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There is nothing wrong with having a good, full-on grouch. Especially not when it's the kind of day when your rubber gloves have fallen into the sink and got water inside, you stub your toe, and while you're hopping around cursing you bang your head on the cupboard door you left open…

Of course in the olden days, with that sort of day, you could just think bugger it I'm going to the pub. What do we do now? Remind ourselves that tomorrow is another day..?
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I hear ya, sister caregiver.
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I'm with you on that one, Jessie. If I hear one more relative say, "Oh, taking care of Mom must be so hard on you. You're such a good person to do this. I'll pray for you." or one more chirpy, happy post by relatives on Facebook saying how much fun they're going to have going out Christmas shopping with friends today - I'm going to reach through the phone and/or computer and strangle them.

Also on the "hating everything" today. I'm sure I'll be fine by tomorrow, but today - not on your life. I have a list of things I need to do as long as my arm and not one of them includes anything for ME. Am I having a pity party? Yes, I probably am, but at the moment, I don't care. I know I put myself in this caregiving position with Mom - but it's who I am - if something needs to be done, I jump in and do it, regardless of the sh*tstorm it causes in my own life. I've always been this way. Some days I wish to God I could be as selfish and self-serving as some of my relatives and just drop by now and then to visit Mom and not have to worry about her bathroom needs, her dirty laundry, her meals, cleaning up after her, reminding her to put on an incontinence pad - and now, a new thing - HOW to put on clothes and in what order. It must be nice to have the luxury of just going where you want, when you want, not having to worry about whether or not you'll find Mom on the floor when you get back from a quick trip to the store!

Sorry folks. I'm not a happy person today. I appreciate the listening ear and forgive me for complaining so much. It's just getting to me lately.
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I'm on a complaining role this morning. You know you're tired of caregiving when you see these upbeat messages about the nice things we can do for our elders, and all you can say is, "Oh, bite me."
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I'd just like to remind Jeanette that "downsizing" to you might mean, "OMG.. here she comes with more junk!" to everyone around you. I brought bags of things to my children's homes and told them to feel free to dispose of them if they chose to.. even just stand them on the sidewalk for the trashman, but I did want to give them a chance to keep things that I thought might be of value to them, sentimental or otherwise. My daughter did hang an oil painting of a ballerina in my granddaughter's bedroom. Who knew it meant so much to her? Don't be offended if they throw things away... just be thankful that a decision was made about "all that stuff" by other family members and not just by you.
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Sometimes I feel like that George Strait song, "I Hate Everything." My rabbit was sick this morning, too. He's feeling better now, thank goodness. I was starting to feel like God was really being bad to me.
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We all do a lot of complaining on here, so don't worry, Susan. My complaint of the day is that Mom decided to go with me to my niece's wedding after she said she didn't want to go. It's about 1.5 hours away. I had this vision of jumping in the car, going, and maybe even enjoying myself. Now the yoke is back around my neck. No matter how much we do it, it is still hard to travel with someone who has mobility and incontinence problems. I wouldn't tell her she can't go, but it did throw a big old soggy wet blanket over the day. She'll chatter the whole way back, which really gets on my nerves when I'm driving. I don't like city driving at all. I'm a small town girl at heart.
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I guess I need to take a break from here...I feel like I'm complaining too much.
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Thanks Jessiebelle was having a brief pitty party last night - hate when I get that way but sometimes I just feel like I am going to scream if I don't get out of this house. The three of us (mom, hubby and I) are here around the clock and it gets so claustrophobic I cant stand it. Hubby and I have always been self-employed from home so I am somewhat used to the isolation but before mom moved in I got out on a regular basis - now my outings are scarce. We live in an extremely rural area in the mountains with rough winters and the thought of the months to come make me feel like I am being buried alive. Sigh - today is another day and although I will not get out - praying for a better day and no more power issues.
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Seems this should be the "catch all" thread. Doesn't matter what the topic is as it varies page by page, someone always has a great answer, thought or advice. Love it. One thing for sure, not one suit fits every person. Darn.

As I sit here reading, listening to mom asking me for the hundredth time, to please take her home, got me wondering or pondering once again, what in the hell am I going to do after this? My floor is cluttered with tree decorations...we've been working on it for 2 days now, but... no spirit. Downsizing. I have no need for 3 tubs of decorations. No need for many of this stuff anymore. I am a giver... so I shall do my best to give a lot of this stuff away. My belongings as well as my parent's. They don't need or want it ... Dad isn't here... why am I hanging onto this stuff? Dad used to love to pull out his odd and unusual finds.... we, as kids loved it. Now it seems to be ... too much :( I hope dad understands. Time for change.

