My "whine moment today." What's yours?

JeanetteB, a Jeep owner? All right :) My Jeep is 18 years old and I will drive it until the wheels fall off, love it, love it, love it. Never been stranded with it.... oh wait, couple weeks ago the battery died while I was sitting in front of the grocery store waiting for my delivery, but to me that isn't really being stranded like out in the middle of no where.... called AAA and they were out in 10 minutes and I was on my way :)

That baby can climb through the highest mess of snow on the street. I might be able to get an early season start if that artic blast from Canada hits the Wash DC area in a couple of days.... if that happens the whole area comes to a screeching halt.

I love my Jeep's! Interestingly enough, my Daddy had a 04 Jeep... and I did too!! I use mine in the summer ( all wheel drive no 4 wheel drive) and Daddy's in the winter. Yep yep yep ff!! They are awesome when it comes to snow n ice! Hmmm... the batter in dads jeep is dead also? We are getting the Arctic blast also. Plus 50 mph sustained winds...

hehe... mom wasn't too happy when I was spinning donuts last winter during our 18 inches of snow!

I will be SO happy when this halloween candy is ALL GONE! Love frozen paydays though....

I am working on some simple Christmas ornaments for a craft class at dad's AL. Thought I would run over there to show the activity director and visited with dad for a few minutes. About 90 minutes later I get a call stating dad is confused as to where his car and truck are. Yikes. Spent almost 30 minutes explaining but trying to redirect his thoughts without success. For several years now even when he was still driving he when they came for the weekend made sure truck was parked in driveway so he could see it. He was just fixated as to where they were as how could he drive home. Wondering if I should stop tomorrow but not bring this up at all? Just a part of the Alzheimer's ?

Sent a big box of giant fall oak leaves to my beloved art teacher at the school I was Vice Principal/Nurse?Counselor?friend for 15 years. 500 Giant Oak leaves arrived safe and sound... so happy. South Florida does not have such glorious leaves like they have here.... a small slice of my happy side of life I was able to send home to my other loved ones. Wish I could ponder in the art room playing with glitter and making magic once again. sigh.

ive got to rest today . i have a caterpillar d - 8 attitude with a john deere 3 cyl diesel engine . ive gone mad with no power.lol

Have kind of come off my cloud and am thinking some of my euphoria was "in my head??" at least I still feel calm, but after a lot of reflecting, I decided to take myself off the 3 x day ibupropen because it dawns on me that will mean I am on some hefty pain meds all the time while nothing has been actually fixed... Going to take them as needed until the blood work comes back at least...I don't like being on meds at all, but making an exception for the depression meds and the one that helps my leg and hip but want to know what this is instead of just pretending it isn't there...

Another beautiful day...Even though the south doesn't always have the most glorious leaves they sure are pretty this year. First thing this AM had to untangle the neighbors dog from her predicament..poor girl, they don't care about her and so that has been added to my roster of activities but that's ok.

Mama had a great day yesterday and hoping for another today..Cousin coming tomorrow to let me go and retrieve the rest of my things from my storage unit....then I'm totally gone. Will be pretty much a nice drive there and back as there isn't a lot in the unit but a lot of Christmas things and winter clothing that now I am surely going to want to have here....Will be nice to know that I have not one single thing down there anymore.

Captain, I love your ingenuity ...who'd have thought about a wooden wheel ...I love it!

my helper , heather and i hold bragging rights on the wooden wheel . i think life is about creating fun memories , god knows nobody is actually making money yet in this economy . its like the old soviet union . we pretend to work and " they " pretend to pay us .

JeanetteB, one time I did that leaf sending thing, too.... but it was to my sig other when he lived in Texas and he was whining about the lack of fall colors. Where he lived in Texas they had only 2 seasons... green grass season and brown grass season.

Captain, Thanks, the ear thing is dad, due to his cold but he likes the loud TV. I put french doors in my office (now his living room) time to close them. He had been watching it loud when he was at home, he moved in and I advised not so loud, apparently he was fine with it for months but it is part of being lazy that he is running it the volume up again. The down side of closing the doors is it changes the heat in the house, his room will be a bit cooler with the decreased air flow. Simple change is "turn the volume down"!

My whine today...got a 4 day break from the insanity here by going to GA to visit my sons & old friends I have not seen in 25 years. Aunt & uncle's kids came in which is main reason I left. Got back to TN yesterday evening to the worst mess I've seen here yet. I should be grateful for the break but not sure it is worth what I come back to. I hate slobs & lazy people who don't clean up after themselves.

