Follow
Share
Read More
The colds in the house, the hacking, the Dr. visits, the cleanup the constant shopping, cooking cleaning. I just want to run away. Not just the inside of the house, outside, getting the house ready for winter. Running my business, worrying over bills, not enough money........ no room in my garage for my car due to all his stuff I had to bring.... Trying to sell 2 cars and furniture.... did I mention the hacking? The loud TV (my ears are blocked from my cold).... "when we go some place..." didn't know "we" were going anywhere.... I long for an office outside of the house now. I spent years building my business so I could be at home, now that I'm in the basement not so much... OK, I'm done, thanks for letting me vent....
(3)
Report

No whine today from me. Mama has finally gotten over her cold or whatever this thing was she had and she had a great day yesterday and has been "chatting" with me today...We have had some fun moments... Lord how I live for days like this.

The meds my doctor put me on are EXCELLENT! So far the pain in my hip and leg that has been almost debilitating is G O N E! I have had three restful nights in a row and the depression meds seem to be "smoothing me out"....again I say...why on earth I did not do that sooner...stubborn I know..but wow...what a difference. I pray I will be able to deal with the daily bumps in the road a lot better now....it is sunny her... a beautiful fall day...and I am feeling so blessed...Mama is so happy and that is the whole point of all of this....so thankful!
(0)
Report

Susan - can you return the chair? Usually there is a packing slip for free returns. The company who delivered it will pick it up. Depends where you ordered from. Are you absolutely positive there is no adjustment for the arms other than a sledge hammer?
(3)
Report

Litldogtoo....I am notorious for running around barefoot, summer and winter and my feet show it...I wear those little gripper socks too and have taken a tumble numerous times when they did just that...I have also busted my fanny when I just wore socks with no grips...hence the dilemma..but I have to say these men's houseshoes are great!!!! they are comfortable and cozy...I needed a smaller size but there must be a lot of men with little feet because large and ex large is all they had...or maybe they don't get many M sizes in...anyway...I am loving these shoes....I won't end up in Cosmo wearing them...but then I won't end up in Cosmo anyway....lol
(2)
Report

Jeanette....thanks I did enjoy my little afternoon excursion. It wasn't very long, but the fall here is great too and it was sunny and I just relaxed and enjoyed the ride and made a couple of stops and looked around at different things and did not buy one thing but just enjoyed being out and about...God home and brother had blown the leaves off the drive, walk and yard and so that was a nice bonus. He seems to be trying a lot harder these days and it is very welcome. We actually had a nice visit and lately they have been a lot better. I think we are finally on the same page and I know Mama can fell that...I told her the other day when she was so sick that she needed to know how much we loved her and that we would be ok....I told her I would always look out for my brother and she did not need to worry about me...I don't want her to leave but I want her to know I'm ok if she is tired. She has been a lot better yesterday and today so this may have been just a very bad cold more than anything else...so I am thankful.

Captain....the funeral thing...I am having the oddest thoughts about that and am having a lot of anxiety about it here as well. If I am being totally honest, I am not wanting to go the route of a full blown long, extended visitation, funeral, etc....I remember when my Daddy died, we went through that and oh how many people came and told us how much they loved him, how much he meant to them, how they could not have made it in their early years had he not been there for him...and yet....not one single one of those people came to see him while he was ALIVE....one of my friends who we practically raised as a small child came and told me, "I wanted to visit so much but I knew it would just be too hard on me.." really????? hard on YOU....I don't have a lot of use for people who are all into the grandstanding and making an appearance when it does not matter one iota anymore....My brother expressed concern that I did not have a burial policy on myself and that I needed to be sure to get one ...I told him I could care less what happens to me when I am gone because I already have been made well aware of how people felt while I was alive and as far as I was concerned he could just roll me down the hill into the woods and let the coyotes do the rest. I am serious..God knows my heart...what does it matter all the fluff and finery when I am gone.

Now as for when that time comes for Mama, there are things I want to do for her, from me and my brother, as an honor to her, but folks here seem to be into the two day visitation and the long winded fancy funeral...I would prefer a small simple but loving goodbye...that is heartfelt...that is all that matters....I'm with you on all the shiny church folks.
(0)
Report

@Hope - I run around barefoot in the summer, but use the fuzzy socks in the winter. If one gets lost somehow (the dog loves socks and hides them) I just use the ones I grab first. Doesn't matter whether they match or not. Not good for my mother, though, because of the small amount of elastic they have around the top.

I don't like the socks with the grips because if I'm in a hurry and they do their job and 'grip'.