Susan, those bathroom rituals are going to get worse. Dementia peeps "forget" basic training. Tissue? Wipe my butt? Sadly that, in my experience was the first to go. This is going to sound a bit crude BUT ( no pun intended) you have a cat, right?...dog?... they don't wipe their butt's and we accept them, cuddle them and they sleep in our bed. Gross, right? My p/t carer is getting mom a "heated" baby butt wipe contraption for Christmas. She won't use it, but I will (for her). Guess I'm saying... pick those battles now, they do get worse. As they get older they don't need to shower as often... thin skin, non sweating and so on... not to mention the dreaded cold/flu!

I'm babbling... wishing she would get sleepy, she won't... my fault, I let her snooze since she wasn't feeling well. Sigh. Wahhh.... small pity party :(

I wish I knew just where the hell she wanted to go... God knows I'd take her. Alas, she just marches on with her own infinite pacing abilities that leave me gobsmacked. Bless her heart. Guess me and the pooches will curl up on the couch and keep her company? wahhh...

Ohhhhhhhhhh..........yes, back to downsizing. My New Year's resolution.
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herbalizer - thanks for the info. Yes, I'm sure part of it is a control issue, but more of it is just that she doesn't WANT to do anything because she is in the early stages of dementia and just forgets that she has to go until it's too late, and she takes offense to me telling her to go to the bathroom, shower, etc when she doesn't want to. Her response in the past when I've asked her why just getting up to go to the bathroom on a regular basis is such an issue? "Because I'm LAZY, OK?!?" - said with great emphasis on "lazy".

I really think it's more that she simply doesn't care and doesn't want to do these things, and before I moved in, she *wasn't* doing them - wasn't showering, wasn't washing, wasn't wearing incontinence pads, etc. (You can imagine how the house smelled - it's much better now.) She wasn't doing dishes, laundry or housework, either - she made Dad do it all, and he was in a wheelchair. (That's a long story, but I suspect that was her punishment for his past wrongs.) I've been here for over 2 years now, and it's still an issue. I don't expect it to get better - I really think it's just part of the dementia issue. It will only get worse. All I can do is roll with it. Some days are just worse than others. Yesterday wasn't too bad. Today...well, not so great. At the very least, she didn't fight me on the shower - she even let me hose off her bottom with the hand-held shower. I set it on the hard spray setting and let her have it, which made her giggle, and I teased her about it being a super-powered bidet. LOL (You gotta laugh at these things....)
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Or does she have afib where they stop then restart the heart? You probably have it written somewhere, but I can't find it.
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Does she have a pacemaker? I wondered about the resetting her heart rate.
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Jessebelle I called the nurse monitoring her vitals. And asked why does she keep calling when moms heart rate is 115. I keep asking her what am I supposed to do about it. She never tells me my sis called and yelled at them and they called me and said they will reset the heart rate to only alert them if it's over 115. They are so frustrating. Her 02 stats are good. Thanks
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TryingToCope, I hope you can reschedule. Then you will have something to look forward to in the future. I'm just sorry it won't be your anniversary anymore. 22 years and counting. Happy anniversary!
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I am so depressed I can not stand it. I had a sitter lined up tonight so I could go out for a few hours with my husband. It is our wedding anniversary - 22 years married. Power went out at 3:30 and mom was so afraid I could not leave her with the sitter. This was the FIRST time I was going to get out with hubby alone in a LONG time and I needed the break so badly. Feel like the Gods are against me. Why oh why did I have to have to loose power and not get my tiny break? I needed tonight so badly! And the worse part is hubby doesn't even care .....but why should he? It is me that plays 24 hour nursemaid - me that never gets two seconds to herself. So tired i just want to crawl into bed and never get out again.
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@SusanA43: I wonder if your mom resents not being in control and not being in charge any more, so it's like a power struggle going on and she's trying to hang onto some sort of autonomy to show she still has the right to make her own choices instead of having them made for her. We used to see that alot in nursing homes and in home health care when the elderly were dealing with or living with their children.
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How awful to lose your job or have it discontinued. I feel very badly for all of you that had this very traumatic experience. I sure pray everyone will be able to get another job pronto. In our younger years, I recall my husband and I both lost jobs at different times around Christmas. For some reason, some companies let people go during the holiday season. Is that sadistic or what!
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veronica,
conversation jumps around . i read the posts about downsizing this am , worked for a couple of hours and came back with my thoughts on the subject . its a subject ive given a lot of thought to for years . meanwhile people go blind and their hearts blow . that doesnt alter my train of thought . im trying to sell miniature houses half buried in the earth .. ill do it too . monster homes in the uk are already losing value because of upkeep and heating - cooling costs . im 20 yrs ahead of my time and have known it for 20 yrs . affordable multigenerational dwellings can solve a lot of problems from income insecurity to elder care , even family provided child daycare ..
im a real one tracker is what im sayin .
oh well . read something useful from a former hepc sufferer today . she said that the quest for certainty keeps our minds in constant turmoil ( essentially ) . i can use that advice as im always trying to predict or manipulate the future . there arent any guarantees i should know that by now .
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Veronica there are 3480 comments on this thread?! 3481, now…

