I'm tired of cooking/preparing 3 meals a day. It's just the two of us but boy oh boy can that woman eat!! She stays slimish, I get fattish. It's bad enough I do everything here much less start making her one thing and me the other. At times I feel guilty when I buy her fast food cuz of the nutritional value....not to mention I eat it too.
I hope the meds will help your headache go away. Feel better soon!
As far as I know the local courthouse usually deals with minor offences so there shouldn't be a possibility of a lengthy trial even if I am selected, but it is an hour away in a town I haven't been to since before the pandemic....really it's a P.I.T.A more than anything. I guess I should be grateful it isn't the middle of winter.
Agency sent somebody who was late, resentful and it showed. She started yelling at me. In my house!
Some should have some cultural adjustment and sensitivity training.
So good day for me to balance this with good old retailed therapy! Refreshing my wardrobe for spring!
Very rarely was I displeased with a caregiver from the agency that I used. I said something the few times that I was disappointed in their service.
I think you should complain to the caregiver’s boss. I’m sure that they would want to know about this incident.
She should not have arrived late and yelled at you. Did she have a good reason for being late?
Sometimes, a caregiver is late due to working overtime at the prior appointment. It throws their schedule off for the rest of the day. When this happened with us, they would call and tell me that they were running late.
So sorry that you experienced this. Your husband deserves better care than she provided and you should not have been yelled at. Did she apologize for her behavior?
Couple weeks ago I got a jury notice from the Federal District Court, thankfully I could fill out the paperwork on line, and [x} the box where it ask if I am 70 years old or older, and prefer not to serve.... [whew].
I remember when my Mom got a similar notice from the Federal District Court.... Mom was 94 years old.
I didn’t want to do either of them. I was relieved that I wasn’t selected for the rape case and then they had to randomly choose an alternate juror. Don’t you know that I was chosen?
So, I had to show up at the courthouse everyday anyway.
I wasn’t selected for the drug case because I have a family member that was in law enforcement.
The jury for the rape case were sequestered. Some people are paid by their employers when they take time off to go to court and others aren’t. The pay is very small for serving on a jury. At that time they also paid for parking. Not sure if they still do.
I knew a woman who didn’t show up for jury duty and nothing happened to her. I never took that chance. I showed up for mine.
My dad served on a jury and found it interesting. My mom was never selected because she didn’t believe in capital punishment.
We had very good caregivers, so just one makes no difference. Just too much of resentment from start, if she does not like it she should quit. But, I am not taking any BS.
As you know for Parkinson’s stress is not good.
But, my husband is good to deal with diversity, as CPA he had clients from all over the world.
Stress absolutely affects Parkinson’s disease. I agree that your husband doesn’t need any additional stress in his life. Nor do you as his wife.
I also strongly agree that if a caregiver is not happy with their job they should quit. If they become so burned out that it starts affecting their job, they should find other employment.
I am glad that most of your caregivers have been good.
Riverdale: Sorry that you also suffer from them. I haven't used Sumatriptan in decades. My neurologist gave me samples of two new age migraine medications, Nurtec ODT and Ubrelvy. I also take a prophylactic, Propranolol. Haven't used the samples yet.
FF: Yes, we are close to DC - Anne Arundel County. I see that you also could fill out the waiver.
I'm sorry to hear you had a bad experience with a respite caregiver.
She certainly should not have yelled or raised her voice to you. That is unacceptable.
As for her being late, that can happen. She may have had legitimate reason to be. Did you ask her why she was late?
Why do you describe her as being resentful? Resentful of what? Of you?
I never had a ray of sunshine personality on any job but there's no reason to be rude to a client's family.
If something bothered you about the caregiver, you should tell her,
Way back when I ws agency help I had a long-term client whose friend was usually at her house when I came in. She always said the same thing to me every time. That I don't look like I'm happy and that I should smile more.
One time I told her. I don't get paid to smile or be happy on the job. I get paid to work. The client liked it this way. My job was to give her a shower twice a week, change her pull-up, and help her get dressed. The third visit of the week was only grocery shopping and running her errands.
