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My whine today is after all being up since 130 am, with dad...we left to meet the hearing aid man at 830, to adjust moms hearing aids. Yep.. he did not show, Oh yeah he was all about service and such when we bought them.... So I called him.. he was very sorry.. etc... at another office waiting for us,, all his fault..POOH!! said he will try to get this done before Christmas... Had to call Dad's Dr as his sleeping is still all screwed up. They can see us next week. but to try the seraquel again. It worked great for 2 nights.. then we had to double the dose and it made things worse. Then we tried some advice from the site and tried OTC sleeping pills.. oh no! He fell last night and was very angry!. We have kept him up most of today.. but he is asleep in his chair as I type..LOL Hopefully we all sleep tonight!
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I was wondering the same thing today, Jessie. Hopefully she'll stop by and check in.
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Has anyone heard from freqflyer? She dropped in briefly after her surgery, but I haven't seen her since. I've been thinking about her the past couple of days, hoping she is okay.
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Fligirl, I feel for you - you've just got things taped and running smoothly, and the last thing you need (though the help is nice!) is a newbie stressing and dramatising around you. But it will pass - once she feels she's caught up some of her lost ground and gains some confidence in sharing your mother's care, she'll settle down. Maybe remember how hard it was when you first started major caregiving? She's like you were back then, only with extra guilt on top, perhaps?!

Don't for heaven's sake do what I do and feel every suggestion she makes as a criticism of what you've been doing - it can make you into a very prickly person indeed. I'm trying to do better.
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I just feel awful today. My sister is here since Wednesday and she has been so anxious and over the top that sometimes she is really causing more problems I feel bad because I know deep down she is trying so hard. But maybe a little too hard. She has been in her own world in San diego. Now she hired a caregiver and doubled her hours from 6 to 12 a week. I know how much I appreciate it tremendously. She has been coming up when mom has dr appointment and staying a couple of nights. She overreacts to everything and it just makes my anxiety worse. she is paying for everything. I know she is trying to make up for the last year and half for not being here but I just needed to get it off my chest. I do appreciate what she is doing. I guess that we just cannot spend to many days together. Before her and the companion it was just me so I need to put on my big girl panties and get over it. Thanks for listening.
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Sundowning is something that happens to many people who have Alzheimer's. When the sun fades and night sets in, there is an increase in agitation and anxiety, often with psychotic symptoms -- e.g., seeing or hearing things, irrational thoughts, extreme behaviors. We will probably know they have dementia from noticing other things (loss of memory and reasoning ability) before we will see sundowning. Many people with dementia do not have sundowning. There is one other thing I can think of that has symptoms similar to sundowning and that is a urinary tract infection (UTI). Behaviors with the UTI are not so dependent on time of day, however.
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Ladies I wonder if it's "sundowners" it's when a persons behavior changes....do they have dementia?
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Lois, your words and wisdom always inspire me and put a smile on my face. :) I can't imagine being married that long... such a lovely lady with wonderful memories .

kat and henzoo... although I care for my mother and I know it's not the same as a spouse but... I hate to say it's refreshing to read that others are doing what my mother does but it kind of is. Solely in the I'm not alone category. The chanting and endless pacing had me buggy.

I've noticed that the changes in her aren't that subtle anymore either. We are not supposed to go by the "stages", however, with this mobility issue and rigidity starting I'd say 7a. Between my carer and myself we try and keep her movements going... we toss a beach ball back and forth and use those rubber band things to strengthen arms n legs.

Susan, thanks for the Overstock tip! I did order her one. A folding lightweight pretty blue one with a built in seat belt. Now I need to find a transfer board and an easier way to get her in the SUV. However... we have a program her called Dial-a-Bus. For $2.00 bucks they'll take us anywhere... especially Dr. Appointments. They have a lift and everything so it will make it that much easier on both her and I.

Lois is right, if you can get more help it is imperative to do so and find ways to make it a little easier. No point to run ourselves down if we can help it. Easier said than done... I know
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Oh, Henzoo, I totally relate! It got so that we could joke about which Lois I was - on any day. "So, who do you think I am today, Honey? Your Lois, or that other Lois - she better watch out. If I catch her here in MY place she could be in danger!" He would actually laugh and ask me which one I was. I would answer that I am the one he married and did he believe me... He would answer "If you say so."

About the coldness. He was hypothyroid, tho his blood tests were supposedly OK. After reading about it on several internet medical sites, I tried Iosol Iodine - just a few drops a day. The Dr. said it would not hurt him and it really helped.

He never registered a 98.6 degree body temperature- one sign that the iodine was needed.

He's been gone now for three months. I miss him, but know that he is at peace and where he said he wished to be, daily. We were married nearly 71 years - quite a big change.

