My "whine moment today." What's yours?

ff, my truck was , when new , a 51 chev dump truck . looks like any 51 chev truck except with 20 inch semi tires . its been a rolling billboard for my masonry business for dam near 2 decades . the 91 sonoma is every bit as unique now tho . it has a 4 inch lift kit , homemade work bed and the same paint scheme as the old chev . its becoming quite recognizable too but people still ask where the h*ll the old chevy has been hiding . i cut firewood when masonry is slow and the 4 wd sonoma is at home in the forest . the economy is changing , i have to adapt even if its temporary .

boni im sure smoking is hard on the lungs and coronary arteries but just like marijuana in the past, when the govt decides to demonize something they resort to blatant lies and exxagerations and end up losing credibility . the dangers of secondhand smoke is one such example . if you can pit nonsmokers against smokers then youve effectually applied pressure to smokers from their closest friends and family . i know tobacco eventually kills but so does stress from stopping your own life in its tracks and caring for an elder . especially a demented one . my phsyc doc asked me recently at what point did i relapse on booze . ( was on a sober streak for about 5 years ) . after thinking about it for a few days i asked her if a diabetic who cheats is considered a relapser or a person with high blood pressure has an extra sprinkle of salt . have they relapsed ? guess im just saying ' everything is going to kill everybody ' .
ive bought two 30 packs of beer in the last 60 days . a bag of tobacco lasts me no less than 60 days . thats the equivalent of 3 cigarettes per day . i smoke it in a pipe . ya know what will probably kill me ? kidney damage from strong hepc chemo meds ive used years ago , maybe dementia in 25 years , maybe a deer hitting my motorcycle , maybe falling to my death from a tall chimney . if you want to give up tobacco i wish you the best of luck but im betting caregiving and maybe too much man made vegetable fat in your died have caused you more harm than tobacco . animal fat is an important nutrient in our diet but our bodies have no means of dissolving vegetable oils , bile wont even break it down . thats why i lean it out during each work day . my body gets hungry enough to burn fibered wheel bearing grease if it could get it . im not the poster boy for clean living but i could be for physically fitness .

Thanks sharyn, I think I'm more upset with myself for smoking right now, and I'm looking for someone or something to blame. I'm going to finish them off and start clean in the morning.
I'm glad someone was here this late to give me a little support. Just a rough day. Mostly I feel better just getting things off my chest. Thanks.

Boni~so sorry, the last thing you need right now but completely understand your concern for your mother and stress involved. Please try to detach and get the rest you need.

And a Valium.

Here's a whine. I just had a freakin massive heart attack. I have 4 siblings. Only 1 has stepped up, and I think he will have a heart attack soon as well. I have been taking care of Mom for 2 1/2 years. The day after my heart attack was the first day off I've had in 9 months. Mom has been out of my care for 2 weeks. Her health, both physically and mentally has deteriorated extremely fast. She was taken from the nursing home to the hospital tonight for a blood transfusion.....WTF? She was anemic when I moved here. Her hemoglobin numbers have been great for over 2 years. As a matter of fact her DR cut her iron pills in half 2 months ago. The phone and mass texts don't stop. I was admonished for something I NEVER said, because MOM is CONFUSED! DUH! I am over it! I went out and bought a pack of cigarettes and have smoked almost all of them. What the h*ll would have happened if I had died???? Well PRETEND I did and leave me the h*ll alone!!!! Ok, done ranting. Cell phone is off and land line is off the hook. I Need REST!

Veronica91, I am more worried about Dad tripping over the power cord :P

Captain, oops, the link won't work.... anyhow, it was a restored red and black 1951 Chevy pick-up truck.

Captain, does it look like this?: info.detnews/pix/autos/2009/mhrawarren09/51chevtruck.jpg

Awesome !!

