My "whine moment today." What's yours?

Hello all ! I have not been on in a while and I guess that is a good thing. Less whining. Well I made one step toward bettering my situation. But I hope its not too little too late. Im now renting office space during my work hours. Im still close enough to the house that I can run home if need be and Im close to my children's school. Believe me I race out of the house every morning. Glad to escape. I have 24 hr access so I can go there anytime I want. My siblings thought I would work out of my sister's house. No way. She is very picky about her things. Spending Thanksgiving at her house was enough to send me out of there ready to scream because she follows behind me complaing if something spills and watching my every move.
This small move has me feeling better about myself. I get up and get dressed every day (not throw on bleach stained sweat pants). Its nice to see other people during the day. My father can rant about his bills and his health problems to the HHA. My only fear is that now that Im not at home during the day. He is too friendly with her once again. Acting as if she the woman in his life and therefore the woman in charge. I worry that he is giving her money etc. We hear of these situations taking place all the time and I know if Im not around, he is going to try to act like he is her "boyfriend"

Susan what's dusting?

CM makes me feel right at home to hear the dirt on John Major.

oj1977 have you figured out what will happen when Mom is not safe to be left alone all day?

SusanA43 Veronica91 and freqflyer. I understand what you are all saying but I dont have time in the morning anymore to do the compression socks and breakfast before work. Being a commuter makes my days very long and i have to leave the house extremely early ,before i was on sickleave as well as i cashed in some vacation days. Things go back to normal Tuesday and mom will be by herself and I will be back at work.
I appreciate you guys so much. And i do realize that this service is free but paid for by tax payers and that the nurse has other patients. I know.... i see it now when i read it over that it was more than a whine...it was a complaint and i apologize for that.

I'm not one for politics, so what I really got a kick out of here was CM's happiness over that missing sock. 4 years? If I had a spare sock that long, it would have long since been cut up for a dustrag. LOL (Cut open and turned inside out, they make a wonderful dustrag, with all that texture inside to catch dust! But obviously not a suitable use for holy ol' teenager sweatsocks. LOL)

Yep, Social Media is changing everything, some for the good others not so much.

From what I've read and in my limited mind capacity these days, it seems like AD, Parkinsons, Dementia, LBD and other related illness are the next BIG epidemic ...there are not many families who can say that somewhere in their tree limbs was not a person affected by one of these diseases....and I am not talking about a 100 years ago either.

JeanetteB, think we would have ever saw Mamie Eisenhower on the Chew or the View? Presidential candidate Richard Nixon was on Laugh-In, so that was the start of it all.

Now a days with social media it is so different, plus the First Ladies are now coming into their own and being heard. Gone are the days when the First Lady was only responsible for picking out the White House china pattern :P

Sadly not enough is being said or done out of the White House regarding dementia and Alzheimer's.... what gets me grumbling is that Laura Bush's father had Alzheimer's and it was on the table to start doing stem cell research to find a cure or a treatment but it needed funding, but there were more important issues to fund. And President Ronald Reagan diagnosed with Alzheimer's 5 years after he left office.

CM,
im getting a kick out of germany right now . theyve been imposing extreme austerity measures on southern europe but now that theyre economy has slowed theyre saying " oh man , we need stimulous / quantitive easing " . freakin italians are eating tree bark , ditto greece . germany is flippin out over the price of a beer . lol
saw aunt edna today . i guess she is now medicaide qualified and theyve already gotten her a lower wheelchair so her feet contact the floor and are putting her back into PT immediately . thats wonderful . shes in great spirits and being very well taken care of . come springtime ive got to find a way to get her out of there for some little truck rides . 8 months ago those rides were prescribed by her doc and endorsed by the nh . the best i can hope for is for pia to drop dead between now and springtime . i seriously couldnt care less . i was the worlds greatest guy for the year i took care of ednas meals and meds but one little bit of resistance and im the devil in disguise . everyone sees thru it and by its own non merit pia's hatefulness is doomed to eventual failure . i dont give up , i just back off to fight another day .
edna shoved their lunch aside today and ate my apple rice instead . im gonna fool her ( and those fn mice ) and make sweet rice with peanut butter . ive made it plenty of times . its delicious and packed with protein . yea i spent 2 bucks on a jar of peanut butter today . i wouldnt have to snap too many mouse heads to justify that cost .