Good luck - take care of yourself and don't wait too long to get help - do not run yourself down! Big hug going your way...
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Henzoo, I appreciate what you are going thru. The talking, almost chanting is not every night but often enough. We have funny moments though. I love it when he doesn't like his food and tells me to tell that woman that was in the kitchen (me) that the food was terrible. I promise to tell her never to cook that again.
I mangled a watermelon one day, after I had clean up the mess and was back in the livingroom, hubby came in and was trying to tell me that THAT WOMAN in the kitchen didn't know what she was doing and made a big mess (so true) LOL
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I have had a transport chair for my parents for the past 13 years. Best caregiving money we ever spent! I got a good one through an independent pharmacy (mom and pop). I think it is an Everest and Jennings. It has carried my mom and dad through innumerable trips here and there. And I can put it in the trunk of my car easily.

My heart truly goes out to you with loved ones with Alzheimers. What you live with on a day-to-day basis would take a saint to deal with.I wish I could hug each one of you; you are angels on earth.
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Jeanette - the Overstock website and Amazon will have lightweight transport chairs (that's what they're called - transport chairs) for around $150 - possibly less. They're smaller and lighter than traditional wheelchairs. I bought one for mom.
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I'm realizing something disturbing... most doctors attribute almost everything to 2 things. Stress and age. My ailments are all stress related. Mom's is age. I call BS on that. She's not that old... 79 and not everything is age related nor AD related. Certainly enhances things... awful that Dr's label it this way.
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Sorry that post was so long. I didn't realize.
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Lois' husband sounds similar to my husband. Mine is always cold now. I put the electric blanket in the easy chair, but he gets up and starts balling the whole thing up and then tries to walk away with it. He won't take off his coat without a lot of coaxing. I purchased pants with flannel inside and put a thermal shirt over his t-shirt. When I finally get him in bed, I fix two covers over him and then he balls them up and mostly ends up sleeping with his bathrob. Some nights I have to put the fan on so I can breath! He keeps telling me he is going for a job tomorrow so he can bring some money into the home. But he cannot explain where he is going for this job or what he will be doing. Nice thought though! Most nights he wakes up and asks me who I am and do I know who he is? Every evening as it get dark he gets really gets in the zone. He follows me around and says he wants to talk to me. Just me and him. Nothing big, nothing serious. Just me and him. Then he asks me where are we going to sleep and if I are we sleeping together. You can really be nasty to me at times, he says, but I love my wife. I love my wife. I love you and you are so beautiful.Then he will repeat that until I tell him to stop. We've been married over 30 years. Then he apologizes over and over again. He asked me how ol I was last week and when I told him I was 60 he almost feel out of the chair. It was a funny moment. Far and few between. I tell him I need to put him to bed so he can relax. Lois said with her every day is something different. With me, everyday is the same old thing. Over and over and over and over. But I do tell him he is repeating himself and most times I cannot even make sense of what he saying. Sometimes that will make he stop talking for a while. I am going to stop now because I could go on and on. Thanks for all your experiences, it helps to know that I am not the only one going though this. ( Demented may have been the word you were looking for.)
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kat, while I'd certainly like my mom's love and/or appreciation, I've gotten used to the love being conditional and appreciation not there due to a sense of entitlement. What's creating the emotional ruckus for me is that she's expanded her aura of negativity and anger to my husband and all the grandkids. Since my husband's PD diagnosis, we've made life changes and adjust daily as needed. This has meant much less free time for me, so less frequent outings for Mom and shorter ones at that. I can see her being disappointed, but her anger at him for being ill sits badly with me as I see him with this illness.
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No, no mini stroke according to the ER doc. Her legs just gave out and she toppled over. She had bobby pins in her hair and I do believe those attributed to the cut. 2 staples... did you know they don't even numb your head, just staple it? I thought that was a bit harsh... but ok.

She see's her primary doc first of next week. He needs to give her something a bit stronger to help her sleep at night. This just can't continue, it's too harmful to her well being. She needs to gain some strength back... I know she's tired. I just hate this stuff... just hate it. I couldn't get her in my SUV ... had to ask the neighbor guy to help me lift her in, bless his heart, he just scooped her right up and in she went. Then he gave me the biggest heartfelt hug. I just cried like a baby.

Yeah, it bothers me also when people question her. Even the dr and nurse where asking her silly questions even though I told them she can't answer them. You can see the frustration in her eyes... just stop there and simply ask me.