But I agree. Though, also, on the other hand, if five different people tell you the very same thing you start to feel they're onto something, no?
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I am going to whine about other posters.
These are the ones who do not read the answers people have already written. it must be very frustrating for the posters desperately seeking information to see a new answer and then read the same thing three posters back already suggested.
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What has me a bit puzzled is that at 94 with wet AMD, there's really no course of treatment for her. But I'm just getting up to speed on this particular ailment.
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Oh Mom.....(*sigh*)

She lays down for a nap. I tell her beforehand that she should go to the bathroom. She says she doesn't need to - and I remember that she went about an hour before this, so I let it go. She lays down, and proceeds to rub her legs together restlessly (a sure indicator that she DOES have to go), sigh, scratch herself and rub her legs together some more, until I'm ready to go insane from the sound of it.

I tell her she should get up and go to the bathroom. She says she doesn't need to, her legs are just restless. So I figure I'll just wait her out, because I can almost guarantee that's the problem. 2 minutes later, up she pops, and shuffles off to the bathroom. I don't say a word, but I'm in serious need of that "caregiver helmet" to protect my head as I beat it against my desk....

She didn't argue about showering today - she had a nasty dirty backside and she knew it. I got up to find a b.m. in the toilet with no paper...so she went at some point in the wee hours of the morning and didn't wipe herself - at all - AGAIN. At least I can be thankful she didn't argue about showering this time, because she knew she needed it. I can't even imagine how uncomfortable that must be. Ick.
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Linda - I think the every 6 month appt. for a disorder like Macular Degeneration is normal. I was advised I have the early signs of Glaucoma at my last eye appt. and that they'd want to see me every 6 months from here on out to keep an eye on it - so I'm sure it's probably the same for your Mom - they just want to keep tabs on it so they can change her course of treatment if it suddenly starts to get worse.
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ive been thinking today about the previous page of this thread -- downsizing . in the last 15 yrs since my divorce i think thats one thing ive gotten right . eventually , be it sons or even grandkids , im confident that my house upstairs ( 672 sq ft ) will be occupied by someone close enough to keep my old ass out of mischief and im happy to stay here in my 200 sq ft bunker . i had the chronic fatigue from hepc pushing me towards a more maintenance free lifestyle . theres no lawn just a small orchard and it should only be mowed about once a year . its still kinda freaky , feeling myself getting old but i feel like in ways i have made provisions for the inevitable slowdown in earning power that old age presents .
i help a lot of older people nowdays tune out old flower planters and things that they no longer have the energy to care for . so im sayin downsizing is akin to just detangling yourself from a lot of headache and expense .
theres no minimum monthly fee for electricity in our county anymore . i believe if that dull eyed renter didnt live upstairs i could keep the electricity in the 20 dollar a month range and i will burn tires before freezing to death -- thats historic fact ..
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Just learned Mom has an eye appt with retina doctor two days before Christmas. New to the whole macular degeneration thing - is it normal to have appts every 6 months? It's wet AMD in the right eye, the left eye is quite bad. I didn't think there was much they can do, except AREDS2 vitamins so I'm puzzled on the purpose of the frequent checkups.
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Did the nurse look at her oxygen saturation level, fligirl? Heart rate can go up and it can feel harder to breathe when the O2 levels are down in the blood. People can seem to care less as a person gets older. I do understand this. Usually the problems can't be fixed, only managed as they cause discomfort.

I know that I often do not seem to care as my mother is going through her list of ailments anytime I sit down. The truth is that I am overwhelmed and know that I can't fix any of it. For both my father and mother I had to come to a point of telling myself, "It's in God's hands." The only thing I can do is make them more comfortable in their last days.
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I don't know she is not gasping for air otherwise she would be at the er I just seem to get over worried ove everything
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Fligirl, if you're concerned, don't rely on the home health nurse - take Mom to the ER and get an EKG on her to be sure her heart is ok. Who is it that doesn't seem to care?
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My whine today is that I can tell she does not feel well and the home health nurse is concerned about her heart rate being over 100. Yesterday and today mom has been getting out of breath easier and I am concerned and nobody seems to care
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