My "whine moment today." What's yours?

FreqFlyer, best wishes on a quick, trouble-free surgery and recovery! Keep us posted when you can, hun.

Made it through the family Christmas party relatively unscathed, traded barbs with the one relative that I *really* don't get along with, but managed to do it with good humor for the most part. Good thing she only shows up about once a year. I host the party every year, so that day was stressful as far as prep, etc, but the party went off without a hitch and everyone enjoyed the games, etc. Did new games this year, and they were a hit.

Spent 2 days prepping for the party and not doing *anything* around the house, so now I have to catch up on housework and such. Mom had a couple of accidents during the party and resisted going to the bathroom when I asked, but when I insisted, she would go - but everyone at the party looked at me like I had 2 heads and I'm sure they were wondering why I was doing that....they just don't know. Brother and my one sis that were there definitely understand though, so that's ok. Everyone else either doesn't *want* to know, or doesn't care.

Started getting the tree up here at home today, water softener guy came to deliver salt, dishes are not done, floors are not clean, laundry is only half-done, Mom's bedding and chair pads all need to be washed again, and I need to order more chair pads, because she's going through them faster than I can keep up with in terms of laundry. She has a set of 3 of the fabric chair pads with the waterproof backing, and that worked for a while, but now it's gone beyond that, so I guess I need to get more. On top of that, I normally pay the bills on the 3rd - but somehow it got to be the 8th and I still haven't paid them. Whoops. (They're not late yet or anything, but it throws me off my game not to pay them the same time every month, like Dad always did. Gives me the guilts.)

Onwards and upwards....

I don't think anyone will disagree with you Cap..... women are more focused and attentive. I bet Heather loves dogs also :)

freq,
kidney stones sound like a real b*tch . wishin you the best of good luck in surgery and recovery .
i dont have much fuss today . ended up getting in 5 . 5 hrs of wood cutting with my helper heather and tho it dont pay much were still tickled to have something to do till the stonework starts . heather spent about the last 17 yrs in professional elder care and for various reasons ( sh*tty pay for one ) she dont care to get back into it and prefers working with me in masonry . im old , i need help , she is great with instructions and if shes crazy enough to stick with me by god ill try to work her and help her stay current with the tax man . ive worked men and women over the years and i kid you not the women are more attentive to detail and ALWAYS more focused . im lucky to have her right now . s*it is fixin to get real with a 5 k sq ft home to stone and brick , outdoor landscaping to do and probably indoor tile work .

Oh TTC, I would pack mom up in a heartbeat and drop her on Sister's doorstep. Let them figure it out together. Seriously. Don't threaten it, just do it.

My whine moment today is that my 85 year old mom with dementia who lives with me "tells on me" to one of my sisters every time she THINKS I did something wrong. My sister - who only sees mom on an average of once a month - always takes what mom says at face value refusing to understand that mom's telling of a situation is often VERY FAR from what really happened. This sisters verbally attacks me, bullies me and tries to control every single aspect of my life. I am at witts end with this sister and am one attack away from telling her that since she feels she could be a better caregiver for mom, I am packing ma up and will be at her house with ma in two hours. I really do not want to do that because I know my sister also bullies my mother and I really question the care she would get there. But I can't get this sister to SHUT UP and BACK OFF and it is making an already hard situation harder on me.

Texarkana, sorry I had to giggle when you called your Mom, Lady Astor :)

We are also Christmas treeless this year... I will be heading into surgery later this week [massive kidney stone, how the heck did that happen???] so I have too much on my plate to deal with a tree. But I might put bulbs on a very old live Fichus indoor tree that is on its last legs or bark... I have some 60+ year old snowball lights that my parents had when I was a kid.

Is there any way of blocking those news shows, like cable *parent control*... just tell your Mom those news shows went off the air [the news is all the same, just the names and places have changed]... set the TV for just ME-TV and Turner Classic Movies, oops we are now back in the 1960's and 1970's with good old Andy Griffith, Bonanza, etc. ;P

Also,if you didn't know my mother,if you met her when she wasn't getting her way she would make you think she was the"prisoner of Zenda" and that you were some kind of horrible human for not meeting her needs immediately,and that you should be able to control the weather.

