I'm tired of cooking/preparing 3 meals a day. It's just the two of us but boy oh boy can that woman eat!! She stays slimish, I get fattish. It's bad enough I do everything here much less start making her one thing and me the other. At times I feel guilty when I buy her fast food cuz of the nutritional value....not to mention I eat it too.
"I can't possibly do that"
In fact I do indeed use phrases like that.
“Nobody except YOU can take care of your mental and physical health.”
Thanks! So true. And the abuse destroyed me…my mind, my spirit, my body…
I’m currently working hard on only MY mental and physical health.
Have you read anything about Fear, Obligation and Guilt (F.O.G.)?
If you believe that your loved one is "simply" mean and not demented or mentally ill, then she should be able to learn that if she utters a lie, abuse or anything else vile, you will walk out (of the room, the house, the area) and not help her for the rest of that day.
Perhaps try this ("I'll see you when you are feeling better") and just leave. Do not engage in a discussion with her.
Do this several days in a row and let us know how it goes!
Some times on an hour long show, by the time the first set of commercials are through, I've forgotten what I was watching :P
I want to be a wiser person. I have a sneeeeeaky suspicion I lack wisdom in my life.
The wiser you are, the more you know what to do - instead of me, sometimes so unsure.
Regarding me:
strangely, I feel I was wiser when I was a child. I understood things/life much better.
I think I’ve been beaten down by my abusive mom over the years. It has clouded my vision. I’m very busy healing, and then defending myself again against her abuse, and then avoiding her, and then protecting myself against her, and then…
See? I spend way too much time with her - ON MY MIND, even when I’m doing my own things. Abusers take up so much brain space: you’re either protecting yourself or busy recovering from abuse.
I think I was a wise child. I’ll try to find myself again.
“If you don’t like the road you’re walking, start paving another one.”
“Count your age by friends, not years.”
“If you wait, all that happens is you get older.”
“Life is a series of baby steps.”
“When you think positive, good things happen.”
:)
Good judgment comes from experience and ALOT of that comes from bad judgment.
I hope my judgment is improving as I go through experiences. :-)
Me: mom why are you walking around the house in the middle of the night?
Mom: I'm not walking around. I went in a straight line from my room to here.
Me: 😶
A positive. Do you also feel sometimes that your friends on the forum are more your friends, than your real life friends? (I’m not saying one should compare friendships). I’ll speak for myself: I feel much more understood at times, by my forum friends than by my friends in real life. Here on the forum we’re going through the same struggles, often suffering. It feels great to be understood!
Thank you.
My whine today is snow removal. Since I started with the city Snow Angels someone has turned up when it snows to clear my driveway. In the past if they haven't found a volunteer the city sends labourers to do it. No such thing this year. My driveway is shin deep in snow. I emailed the city and was told I had to reapply every year and they sent me a sheaf of papers to fill out sign and send back. I did so and got the reply that basically if someone in my area volunteers they will let me know. There is a new person in charge of Snow Angels and it seems they could care less. DD says dgs will do it, but that requires me to drive to their place, pick him up and take him to my place to shovel, then take him for a meal and drive him home. That uses up too much of my energy budget for the day,
I contacted a snow removal company, they called back that they were in the area and could come soon. They came, cleared the driveway and put down some salt I had as it is very slippery and its done for $75.00. I may try to work out a contract with them if Snow Angels doesn't come through. Once the salt has acted the driveway will be usable. Right now I don't want to try walking on it.
Doesn't happen often, but this morning I woke up in Montana.😳😳😏😏
Just had a very frustrating conversation with my mom’s caregiver.
The person has never had an abusive family member. My mom is abusive towards me. We started talking about my mom’s abusiveness (the caregiver started the conversation), and the person can’t comprehend that not all mothers are kind. It’s like the person doesn’t believe me.
I understand there’s a conflict of interest: my mom employs the caregiver, so the caregiver wants to be “on my mother’s side “. But it feels very bad, not to be believed, understood, empathized with.
i think it has everything to do with conflict of interest. i bet anyone else has been sympathetic, empathetic.
courage.
you be you.
and be glad - you’re - not an abusive person.