I'm tired of cooking/preparing 3 meals a day. It's just the two of us but boy oh boy can that woman eat!! She stays slimish, I get fattish. It's bad enough I do everything here much less start making her one thing and me the other. At times I feel guilty when I buy her fast food cuz of the nutritional value....not to mention I eat it too.
Jesse, you asked what was worse... wishing someone was totally ill or totally better. It all seems to fit. Would you like someone totally sane or totally insane. In our case... it really doesn't matter.
You should just shove your backroom into my garage (it's where I shove everything) who cares? I, like you, used to care... not anymore. I am starting to care more about myself. If someone doesn't like my messy garage, by all means clean it.
My mother's disease and this situation got me down so low last winter I never thought I could take another one, yet here I am. Most of what I do right now, is for my own sanity. I think it was pamstegman that said... the good thing about AD/Dementia is they don't realize certain thing. At first I was offended... I thought, hey, mom may not know but I do!.... guess what.... she doesn't know, I do ... I gave myself the gift of "being ok" with it all.
Tomorrow may not be so good... today wasn't a picnic, but at least... well, with so much going on in the world, I don't have it that damn bad and mom has no idea... her lectric blankie is heating and hopefully soon the snoring begins.
I refuse to let myself check out so early in life.
Getting out does help, but it takes away from working. I get caught up thinking I need to get out and I need to work. And I need to rake leaves and go to the store. And the bathroom and kitchen need cleaning. And her room is a wreck. And forget about that horrendous back room that is like a huge closet packed with racks and racks of old clothes. There is so much to do and I am just one person. I have to say it was wonderful to call in the plumber today, instead of doing the work myself. It was expensive, but worth it. He did in a few minutes what would have taken me hours to do.
My father had what we would now call Asperger's. He spent the last 20 years of his life sitting in a chair looking out the window. He was a good man, but grew increasingly autistic as he aged. He stopped taking care of himself, so we had to make him. It was like watching him decompose in place. I did what I could to help him stay as clean and healthy as possible, but really he died many years before he stopped breathing. Now I see my mother doing the same thing, except that her window is the TV screen. She takes an antidepressant, but it hasn't made any difference. It isn't depression. It is more like a checking out of life.
As I was typing this, I thought about how amazing we caregivers are. We deal with things that no one should really have to.
Jesse, since your mother is somewhat ok to be left alone, why can't you go out and do other things? I am sure there are a lot of animal rescue's that would love a caring person to come in and scratch some lonely chins :))) now that, is my dream job :)
What happens after this phase? no.... don't tell me, I like surprises. I like Netflix, Hulu and LOVE Iron Chef... why? who knows... maybe another person/entity for mom to talk to? Either way.... I only WISH mom would watch tv vs carry on a conversation with it. So much for HIGH DEF! LOL!!! hahaha... I crack me up!
For the record, I do not yell at my mother, scold her or mistreat her... I do try and redirect her but that is not always a winning situation. There are many times when it's best she just do her own thing while I watch her ( with my mouth hanging open). However, is she taps the back of my head ONE MORE TIME, I might have to break out my squirt guns! hate that.... grrrr drives my batty and I do believe, mother dear knows this.
Toomuch, I know how hard it is to concentrate on a job at home. My work requires that I have the muse with me. There is nothing like caregiving to chase that muse away. I have a feeling my muse is probably laying outside somewhere looking like she has been beat with a bat. Working from home is difficult when there is stress and depression all about. I feel bad for the poor muse. I need to find and nurse her back to health.
glad, I know what you mean about the TV. This is my mother's house. It is her living room, her kitchen, her TV, etc. I long ago gave up trying to watch anything on her TV. It's game shows and the Waltons all day. At least the Waltons is good. I watch TV on my computer each night before I go to bed. My computer lets me keep up with Revenge, The Good Wife, Grey's Anatomy, and Parenthood. What would I do without it? I love Netflix and Hulu.
Not just for me to hear, but her p/t carer, the FedEx guy, the dogs... oh and me a thousand more times as she does her marathon pacing. Luckily she stuffed her mouth full of Orange Chicken for 5 minutes to give me a break.