First, Lady Astor isn't banished to her bedroom.She is not a prisoner and I am not a warden.If anybody is a prisoner it's me. My husband hides out near the kitchen and his computer and the only time she "bothers" him is to tell him what she wants to eat and he cooks exactly what she wants,made to order. Hah,! even now I heard her yell out to me husband "If you see (my name) tell her I need...) whatever,it's always something.Oh and by the way, she has an 11ft.by 11ft. area in my basement where she has a 50inch TV(her second one, the other in her bedroom)outdoor rug to cover above area, 2 long tables for all her art supplies and painting, a lounge chair,bookcases for her art books , a twinsize bed to lay on,also she can step out onto a patio and sit on her bench while she lets her dogs out into the fenced yard.I guess the use of the word banished riles me a little because I feel like I have been banished in my own house.I make sure she gets to go wherever she wants, I can't control the weather like yesterday,we must have gotten an inch of rain in a hour.I'm the one that made the initial contact with a local church when she first moved here to get her some socialization ,made a deal with my friend to take her shopping and out to eat, also made contact with local art council so now she has some paint classes to go to in Jan., she is hardly banished from anywhere.

Tex could you put a door on your den with a lock on it? Do you also have a living room where she could sit and not be banished to her bedroom? Where does your husband hide?

Tex, I know that feeling - it's like being always lonely but never alone. I don't know how to shake it or I'd share. Hugs to you.

I do try not to hide. I mean, I do hide - I tuck myself away upstairs where she can never go - but then I think this is ridiculous! There is so much I should be doing and want to do, and I'm curled up in my room dodging… what? My mother annoying me? But she'll annoy me whether I'm up here or downstairs - what's the odds?

So I'm doing Christmas decorations anyway and if she doesn't like them - or more to the point doesn't notice them - too bad. It doesn't change how she is if I don't do it, and this way at least I get a Christmassy house out of it.

The negativity does drag you down, I know. Hugs again.

Just my whine/vent of the morning,again I apologize to those I know have it much worse than me. As I lay in bed this morning hiding in my bedroom, I suddenly realized this will be the 2nd Christmas I haven't put up a tree, now in yr.3 of mom living with me. I think it is because I no longer sit in my den, in fact I can't remember the last time I just sat in my couch and enjoyed my sunny den and I think it is because when my mother first moved in she just took over my den and TV, I couldn't move anywhere in the house she couldn't see me, it was like her command post, and then the comments, and the orders would start. See for me as long as I am out of sight I have some peace and she seems to have no ailments, I appear and suddenly she has health problems.Finally, one day she did something to the TV remote and refused to sit in the den until it was fixed. I told my husband I would divorce him if he fixed the remote.Finally, I could at least walk out of my bedroom and not see HER in the recliner at the end of the hall first thing in the morning(and FOX news was ALWAYS on) I could just see the morning's first complaints and orders on her face,what a great way to start the day.Now she no longer awaits my slinking out of my bedroom as she holds court in the den,my husband left the remote alone.Oh and by the way she still has a 50inch TV in her room(which is always on FOX).I miss my den, I miss having a tree, but what is the use because I hide in my bedroom and would never see it.I really never liked my NPD mom, from 1978 until Oct. of 2012 when she called my house screaming in pain I tried to have as little to do with her as possible,god I hated the holidays,forced socialization with her,I would volunteer to work others holiday shifts at the hospital just as an excuse not to be at home.I really do miss sitting in my den,quietly with the dogs, maybe an old movie on the TV, no one giving me orders ,saying what I should be doing,what I need to be doing for them,how bad they constantly feel,expecting me to entertain them,have I done this, have I done that,where is my such-n-such ,so on and so on forever amen.I remember her own mother one time literally telling her that the only reason she had her was so she would have someone to take care of her when she got old and this was on the way to an MD for herself.I guess I shouldn't be surprised that my mother is the way she is,this above mentioned episode made my mother cry and I did feel sorry for her, it was an ugly thing to say and worse was that my grandmother meant it.I don't believe that my mother and grandmother had a loving relationship, I never saw them so much as shake hands and just prior to my mother and father going to Hawaii I asked what she wanted me to do if "something" happened with her mother while she was gone and her reply was "don't call me".I was a little shocked,however, when my husband and I were on vacation and I called to say we had arrived safely the first thing out of her mouth was to announce that a favorite aunt of mine had died, gee thanks mom.I don't know if it's the holidays,or the fringes of possible dementia or just her basic personality at almost 79yrs. old but she seems to verbally express being depressed more(she is on 100mg Zoloft a day)these days,especially if she doesn't get her way immediately,apparently I make a poor servant.My therapist had warned me of possible behavior changes for the worse as I set boundaries on her behavior and stuck to them, she would pull out all the stops, she can change emotional modes like a chameleon to suit her purposes.So, how will I know if dementia sets in,how to see it from her usual nasty,manipulative behavior,her sense of entitlement? Gosh, I miss my den.