Well, I guess it's time to find a nice lightweight wheel chair for her. How do I solve the issue of getting her in my vehicle? Oh... she's also very rigid like? I asked them yesterday what is causing her rigidity? Why is the answer always "old age"?
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OMG! I just almost ran over my mom's yorkie. I called my husband that I was returning to the house so he would get up all the dogs in the house before I opened the gate.He told me he phoned mother who was down in the basement in her art studio that I was on my way home and to keep her 2 little dogs inside with her. Just as I pulled into the backyard here came her 2 little dogs, and she is standing on the patio screaming at me, I almost had a heart attack.She said my husband told her I was driving to the back yard to pick her up (then why in the H*LL would you let out your dogs).I never pick her up in my truck,always the golf cart.Oh Lord I would have had to leave the state, she would have never forgiven me and I still have probably at least a 90 mile round trip in holiday traffic up and down an interstate to take her to the eye MD she just had to see or die today,couldn't wait until after the holidays,haven't prayed in a while but praying for patience and hold my tongue.
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I feel sorry for those who do the right thing, but never get anything in return like a loving parent would do which their parent had never done and they expect their parent to suddenly change in old age. I've read many on this site who have done this to the own self-destruction as well as the destruction of marriages, etc.
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Linda22. There are so many lessons still for me to learn. We are still our parents child, we still need their love and appreciation. My heart goes out to those of you that try to do all the right things but get nothing good in return. Funny thing happened with my Mom recently, She gave us fair warning that she suspected she would be a very cranky, mean old lady (she is 82 now, LOL). She asked us in advance to forgive her future bad behavior. I think that was a wonderful gift to us.
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katnmouse, when my dad had Alz, I realized quickly that asking him questions brought him frustration and hurt as he sensed he should know the answer but couldn't bring it out. It was hard to see his pain when people, not understanding the illness, would ask him things or to do things he couldn't. I can see where my posting could be interpreted quite differently than I intended, if one assumed my mom also had dementia. She is presently pretty clear minded and was carrying on conversations fine, so these questions were not a problem for her to answer. She's a very angry lady these days, part an understandable anger at the effects of aging on her body and life, and part because she truly expects us to make her life as it was many years ago. I guess my hurt yesterday was from my family and I having spent the past 18 years taking really good care of her (as well as giving her a wonderful quality of life) and her words are constantly indicating that it just doesn't count for beans.

kat, I am really sorry for what you're dealing with. There is such an inherently different emotional pain in having one's spouse ill and with such a sad illness.
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Oh Jeanette...sorry to hear about your mom's fall. Hopefully it's an isolated incident and not something that continues to happen. Maybe she was just tired from all the pacing/standing she does?
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Today i had my hair cut at one of those walk in places and the stylish refered to me as "young lady"
Went next door to the grocery store and the guy that collects the carts rushed over to me grabbed the cart and said" I"ll put those in the back seat for you get in the car out of the cold young lady" Well I do enjoy the attention but am not sure about the young lady part. i guess when someone calls me "grandma' I will have to say I'm not your grandma" haven't decided yet. I don't mind people using my first name Mrs sounds stuffy these days.
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Jeanette, could she have had a little stroke or something? Or did she just lose her balance? What could have happened?
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Linda22. I feel for you. My cousin visited my dad in AL before they left for Florida and she asked if he sees his daughters much. even though she had been her dad's caregiver for year and understands his dementia. He told her no he never sees his daughters and they are waiting for him to die so they can get the house. (What house?) I see dad at least 4-5 days a week. It isn't dwelling on it IMO as he probably forgot about it later that day. But I have to admit it hurts a little.
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Oh Jeanette, I'm so sorry - what a horrible thing to happen. Glad no bones broken, but even so - hope you get some rest. Hugs.
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She fell...just toppled over. It was 5:00 a.m. She was standing in my doorway talking to me... heck, I though I was dreaming... go to bed mom... no mom, go to bed... thunk

2 staples in her head later.... bet her a** sleep tonight.

mine too.
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I've deleted 14 lines of rant. I will however, say it is so unfair to ask a person with dementia direct questions like is your family here or how many grandkids do you have. Those kinds of questions can set some people up for another heartbreak. My husband has lost his filters and says astonishing things but I understand the disease. He doesn't know who I am (wife for 40+ yrs) but is happy to be with me and has no idea if he has children or grandchildren. I'm saddened when I hear family is hurt when a person with a dying brain says something they would not otherwise say. There is so much pain and sadness with this process.
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I know just because dementia doesn't run in our family doesn't mean it can't happen. I have to discern her normal behavior from what may be from the morphine or the combo of the 2. Her short term memory seems to be very good.She can still retrace her steps to find something.She keeps a monthly calendar and we have "conferences" on making sure hers coincides with mine.She can only have mon, and fri. for MD appts.I had to do this because it was getting to where she was scheduling a MD appt.about every other day and where we live that is an 80 mile round trip each time,it was getting out of control.I told her if she thought her health was getting that bad she would have to move out to AL or LTC,suddenly she got better(it was a miracle) ha!She at one time had me essentially traveling almost 300 miles a week to MD appts. and she isn't sick just old.Tues,and thurs,are my Horse days,wed is flexible,sat she gets her hair done,sun is church, mon and fri are her PT/I cancel pt if there is a MD appt that day.Otherwise she would have had me running 7 days a week with her business like a secretary/chauffeur,it had to stop.Having a schedule and sticking to it made a big difference,and I do schedule "me" time and made her aware I condsider that time very important,that she better back down and let me take good care of myself so I can be there when she needs help.
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meant "6 great grandkids"
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