She was happy with the service. Her friend was not.
Your displeased caregiver may not be the friendliest person.
I don’t know about you but there is nothing that annoys me more than a fake smile. I appreciate a genuine smile but I can spot a phony a smile away.
Some people are naturally pleasant no matter what and have beautiful smiles. Others are more private people who don’t show their emotions. One is not better than the other, just different personalities.
Being disrespectful is a whole different story. It depends on the context of the situation.
I don’t think not smiling is disrespectful at all.
I remember when my daughter was on dance team at her school. There was a rule that moms weren’t allowed to be present at their dance practices until 15 before the practice ended.
One of the dance moms decided that she would be there the entire time. She was an obnoxious ‘dance mom.’
I blame the dance teacher for not enforcing her rules of not allowing moms in the gym for practice. This woman donated a lot of money and money talks in certain situations.
Anyway, when I would go in 15 minutes before practice ended to pick up my daughter, this woman would be telling this one girl who was a terrific dancer to smile!
The girl danced circles around her daughter and politely told her, “I’m focusing on learning my steps. Please leave me alone. When I get out on the football field to perform I will smile!”
This woman never shut up! I told the girl’s mom what she was doing to her daughter and how disturbing it was. She went to the dance teacher and asked her to please enforce her rules.
That girl ended up being dance captain due to being a great dancer and being focused on learning her routine. She wasn’t about to try and impress this woman by smiling during practice.
Yes, it was quite strange. I did not say anything about her being late, she did not apologize, I let it go.
I simply asked her what time she had to leave? Assuming she will stay for specified hours. I asked knowing many people have other jobs.
To which she started screaming, I did not quite understand her because of her accent, so I asked her to repeat. She called supervisor and started complaining about me and said she was leaving.
She was behaving strange, as if, actually I am quite sure she tried to create some kind of conflict, she clearly did not want to be here, so she wanted to leave and get paid for hours.
I understand being late, one time I was late an hour and respite guy had to go to another job, I apologized, all was well. He managed to get there on time, I felt bad for him if he wanted to have some time in between shifts. My husband does not need any help so it is simply precautionary.
They just sit talk, or watch TV, no other work is required, so most respite people are quite happy to be here, especially as most are from different cultures and my husband loves and knows lots of history and present events in any country, it is kind of his passion, so any time i come back they are happy about having interesting discussions.
She was OK when I was back. On time! With the little damage to my CC from shopping spree with my GFs, I am worth it!
I am not excusing her behavior but it sounds like she was just having a bad day. I agree that sometimes people can’t help being late at times.
No,it was definitely something against me.
But, no matter, I am not people’s pleaser. I put those things out of my mind as in general there is no problems with caregivers and many are happy to return, I just mentioned as it was unusual and I am well aware I am going to need more of help, so dealing with different people on the top of everything it could be a challenge.
Tell me about autocorrect, I cannot figure out why my keyboard switches to Chinese, all the time!
Chinese? Geeeeez! I have had my online banking go to Spanish one time! LOL, I immediately changed it back.
It is challenging dealing with different personalities at times.
I truly hope that your husband’s Parkinson’s disease will progress slowly as my mother’s did.
Mom lived so long that she did suffer towards the end. Before she hit the higher stages though, she managed fairly well.
Mom wasn’t satisfied as much with the care that she received from the teaching hospital (LSU) and she switched to a private practicing neurologist.
At the time she was at LSU, Dr. Rao was well known for his treatment for Parkinson’s disease, but mom rarely saw him and had a rotation of different doctors. Dr. Rao was the first doctor to do surgery for Parkinson’s patients in our area. Mom was not a candidate for surgery.
You will need additional help as his symptoms increase. As we both know though, this disease affects everyone differently.
The problem is people here don’t want to work, there are jobs everywhere and many quit quickly, so it looks like it could be hard finding good help.