Been told by a mom's podiatrist that one should only wear shoes, slippers that you can't twist easily. That's all well and good, but half the time they aren't comfortable. She wears Buster Brown one hundred per cent cotton socks I found on Amazon. Pricey, but worth it. No elastic.

.
(2)
Report

HAAA!!!! Thanks Susan! I can visualize your feet swinging in the air as you try to get comfy! NOT! The chair sounds magnificent... I do hope you whip it into your shape! Too funny...

Cap... I almost cried at your description of Edna... purple pillow, angelic... pretty :))) Surely you must love dogs!! ;)

Mom ate like a sumo wrestler tonight. Wow!! An entire pickle sandwich... a bowl of soup and 2 ensures. My kind of girl!

Did I mention I love you guys on here.... all of you. I treasure each and every post... one day I will be able to help others more ... I know I stick to this thread... my mind just can't venture too far :)
(3)
Report

susan ,
im an ergonomics freak . my sons are the same way . we'll flip a piece of furniture over and modify it until it works for us . i made my aunt a " half " pillow out of a furry cushion and of course some mason string to bind it into a cylinder and it is by far her most treasured possession at nh . its purple and pretty and she looks absolutely angelic lying in bed with it loosely tucked under her neck .
i personally sit in a camaro bucket seat with two concrete blocks under it . automobile seats are designed to spend hours in with no chance of relief . they HAVE to take lumbar and load distribution into account .
(2)
Report

Jeanette - want an even funnier mental image? Picture me with my shoulders hunched up to my ears AND my feet dangling about 5" above the floor because I've raised the chair to its' highest point in an attempt to find a position in which I can work!

This chair is truly awesome to behold - sturdier and heavier than any chair I've ever seen, white leather and gorgeous, but I just can't use it! Makes me mad. Oh, and I'm only 5'1" - so you get the idea...shoulders hunched, feet just a-swinging and in more pain than I've been in for many years.

Cap, I do have a welding friend who may be able to do something. I LOVE this chair. It's the most comfortable, beautiful chair I've ever had - except it drives my carpal tunnel, tendonitis and arthritis absolutely insane. (That's 25 years of office/computer work talking right there...) This is the first time in *years* that all three of those maladies have kicked in at the same time, so I know it was completely positional - and that comes from the chair.
(0)
Report

re ; rugs
yea its common knowledge that as dementia worsens so too does the shuffle walking .
(1)
Report

hehe... Susan, if I ever had funnier mental thought than ears laid back, it's you sitting in the chair with your shoulders hunched up to your ears!! I SEE IT!! :))) Yup, at 5'2 myself, we def need to sit in said chair before we buy one!

pamz... rugs are the elderly's enemy. I took every single throw rug out of this house within a few months after I arrived. They may love them but those rugs are dangerous. I use a non slip bath rug only when mom takes her shower, after that, I pull it up..... they trip the feet, the walkers and those walker chair thingies. It doesn't matter how big the rug is, how non skid it is... it is higher than their foot. Thus a safety hazard. Just my opinion.

hope honey, I hope you enjoyed your few hours out in the wilderness!! I love those few hours I get... fall is spectacular here and the great outdoors is always, always calling me to come play!
(2)
Report

Susan, I know actually what you means regarding an armed office chair. I've sat in a few of those. Another problem are those slippery leather chairs that tend to tilt a bit forward, I feel like I need to use a seat belt to keep from sliding out :P
(1)
Report

i dont have a whine this evening but if you see my mpoa thread youll see that i have an interesting battle to fight . i shall give it my utmost sincere effort . the results are in an attorney and a judges hands .
(1)
Report

susan,
maybe a local welder could make your chair work for you . ive been wanting to pimp out ednas wheelchair and if i end up with mpoa the chair will be lowered to nh therapy depts recommendations .
hope and jeanette ,
youll have peace of mind when your incredibly difficult journey is over . youll have a big void in your life and even an occasional regret but you will have satisfied the person that matters the most at that point -- yourselves . there were reasons i didnt go to my moms funeral . for one , she wasnt there and secondly i didnt feel the need to prove anything to anyone . it was time for the church people to shine . i dont care for shiny things ..
(3)
Report