Butterfly...know what you mean....what I go through in order to go somewhere even briefly, and then when I get back it looks like there has been a frat party going on and Mama is bedfast....!!!! yikes....

Yesterday and Sunday were such good days...now today Mama is in one of the low moods ...I have decided it is definitely taking a toll on me going from a huge high when she is happy to such an extreme low when she is in her confused state...I have to remember she is not unhappy then, just confused...I hope she's not unhappy...any...all the stress of this morning is causing me to have chest pains....the happy feeling was good while it lasted....

It is also dawning on me that I am not looking forward to the drive tomorrow...I need to focus and just look at it as a day out on my own, enjoy the view and bundle up and pretend it is a happy Christmas....but I am dreading facing my former hometown...will not be going by where I used to live...I don't want to see it again...ever...that has to be left in my past...too painful. Feels like of like saying that final goodbye to the person I used to be.

Well, it's November. Today I thought about all the holidays since I've been grown. Mom always insisted we come home each year to celebrate, using the old FOG techniques of how we were family. Sometimes it meant a one-day drive from the next state. Other times it was a 2-day drive from halfway across the country.

It is the same now. I am her hands and feet. We have to do this and that because we are family. She hasn't figured out that the "family" doesn't seem to care if we live or die.

It would be great to be a kid again during the holidays. I can't remember enjoying a holiday with family since that time. My best Thanksgiving was before I left TX. I had dinner with a friend's family at Cracker Barrel. No cooking, no cleaning. Just good friends and warm conversation. It makes my heart hurt when I see this year's line-up from h*ll for the holidays. I am trying to change my mindset, but I'm filled with dread.

Jessie, I know what you mean about the holidays. I use to enjoy them when I was a kid and a young adult.... but once I got married the holidays, such as Christmas, became a stressful chore as I was the one buying the greeting cards.... writing letters in the cards [back before word processors].... getting the stamps.... mailing the cards out.... deciding what to have for Christmas dinner as it had to be extra special and how I hated to cook.... cookies I didn't mind doing but that was an all day chore.... shopping for gifts for everyone [no such thing as today's gift cards]... or ordering out of catalogs [no internet back then], mailing the orders and hoping it would arrive on time.... wrap up the gifts... mail out those gifts that had to be mailed, thus standing in line with 100 other people at the post office.... decorating the tree... cleaning the house for company.... getting the guest room and bath ready, etc. And throw a little OCD into the mix :P

What did hubby do.... he bought the Christmas tree.

Then hubby wondered why I was so exhausted and not enjoying the holidays.... HELLO !!!

A lot of us seem to be experiencing the pre holiday blues ....I know I am. I always get so into them, because I remember the way they were back when Daddy was healthy and Mama and I would go shopping together. They enjoyed them so much and my nephews always said it never felt like Christmas until they got here. It was that way until Mama got so frail...she could go and do like she used to..I lived a long way off but I always helped her with everything, even from a distance and that meant a LOT of cooking, planning, getting my pets to the vet for boarding, getting everything handled at home and still working that tiring job and then driving home in the wee hours because we NEVER got to take off during the holidays..getting home worn out and exhausted, but after a night of rest, getting up and enjoying them pretty well...but now ..especially the last three years, no one comes...last year was better than usual because brother did come, my cousin came and we made it fun but that was it...I remember how hard Mama always worked to make it fun for everyone and now I see how inconsiderate and selfish all these folks are...it's not that they don't come to town..they come, they just don't come here...and I have almost a hatred for them because of that....we had such a close little family and then my brother married first one self centered money grubbing snot, and now another...neither one is family oriented, just after what money they can get so they don't care about Mama and it burns me up...

Still I am trying to make it merry and yet knowing in the back of my head it is never going to be the way it used to be and that makes me so sad....

This time last year was when I tried to have a discussion with my mother about her "forgetfulness". No official diagnosis yet, but it was obviously dementia and her situation needed to be addressed as kindly, but as frankly as possible. Anyway, my attempts completely backfired. The only thing that happened was that I had to sneak around her in order to begin handling her affairs, and she decided that I was not just someone she had no respect for, but I was also "the enemy." GREAT.... Anyway, Thanksgiving last year was the first year of my life that I officially renounced The Family Holidays. Sad, yes, but a huge relief.
So, this year, I'm not stressed one bit, but I always get a little nostalgic for those elusive cozy, family memories. A few times, my husband and I have flown back East to his family, and even though it's hectic and expensive to make the trip, it's always so nice to see his parents. We won't be doing that this year, but maybe in the spring :)