Agreed Cap! No need to make a HUGE dinner with all the fuss if no one is willing or able to help. I've heard it's about "family time", after all...

For $50.00 bucks or less you can buy 5 jars of spaghetti sauce, 5 packages of noodles, 3 lbs burger, 3 heads romaine lettuce, 2 jars of Caesar salad dressing, 3 loaves french bread, 50 paper plates, plastic knives, forks, spoons, solo cups, napkins and of course, a partridge in a pear tree.

CM ,
ive seen that spider web video . one time when i was 30 ish the ex and i done some brickwork on the back of the house one saturday . in checking it out sunday morning i commented that i must have been pretty schnocked then realized " oh yea , the pint of 151 " .
another time i was cutting firewood with my boss and the ex brought me a fifth of brandy . she wryly told " bill " that wed better get on with the woodcutting because he had 2 good hours out of me . i was never a mean drinker but ill bet i was an annoying sob .
herbalizer,
you dont have to comply with those silly holiday traditions . my mother and aunt both were / are stone cold realists . in their later years they considered holidays to be about 50 shades of childish . i plan to send my grandkids maybe 20 bucks each again pretty soon but ill make sure it doesnt coincide with any particular hallmark holiday . it will just be because im thinking about them and want them to treat themselves to something they want or need . a holiday meal together is cool i guess but it dont have to be traditional fare . if they lived closer id cook em up some wooping crane or african endangered rhino .

Captain don't let your house spiders drink coffee! The poor little thing will be freaking out for a decade. For a giggle, google spiders on drugs and see what happens to their webs when they've been indulging.

My whine moment today is that I dropped my dinner. Literally. The plate slipped from my hands, I'd only made enough for two, and try as I might I could not work out how it was G's fault that I had somehow failed to get the plate from counter to tray without making a hash of it. So he got the delicately spiced chicken curry and I got leftovers and a kitchen floor to clean up :(

Tex if she has diabetes she may qualify for custom shoes from the podiatrist When ours was trimming dads toes the last time I mentioned his diabetes.. she perked right up and told us about this. She called his dr, and we now qualify for a new pair every year. They custom fit them. and they come with insoles you change every 3 months. Lots of styles to pick from, and no charge to Dad. Just a thought?

I resent being made to feel guilty for being tired and unable to cope with everything. I resent no one wanting to at least be sympathetic and pitching in--expecting me to still do it all when my husband is under the weather and can't help. I have medical problems too, but due to no insurance for me, I can't get my knees looked at or my heart fluttering looked at or my shoulder impingement fixed. My arms and hands spasm and are very painful. Hurts to walk even short distances. Try using a crutch or cane but then I can't carry anything. Wish we were like bears and could hibernate.

I'd like to whine--just this once? This week? I'm tired of being 'the strong one' and holding/propping everyone else up day after day, month after month, year after year with no break from anyone else willing to be the prop so I could lean just for maybe a day or two. Tired of trying to tug everyone up the hill. I'm tired and starting to lose my grip because I'm slipping too and have no one to haul me up the hill. If I dare complain, then everyone's miffed and I'm made to feel guilty. After all, I'M not the 'sick one'. Secretly sometimes I wish I WAS just so I could rest and let everyone else carry the load for awhile. Stuck putting up xmas decorations I don't feel like putting up for a houseful of company coming out of town for xmas that just lay around expecting me to wait on them and everyone else--even though I'm the second oldest one. My dil refuses to lift a finger and worse, they always stay for DAYS and DAYS of laying around with me, my husband and oldest daughter waiting on them. You ask them to carry their plate to the sink and the dil and her kids act real put out. My son doesn't see it but when I pleaded for help, he felt bad and said he would--all I have to do is ask him. Hopefully he's going to this year. Have tried asking, pleading for help from others, but still waiting for THAT to happen. My daughter's in the kitchen trashing it as usual and then refuses to clean up after herself. I tell her I and her dad both cook and clean up when we're done, but NOT HER. She never used to be like this. The head injuries have changed her into a very selfish foul speaking person. I long for the old her. My husband's BG won't come down no matter what we do and he was watching his carbs. So he's out for the count and can't help. I wonder if he's dehydrated or stressed. That would explain why it won't come down....tired of always trying to fix everything. I feel like I'm suffering from battle fatigue. Have no support group or family that support me. They say they're sorry I'm so stressed, but right now, the main focus is my husband and I'm just going to have to tough it out. I did--for the first five years. I'm just so tired.

