take it or leave it.
#3 Beggars can't be choosers.
#4 Never apologize, never explain.

My golden rule:
Avoid contact with or notice from this line manager at all costs.
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CM I hear you.

Staff shortages due to multi issues, inc the 'ping' effect.

Agency staff "I've been sent here today" (Umm you agreed to work) "I don't really want to go there, do that" (ok, goodbye, we'll call the agency for someone else. "Will I get paid? I DID turn up.." You turned up & declined the shift. So no. "I was thinking I could just sit down & 'special' someone (supervision)". That's not the shift on offer.

We needed your Line Manager! To say "Take it or leave it".

Have you worked here before? "No". Have you worked in this field before? "Yes, kind-of.. not really".

Well, ask, use your intitiative, keep people safe, use infection control precautions. Some work out - some do not.

It must be so very for.people in their homes, depending on care & getting haphazard or unreliable service.

Your service I'm sure is very much appreciated!
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Kitchenwitch, I think some brain's are hardwired to provide what they think is constructive input, or sympathy, and maybe not engage in empathy with the person. I recently watched this video about sympathy vs empathy. It's simple and short, and I think it illustrates your point. https://youtu.be/KZBTYViDPlQ
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