Oh... got a tree today. Why again? Oh yeah, so she could tell the pretty lights to "just kill me". Wasn't enough she told the weatherman 20 times on the TV.
Tried to get her to participate in stringing lights on the tree. Hell no.
Some days there is no such thing as re-directing.... her agitation wins.
I am sick and tired of ALWAYS watching what he wants to watch on tv. Then when the show he wants to watch is over says "I didn't get much out of that!"
Wondering about dementia setting in on him now. And for not getting much out of something, it sure has be turned up loud!
Guess I need to shell out about $60 to get enough to keep enough on hand.
One sis doesn't call to check on mom at all, sees her 1x per month when she's in town for a few days, doesn't bother to ask me how she's doing, etc. The other asks all the time how things are going, but I'm tired of telling her the same things over and over. What good does it do? It's not going to change anything. All she says is "oh, that must be so hard on you. I'm sorry you have to go through that. I'll pray for you." I know they don't have time to help with mom, and don't really *want* to help, but dammit...I'm SO tired and frustrated here lately. Mom resists the idea of having someone she doesn't know come in and take care of her when I have to be gone for a few days, but that's what it's coming to - she can't possibly stay alone with someone just checking on her a couple of times a day. Not anymore. So that's another expense I get to absorb. Gee, maybe I can start working 80-90 hours a week instead of 60.
FF and Judda, I think we need to invest in the helmet company....I'd like mine in pretty pink with purple polka dots with a little propeller on top, please. Maybe with a wine bottle holster on the side with one of those straws that reaches down to my mouth.
I'm not sure I will survive.... Judda, I will wrestle you for that helmet :P
Then finally the doctor: Mom doesn't want me in there with him. Doctor calls me in after a half hour. His assesment: He didn't take a blood test because they did all the blood tests a week ago. No she doesn't really have low blood sugar. "Eat all the candy and sweets you want." he told her. My mouth is hanging open. This is a doctor? I asked, "Does Mom have a dropped uterus or a dropped bladder?" He didn't know. I asked him, "Does the dropped whatever have these effects that she is complaining about." He says, "It has nothing to do with her complaints."
I am thinking: Right, parts of your body have nothing to do with the whole body.
We leave and Mom says, "oh I like him, I feel so much better."
Snap shot of "healthcare" in America. I understand why Michael Moore called his documentary, "Sicko".
So I guess my mother's doctor wants to see my mother eat sweets and become a diabetic so that he can "treat" her?
I wasted an afternoon, yet again. Next time Mom has those complaints I am NOT GOING TO RESCUE HER. Screw that. I'll just say, "Eat some sweets Mom. That's what your doctor said."
ugh. Pass the caregiver helmet please!!
For me, my position was eliminated from the company where I worked outside of the home.... I had been taking time off to run both my parents to doctors, physical therapy, anything that required a 9 to 5 appointment, plus my own appointments. I had used up all my vacation days, all my sick days, then was taking days off without pay. Thus, my work was being divvied out to other employees, and lo and behold, headquarters decided my job wasn't needed any more :(
If only I had a crystal ball to see into the future, I would have told my parents *no* more often when they asked to be driven somewhere.
My mother is not infirm or incapacitated to the point of not being able to get in the tub. She is not afraid of the water, as others have mentioned sometimes happens with dementia. She is not so far into her dementia that she doesn't recognize the need to shower regularly. She simply won't do it until someone (me) MAKES her do it.
Ok...rant over. Sorry, it's the same old rant I seem to post all the time, but it's the one thing that drives me batty about caregiving for Mom. It's like she'd be totally happy sitting in urine-soaked and stained clothes for weeks at a time until SHE decides it's time to shower.
Now I got to get my parents back into the attorney. Yikes I just re-read their old but current Will, and they had 5% of estate to various siblings, in-laws and if those siblings, in-laws had passed on then to their heirs.... gulp, that would also mean that all those relatives would own 5% of my parent's house. Imagine if one or two of the heirs didn't want to sell the house :P