FF I am so glad you got a break and nice trip together! Too bad no pie! My whine today is that we had to finally put dad in the depends I bought a year ago. He is having more trouble these past few weeks and is really slipping. He had a major semi blow out at the casino this week. Luckily he was in a depends and they have handicapped bathrooms that Mom can go in with him. And today he went to the bathroom here,, and mom had to change ALL his clothes except his socks... He is not fighting the new "underware" thank goodness. He knows he has to go.. just not in time, or What he has to do. And to top off the fun the homecare company owner wants to come and do a "saftey check". This had mom all stressed out. They were to come on Friday.. I swear my mom cleaned the whole house.. and they didn't come. She wanted them to come when I am home, but they want to come when the CG is here and talk to to Dad.. good luck with that!! So now she is stressing this week. I may just call them and tell them we had one done when Mom came home from rehab. It's no good telling her they can;t make us do anything or report us.. no hoarding, spotless home, etc. It's just a courtesy. I wonder if this is because a month or so ago I asked them about liablity. The CG said dad tripped over the bathroom rug, and then the CG said she tripped. Rug is now up when CG comes. We have hardwood floors and Mom wants area rugs ( all big and with anti skid pads) down because its "warmer". I think maybe it's time to ask about the CGtaking on more of the jobs like getting Dad dressed, helping with the hygene.. Stuff she is not doing now because mom is.
(1)
Report

Oh, and FF - our local high school (the one I attended) sells homemade apple pies as a fundraiser once per year. This was their weekend. I had to really use some serious willpower not to buy one. :-)
(1)
Report

My whine for the day: I'm short. And it really sucks sometimes to be short.

Especially when I order a new office chair online, only to find that the fixed arms (not adjustable) are WAY TOO HIGH for me to use without my shoulders being hunched up to my ears, rendering the chair useless. My shoulders and arms are screaming at me from trying to use it before I finally gave up. Last time I order a chair online - ever.

Gonna go find some Aleve or something.....
(1)
Report

My elderly parents love the pies that this one country store sells, so this morning my sig other and I drove out into the wonderful farm land and countryside of the county.... still some trees in their brilliant red and yellow colors.... a delightful ride for us. Rarely does he and I get a chance to do something different by ourselves.

We pulled up to the building and noticed no cars in front.... oops, are we too early as I know those home made apple pies sell out quickly.... walked up to the store front and notice no lights on.... it was closed, empty of its former self. Darn it. Said store was the mainstay of that area for decades and decades, people would travel for miles for their home made pies. Another pie dealer we are familiar with will be taking over according to the sign on the door.... but those pies are smaller, aren't near the quality, and don't have that made at home feel :(

Oh well, we tried, but had to tell ourselves we got out of the house and enjoyed the ride :)
(2)
Report

Oh Jeannette, so much of what you say rings true for me too. For me, back shortly after my Daddy passed, my brother's wife at the time became the sister in law from hell and demanded "their" part of the inheritance NOW...it got really really ugly and it was killing Mama...Their biggest item was the lake property...It broke my heart to let it go, but it was not worth losing Mama, so we came to an agreement of sorts and they got basically 75% of my parents estate...The thing was THIS home was to be mine, as well as some rental property they owned. Well, Mama sold the rental home and gave him half of that too...so all that is left is this home. I am praying to God that this does not become a point of contention but I feel the same as you...I am the one who stepped up to the plate and this is now MY home with Mama....and it was to be mine one day...but Mama didn't want to put it in my name back then after the agreement because she said if she did that, then she would have nothing left in this world that she and Daddy had worked so hard for. I didn't have the heart to demand it therefore it never got changed over. I am told I can have a survivorship deed made that would in effect pass this home to me at the time that happens, but I am thinking if I do that as her POA it could be contested. I don't know, but I'm not leaving here I can promise you that. I have lost everything I had and I am NOT leaving this home after I have been the SOLE caregiver with NO help from anyone helpwise, timewise or financially...I know that sounds harsh but no it does not. I hate what this does to families too....It is ugly sometimes and to me, so unnecessary, but I see it all the time. I have seen it with other families and it just seems like when money gets involved you really see the real person come out...Sad....

It does get tiring and sounds to me like your Mom would qualify for Hospice. We were told that we would qualify prior to Mama becoming bedfast but I never wanted to do it..Don't ask me why but I resisted. But once Mama became bedfast I knew I had to have some help...While most everything is still on me, just having them come out three times a week to bathe her and having a nurse check on her twice a week is awesome and gives me peace of mind. I can't deny that the folks have become like friends and family I look forward to seeing.

Mama is having a better day today and for that I am so thankful. My brother most always comes by on Sunday for a brief visit with her, but today I am already dressed and ready and I am going to hop in the car and just go somewhere and let him watch her...Just because I want to feel the sun on my face..and who knows where I may go...but I'm going if I don't do anything but ride around in circles....

I hope you get some help from Hospice...God bless your sweet heart...Ah, here's brother...great outdoors here I come!!!
(3)
Report

It is never too early to call hospice in they will decide if she is appropriate and you will get extra help and suport. The Dr has to approve the placement but you can contact hospice yourself and see what they have to offer in your area. The weight loss should be enough although they are often reluctant to accept dementia patients because they frequently live longer than six months and hospice has to justify keeping them in the program to Medicare. No problem if she continues to loose weight.
(2)
Report

ooohhh I forgot to mention something. Oregon legalized recreational pot use. I am gonna try some brownies for moms sundowners from hell. Just gotta find out where one goes about obtaining this now legal pot??