The other day i went to Lowes to buy the last of the spring bulbs and as i walked into the store was greeted with a whle section of brightly lit christmas trees and that gave me a really warm feeling for those few minutes. My christmases have had a very checkered past. As a small child it was mandatory to have Christmas dinner at my grandmas house. the traditional turkey and christmas pudding with a few silver coins. but grandma always insisted on collecting them back up and placing them in an envelope to donate to the blind. the rst of my childhood was a blure of different experiences then came nursing school and the excitement of decorating the wards and selecting little gifts for each patient. one year after i was married my husband was invited to join us and his job was to dispense the 15mls of sherry each patient (and staff) were allowed. We were in london so inthe wee small hours would go to the market at covent garden and beg fruit from the venders and carry our prizes back on the underground. On Christmas eve nurses from all the London Hospitals gathered in their different uniforms to sing carols on the steps of St Martin in the Fields. When yoiu road the underground in London in those days or the buses if you were in uniform they would often "forget" to collect our fares.
Later with our three children we enjoyed the excitement a young family has.
now in our goldern years it is too much for me to hostso those of us who are able gather at our eldest daughter home and enjoy the decorations and Christmas music plus The traditional fare. I still make the Christmas pudding and cake to take with us. Thanksgiving is not an important holiday for us although i do still make a nice meal. We are not Americans so it is just another day. maybe one day we will get around to becomming citizens.
Change is inevitable so we have to live in the moment and make new memories.

Ahhh, Holiday talk... my favorite topic.

Like so many others on this lovely site, I'm dreading this cheery season myself. Not that I can't and won't make it enjoyable for the two of us forgotten misfits, it's the happy memories of "once was" that get to me. Life wasn't this way before I came here. I loved the school and how much fun we had during the Holidays. I loved decorating my house and cooking... having friends, family and loved ones over. I know all of that still goes on there... just none of it here and I wish I'd of scooped mom up and got us the hell out of here right after daddy passed. That was/is my biggest mistake. Even though I tried to make things enjoyable the first year before daddy left, it was all work for me and halfhearted enthusiasm from my brothers. Even after he passed I kept on trying... just a slave day for me while everyone ate and sat around. Even my SIL and her grown ass daughter sat. I tried to make us "family"... I guess if we never where a so called family we can never be. Just the way it is I guess.

I'd love to take mom out to see the tree's and decorations in the store. Lately though, she's not able to get up into the jeep which has me stressing on how to manage this new problem. Already tried a step stool. She just will not lift her feet high enough for even the stool to jeep and she's still to heavy for me to safely manage it alone.

hope sweetheart, I feel everything you feel. I miss my dad so much... I keep begging him to visit me and let me know he's still here with me. The dislike I feel towards my siblings just gets stronger this time of year. How could they be so uncaring, disinterested and selfish?

Now I'm thoroughly depressed and just want to cry... and tired, so so tired. Mom and her night time fiasco is gonna be my demise... her ability to get out of bed and wander at night, but can barely stand during the day is amazing... just amazing

bah humbug

One last thought.... Mom used to tell all of us kids that we needed to be more "together" as a unit. She told us once her and daddy where gone there wasn't any more ties that bind us. She was wrong.... apparently once dad was gone, so where they.

* were

I agree, change is inevitable, whether we like it or not and to resist is futile. Last year I already knew no one was coming to our home for Thanksgiving, but I made the full feast for Mama and myself...not realizing then it would be the lat one she would "eat"...She now only has the ensure, so really there is no need to make a huge feast but I think I am going to make one of my favorite chicken casseroles and maybe some green beans on the side and an apple or pumpkin pie...I'm still doing a holiday thing, but I guess I'm just doing it for Mama and me..but that's fine...after all, we're pretty special... :) I am learning to make new memories and think Daddy would be proud that I am trying.....

It is kind of sad that my brother does not participate like I know he would like to but there would be heck to pay if he did, so I don't put pressure on him...sometimes he runs by for coffee and pie, usually not, but I let him do what he wants to do...There is so much about that dynamic I will never understand but I think he has finally realized I am here for the long haul and am taking really good care of Mama and do not ask him for anything so he has nothing to complain about....and he at least seems to be trying to be emotionally supportive...that's really all I want anyway...just to not feel forgotten....

we have a channel that is already playing instrumental Christmas music and it is very soothing and Mama seems to enjoy it. She has perked up so we are now having another good day...That seemed to coincide with me getting a grip on myself and snapping back into shape.... :)

Jeanette...bless your heart...yes, those thoughts of my Daddy and how much he loved the holidays kind of keep me going...but also make me have moments of almost numbing sadness. I can still see him sitting in his favorite chair, curtains pulled back, so he could see my car approaching...As soon as I started turning in he would jump up and start helping me unload the "sleigh"..he would be all excited..what had I brought, what had I cooked...what could he get into first..lol...he always stood in the living room where our main tree was and would always say..."it's the prettiest it's ever been"...every year was the same...I often do the same thing Jeannette...I ask and pray that I can dream about him ...just a little visit to see him just for a few mintues...