NHWM,
You are lucky your Mom lived so long. If you feel like telling me more feel free or PM me. I accepted mostly what is happening and as everybody is different his progression, symptoms could be pointing to more.
My husband’s PD seems to be progressing rapidly now he is in advanced stage, and more falls and choking.
Good thing he does not have dementia and even with dopamine problem he is mostly in good mood, in more pain lately, which prevents him from exercising which does not help with motor skills.
Why do some forum members feel it is their job to police thread content? It often tends to cause frustration and anger by posters and leads to an incredible amount of discord between members. Just ignore it and go on with it.
There was a home security scammer at our house and we're hoping the situation can be diffused tomorrow. We didn't put two and two together until after the fact. He didn't come into the house, but she was upset that I interacted with him and lectured me 5,000 times about safety, not being so naive, scammers and panhandlers running around, potentially having a sleepless night because of this, and NEVER answering the door if it's some stranger. She even asked me if I knew what a home invasion robbery is.
Stuff like this is why I tell people on here that talking to her is like talking to a brick wall and telling her what she needs to hear will fall on deaf ears. Me, her one and only son, suggesting she get extra help for me or do any sort of PT WILL be met with tears and emotionally-driven resistance from her. She'd rather suffer than try getting more help and going the extra few miles to recover from her cancer treatments. She's more passionate about safety than her own recovery. She prefers being stuck in the house over doing any form of PT, whether it be at home or at a PT clinic.
Plus, she didn't like how I accidentally forgot to put her address label on the country club payment envelope I hand delivered to them and giving it to one of the employees who brought out my food order rather than drop it in the mailbox inside.
I mean, I'm burned out. I'm exhausted. I'm forced to stay at home and not go out for anything other than errands and groceries. I'm forced to limit how long I can be outside the house because she's immobile and can't use the bathroom on her own. I'm 30 and I don't have a life anymore. Stuff like this is why I sometimes wonder if she really loves me as much as she says.
❄❄⛄⛄🌿🌿🌺🌺🍅🍅
At least the trees have not started to bud out yet. Just have some bulbs starting to get going.
I know you have a miserable time with your mother. The people here on this forum have told you countless times what you must do in your situtation.
You refuse to take the slightest action to help yourself. You and your mother feed off each other and have a relationship that is beyond co-dependency. Your relationship is symbionic. It's toxic for both of you. Complaining about it and allowing your mother to continue walking all over you will never end until one of you dies. Unless you take some action to help yourself.
You know I agree with you most of the time and think you give pretty good advice.
People not wanting to work in your area or any other is total bullcrap.
Finally the proletariat has caught up and is no longer willing to do the crappy jobs like caregiving and fast food restaurant work for minimum wage and no benefits.
More power to them and I operate a homecare business. Now consumers will have to learn to live by this motto:
You get what you pay for.
Expect minimum effort, minimum work ethic (or any), and minimum quality if a worker's pay is minimum.
She had cancer and was treated over 10 years ago. What your mother is doing is milking her cancer "recovery" to keep you as a prisoner and slave to her every need.
People convicted of crimes have it better than you because at least thet get a trial and a sentence that includes time off their sentence for good behavior and eventually parole.
You will be stuck wiping moms behind until she dies which might be 20 years from now. That will make you 50 years old.
And what's the country club membership for? Mom doesnt leave the house and you can't be gone for even a half hour. Why pretend and waste money on something neither one of you will ever use?
I remember last mothers day you were going to talk to mom about getting help to care for her so you could have a life. You are coming up on 2 years of that anniversary in May and nothing has changed.
Think about how fast the time goes by and what you will be left with when you wake up one day an old man and bitter regret.
I wish your mom was poor because her money is like a pair of gold handcuffs around your wrists and shackles on your ankles.
My impression (and I truly don't mean to be rude) is that you have a weak personality. You are afraid to face life on your own. Holding down a job and be independent is frightening to you. So, living and taking care of mother is your excuse to not face your fears.
Please seek therapy. You need help to break out of this prison.