I'm tired of cooking/preparing 3 meals a day. It's just the two of us but boy oh boy can that woman eat!! She stays slimish, I get fattish. It's bad enough I do everything here much less start making her one thing and me the other. At times I feel guilty when I buy her fast food cuz of the nutritional value....not to mention I eat it too.
My eldest is a dressage rider and rides at Grande Priz level. She has a very pretty black morgan stallion she has trained herself. Doesn't help your problems with your mother but I know you love horses.
As far as the early stages of dementia are concerned I think It is very difficult to distinguish them from the forgetfulness of getting older which we all experience. One thing is for sure she is not going to get any nicer. Maybe stick her on the top of the Christmas tree with duct tape over her mouth.
Today she's in what she calls "sloth mode" - sleeping all day. She's been up long enough to go to the bathroom twice, eat breakfast and then back down again. She sat up about an hour ago, then laid back down 5 minutes later...then back up in 15 minutes...then back down again. I guess at the very least, I can be thankful for some time to myself while she's sleeping...? I get a whole lot more done with my work and housework if she's asleep.
My mom is similar to yours, but with early-to-mid-stage dementia thrown in. She can dress herself, shower herself, and doesn't have the pacing, restlessness or random verbal outbursts that come later - she has the memory loss and personal care neglect (unless pushed) issues.
She showered Monday, and twice after that, I had to remind her that she had already showered. Once when she went back into the bathroom to put on an incontinence pad, which she had forgotten, and later, when I asked her how the new tub mat I bought felt under her feet when she showered - she looked at me blankly and said, "How would I know - I haven't been in there today!" Um....yes you were.....
I thought about menu prep and the other things that were suggested. I feel glad that my mother can still make her own breakfast, do some laundry, and wash dishes. I don't even mind that the dishes aren't very clean. I know that soon she won't be able to do these things.
So the house is decorated and everything is falling together for Christmas. I have my sensitivity meter switched to non-combat mode. Holidays are rough, because my mother wants to micromanage. I know it won't matter what I do, since next year (if there is one) she'll take credit for everything I did this year. It is funny. Each year I do certain things. Then the next year she'll tell me that last year SHE did these things. I've learned to just let her take credit, because it really doesn't matter. I just tell her she certainly did a wonderful job last year. :)
Weekly menu's? Check grocery lists? Calorie intake? Chop veggies?
Am I doing something wrong? I surely do not do any of this.
Homework? If she's not willing? Good grief.... nursing home?
Hobblessmom, please tell me what I am missing with caring for my AD mother?
So, what can she do? Make grocery lists? Check grocery lists for over-charging (I don't do that but I know old people who do). Chop veggies or whatever to eat?
Perhaps sit down and make a weekly menu with you and, with her, determine both the cost, time, and calorie intake.
You are lucky in some ways. Usually, in my experience, old folks aren't eating enough or not getting proper nutrition. There is a silver lining!
Give her some "homework." If she's not willing, perhaps it's time to look into a nursing home.
I received an email from Coursera that John Hopkins will be starting in January 12 for a 5 week course. It's titled: Living with Dementia: Impact on Individuals, Caregivers and Societies.
Based on their previous course, they now have structured this upcoming course to ensure that everyone benefits (to me, the first course was more aimed for the Professional caregivers.) This upcoming one includes healthcare practitioners, family caregivers or anyone interested. FYI, despite the first course leaning more towards the professionals, I learned a LOT from it.
Well, I'm off to send an email of this to my social worker. Our monthly caregiver's meeting is this coming Saturday. I won't be attending so hopefully she can relay it to the others.
FYI, I did not complete it the first course last year. I only joined so that I can learn about dementia. OMGoodness! There was a wealth of videos and more videos of personal accounts/journeys, how to respond to "I want to go home", etc... I'm planning to do the same with this upcoming course. Since I'm not going for a certificate, the course is FREE.
I hope you can have a peaceful night - heck, I hope that for all of us!