FF hope dad does not run over the power cord!!!

kind of a sad day . i dropped the insurance on the old 51 chevy truck . its been my main mode and work truck for 18 years . im gonna keep it around here but the little sonoma does everything i need now plus its 4 wd . the over the cab toolbox and handmade bed , plus the red and black paint scheme like the old 51 , have made it as recognized now as the old truck tho not nearly as beloved by the county folk . i go to look at masonry jobs now and people admit theyre daydreaming -- they dont have any money . i cant run that old 2 ton monster on daydreams -- get some money b*tches and ill fire it back up ..

Visited my parents house late this afternoon... I peeked out the back window of their home and noticed my Dad has his electric lawn mower out... say what?... the person who does their mowing and mine did both our yards yesterday. Oh Dad said he was mulching leaves. Dad is 93 and can barely walk around except with a rolling walker.

Oh well.... guess he wants to feel useful and be outside for some fresh air. Might as well just ignore things like this, not worth being worried over.... [sigh]. If it wasn't for this website and some insight that I gained over the months reading here, I probably would have had a major meltdown seeing that mower outside.

Yes hospice can do that because they have to justify each patient. At this time it won't alter much especially as you are there every day and keeping an eye on things. They will re admit her again if she does decline.

Has not declined

Came home and received a call from Hospice and since she has declined in 60 days they are releasing her....what a day..it has got almost comical.

2tsnana, so sorry! Sending BIG hugs...

My Whine Moment of the Day is : My mom has a UTI she has three more doses of antibiotics left. She has been meaner that a rattlesnake at everyone today was my turn !!! I am an only child I go see her everyday she has been in the Nursing Home for 1 year and 8 months. She is 85 has a ton of health issues broke her hip in March now she can no longer walk, etc.... Today I walked in her room and she was in a fit. Where had I been (was there 2 yesterday) How could I leave her there? it went on and on I argue with her can you believe that??? I finally went and got the charge nurse who does very well with her. I left and came back to work... Seriously, my feeling were hurt then I got pissed now I just wished it would end. I have been her caregiver in some form for 14 years..today I could have smothered with a pillow. I go everyday. I told her that when I am not there I am at work then I go home come back the next day go to work....blah blah blah... I am tired and right now just DONE !!! I realize that she cannot walk, her skin is just so thin she keeps bandages on her. They have to use a lift to take her to the bathroom...I hate it for her I really do. Her mind is failing and has failed at a very rapid rate since she broke her hip in March. I get it...she has always had a mean streak it had gotten better, but it is back now with a vengeance. I know the UTI could be the cause of some of it.. enough of that just needed to vent..........today was a major suck...

Good for you freqflyer...and JeanetteB I will give your advice some serious thought. I prefer to first try a natural way to even out as I believe in giving holistics & natural ways a chance first. I have begun taking magnesium.

I don't know if I am just plain tired or have become really lazy. I think my own medical issues have finally caught up with me, wearing me down, or maybe I am finally growing a spine, don't know. I hope I have convinced my parents I cannot drive them where ever they want [they still live alone in their home]. Grumble all they want, they had a choice to move to a retirement community that has transportation, but they said no. Go to Plan B, if it exists.

My parents can get home delivery of groceries, sorry that delivery isn't free but that is how it is, delivery people aren't going to drive to their house for free. I will still place their order if they want, because I know Dad still is refusing to get off of dial-up and go high speed for the Internet.

As for their mail at the post office box, last time I went there there was one piece of junk mail, sorry not going across town for junk mail, if they want their mail, they can call a taxi or transfer all the mail to the nice mailbox at the end of their driveway.

Once again, I missed the AD/Support meeting. :/ Even though they told me on Tuesday that it was tomorrow, Wednesday at 4:30 p.m.. It wasn't. It was cancelled due to an emergency and I at that time, WAS NOT on their email list. The guy apologized and said it was a nice large group. So, I just sat in the parking lot and cried for awhile. Maybe next month I'll get to one.

The Glenn Campbell song had me in tears as well. Such a sad, yet awesome song. Thanks again for sharing and yes, it does put our situation in a better perspective, but... doesn't make it less difficult.

1butterfly, it would be wise to fill that script.. that alone will help ease some of the anxiety and even you out again. That and it sounds like you need a nice long break!