The other day I went by the cemetery and just stood there and had a long talk with the place where his body is...of course I know he is not there but I still have long talks there and I guess passersby think I have lost it..I don't care.

Right now the emotions are overwhelming me.... I need to step away I think...

JeanetteB, same issue with my Mom and my Jeep, she can no longer get into it even with a step stool.

It was funny, in the past Dad would bring out the step stool and say in a loud voice "ALL ABOARD" for Mom to get into the Jeep.

Dad can still climb in and out of the Jeep with ease..... soooo much easier than him getting in/out of their own Oldsmobile sedan..... with the sedan it can take Dad 5 minutes to be able to pull himself out of the car, such a painful struggle, and there is no way I can help him. Now Mom can only ride in the sedan which I dread driving as it is so uncomfortable for me. A good fit for everyone would be a cross-over vehicle, but my parents are too attached to their Oldsmobile.

I've always loved the holidays, although not all the work as ff write about. But like everyone else here, they've taken on a bittersweet feeling as we lose dear ones and see others slipping from us. It'll be tough this year without my MIL and we need to come up with a new Christmas Eve tradition to help my sweet FIL. What gets to me the most is the subtle adapting of our traditions to accommodate my husband's changing energy and tolerance for all the hoopla. It's not the adapting I mind....it's the dang illness existing in him that gets me. I gnash and snuffle, then I figure out how to be sure he gets rest before the big day. How to work beside him so he can still make his pies. How to let him be the supervisor of the big clean up without having to be on his feet doing it. It is what it is for all of us. Just have changed expectations. Hugs to all at this time of year.

I can only say count our blessings we are not refugees living in a camp in the Middle East.

veronica,
the mid east will settle down eventually . the frothing lunatics are being vaporized by drone missiles and the young kids just roll their eyes at the very concept of religion . im not attacking religious belief , i just detest phsycotic fanatacism . the men who authored seperation of church and state into the american constitution should be revered as the most forward thinking people in history imo .
my day was quite nice . we recovered my log splitter , delivered a big load of wood , brought another home and got to nh just in time to accompany edna to the hearing aid appointment across town . the nh van driver and i worked together to make the trip as gentle as possible for edna . great timing all around .
i hope i spend the holidays in my bunker baking bread and cramming jars of venison thru the pressure canner . that would be my idea of enjoying the moment with an eye to the future simultaniously .

i hear the renter upstairs blubbering her guts out to her son . it could only be over the arrangement for her dogs . the weather just turned cold . her son aint having them in his house , double ditto here . id paint my walls with my own s*it if i wanted to smell a** all the time . never again ..

Stopped briefly to see dad after work. As I suspected he did not bring up yesterday's conversation. whew. I am sure he didn't remember. However even though it was only 4:30 he was prepping to go to bed until I told him it wasn't even supper time yet.
My husband and I usually spent Thanksgiving with his family as I usually worked the next day. This year his AL is having a dinner with residents and staff on 11/21. Dad will come with us. Hubby not super thrilled about that but Dad loves to be around little kids and there will be quite a lot of them.
This will be first Christmas without mom. My sister is coming as usual. I will not have to do a lot of menu planning since dad will come over Christmas Day for sure. Have to figure it out yet as mom and dad last year had just relocated close to me. Hoping my sis will do stuff with dad.