If it helps ease her paranoia and gets her to eat more.... win win there is zero harm in that equation :)
(4)
Report

I love you guys... I realize my posts lately are not all fluffy and nice, more on the despairing side. This is just my life right now.

Good idea about drawing up a caregiver contract... wonder if I can have it retro back to the beginning? I am positive at least one of my brothers will show his head when mom passes with his hand out... thinking I should sell this house, which is my home, so he can get his share. Ain't happening. It is just awful how this disease not only rips apart your loved one, but also rips apart a lot of families. I don't want to guilt anyone to do anything... just step up to the plate and participate. To me, it's that simple. Do what needs done. Everyone will want something in the end, yet no one but me stepped up.

I'm just tired. I don't want to do this alone anymore... it is just too hard for me mentally which creates physical fatigue. Which makes me babble on like this. Sigh.

I had to take out breakables from moms room last night, errr, early morning like 3:00 a.m. She had her mothers antique matching lamps on her dresser and broke one. Mom would be horrified, just horrified if she could realize it broke. Actually, I am pretty sure if mom realized she was doing what she does... she would have ended it long ago.

One last babble. I was reading on Oregon's requirements for hospice. Mom qualifies under the Alzheimers part. She's lost more than 10 percent of body weight and has had a UTI in the last 6 months. Her monthly doc appt is on the 18th. I think I shall ask him if it's time.

I have the headache from hell.
(3)
Report

Jeannette...I do feel for you friend...I know how infuriating and lonely and aggravating and frustrating it is...In some odd way I have to say I think I have just had to let go of all of the other stuff...the family, the friends all of them..those who just forgot us and went on their merry way...I finally decided I could not change them and trying was only wearing me out...they are all going to have a lot to answer for one day...I say that because that is what folks have told me...I don't know if that is true...all I know is I will be at peace...and you will be at peace...knowing you did all YOU could do....in the deep dark recesses of their minds....how can they answer for what they did...(or did not do) when they were needed most....
(2)
Report

Right now I am thankful I am back on my meds.....I feel like I am floating on a cloud....
(2)
Report

Jeanette, I wish there was a joke or something I could tell to make you feel better. It's not right that you should be going through this alone when you have brothers to help. I don't understand why most people don't seem to feel the need to visit with parents when they are near death. I've read the reasons here on the board a few time, but I think it is more truthful to say that most don't want to be bothered with it. It's not fun and interferes with their lives. We carry the weight so they can live their lives without interference. I don't know if this is good or bad, but it sure is lonely.
(2)
Report

you oughtta be angry . i wouldnt try guilting them , they dont care . id instead tell them to grow up and act like adults . tell them to relieve you or put up money for hired relief . that or get a caregiver agreement that pays you several thou a month --- now or from the estate later . this only costs 150 bucks for an atty to draft up .
(0)
Report

Yes, Jeanette, what you are going through with your brothers definitely is an ears laying back moment :P

[love that phase]
(3)
Report

wrote a long reply... deleted it all. thank you bob. Time for me to just shut up and deal....
(0)
Report

I do not care if they are afraid or not. They are grown ass men!! I took care of my dad....waiting/watching/helping him through his dying process. Just don't think I can do this with mom. Not alone...Not again. My oldest brother is a genius by all account with a photographic memory. He knows exactly what I am dealing with. I swear, If they reference my dad one more time I shall blow them all out of their cushy denial. Time I stopped being so darn nice to them.

ff.... she is their mom. Do I really care if they get "upset" at her odd behavior? NO! Be a damn man. ooohhh.... I do think I like being a tad angry vs bawling like a baby. Wait.... this all makes my ears lay back! :D
(1)
Report

ya dont have to count favors jeanette . with a decent friend you just kind of have a feel for how fair each is being . i will take your advice to the point of not discarding a friend but i wont accept being turned down for something of that importance again . i still accept the blame . i should have got straight in her ass from the start . i let it happen .
your brothers dont have the guts that you do . like myself -- accept the blame . you need to get straight stupid with them . you need and deserve help .. every time i was ever taken advantage of in my life it was because i let it happen . the times i stood up for myself the opponent backpaddled .. those d*ckholes dont care if you have a nervous collapse . customers dont care if i lose . betsy didnt care if i had an accident or went to jail . weve got to stand up for ourselves . people are selfish .
(2)
Report

Start a Discussion
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter