I'm tired of cooking/preparing 3 meals a day. It's just the two of us but boy oh boy can that woman eat!! She stays slimish, I get fattish. It's bad enough I do everything here much less start making her one thing and me the other. At times I feel guilty when I buy her fast food cuz of the nutritional value....not to mention I eat it too.
It's so pretty out... I am not going to sit in this house all day. Gonna take my chances and go for a long ride, hopefully stopping somewhere and having a nice late lunch/early dinner. Gotta get her home before the sun sets :O yeegads!
She's not so much fixated on the chair... she can never EVER find it, or see it, not even with the big green neon sign? Her eyesight is just fine... it's just drives me nuts when she starts this up every single night. Weird how today she's been just fine.. seriously, daylight n dark. Not complaining just noticing. She even ate her entire dinner by herself!!??
Glad you're a "Happy Cappy" there Cap'n! It's been COLD here for days...in the 20's cold :/
Bless those of you deal with all that medical insurance paperwork stuff! Luckily, that is one thing I don't really have a problem with. Her insurance pretty much covers it all and I set every bill of hers up on direct pay. I'd be bonkers trying to deal with her and paperwork.
hope honey, I feel ya on this vicious cycle. I just pray we make it through this a whole person, not a mental blob who doesn't care to speak to people anymore. Yup. I'd be just fine in a shack by the ocean talking to the seagulls and taking my dogs for long walks.
Daughter...I understand...I have gone through so many ranges of emotions and I have hit some lows that are so low I feared I would not be able to come out of them. Then I have my moments of being so thankful that i am able to be here. The latter is what I want to be. But I do get so tired...bone weary tired..the kind of tired where I just want to lie down in the middle of wherever I am at the time and start bawling and screaming...but then again I love Mama so much and I want so much to be here for her...I have tried to figure out what makes me the way I am...I think for me what is dawning on me is the extreme highs and lows in her condition...the days where she is smiling and happy and we get to share some precious moments...and then the other days where she is not feeling so great and you can tell she is unhappy...she is running a slight fever, so you're dealing with that....I am trying so hard to make sure she is happy and comfortable and I know it is going to kill me to lose her...or at least it is going to feel that way, but I have definitely decided it is the constant ups adn downs . Today is a huge day of football in our state...Mama and I used to always watch the games together and now it is just me, alone, everyone else is having their football parties...these are things they could come here for...but to them it's not fun to do that...and that is sad...it seems for most folks it is not fun to come here for anything.....it depresses people to come here ...to see her like she is now, remembering how much fun she has always been...but in my heart that is exactly WHY they should want to be here...she has always been so fun and loving and there for everyone and now when it matters most, they are not here...and the anger drifts in..Mama deserves so much more...I guess that is why I am determined to continue trying to hang in there....I am guessing you are worn out emotionally and physically and see no end in sight...that is how it seems isn't it?? But then I don't want to see the end because that will mean she has left...but I also know that is when she will be whole and completely happy again...and so it is a vicious cycle...God bless you...I understand...I wish I knew what to say....today is one of those days where Mama is not feeling too good...after several days of highs we are back to the lows...I think I used to take it personally, like I was doing something wrong...I know I am doing everything I can possibly do...and so I am having to find some kind of peace with it all...I will say a prayer for you...and for all of us...it is a very difficult journey....and this time of year makes it that much harder....
Seems like Mom is sure fixated on that chair! I hope something helps soon.
Put up a giant lime green fluorescent sign. "Mom's Chair"! What did I hear? What chair? The one with giant sign that says moms chair. Where? Turn around mom. (shuffle shuffle shuffle) where?
Even though I never thought I could deal with incontinence.... it's a walk in the park compared to "sundowning".
My dad was a strong stubborn man. Oh snap, the stories I could tell about his last 6 months of life :)
after caring for your dad and now your mom you must be well over the edge . no wonder you cope without a complaint . thats a compliment believe it or not .
Bless your heart katnmouse.... 20 years in a hospital plus taking on the challenge of your husband :) I do agree that a good morning is a dry morning... which reminds me ... I still need to make her bed. Thank you for the suggestions... never knew they had disposable pants now? Nice! No laundry!
When my mom asks me a 1000 times a day where a damn chair is I am being modest with the number. This is not a big house. Her chair is RIGHT THERE!! Right where? Right there? There? NO, there!! Your standing right next to it!! You mean here? Ohhhh myyyyy gawddddd then, as if on cue, she walks to the couch and tries to sit on a dog, or goes to the other couch where I have a doggy pillow for my oldest pup and sits on him. She sits everywhere but her chair, she even tries to sit in the air. Wait... while she's wandering around looking for a chair she complains her legs hurt and are about to give out. SIT DOWN THEN. Where? There. Here? Yes there. and they wheels on the bus goes round and round.
Marinating? Yup.
I'm looking for the side attaching kind. Too hard taking pants on/off several times a day.
Shirk. My God.
Susan, as hard as this all is, you are lucky you can verbalize all this with your mother and get her approval for a NH. You will know she's ready when you simply cannot do it any longer on your own. Since your mother is a large woman, there is no way you will be able to provide any physical assistance for her. Oh, I was wondering, is your mom able to get in and out of the shower on her own? Maybe this is what's scaring her out of showering? Also, I did find on the web, depends for larger adults. All the way up to 4XXL. They're out there is you are willing/able to pay a higher price.