im thawing out some frozen spotted owl to fry for dinner . that or i just like to aggravate the federal govt and its really chicken .

i saw a spider the other day ankle deep in my leftover iced coffee getting himself a drink . thats ok as long as he retreats back to our agree upon 40 inch perimeter personal space . any closer to me than that and he becomes an example to all his buds egging him on . no need to have complicated peace accords if theres no enforcement . trust but verify , etc .
heather and i went out to cut wood today but a steady 15 mph wind sent us scampering home like bullied schoolkids . that forest has been there for 350 million years . itll still be there in the springtime .

Tex use a hair dryer on her feet and toes to dry them out. Oddly in the winter my feet may sweat so I use a hair dryer on them after showering. It's like my feet get cold then clammy they they sweat to warm up-haha! Also consider moisture wicking athletic socks as they do work as promised.

Tex I am considering having my second toe amputated. The Podiatrist would do it under local. She gave me pad with strap to hold if off the big toe but the second still gets corns that hurt. She advised against a bunionectomy because if have to be non weight bearing for 12 weeks. i stopped going to her because I still can reach my toes and I felt she cut the nails too short and I wasn't certain her instruments were sterilized. As far as shoes are concerned i always choose a wide fit and a lace up. Sometimes I buy men's sneakers because they are wider. I have also developed neuropathy in both feet for some unknown reason. seen the neurologist etc. Stand firm with Mom it is your only choice.

FF I think that was Capt's Mom

captain, regarding the spiders... I remember someone had written on these forums that her Mom didn't want her to take down the cobwebs, her mother said "everyone needs a home* :)

Actually the toe talk went well. However, it is VERY rainy here today, pools of water standing in the yard.Now she is all pissy because I won't take her downstairs to her art studio,would involve having to walk through some pools of water,no way just after a bath and cleaning her toes and applying powder,not to mention the fall risk.Also pissy because I won't take her to hairdressers today because of the rain, the area she would have to walk through to get to the stairs of the place is full of areas that collect water on a day like this.Again, pissy because she knows I am going to walmart today for my eye exam,(I am fairly sure my eyesight is going bad again).Also pissy because I won't take her down the 2 flight of stairs to the basement where her art area is ,tried to explain it is just to big a fall risk,I can't catch her and just because there is a bannister doesn't mean it will prevent a fall, her shoulders are messed us and she couldn't hold herself up even holding on to a bannister, I can't win. So now she sits in her beautifully decorated(I have been told this by several visitors) with her 50inch screen TV and Dish satellite,her 2 freshly washed dogs and being pissy.I have encouraged her to call at least 2 people that would love to have someone call them, she has her own Verizon cell phone.Also encouraged her to call shut in members of her Sunday school(she is such a big Christian, on a sunny day).She is NPD big time,I know so many on these forums would love to have her circumstances and she wants to sit in her "golden cage" and have a pity party.No ,everybody doesn't always get what they want when they want it, no one does regardless of age or circumstances, that's life.I am tired of trying to understand all the time(she doesn't have dementia just a BIG sense of self).Selfish isn't living like you want to, selfish is wanting other people to live like you(I think I quoted that right from Oscar Wilde).

texarkana, some of the pedicure places can do all the wrong things from what I've read. They use instruments they shouldn't use. They push at cuticles -- a no no for feet, since it introduces infection to the nail bed. They use orange sticks on the sides. A lot of their instruments aren't sanitized. I agree that a podiatrist is the only one who should work with elderly feet.

