I'm tired of cooking/preparing 3 meals a day. It's just the two of us but boy oh boy can that woman eat!! She stays slimish, I get fattish. It's bad enough I do everything here much less start making her one thing and me the other. At times I feel guilty when I buy her fast food cuz of the nutritional value....not to mention I eat it too.
Why are neighbors getting dogs that like to bark whenever they are outside?
Why are there so many loud mufflers lately? There has been one for a few years, now it seems like there are 3-4.
This used to be such a quiet neighborhood!
😧😧😧😧
glad - are there noise bylaws so you can report?
I have been thinning out Christmas decor over the years. Couple years ago I gave my sig-other's daughter all of the Snow Village set, boxes upon boxes. It was just too much work setting up the Village, mainly running and down the basement stairs where the Village was stored. Now I understand why my parents had hardly anything for the holidays as they had gotten older.
But I always have candles in all the windows for the holidays, lit 24 hours a day as the bulbs last longer that way. Just wish we had more snow to really make it feel festive.
I read some advice on the internet. How to deal with mean moms:
…Remain Calm
If at all possible, do not argue with a mean mom. Getting emotional, upset, or even angry only makes the bullying worse,
…Bullies want to get a reaction. Be sure you refuse to give her one.
…Why Do Adult Women Bully?
Adult women who bully others do so for the same reasons that teens bully others. They want power.
…Some mean moms are motived by jealousy and envy.
…You owe it to yourself, to stand up to the bullying.
…Realize It Isn't Really About You
…You are not the one with the problem. She is. So, stop blaming yourself for being bullied.
…Most likely, her bullying comes from a place of insecurity.
…There is something wonderful or unique about you that has her running scared and feeling insecure. Maybe she feels threatened by you. Maybe she is jealous of your success, your house, or your marriage. Who knows?
…The key is not to take her bullying to heart. There is nothing wrong with you. Don't waste your time trying to figure out what you need to change or how to make her like you. Also, remember that you are probably not the only one she is picking on. And not everyone believes her lies.
…And if she threatens to turn other people against you, don't worry about it. If these other people are willing to side with her mean behavior do you really want them in your life anyway?
…The important thing is that you're defending yourselfagainst her attacks.
…At the very least, it might make her question whether or not it's worth it to attack you.
…Stick to your guns and call her out for being mean. Bullies count on victims remaining silent. Disappoint her by speaking up.
…Pick Your Battles
Many times, when moms who bully are left to their own devices, they self-destruct. Eventually, people will see through a mean mom's conniving and manipulating; and she will have less impact over time. So be patient. The end of her rule may be closer than you think.
…GIVE UP ON SEEING A CHANGE
…It is much better for you to focus on things you have control over than it is to try to get her to change.
…Feel hurt, vent — then move on.
…Do the opposite.
“I err on the other side and kill them with kindness. I hold doors open. I smile every time I see them. I show that when they go low, we go high.”
…Reclaim your power.
“Not taking what they do personally and not giving them the power to make you feel badly is a choice. It is well within your power, you just have to do it (if you want to, of course). It is liberating to do it, to not give someone the power to hurt you. It’s a switch to flip actually.”
…Don’t react.
“Ignore. Do not engage. Ignore.”
…Just do you.
“Sometimes, I try to be extra nice but I’m also a take no crap kind of person. I’m never cool, by their standards, and just do ‘me.’”
…Remember that it’s not about you.
“Mean people are often unhappy people. Keeping that in mind helps mitigate the rage I might otherwise feel when people are unnecessarily obnoxious. I’m not saying it makes everything better, but if you can keep that in mind, it can help reduce the otherwise large space this might occupy in your day-to-day.”
I'm sorry your mother is acting up again with the terrible behavior. I know how that is and lots of other people around the world do too.
I love the post you put up about mean and bullying moms. I wish I had seen something like this when I was a kid. It would have spared me a lot of heartache and silent tears.
It took a lot work and therapy to get me to the point where I could co-exist in relative peace with my mother and even help her. That time has since passed and her abusive neediness and bullying has become intolerable and I'm leaving her. She has fear of course because the 'What about me?' narcissism is at the forefront of her mind which is understandable. I understand her concerns but that doesn't mean I will sacrifice any more of my life to her pettiness and vindictiveness.