I've been running full tilt all day today, bouncing between work for my clients and "the list". Got the living room curtains up, called for water delivery and received that, called our local agency on aging to request a caregiver list (they do background checks, etc on them before referring them), paid a few bills, washed the dog's bed cover (which is now dirty again, thanks to 50 degree temps and rain today), washed the living room windows, cleaned out the van, washed it and detailed the inside, including the windows and did 4 loads of laundry (thanks Mom). Going to try to knock out a few more things on the list yet tonight, but have a couple hours of work to do for my clients first.
I suppose I'll crash somewhere around 2am. Good thing I don't get days like this very often, or Mom would definitely outlive me! lol
Oh my gosh...Mom just got up and said she dreamed that she robbed the bank downtown of $2400. Why? She didn't know - "I guess I needed the money!" she said. I asked if there was a weapon involved, but she couldn't remember - all she knew was she robbed the bank! Life is never dull....I guess I should be glad she's not driving anymore, Lord only knows what she'd get up to!
If I could get away with it, I'd slip my tree into an unused room, toss a sheet over it and come next year - voila`! Pretty d*mn genius and nothing to be embarrassed about. Using your time wisely ;)
It's been pretty quiet here today. She was up most, if not all, of the night again. I'd put her to bed, put soft Christmas music on and within 27 seconds POP...up and out again. Rinsed n repeated so many times I lost count... finally secured everything and went to bed. She was up standing at the foot of her bed in the corner at 7:30 this morning, so .... after a nice washing up and breakfast followed by morning meds she crashed. I will wake her for an early dinner, warm sleepy time tea and she will sleep the entire night. As awful as it sounds, it works. Most meds leave her a mumbly Zombie...so as long as this alternative route is working and I can stand it, we shall keep trying.
Susan, did you ever make the weighted blanket? I've watched several DYI video's and it doesn't look too hard, just time consuming filling then sewing all those squares... I do think it would be helpful with the secure feeling at night?
Guess I should finish up the tree while she's sleeping. Or take a long nap. Or watch whatever I want on tv. Already spotified the kitchen/living room... detest laundry so that's a big NO... hmmm. Decisions decisions. Nap/TV and Ellen Degeneres 12 days of giveaways it is!
I gave Mom the Christmas cards today and a pen and told her to have at it. She went through and signed both of our names on all of them, so all I have to do is address them and get them in the mail. One more thing off my list.
Speaking of the list - I sat down and updated the list that's been sitting on my desk for a week now, and holy cow - I think I must have been brain dead for the past week, because I have a ton of stuff to do now, some of which should have been done already. Time to catch up.
Mom and I had a talk today about the need to hire help to come in and take care of her when I'm not here - like when I go to visit my son for a few days. It's become very clear that just having someone come check on her a few times a day just isn't going to cut it. She agrees she needs someone to help her. Tonight was a perfect example - she took a shower today (really didn't want to, and tried to tell me, "I talked myself out of it" once she was in the bathroom - but she DID shower) - and came out in her nightgown after the shower, with no underwear/incontinence pad on. She always does this - says she needs to "dry off" before getting dressed. I give her about 20 minutes before telling her she needs to finish getting dressed. Tonight, she walked towards the bathroom to get dressed, stopped at the doorway and said, "What am I doing? Going to take a shower?" - I reminded her that she was already showered, just needed to get her undies and such on. "Oh! Ok" she says....
As frustrated as I get with her sometimes, I'm glad that I can speak candidly with her about her future - at least *that* part of things is relatively easy to deal with, and I know she understands. I just hope that when the time actually comes, she really *does* understand the need for placement in a home. I'm not foolish enough to think that it's going to be an easy move, or that she's going to be completely accepting of it - but I just hope that the decision will be taken out of my hands by nature - that there will be some event that forces the issue, rather than me having to make that decision just because I can't provide the care she needs anymore.
Then she says that this is my house -- talking about me -- and I was going to live here until I died. I had to speak up at that point. Her boundaries between her and me are totally gone. I told her it was her house and her life.
The chewing criticism got worse at that point. She told me I owed her because she gave life to me. At this point I decided it was best to leave her to watch her TV in her house and continue to live her miserable life. I have to say that I did little to bring on this nastiness, other than not having the Christmas tree up yet. Some people are just too ugly inside.