That was such an awesome read CM!! I know it's not nice to post politics on this forum but... it's that bug in my butt's fault or maybe it's because my mom has started more unusual behavior that scares me... two days in a row now she's been uber anxious and for the 2nd time in over a year, has called my dad by name and well, see's him.

funny on the socks! it really should be the 8th wonder of the world... the missing sock

Jeanette, people don't get nearly cross enough about what politics costs. Or politicians, rather. Or, more accurately, the business of government in general. This is a non-partisan problem so I am making no comment on any incumbents on your side of the Atlantic or ours. But what does turn me into a swivel-eyed loon (as people of my anti-status quo persuasion were charmingly described by an MP recently) is the complete disconnect between what our lot think is a standard salary package for politicians and their entourages, and what they think is standard for everybody else (aka "punters" or "mugs" or "hard-working families" according to how close an election is). The honest ones - the *honest* ones - legitimately claim modest housing expenses for being in the capital if their constituency is a certain distance away. They're not doing anything wrong. But do you know of any other job where if you have to work far from your home you don't just have to move and like it? And they can claim back all directly related work expenses. We others can tell the tax people what we've paid for goods and services wholly and exclusively required for our work, and we don't pay tax on the amount we've had to spend. But is anyone paying for our stationery, and our staff, and our phone calls, and our fact-finding missions to the West Indies? Are they buggery. Just try swinging that idea past the Inland Revenue and see how far it gets you. I just look at all of them nowadays and think "and how much do YOU cost?" A plague on all of them.

The dishonest ones, by the way, thanks to an American lady journalist who did all the spadework on it but didn't get enough credit for me to remember her name, I hang my head, have not that long ago been sent to jail. Not for claiming for duck houses for their gardens, or having their moats cleared, or needing to equip their London apartments with an entire wedding gift list; those ones were just told not to do it again and in some cases not elected again. But for egregious, shameless and flagrant fraud, one or two of them were eventually prosecuted and convicted ("we find the accused... ***incredibly*** guilty!" as it goes at the end of 'The Producers.') And even then they still affected to feel aggrieved at how unfair it all was that they'd got caught.

And compared to the European Union, that's nothing! The EU hasn't even attempted to submit audited accounts for years. Seriously. Monitoring their own finances is permanently in the 'too difficult' tray. And when their head of audit complained, they solved it by sacking her. Seriously.

You'd have liked John Major's approach to communicating with the electorate. He literally took an old orange crate out and about with him and stood on it to talk to people. Meanwhile he was shagging the Secretary of State for Agriculture and lying through his teeth about it but we didn't know that then. And in my case would much prefer never to have had to hear about, either.

Heigh ho.

My rather odd whine moment for the day is that I have been going around all afternoon for a happy little smile on my face. For why? Because I have reunited a pair of socks, one of which has been pining for its partner in the odd sock box for a full four years. Heaven knows what the absentee has been up to, but suddenly there it was, in the wash. What I'm whining about is that this is my idea of perfect happiness nowadays - whatever happened to my daydreams of chic lunches and red carpets?

I know ff.... they do pay for most of their personal stuff, which is a tiny drop in the bucket. Guess I've got this bug in my butt seeing that FLOTUS is once again on "The Chew". Is this the "new normal" for the USA? Our President and his wife making the talk show rounds? Wonder how many millions was spent on providing protection so they can idly chit chat whilst others are worrying about finding good home care a few hours a week for our aging parent's whom have paid their dues. Grrr...

JeanetteB, I agree with you 100% about how the government can waste money, I also was thinking with the billions and billions spent on items I wouldn't have voted for in the first place, that money should go for 5-star elderly housing nationwide and finding the cures for those diseases that affect us the most.

Oh, as for the President and First Ladies, past and present, any vacations come out of their own pocket. We do pay the cost of them being protected 24 hours a day, doesn't matter if they are home in Washington, at their ranch, their summer home, or visiting the Grand Canyon. And Air Force One is the traveling Oval Office and a safe haven if something isn't quite right [like 09/11].

There are a lot of free or reduced rate services offered by your area's center for aging. Mom gets 9 free hours a week, granted, this is not for a nurse to stop by but if you look over the carer registry, it's possible to find a very well trained carer who can do almost everything! I would be absolutely lost without Lisa... she truly is gifted when it comes to the elderly.