Feeling depressed and lonely and frustrated on so many levels. I am so glad my sister has stepped up to the plate and is helping out with mother now. My brothers said they would help but have yet to do so. My mother is total care now after over 40 days of hospitalization/rehab. She still cannot walk or transfer only so she can not be left alone by herself. It is so frustrating because she owns a home and has a few other assets so she can not qualify for Medicaid which would pay for her to have home services, nursing home care or adult day care. She really does not make enough to pay for full time care on her own. It is terrible that after working hard, the elderly have to basically give up what they worked hard to get to be able to get care. If my sister had not stepped up to the plate the past couple of weeks I would have had to quit my job, which would have been difficult with a child graduating college in December and one graduating high school in May. I don't see a solution right now which is making me more depressed and feeling very stuck. I hate the person I have become, very tired, withdrawn, angry....I just want my life back

This is going to be a venting whine. I had all the house work done,started at 0500.This is when we get the phone call from her ladyship that she is now ready for coffee and her pain pill. So my husband makes the coffee,it's mostly fiber,brings it to our bedroom so he can help me out of the bed because my right hip is freezing up and hurts like a b*stard,I don't have anything but motrin and I am taking 800mg twice a day, a little more than the adult dosage.So I finally can stand,get her coffee in one hand and her 100mg morphine capsule in the other ,take it to her room. Make sure she has the pill in her mouth, then I pick up her shi Tzu and carry him and place him on the front porch because even after 2 yrs he will still pee on the floor. I then place her 0800 meds in her bathroom that she takes after she tell my husband what she wants him to cook her for breakfast.If it is a Monday I then take her to PT for an hour and half, get her home , get her in the shower,help her bath one of her dogs, get her dried and dressed,get a snack , then take her on the golf cart down to her little art studio in the basement, where she has a large cable tv,a twin bed to lay on and a lazyboy and of course numerous lamps and table for her paints.she keeps her phone around her neck and calls us when she wants to come back upstairs. One of us is always at the house. Today she decided she was going to have a pity part, still not sure over what as she actually physically is doing well. I was trying to get to a massage I had been looking forward to all day, my lower back was cramping after a day of vacuuming, sweeping,taking the dogs to the groomer and the driving to pick them up,,her dogs.Putting the laundry up.Then I spent about an hour on the computer typing up a new med list for her with allergy alerts, numbers of her PMD and Pain md and some of her basic diagnoses so then I placed a copy in her wallert, 2 in mine, one in my husband s wallet, one on the side of the refrigerator for in case emts came Icould just hand it to them, also one for my friend that is a paid companion take her shopping and out to eat so she had something to give the emts if they had to call 911.Also mopped kitchen and den. Then went to the barn, groomed the horse and fed them. Get back to the house and she is crying because she never sees me to talk to me. Now this is a laugh because when I lived at home with her she made me feel like I was imposing if I alerted her to any bleeding I might be having.Now her complaint is I don't sleep all night but denies she is in pain,she has told this to her pain MD who I told her would not be giving her ambien on top of 200 mg morphine a day, he did okay melatonin 3mg a day,I don't think she was happy with this; My husband and I have caught her napping on the bed downstairs and in the chair in front of her big screen Tv and she just doesn't believe us.She states she keeps her cpap on but just wakes up not sleepy,denies hurting, oh and when she gets up to the bedside commode ,does her business and gets into bed she is short of breath, well aren't we all. She should have seen me last night trying to go to the bathroom.,my right hip was so cramped I almost fell as it did want to support me.I guess just after all these years being a nurse and seeing the things I did I have compassion burnout.I had patients that would love to sleep 3 hours at a time and then be awake and not hurting,they sure didn't b*tch about it.Oh , and I am so busy I don't have time to talk to her, about what ! She pulls this as I was trying to get to a message for my hip and relax after all the housework and she starts crying like I have been neglecting her,that just crawled all over me.I just took her to PT for over an hour the day before and got her showered and even got her dog washed.I couldn't even enjoy my message, I hurt wors after and instead of sticking on my diet I bought comfort food.I m afraid I let her have it about when I was a kid she never seemed to be interested in talking to me and in fact made it clear that I was wasting her time and that I was bothering her(this was when I was getting bullied a lot at school, coming home with bruises) her responses are classic, what do you want me to do about it, it must have been something you did, you are to sensitive, yeah I am sensitive toalmost having my fingers cut off in my locker when someone tries to slam the door on them constantly and then I am expected to go to church with these monsters and act like everything is cool and even in church it didn't stop,as soon as the adults back was turned the hitting started,I never wore short sleeves just so I could cover the bruises, after a while I would just lie and say I got hurt when I was riding my horse.So today she was going to boo hoo because I was running around so fast she couldn't talk to me,boo hoo. and complain that was awake at night, not hurting,told her to turn on her 150 channel big ass screen tv.I think this is starting up because she is actually doing well, and I have gotten better and I am out at the barn more with my horse with she knows I am going to start riding more and hope to compete again. If she thinks she is going to sabotage me, well she has great insurance and I won't hesitate to callthe emts,i'll call the er later for an update and hire a private sitter for her,but I refuse to be held hostage.