She has been hinting around here and there about 'when we all move to the new house'. It has been made very clear to her by everyone she knows that she will not be living with me. We've even explained to her that we have a legal contract stating that neither I nor my reconciled ex-husband will ever move a parent or family member into any property that we own and occupy for the reason of caregiving. Nor shall either or us relocate to such person's residence for caregiving. The consequences of breeching this contract will be that the person breeching it forfeits their ownership of property to the other. It will literally be illegal for her to live with us and her response is usually just to tell me, 'we'll see'. Indeed we will, or rather she will.
I hate bullies of every stripe and walk of life. I take pride in being the exact opposite of my mother in this way and in every other I can manage.
Thanks again for the great post about mean moms. It made my day.
Gosh, I’m going through h***ll here. The level of meanness reached a level I never imagined. Lots and lots of lies about me.
It’s terrible that so many of us nice daughters are faced with bullying, very mean moms. My mom has always been like this towards me. It’s now a lot worse.
Of course, I knew it can get worse with age. I never thought my mom would lie about me. I see others also have moms who lied.
Don't be surprised by the lying. Bullies love to have allies who will back them up if they're confronted. Or who will justify their behavior and ease their mind if they feel a slight stir of conscience that they could be the one at fault. So, they'll lie about their victim and try to gaslight others into believing it.
My mother has been lying like a ten-dollar streetwalker about me since I was about six years old. That's about when her cruelty and bullying began too. The lying got her the allies she needed, the pity from others she craved, and I got to be the villian. In truth I got to be the scapegoat. I replaced my father who took her abuse until he couldn't anymore and left. She was so good at it and gaslighting that I would so often apologize and beg forgiveness even when I had no idea what I did wrong.
Those days are long gone. I'll make sure she has adequate services or is placed decently in managed care. I'd do this for pretty much anyone I knew who needed help and care. I don't feel any duty or obligation towards her for being my parent and she knows it.
I'm done with being bullied, gaslit, and treated like lower than a pile of garbage. Being treated like garbage by her would be an improvement. With garbage you just throw it away and that's the end of it. No one keeps it to bully and torment.
I hope you take back your life and cut your mother out of it if she brings nothing but pain and discord to the relationship. You don't deserve it and neither do I. Best of luck to you my friend. I wish you much good health, wealth, and happiness in this life. L'chaim!
Thanks also for your kind words in the end! I wish the same for you of course!
“Don't be surprised by the lying.”
Actually, it totally took me by surprise.
“Bullies love to have allies who will back them up if they're confronted. Or who will justify their behavior and ease their mind if they feel a slight stir of conscience that they could be the one at fault. So, they'll lie about their victim and try to gaslight others into believing it.”
Yes!
She’s turned the caregivers against me.
“I hope you take back your life”
Yes!
“I'm done with being bullied, gaslit, and treated like lower than a pile of garbage.”
I wish I could do the same.
My whine today is snow and cold. It came and it is staying for the next 4-5 months. Aaargh!!!!! I don't like it!!! 😒🙁😖 Brrr!
Snow has different qualities. Here it is dry. When I drove north to Fort Smith some years ago I saw "snow garlands" hanging from branches. I have never seen that anywhere else. It must be due to freezing and thawing conditions.
I don't view anything on the internet on a cellphone because I can't get the fonts or photos large enough to see clearly. So I use my desk top computer for all things internet.
My sig-other has neck issues due to bending his head over his cellphone all these years. He swears up and down it's not because of his phone :P Have noticed he's using his desk top computer a lot more now.
Clicked News Feed. A new choice it seems (or I only just noticed);
Show: All Activity, Questions, Discussions etc.
The coffee shop is having health and building department issues. They were to reopen about three weeks ago. Still waiting....
”venting - if you were hit by a bus tomorrow, what would happen to those you care for? They would be cared for somehow by somehow. You are not indispensable. None of us are.”
I’m trying to save my life.
My whine:This is much too early to playing "Throw the Mousie" with Rocky. She doesn't go out as much now that we have cold and snow so she is playing inside with her toys more. I guess this will make the transition to the condo easier where outside will be the balcony or a walk on a leash if she tolerates it. Dgd takes her dog and her cat out in E'ton on leashes daily.
“you owe it to yourself and to them […] to put your life/health first”
Thanks for putting me back on track!
Nobody except YOU can take care of your mental and physical health. And without them, you are worthless to anyone. You become a burden, not a helper.
Do you want to say more about why you can't say "I can't possibly do that"?