I wanted so much to reach out an hug the daughter in that article, she was all alone in this battle and her mother not realizing it was guiding her into the wrong direction. And being the good daughter that she was for all those years thought Mom knew best.
What irked me was the Assistant Commonwealth Attorney said "that the daughter was using her mental illness to shirk responsibility — despite her guilty plea — and urged a Judge to send a message to others who care for elderly relatives". I would love to see THAT attorney to spend a couple of weeks caring for an elder who isn't mobile and who had dementia. Bet his tune would change real quick.
Fast forward to last year, the mother had dementia and was in a wheelchair. The daughter had become so overwhelmed that she herself became paranoid and couldn't think straight. Someone call the authorities who tried to get a caregiver in to help this daughter care for her Mom, but the mother wouldn't allow.... plus the mother refused to go to a nursing home. Well, the mother died and it was days later that the daughter call the authorities to help her.
The daughter was charged with elder abuse... and she pleated guilty but the court is looking over the mental state of the daughter. The elder abuse had to do with the daughter not allowing someone to come into the house to help her or having her mother transferred to a nursing home. The Mom didn't die from neglect, she had a heart attack.
That poor daughter, I could see that happening to anyone caring for an elder or spouse who didn't want outside help or who didn't want to move to a nursing home. You want to abide by your parent/spouse's wishes. Maybe society needs to let the grown children caregiver know it is OK to get help, that it is OK to put Mom or Dad in a nursing home.
Heard the door open again, got out of bed to watch. She went into the bathroom, was in there for a few minutes, then went back into her bedroom. Wasn't too comfortable with the clothes in the bed thing, so I went in and told her she needed to put her pj's back on (I needed to impress upon her that it was still 'night' and she needed pj's at night). I asked her if she had slept. The answer was no. When I asked why not, she stated she was watching the clock.
So, this morning, she's up again, way too early. She lies when I ask her the questions (I know this is part of the progression) and doesn't listen if the tv is on. So, I shut off the tv and told her to look at me and I asked her if she was worried. She can't verbalize very well. I don't believe the answers she gives are correct. She says she's worried about 'me'.
Just now, she asked if she could empty the dishwasher to which I said yes. I had just cleaned of the frig and found an old Tupperware container that had frozen in back of the frig, with pineapple in it. So, I put it in the sink, thinking it would defrost and I'd throw it into the garbage disposal. I turned around and saw her with the cover OFF this particular container. I asked her what she was doing and she said she was eating this! I almost died. Totally frozen pineapple, and she's trying to take it apart and eat it!
Now she's sitting out on the lanai doing her word searches which is just circling letters right now. She's definitely gone down a bit, another plateau.
Just a while ago, I went into the bathroom, and as always, I check the trash can to see if Mom has changed her incontinence pad. There was a used pad in there, but no wrapper from a new one!?! So I went out and asked her if she had one on - she insisted she did, but I told her to please go in and check, so we don't have a major flood when she gets up out of her chair (which is when she has major accidents). So she goes into the bathroom, I follow her and tell her to make sure she takes a pad out right away (or she forgets). She says she will. Silly me, I don't stay to make sure. I'm still riding that fine line between giving her privacy and dignity and totally taking over everything she does and watching everything, even her most private moments.
As usual, she sits in the bathroom endlessly, doing absolutely nothing. Just sitting. At times, I've gone to check on her, and she's been sitting on the toilet, underwear pulled up, not doing anything, just sitting there. I worry one of these times, she's just going to pee right through her clothes doing that. Sometimes she falls asleep in there. So I remind her to put a clean pair of underwear and a pad on. She says she will. A while later, she's still in the bathroom, and I ask her if she put a pad on - she says she did. 2 seconds later, I hear *crackle*rustle*rustle*crackle* ....the packaging on her pads being opened, and the *rrriiiip* of the cover on the adhesive strip being pulled off. But she put one on...right? Like she told me? (sigh)
I know she's not lying to me on purpose - or at least I hope not - but I do know that she tries to sidestep doing things she knows she should, because she just doesn't want to do it.
Jeanette - I guess it's just one of those times when things feel a little overwhelming. I have 2 relatives or near-relatives (like my sis-in-law's mother) who are elderly and declining very rapidly and it's hard to watch, knowing that one day relatively soon, that's going to be Mom. She's already going downhill faster than expected, but one of these days, it's going to be a very marked decline. I was thinking yesterday, "How do I determine when she needs to go to the NH, finally? Do I wait til she has a stroke or some other major medical issue, or at some point, do I just say 'that's it' for me?"
I know I will wait until it's absolutely necessary, and hopefully, the decision is taken out of my hands - she knows that if she becomes completely unable to walk anymore, or requires any lifting, that she will need to go to a NH. She doesn't like the idea, but she understands. We've had long talks about this.
That could help you out.
If I go by these stages, mom has been in early stage 7 for 6 months or more.
Nothing in set in stone
Why the doldrums? Is it 34 outside and heavily raining since yesterday? LOL I barely got the trash cans to the curb. Those giant raindrops felt like frozen water. If ya wanna do an ice bucket challenge all you need to do is step outside!!