I don't think ol1977 was so much "complaining" rather than just whining... when you're expecting a certain thing to happen at a certain time and it doesn't, well, it can make the best of us whine a bit.
Also, taxpayers.... ahh, don't get me started. Our parent's have and still do pay taxes, so no, not as if it free, rather than something they (and we) pay into for when the time comes when it's needed. Like "banking" it with hopes our Government doesn't spend it on preparing for a Zombie Apocalypse, partying like rock stars in Vegas and the list goes on forever. I bet if you take all the outright ridiculously frivolous money the Government spent, us Taxpayers could open up enough fully funded 5 star Elderly Resorts so our parent's could leave this life behind in style. Other Countries do it for their elders... why can't the Golden Country? Maybe curtail POTUS/FLOTUS to a "set" amount of taxpayers dollars rather than they willy nilly spend tens if not hundreds of millions of ... vacations.

I *wish* I could get a nurse to come by for free....I understand being upset that things didn't go as planned, but I'll be honest with you, I'm sure there are other patients on this nurse's list who are dying, or seriously ill and require far more care than the simple putting on of socks and a meal/med check. Maybe one of her charges passed away during the time she was there, or required transport to a hospital for a serious illness. Try to be a little more understanding of what is being provided for free, rather than getting the nurse in trouble for something that may not have been her fault. Maybe call the agency and inquire why it happened that way - they might be able to enlighten you.

oj1977 Why can't you take care of your mother's compression socks and see that she eats and takes her meds. Having a nurse is a very nice service so appreciate it instead of complaining. your mother's needs are low on the priority list for a home care nurse

oj1977, one has to realize that the service isn't really free.... it is paid for by the taxpayers.... don't get me wrong, I am glad such service is there but imagine if the taxpayers said enough is enough and the service was no longer available.

The homecare nurse usually has a lot of other patients he/she sees during the day... all it takes is one or two of the patients to need extra help which would put the nurse behind schedule. Try to give the nurse the benefit of the doubt. And with all this crazy weather, driving must be a bear for some of them.

My whine moment today is that the homecare nurse, who is supposed to come by 2 times yesterday only came by once in the morning. Yes this is a free service provided by the gov/municipality, but our agreement is for them to come in the morning around 9 to put on compression socks on my mom and to come bsck around 2 pm to make sure she has eaten and taken her meds.... yesterdays nurse was an hr an a half late and never came at 2. I only happened to be home, but what if it was a normal day and my mom was by herself?
So now I have to complain. That's unacceptable.

Ok rant over. Lol.

I hope.the rest of you are coping

retta,
that elder negativity is the hardest thing in the world to deal with . i dont know of any solution . depression is real and it primarily ( and negatively ) affects relationships . distraction is about the best you can hope for . one of my biggest regrets is not getting my mom out of the house enough . the last year of her life i took her to town for a sandwich every day and it really seemed to perk her up . a good geriatric doctor will tell you that the elderly need to get out as often as possible .
jeanette,
i just cant watch tv . havent had one for years . even the evening news is so hyped up it just boils my blood . 10 minutes of news spread out into two hours of blather .
i can speed read 5 international newspapers online in 45 minutes without one speck of noise or distraction . yea were precision bombing inside syria, putin is losing his a** on oil revenue , chinas workers are revolting for better working conditions , poland is screaming for nato protection , the uk is about to go up in flames over unchecked immigration , and here in the usa the federal govt is trying to reign in its mad dog police policies . i read all that without one d*m commercial and without seeing kim kardashians nasty looking shelf butt ..

Cap ol' buddy, you really need to write a memoir of your life, trials, tribulations and those wonderful accomplishments. You grandkids would love it!... h*ll, I'd love to read it :) leave the mice be.... there must be some good in them or else they would not still be here, right? (said from someone who doesn't have mice because their kitty kitty eats them or uses them as (cat)apults) ha!

Been battling a sinus infection for days now.... to lazy to make a doc appt cuz by the time they got me in it would be gone. Hate the headaches and sleepless nights though. I NEED a week of sleep.

I detest those darn chia pet commercials... that jingle just loops in my head all day!

