I'm tired of cooking/preparing 3 meals a day. It's just the two of us but boy oh boy can that woman eat!! She stays slimish, I get fattish. It's bad enough I do everything here much less start making her one thing and me the other. At times I feel guilty when I buy her fast food cuz of the nutritional value....not to mention I eat it too.
Mom gets up, seems perkier than normal (yay!) and we have this conversation:
Mom: "I'm going to get washed up and I'd like to get dressed."
Me: "Cool - I'll make sure you have clothes in the bathroom."
(she does - they've been in there for 4 days. That's the last time she got dressed.)
Mom: "You know, it would be nice to get dressed now and then."
(said very sarcastically)
Me: "Mom, those clothes have been in there for 4 days - you could have gotten dressed anytime you wanted. You showered yesterday and didn't bother to get dressed."
Mom: "I know." (looks at me like I've got 2 heads....as though the suggestion that she *actually* get dressed after a shower using the clothing I placed in there for her is some kind of insult to her intelligence.)
Me: (head banging on desk...)
Ca,p, I love your perspective on everything. I do mean that sincerely. I wasn't trying to treat her as a child, I had hoped it would give her something to hold on to and settle her down a bit. I am not giving up on this idea. Maybe in time she will find some sort of empathy and hold it? My snarkier side wants to say things I won't say. Mom was never a snuggler. Go figure. So now guess whom is snuggling this pretty little baby doll? ME!
I understand what your are saying Bob. Like you, I am trying to make her life, at this time, the best it can be. Trust me, she's smarter than a 5th grader!
re ; " had enough kids "
thats comical . doc asked me once what i thought of my moms mental capabilities . i told him she was smarter than ill ever be . dementia is chiefly a memory illness -- mostly short term memory . you dont want to treat an elder like a child .
i took my aunt a hamburger again today at about 11 am . she just will not eat that nh swill . ill take her a hamburger every day as long as it works . nh cant get any protein down her at all .. i ate a piece of their bread last week that had mold all over it . they charge a h*ll of a lot of money to be serving donated , outdated , jail food ..
My dad died 6 months after I arrived here. All I did was make sure his passing was as painless as HE would let me. I may never recover from that ordeal. His mind was sharp as a tack. His body not so good.
Today I bough my mom a lifelike baby doll. Yes, I also bought "Lola" an outfit to change into, baby bottle, a binky and... blankets. We've been working on mom holding the pretty little Lola so she doesn't feel so scared. Plus it keeps her hands/lap occupied so she doesn't feel the need to stand up every 3 seconds. However, she's having a very normal day and just told me she doesn't want to hold the d*mn thing, she's had enough kids. BANG BANG.... that was my head against the wall. Sigh.
Her Dr suggested we start her on the depakote again, only at half the smallest dose possible also... he said mom exhibited some Parkinson's type actions. The shaking and rigid body... so, he also added Sinemet. That drug is not set in stone neither is the depakote, just trying to keep her mind more at ease and the pacing at least down to 3 hours a day vs all day long.
pamz...love love LOVE the removable shower head! So does mom. She can now sit on her shower chair and have me cascade warm water all over her, along with her heater on in the enclosed bathroom.... ahhhh, so nice warm and lovely!! LOL ... NOT!! Good gawd I sweat like a faucet in there! Sigh.
It's like the movie Ground Hog Day where the reporter lives the same day over and over and over again. Each day is the same for us.
And d*mned it, it's annoying. It's sad. It seems pointless. I know I would NOT want my children to see me this way. There is no way of hell's earth that I would allow my daughter to bathe me. Zero. And wipe me, uh, no. I've already told them, absolutely not. Nursing home, whatever.
I was talking to my son the other day ... he was telling me when they take older people into the nursing homes or living facilities, there's always a coroner taking a few out. We also discussed the issue of what constitutes living? Look at the people who are kept on life support who are brain dead. There are machines now that can detect brain death. Are Alzheimer's patients brain dead?
This is in no ways or means meant to sound like the 'death panel' discussions....I mean, think about this, if a person is in an accident and the doctor declares them brain dead, what's the difference! I would do it because of my religious beliefs but people are living longer now, we've got basically older people taking care of the oldest people, I'm 63, my mom is 91.
I'm tired! I don't believe I'm selfish. I'm seriously tired. I had to cancel a second mammogram/sonogram today because there was no one to care for her while I was gone. I've been told I need surgery that will require 3-7 days in the hospital for another problem I'm having. My life is on hold. All of us are kind of suspended in no man's land.
Yay!
Now I'm in the living room with a glass of wine in one hand and a handful of chocolate and pretzels in the other. The dog is at my feet and she's in the den watching Judge Judy.
This should be a very long evening. Blah.
Susan, I love watching Dr. Pol.... I even had a slight crush on Charles lol, he's so darn funny as the rest of them. Actually have learned a lot more about animals since watching it. Great family!
Ok... I want to touch back on the guilt thing. Lately mom has been glued to my hip. I cannot get anything done around here. If I turn around too quickly I about run her over. If I walk a bit faster to get to the bedroom and back before she can catch me, I have to slide by her in the hallway. This has been going on for days on end now. She won't sit still. The constant "where are you at"? Even though she's looking straight at me asking it. I am right here!! I asked her to please just sit down for a minute!!! Already the "Where am I supposed to sit" has started. She's down the hallway now asking "Where are you at". She just left me. Sigh. So here's the guilt part. I'm no longer answering her. I just politely smile and keep doing what needs done. If not, this place is going to fall apart. Now I've been thinking about placing her somewhere for a few weeks so I can get some REST! But I know that will terrify her. what to do...what to do...
The cold snap continues - 18 with a windchill of 6 right now, supposed to be lower windchills when the wind gets up this afteroon - gusts of up to 35 mph, going to be just *lovely* out there. Good day to stay indoors and work. I'm going to try to put together our new TV stand today - it has a little electric fireplace in it - Mom is just overjoyed and can't wait to get it set up so she can enjoy it. I figure if she's feeling cool at night when I've got the thermostat turned down a bit, she can always turn that on LOW and warm up and enjoy the flicker of the "flames". :-) (Thermostat is located in another room, so it shouldn't affect how often the heat comes on.)
Mom is wrapped up in going to the doctors, if they say 1 year, it's one year to the day she wants to be in that doctor's office. If they say 3 months, she's there like clock work. And never tell Mom that any medical situation is due to old age, she doesn't want to hear it. Dad on the other hand knows he's getting old and he is relieved when a doctor does tell him its old age and nothing more serious.
How I wish the doctors could explain to Mom she doesn't need to see them anymore, even if she could hear, she would still make an appointment. Guess it is reassurance for her, especially when the doctor says *I will see you next year*.
Sadly my Mom can barely hear, so trying to talk to her results in repeating the same subject over and over, trying to see if she catches at least one word, thus I need to be a walking thesaurus. Last night she did ask how I was feeling, she caught on that I wasn't feeling good, so she thinks I have a cold or stomach bug, because she said chicken soup is good..... oh well, I tried, I didn't correct her as that would have been to exhausting.... I don't think chicken soup will help with panic attacks and kidney stones, would be great if it did :P
I would have a word with each of mom/dad's doctors in private; are these visits really needed? I think many doctors are loathe to tell elderly patients not to come back so often, because they know that the patients love the attention and the outings. Your docs maybe thinking themselves "why do they feel they need to come so often?". Make some time to fax each of them a letter today.