I'm tired of cooking/preparing 3 meals a day. It's just the two of us but boy oh boy can that woman eat!! She stays slimish, I get fattish. It's bad enough I do everything here much less start making her one thing and me the other. At times I feel guilty when I buy her fast food cuz of the nutritional value....not to mention I eat it too.
I was sent to a insurance contract inury Doctor once. He never looked at my face. Certainly didn't order any tests or scans. Sat looking at his computer screen firing questions & 'typed' - what looked like pretend typing at high speed with all fingers rippling over the keyboard (like a little kid would do).
Gave me a prescription for heavy pain meds despite me saying I was not even taking Paracetamol & did not require pain meds.
So very weird.
Thx Alva - a nice surprise! I am forever grateful.
Beatty - that's bad!!!! A robot could do better.
I think you're definitely onto something with doctors and nurses not following their own advice. I think they have to run up the bill so order all kinds of things that people usually don't even need. Where I live, there is no doctor who is in a private practice. They are all owned by a huge corporate health care operation. They have to run the bill up and bring in the most money otherwise they're in trouble with their bosses.
I had to get a new doctor. She was flabbergasted to hear that at my age (50) I have never done a screening for anything. I did do a Cologuard test and it was fine. I really don't think most of what is ordered is even necessary.
I agree the healthcare system is broken . It is run like a corporate business . We are losing doctors and nurses because of it . I have a friend from high school . She’s a general surgeon . She is in a practice of 4 surgeons . She was the only one that voted NO when the big hospital system offered to buy the practice. The practice was bought 3 years ago . She is salary now plus gets a cut of each surgery she does. They require she schedules 36 combined hours of office visit and scheduled surgery time weekly . That doesn’t even count the hours she spends doing rounds in the hospital or emergency surgeries she does when she’s on call . Surgeons due tend to put in long hours. However at 58 yo , she doesn’t want to do 60+ hours . She would have rather the practice stayed private and she could have kept to 40-50 hours . So she is retiring early . Also she said now insurance companies are making her charge patients to come back for their post op check up visit . She says now a lot of people won’t come back after they’ve had surgery .
It’s scary . And healthcare costs are insane. So families will still be sacrificing , time away from work , money etc to care for the elderly . Hospice doesn’t even send an aide full-time , it’s left to the family figure out .
I wish that I would have found this forum sooner than I did too.
Burnt,
Our parents were loyal to their doctors because they lived in a generation that believed every word they said. They didn’t question their doctors. Doctors were looked at as a ‘God’ like figure.
Our generation takes responsibility for our own healthcare. We do question doctors. We don’t hesitate to change to a new doctor if we are not satisfied.
I totally hear what you're saying. Doctors are all salary now and owned by some huge corporate medical entity. It's terrible. They are not allowed to do what's best for their patients. They are allowed to do what insurance will pay for. Then they know they have to run up the bill unnecessarily if a patient's insurance will pay for it, because they have to bring in money for the corporation and shareholders who own them.
What a crying shame it is...
Don't even get me started on our health system!
Hopefully, you will be able to sleep better tonight.
1) Last night FIL in AL called , asked a strange question and abruptly hung up, he’s definitely getting more confused . Will have to step up my search for MC. The past year with dealing with him has been such a blast !
2) We are supposed to get up early and drive 4 hours on Saturday to ( divorced ) MIL . She finally agreed and made an 11:30 am appt at the credit union to have DH a signatory on her bank accounts and after that was done , we were going to speak to her again about going to elder care lawyer about getting her affairs in order (POAs) etc. But now it’s going to SNOW . I’m now positive something will happen to MIL before getting things in order….just because…….DH and I have that kind of luck . When DH speaks with her on the phone he says MIL has her days where she seems forgetful . She’s still driving which is a concern , and the last time we saw her she didn’t walk well. She refuses a walker , bear crawls up the steps. Was also going to tell her again to sell the house and get an apartment . We haven’t seen her in almost a year , so not sure how she walks now. We were supposed to go see her last Fall but hubby had cancer scare , had testing and surgery . Luckily it was a benign tumor .
