I'm tired of cooking/preparing 3 meals a day. It's just the two of us but boy oh boy can that woman eat!! She stays slimish, I get fattish. It's bad enough I do everything here much less start making her one thing and me the other. At times I feel guilty when I buy her fast food cuz of the nutritional value....not to mention I eat it too.
Of course in the olden days, with that sort of day, you could just think bugger it I'm going to the pub. What do we do now? Remind ourselves that tomorrow is another day..?
Also on the "hating everything" today. I'm sure I'll be fine by tomorrow, but today - not on your life. I have a list of things I need to do as long as my arm and not one of them includes anything for ME. Am I having a pity party? Yes, I probably am, but at the moment, I don't care. I know I put myself in this caregiving position with Mom - but it's who I am - if something needs to be done, I jump in and do it, regardless of the sh*tstorm it causes in my own life. I've always been this way. Some days I wish to God I could be as selfish and self-serving as some of my relatives and just drop by now and then to visit Mom and not have to worry about her bathroom needs, her dirty laundry, her meals, cleaning up after her, reminding her to put on an incontinence pad - and now, a new thing - HOW to put on clothes and in what order. It must be nice to have the luxury of just going where you want, when you want, not having to worry about whether or not you'll find Mom on the floor when you get back from a quick trip to the store!
Sorry folks. I'm not a happy person today. I appreciate the listening ear and forgive me for complaining so much. It's just getting to me lately.
As I sit here reading, listening to mom asking me for the hundredth time, to please take her home, got me wondering or pondering once again, what in the hell am I going to do after this? My floor is cluttered with tree decorations...we've been working on it for 2 days now, but... no spirit. Downsizing. I have no need for 3 tubs of decorations. No need for many of this stuff anymore. I am a giver... so I shall do my best to give a lot of this stuff away. My belongings as well as my parent's. They don't need or want it ... Dad isn't here... why am I hanging onto this stuff? Dad used to love to pull out his odd and unusual finds.... we, as kids loved it. Now it seems to be ... too much :( I hope dad understands. Time for change.
Susan, those bathroom rituals are going to get worse. Dementia peeps "forget" basic training. Tissue? Wipe my butt? Sadly that, in my experience was the first to go. This is going to sound a bit crude BUT ( no pun intended) you have a cat, right?...dog?... they don't wipe their butt's and we accept them, cuddle them and they sleep in our bed. Gross, right? My p/t carer is getting mom a "heated" baby butt wipe contraption for Christmas. She won't use it, but I will (for her). Guess I'm saying... pick those battles now, they do get worse. As they get older they don't need to shower as often... thin skin, non sweating and so on... not to mention the dreaded cold/flu!
I'm babbling... wishing she would get sleepy, she won't... my fault, I let her snooze since she wasn't feeling well. Sigh. Wahhh.... small pity party :(
I wish I knew just where the hell she wanted to go... God knows I'd take her. Alas, she just marches on with her own infinite pacing abilities that leave me gobsmacked. Bless her heart. Guess me and the pooches will curl up on the couch and keep her company? wahhh...
Ohhhhhhhhhh..........yes, back to downsizing. My New Year's resolution.
I really think it's more that she simply doesn't care and doesn't want to do these things, and before I moved in, she *wasn't* doing them - wasn't showering, wasn't washing, wasn't wearing incontinence pads, etc. (You can imagine how the house smelled - it's much better now.) She wasn't doing dishes, laundry or housework, either - she made Dad do it all, and he was in a wheelchair. (That's a long story, but I suspect that was her punishment for his past wrongs.) I've been here for over 2 years now, and it's still an issue. I don't expect it to get better - I really think it's just part of the dementia issue. It will only get worse. All I can do is roll with it. Some days are just worse than others. Yesterday wasn't too bad. Today...well, not so great. At the very least, she didn't fight me on the shower - she even let me hose off her bottom with the hand-held shower. I set it on the hard spray setting and let her have it, which made her giggle, and I teased her about it being a super-powered bidet. LOL (You gotta laugh at these things....)
conversation jumps around . i read the posts about downsizing this am , worked for a couple of hours and came back with my thoughts on the subject . its a subject ive given a lot of thought to for years . meanwhile people go blind and their hearts blow . that doesnt alter my train of thought . im trying to sell miniature houses half buried in the earth .. ill do it too . monster homes in the uk are already losing value because of upkeep and heating - cooling costs . im 20 yrs ahead of my time and have known it for 20 yrs . affordable multigenerational dwellings can solve a lot of problems from income insecurity to elder care , even family provided child daycare ..
im a real one tracker is what im sayin .
oh well . read something useful from a former hepc sufferer today . she said that the quest for certainty keeps our minds in constant turmoil ( essentially ) . i can use that advice as im always trying to predict or manipulate the future . there arent any guarantees i should know that by now .
But I agree. Though, also, on the other hand, if five different people tell you the very same thing you start to feel they're onto something, no?
These are the ones who do not read the answers people have already written. it must be very frustrating for the posters desperately seeking information to see a new answer and then read the same thing three posters back already suggested.
She lays down for a nap. I tell her beforehand that she should go to the bathroom. She says she doesn't need to - and I remember that she went about an hour before this, so I let it go. She lays down, and proceeds to rub her legs together restlessly (a sure indicator that she DOES have to go), sigh, scratch herself and rub her legs together some more, until I'm ready to go insane from the sound of it.
I tell her she should get up and go to the bathroom. She says she doesn't need to, her legs are just restless. So I figure I'll just wait her out, because I can almost guarantee that's the problem. 2 minutes later, up she pops, and shuffles off to the bathroom. I don't say a word, but I'm in serious need of that "caregiver helmet" to protect my head as I beat it against my desk....
She didn't argue about showering today - she had a nasty dirty backside and she knew it. I got up to find a b.m. in the toilet with no paper...so she went at some point in the wee hours of the morning and didn't wipe herself - at all - AGAIN. At least I can be thankful she didn't argue about showering this time, because she knew she needed it. I can't even imagine how uncomfortable that must be. Ick.
i help a lot of older people nowdays tune out old flower planters and things that they no longer have the energy to care for . so im sayin downsizing is akin to just detangling yourself from a lot of headache and expense .
theres no minimum monthly fee for electricity in our county anymore . i believe if that dull eyed renter didnt live upstairs i could keep the electricity in the 20 dollar a month range and i will burn tires before freezing to death -- thats historic fact ..
I know that I often do not seem to care as my mother is going through her list of ailments anytime I sit down. The truth is that I am overwhelmed and know that I can't fix any of it. For both my father and mother I had to come to a point of telling myself, "It's in God's hands." The only thing I can do is make them more comfortable in their last days.