I have been staying with my 87 yr old grandmother since February of this year....she needed help and I was in the best position to help . She has declined since February. My vent is her NEGATIVITY!!!! I am still able to go to work and leave her alone during the day but everything in her world is always negative.
her negativity and complaining have gotten me to the point to where I don't even want to be around her anymore.....sigh......I love her and I truly do want to be here and help her but I really need to know how to deal! I sometimes go for a bike ride and I thought about journaling again......how do others deal with constant negativity? What is your escape route?

i have mice and traps but i cant kill em cause im too cheap to buy peanut butter . sometimes i think the problem around here is ME , mr " i aintta payin it , let em keep it " ..
i did manage to block the bats from getting in here but that too was based on my fools economy . i busted my flyswatter killing a bat and so far i havent sprung for a new flyswatter . they cost a buck and i aintta payin it , let em keep it ..
reminds me of my mom and dad . when they were first married they each had a seperate string to pull to make their windshield wipers work . i asked dad once if he couldnt have just bought a wiper motor at a junkyard for a buck . he said " of course you could IF you had a buck " ..
im used to making the things i need , resorting to the store is an admission of failure to me .. if i wanna kill these mice im gonna have to grow less opium poppies and more peanuts i guess .

We have mice in the attic at our house, and here we have 3 felines... they aren't earning their free room and board :P

At least once a week in the middle of the night you hear a mouse scratching or crewing on something... it's creepy sounding... oh well, just turn up the volume on the TV.

I'd be willing to admit to that if we HAD mice, Veronica.

Susan maybe she was hearing the mice running across the boards in the attic?

I hear you there, Cap!

Mom told me the other night that it must be cold out, because "the windows sound funny". I asked if the windows were making noise or something, because you know how it is with old houses - there's an occasional "pop" or "tick" noise from things settling, etc. Nope, she said - she couldn't explain it, they just "sounded different".

I still have no idea what she was talking about. I just nod and smile and say, "OK Mom...."

re; elder care monopoly .
that just reminds me of some of the craziness that we have dealt with especially where dementia was a factor . this is a small example but a very real one where personal sanity is concerned . one day i took mom to wendys to get her a jr cheeseburger . seeing all the dark tinted windows at wendys she determined that someone had knocked all the windows out of the restaurant . far be it for me to try to argue with her . i just suggested that maybe the drive thru was unaffected . sure enough the drive thru was still working like clockwork . my mother has been gone for 16 months and let me tell ya my personal sanity is still something i have to actively nurture every day of my life . it matters not that you visited insanity as a close spectator and caregiver . that insanity leaves your mind questioning everything that travels thru it on a day to day basis .
i guess you learn from it tho . a couple of days ago when i asked edna where her hearing aid was and she told me she threw it in the trash , my immediate thought was " forget it shock jock girl , youre amateur crazy in comparison to your sister " ( my mother ) ..
it reminded me of an old " kiss " tune entitled " SHOCK ME " .
ill always treasure the year edna and i hung out on almost a daily basis . my phsyc doc said edna was doing me as much good as i was for her . those were some heavy words that im still digesting to this day .
i loved dementia caregiving but man it leaves your brain literally without range posts . there are no parameters , just knock that wall down , slap in a load bearing header and have it your way . pass go and tell em to cram their 200 bucks ..

I think what would really help people navigate A&A and later, A&A transition to Medicaid, would be a straightforward list on the VA website. What we found out later was that we didn't need to have all the paperwork together before applying for A&A. Where this is important is that the meter starts running from the date you apply and the pension is retroactive. We were told by the VA to be sure we had every single document before submitting. The other thing we learned too late is that there is a form you can submit, requesting a decrease in benefits (to $90) once you're Medicaid approved. This eliminates the need to have to deal with benefits stacking up that you then have to return. It also eliminates any problem later that year with recertification with Medicaid. I don't know that one needs a professional to get the A&A rolling - just persistence. But I can't stress enough how much our elder care attorney helped with Medicaid, and my mom's case is pretty simple compare to others. I think I deserve a donut after this :-)

I am starting to wonder if the VA does anything right. They sure have some troubles there. Thumbs up, Linda, in handling that so well.

Linda,. wow... kudo's to you for keeping sane enough to cobble anything!.

Very nice to read that they are both coming together and it's working out now... slowly the stress will ebb away.... ahhhh

Linda, I was so relieved to read the whole mess is straightened out but sorry for what you were put through because of red tape, idiots & ineptness. Seems like that is the norm now, no matter what the problem is or who it is with.

Update on yesterday's whine about Medicaid/VA - turns out Medicaid had cancelled Mom's approval because of VA benefit and VA is in the process of reducing her benefit due to Medicaid approval. A weird sort of Catch 22. I was able to cobble enough paperwork together to show that this is was Aid and Attendence (the VA refers to it as a survivors benefit or death pension so it becomes confused with a regular VA pension that isn't due to need like A&A). She's been recertified and reinstated. A lot of unneeded stress and time wasted because of more VA ineptness.