I wish older people could wear sandals, but the support is not good enough. It sounds like your mother could use special-made shoes that would encourage her toes to spread more. I wonder if there is some scent that could be put on the wool to keep the dog from eating it if it fell on the floor. Maybe a good compromise would be to use toilet tissue, since it would break down if the dog ate it. Maybe take a long piece and fold it lengthwise, then lace it between the toes to absorb moisture and cut down on abrasion? I don't know if that would do any good or just make it worse.

I know this is a petty complaint,really just whining/venting. Mother's toes,oh the toes.Why back in the 60's she thought she could put her heifer feet in those little pointed high heels? It was like foot binding and now she and I are paying the price.I am glad I was never a slave to fashion. Got through one bunionectomy this summer because of recurrent foot infections now it has started again. Her toes on the right foot are just entwined with each other and every step she takes just grindes them together and the skin starts to breakdown and then the infection starts. I don't know if I posted but this last episode she tried to hide from me and I just did notice dry betadine on her right leg and after some tense interrogation got the whole story of her trying to treat this one herself,immediately took her to a doc in the box as this was a Sat. afternoon I find this out,started antibiotics. Saw podiatrist yesterday and infection has cleared for now but I know it will be back, he doesn't want to surgically intervene again because her last surgery she got an infection but that was only because she tricked my friend into taking her down to her basement/art studio where she had been told by the MD not to go. I want them amputated, I know that sounds harsh, and they aren't my toes, but now if she is going to start lying by omission she is going to lose more than toes.Today I am going to have to confront/plead with her about no more pedicures. The place I take her to /I also go has given me a fungal infection in both my feet and I will no longer go there. I knew I was playing with fire, those nail places are notorious for this kind of thing.She is in more danger than me due to age and the way her feet are.I am just thinking how can I present this to her this morning without a fight, get her to see I am not trying to "bully" her (her words) every time I tell her something is bad for her.The podiatrist wants to use lamb's wool between her toes, great, one more thing for me to try to keep her yorkie from eating, I can already see the bowel obstruction in a 4lb. dog from eating all the pieces of lamb's wool that will be on the floor. Today will be bathday,good time to start letting her know that if she doesn't want surgery more foot care on her part will be necessary. Bath time will take longer as I will have to make sure all areas between toes are dry, this won't be easy, and I only have an antifungal powder to apply, this won't prevent bacteria. Seems everything antibacterial is greasy and would keep the area moist which is what I am trying to prevent. It wouldn't be so bad if it weren't for her behavior,she can be such a b*tch.I get tired of the constant resistance to common sense(she doesn't have dementia just a raving NPD).Well, thanks for listening,I know toes are a small battle but why does it always have to be a battle? Let you know what happens when I tell her I won't take her for pedicures anymore.I will for manicure, at least I can see her fingers but I know once I leave her at the place she will tell them to do a pedicure.Just feel like I am banging my head on a wall.

@veronica91.
thank you for asking. She will be checked on 2 times a day and i straightened it out with the nurses....it was a misunderstanding between her and I which is why she didn't come. We are thinking abour getting her a safety alarm...maybe something she can wear. She will also most likely start physical therapy next week so that means she wiĺl also be gone for a few hrs of the day. That, I hope will help her with her depression and regain her strength/muscles.
Fingers crossed
O

Good GRIEF Cap!! How in the world is anyone going to sleep now with visions of 50 beady eyeballs dancing in our heads?? YeeGads man!

after living thru a bed bug infestation at my moms house a couple of years ago i never plan to dust anything in my bunker . bed bugs and roaches cant live in fine dust . they have a waxy exoskeleton that malfunctions in the presence of dust . the plates dont close tightly and they die from dehydration . i dont tear down the spider webs either . i hate the flies moreso than the spiders . besides if i tore down all these spider webs id have about 50 pissed off , beady little sets of eyeballs staring directly at me . i try to get along with the spiders , i haveta sleep sometime and they know that i know that .

Veronica91, same here, what is dusting??? Now I just blow at the dust if I happen to see it.

When I am able to take out a new Swifter cloth, it only does one room before I need to get a new one. Oh well, the only people who visit my home are my parents and with their eyesight being so bad now, I really don't need to dust :P