My "whine moment today." What's yours?

antiwhine - called the store I ordered the original flooring for the condo from and they said if we bring it in they will refund, no problem. Getting it back there is a pain but I told R to hire someone to pick it up and take it back. It's worth a few bucks to get the refund and spare him. Today we located something that we like and it is on special and costs a little less than the refund. He will look at it tomorrow and we will arrange for the purchase and installation. His MRI is tomorrow early and he is not sure if they will do the biopsy at the same time. So things are moving again. I will be so relieved to get the flooring done and to get the results from his tests.

Thank you for prayers. Finishing this year with a bang it seems!

Best of luck ahead Golden,, sounds like you are thinking ahead.. I agree with hiring someone to return the flooring,, you have enough on your plate right now.

thx Pam. I am nothing if not a planner and an anticipator - Plan A, and for back up Plan B and Plan C and a flexible mindset that can go with the flow if they fail. I know what my over all goal/outcome is and how I get there really doesn't matter that much. Just get it done whatever way it works.

At 71, R has more medical issues than I do at 85. Sigh. Most are to do with his skeleton, muscles and tendons/ ligaments which have been used too heavily over his lifetime. I am trusting that this prostate thing will turn out to be negative. If not we will go from there. I didn't expect to pick up caregiving again at my age. But he is lovely company which makes a big difference. 😊

Ok, so here is my whine for today. My back hurts; my neck hurts; my chapped hands hurt; my feet hurt. I so badly need a day off to rest, but that does not appear likely.

Is the new flooring from the same store? I would think you would need delivery, flooring is very heavy! When that happens won't they pick up the return flooring?

Teacher,

Hope that you are able to get rest soon.

Teach - I am sorry you are so worn out. Is there any way you can organize a break for yourself. Sounds like you really need one.

glad - it is not the same store and yes we will need delivery - and installation. Thank goodness R has finally agreed to that. I asked the other store and they specified that we needed to return it for refund, they don't pick it up. It doesn't seem fair, but it is what it is. I have to pick my battles and don't have the energy to fuss at them about that for the amount it will cost to get someone to return it to them.

golden: Prayers for R.

Teacher: Prayers sent to you.

Thanks to Llamalover, Golden, and Needhelp for your concern and prayers. We had a bad night, and I am beyond exhausted, but my sister and niece are headed in my direction. They will stop to visit family and should be here by Tuesday, and my niece will take over some of the care for a few days. I just have to hold on until then. My son is in the house right now, so I can take a quick shower, which should help me feel much better!

teach - glad some help is coming and you will get a bit of a break. Have you ever looked into respite care?

Teacher,

That’s great news! Enjoy your time off.

It's pretty well a year to the day since I drove dd to her doctor's office to hear about her cancer tests and as many of you know they were positive. Today R had an MRI re possibility of prostate cancer. Its hitting my buttons. I really don't want another year like last year. I don't think he has cancer. I think his doctor is being cautious because his brother had it, but I still don't like it.

I purchased new flooring today and that man of mine drove to his MRI appointment in his truck and then to the store and picked up the flooring. I suspect he is going to return the old flooring himself and install the new stuff. Talk about stubborn! I know he works best under pressure and I hope he is feeling it now. I am not amused! 😒

You’re in my thoughts and prayers, Golden.

Keep us updated, please.

Your guy sounds like he has a very independent spirit 😊. That may work on your nerves occasionally but I suspect it is part of what you admire most about him too.

thx need, he's the poster child for independence, but then I probably am too 😉

Golden,

Sounds like a good match to me! 😊

Golden, Sometimes I guess you just have to let them do what they are determined to do! As for respite care, money is tight all around, and care is expensive here. The county programs may be difficult to get into, but I am still looking into that.

My niece's boys will be with her, and I may end up doing some homeschooling with them. As weird as it sounds, I am looking forward to teaching a little grammar and trying to motivate a reluctant reader.

Teacher: You're very welcome. I'm glad that help is enroute.

golden: You're in my thoughts.

teach - I hope you find some affordable care so you can have a break. I totally understand you looking forward to doing a little teaching and motivating. I was a college instructor for years and loved it. I think once a teacher always a teacher. There is a real joy in seeing someone's mind being opened to a new concept, a new skill, new knowledge. I am a science person but was given a lower level high school English class to teach at one point. it ended up being one of my favourite classes. I taught grammar and writing skills and we had fun. It's important to make it fun and personally relevant. Great memories!

So Thursday my mom's normal CNA was out sick, so they sent someone else. I'll skip the part where she called me and couldn't get to my place and it took 30m for her to get here.. after 3:30.. which is the magic hour of "please don't upset daytime mom because this is the chance she could turn into night-time mom and not come back from it.."

I really should have just told her to not come, tbh.

I tell her that we'll just wash my mom's hair today so my mom can "get to know" her. So she starts washing my moms hair in the kitchen, and I make the mistake of thinking that's going to be okay and I'm trying to get other chores done in the living room.

Next thing I hear is I realize my mom is crying -- HARD. (my ears suck, at first all i could hear is the water from the sink) She's sopping wet and I hear she is begging the lady to stop, that she can't breathe, that there's water running into her eyes and face, and this girl just.. doesn't listen, at all, period. I had all these towels piled next to her/around her and they're still sitting in these neat piles instead of being tucked around my moms neck so water doesn't run all down her clothes etc. I'd put out cups and basins to apply/catch the water etc but she was just pouring it into her fingers from the sink and dumping it onto the back of my mom's head.