3) My sister with ( most likely ) ALS . Still has one more test to take for diagnosis was delusional last night . My nephew says it was scary, he came home from work and found her delusional . In my research online it seems some ALS patients get dementia, or psychotic episodes. My nephew is dealing with this on his own , I feel so bad . I told him to call 911, but he got her to calm down and somewhat more lucid . He said he would just wait and call her primary in the morning to see what he should do . I told him to hide all the knives and sharp objects in case she thought he was a stranger in the house and got paranoid . They live over an hour away from me . I can’t get off from work ( long story) to go and help stay with them right now. Took sister months of waiting to get to see neurologist and is progressing so fast the past week . I don’t think she has that much money ( another long story , involving abusive ex husband ). Although I know my nephew doesn’t take any money from her while she has lived with him the last 8 years . She gets social security. She lives with my divorced nephew ,( her only child ) , it’s just the two of them . He’s been missing a lot of work taking her to doctor appts and testing . Even before she got to see the neurologist, my nephew took her to the ER twice in the last two months when her speech was so bad and he thought she was having a stroke . He couldn’t get her admitted . They did CT scans and sent her home with him. I’ve been trying to advise nephew from a distance . And weeks ago my sister asked me to start look for a nursing home for her and not to let my nephew know , not sure why the secret . That’s difficult to do when I don’t have financial information . Meanwhile my nephew says the last few days have been rough . The only good thing is he spoke with his boss last night and he can work from home from now on until get her placed . He did sell her car a few weeks ago and I told him to use the money to have an aide a few days a week come in help her with shower as she’s very unsteady . He did buy her a walker as well . I also told him yesterday (before he found her delusional) maybe some local churches had volunteer companions who visit the elderly . But she really needs to get placed in SNF and eventually on Medicaid . Nephew didn’t know that can be done . Poor guy thought he was going to have to drain his own retirement savings for her care . I told him absolutely not to use his retirement money . Plus he said he looked into briefly and thinks he would have had to pay a huge penalty and taxes for early withdrawal , even as a hardship withdrawal . He will have to try do ER dump again , and get social worker to help place her.
Get sis checked for a UTI
Sorry this is such a difficult and overwhelming time for you. She needs care too, not fair to depend on her son in that way. Nephew could take her to the ER, then refuse to take her home saying she needs more care than he can provide. That will also hasten the Medicaid process with help from hospital and NH staff.
About your MIL. If she's getting more and more confused and has to crawl up the stairs she needs to be in an AL facility. Not living alone in a house with stairs.
I feel bad you because you've really got your hands full.
Everyone vents from time to time. You have a lot going on. So sorry.
GIMH, Burnt, NHWM.
I feel bad . I wish I could go there so my nephew didn’t have to to do this alone. I think he is hesitating because my sister will be upset . If he doesn’t do it today , I’ll try to get tomorrow off from work and drive out tomorrow before the snow starts to get her to the ER,,… 911 .
If anyone remembers the saga about my FIL and his toaster , you will appreciate this . The toaster broke. So that’s that !!!
He’s not getting another one . So that’s setting him off .
It must be a full moon .
It’s so hard. Anyone in your position becomes exhausted and indeed very sick of it. I’m so sorry that you are struggling. Hoping that you will be able to rest soon.
Let me speak to you from experience. Have your MIL placed in a care facility. Refuse to continue being her caregiver. You do not have to clean up her crap or take her crap for another day.
When she insults you, tell her to shut the hell up and walk away. God gave us all two middle fingers. Flip her off and walk away.
I hope you know there's a difference between giving a person what they need and catering to them.
I was an in-home caregiver for 25 years. I have been caregiving to my mother the last four (that ends in May when I move).
I have never "catered" to fussiness and demands or tolerated abusive behavior from a senior regardless of dementia being at the party or not.
I assume when you say 'both' of you are caring for your MIL you are talking about your husband. Now is the time to throw down the gauntlet. Either his mother gets placed in care or you leave because you're done.
If needs be that you have to press the point that you're done to be taken seriously and I sincerely hope that you don't, then do what it takes.
Leave her in a soiled diaper because you refuse to change her. If she craps on the floor put a paper towel over it and leave it there. You don't clean her or the floor up. You don't feed her. You don't even speak to her. If you're done with caregiving, then you are done and that's the end of it.
This sounds harsh because it is harsh and I hope it doesn't become necessary. But if it does do it.
If you do not want to take care of your MIL anymore, you do not have to.
Tried to explain his medical situation 'to the nurse" but didn't want to hear it. I guess I have to bow down and thank her for allotting me a couple of weeks to myself for all the rest of the year I have to endure.