Then I'm over there like trying to control the spillage or calm my mom down, and she's just sobbing at this point and I can hear her gasping around the water running in her face and the girl is just still going saying nothing at all, I'm finally like "No, stop, just stop." My mom's entire body is soaked all down her front. The lady says, no, there is still conditioner in her hair I'm like look I don't care. My mom is just flat out shaking and having a panic attack.

So I get my mom back to her chair and out of the soaking wet clothes, and Im trying to act like this is nothing terrible that happened and pls do not panic mom, I get a hair-dryer for her, and then my mom is like, it's too hot, turn the heat down, then lady is arguing that the dryer has no medium setting and wouldn't put it on cold. So then I'm digging in the bathroom closet for the other hair-dryer.. she finishes all that, then sits down on my mom's rollator for five minutes and says that "Next time I am giving you a shower". I hear my mom responding with her "I'm terrified so i will be as sweet and polite as possible" voice.

After that adventure, her feet balloon out, her BP is like 170/95ish and she's howling for a BP pill... and then against my better judgement I get out the ativan from the fridge -- that it seemed she only had horrible reactions to before but the dr argued with me that paradoxal reactions don't exist and I'm wrong and she doesn't think the ativan "made her worse".

And ofc the 2 drops of it or so made her worse. Yesterday she SEEMED less wild but she was definitely not in reality, though she was trying to claw back all day.

Woke up today still in the same state (if not worse) and she's just been weeping all day that she can't take it anymore, or fighting with me that I let "that group" take her away then leave without her. (same delusion she's been having).

The connection to the ancient OP post is that she insisted I fed her breakfast and lunch today. She named yesterday's breakfast and lunch. She usually can't name what I feed her after I feed her though. So tonight I ordered pizza again despite the horrific howling of my wallet at the cost of takeout food because I know she'll put away a huge slice of Meat Mania pizza no matter how much she'd eaten during the day.

Now wondering if someone can be in adult daycare at the same time as hospice a few days a week with ppl might show her the diff between real ppl and unreal ppl? Mom is telling me that "the group" should send someone else to help me. Assistance from the delusions would be SUPER HELPFUL around now. Ofc mom blows her cork on a weekend holiday. aaauuughh

Me: How are you doing this morning?
Mom: Oh I'm just trying to keep warm.
Me: Do you want a blanket over you?
Mom: No. Doesn't this house have a heater? Where's the heater? Is there one in each room or just one big one?
Me: One big one. Are you cold?
Mom: No. I'm warm...I'm warmish. I said I'm keeping warm. I just wanted to know about the heaters.
Me: 😑

Mom:. Don't make my lunch, I can make my own.
Me:. Okay, mom, that works.
(NOON)
Mom: Where is lunch, you didn't leave anything in the refrigerator for me.
Me:. But, you said...never mind, what would you like for lunch? Are you in the mood for a sandwich or a full meal.
Mom:. You decide.
Me:. Okay, I will make you a sandwich.
(MAKES HER FAVORITE SANDWICH)
Mom:. What is this? I thought you were going to make me hash browns and eggs.
Me: Come again?
Mom:. With onions.
Me:. I'll do that tomorrow.

@Caldinea

I don't think your mother being under hospice care is eligible for adult day care. These places usually do not have CNA staff who can assist a person on oxygen. Most of them also draw the line on what level of dementia they accept too. People crying hysterically are usually turned away. There are some adult day care facilities who are equipped to handle clients with serious medical conditions and advanced dementia. You'll have to research to find one.
As for your mother flipping out on the ativan. That can happen and her doctor is wrong.
Personally, I love ativan and it does wonders for me. Give me xanax and I will climb the wall. They are both the same schedule of drugs (benzodiazepines) but one can effect a person different than another. Your mother's doctor knows this and is just being a tool about it. Take her to someone else. She might do really well on xanax or even valium to help her chill out.

Whine: about 2 weeks ago I noticed a red patch near my eye. Thought it might be the beginnings of shingles, but fortunately does not seem to be.

Patch is getting progressively red-er, scalier, but I can't really see it because my glass frames interfere and can't see it without them. Dh says "it's red". She

Going to see a PA in my derm's office tomorrow. Just worried that this is a squamous or basal cell carcinoma. Thanks for listening!!!

Barb, I get eczema near my eye, red, scaly, itchy and my cousins wife told me to buy a bottle of All-blend oil and take one tablespoon a day until the entire bottle is gone. Gag!

But it cleared it up and I didn't have another outbreak for a decade. I do this every single time it starts and it clears it up. I have only had 3 outbreaks in my life.

She explained that it is caused from an imbalance that the oil corrects.

So, if it isn't what you fear and is eczema, I do recommend trying this before taking any meds to treat it. My dermatologist said steroids are the treatment and I said, nope, all-blend oil is :-)

Thanks, ITRR! I am reminded that my Italian grandparents thought that olive cured all ills.

My dad had polio as a little boy. He was put in braces; every week after doctor left, my Nonna would take the braces off and massage his legs with warm olive oil. He recovered quite completely.

Barb,

I hope your eye clears up soon.

Barb: Prayers sent.

Whine:. I have cut my work week down to two days a week so that I can be home with Mom all day. On those two days my sister stays with her. On the five days I am home, we eat together, watch television, talk together. Today the pastor of our church came to visit and what was Mom's complaint? I'm here all day alone in the house by myself.