I must say I envy those of you with a scrip for Xanax. I live in East Tennessee and, having no insurance, I am reduced to having to go thru Cherokee Health Systems. They know my situation but will not prescribe Xanax or anything like that. They did call in a scrip for my depression...generic Zoloft (can't remember the name) but I didn't fill it. Afraid of side effects & bad experiences with anti-depressants in the past. I need SOMETHING! Developed insomnia, nerves are shot from caretaking both aunt & uncle with AZ, dementia or whatever. Driving me crazy...now high blood pressure at times. Their children are useless & no help whatsoever.

Thanks Veronica....actually it is the nurse who is popping in for her convenience..the bathing aid is great at coming about the same time on MWF...today I was taken aback when the nurse told me once she saw we were on her way home she decided she would save our visit for the last one of the day...I was so surprised by that I just stood there looking goofy I'm sure. Also the ex mother in law was there talking the whole time and about a totally different topic so I was trying to hear two different conversations at the same time. I am always amazed at how grown adults conduct themselves...and I agree with Captain as well that they are guests in our home. As today's nurse is a fill in for our regualr one, I will know from now on that we are her last one and so will just do my thing the rest of the day. Since I'm used to her coming right after the bathing aid it aggravated me a lot today because it ruined my schedule...that won't happen again. I can't wait to get my meds...I definitely think they will help smooth out my moods..just hoping they will prescribe the ones my former doctor had me on..those are the only ones that worked for me...ever..

i got tired of our second hospice nurse dropping in without calling first . i finally asked her to call ahead even if it was only by a few minutes . in hindsight the nurses were both flaky . one talked to mom like she was a child and both made snap judgements about me . i was taking care of ordering , obtaining and dispensing meds , cooking good meals and propping mom up thru her BP mood fluctuations . things got better when i learned to make them answer to mom and i instead of us answering to them .. thats the most important thing i learned from it . they are guests in your home and need to act accordingly . i never questioned their medical performance , only their mannerism .

Jeanette you ate rattlesnake but turned down racoon. Oh My!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hpoe hospice is not supposed to invade your privacy or just pop in. Call the nursing supervisor and tell her you want the bath aide to come at a pre determinded time not when it is more convenient for her. She does not have that right. The primary caregiver (you) must be notified when there is any change of time. if she's due at 10am and Mama needs bathing then you need to be notified so that you can provide the care she needs and tell the aide to skip that day. Sometimes there is an emergency and they can't help the change but you must be told not left hanging. As far as the SW is concerned her job is to come and offer suport to the patient and family and help you with stuff like medicaid applications or respite care and other paper work. if you don't want her intrussion it's fine to tell her to piss off. She may have a heavy case load if the hospice is a large one but popping in a breaching of boundaries. Refuse the visit if you want that's fine if you have a question you can always call her. Some people just should not be doing their particular jobs. Just don't be intimidated by them and think ahead to the next respite opportunity. Hopefully you will get some meds to help you have smoother moods. This is the hardest time for you especially as you don't have family to support you. Mom is still in there you just can't see her anymore but she still needs you just as much as allways both physically and emotionally. You are still her anchor in this world till she is ready to transition. She would want you to be strong and independent as you were before and have a happy life. Of course you will grieve as you already are your Mama is a beautiful person who loves you deeply always remember that. Blessings

Fligirl...I am with you on those social workers...they drive me insane. Why can they not just let us make a call when we need them? I hate, hate they always call and just tell me they are on the way...I don't know why but it really hacks me off. Because it seems they never fail to come on a day when i am in a good mood and by the time they go I am so depressed I am ready to give up...when I need to talk they don't have an open appointment...the last time they called...three days in a row...I just flat out told them I was fine and did not really want to talk to someone unless there is something they need to look at, check out, etc...she said, so are you saying you are declining a visit this month??? I said..yes, that is what I am saying...ugh...

I am trying to get an appt as well for some meds to get my depression under control.

Today is a wash..again...had plans but the nurse who always comes in the morning didn't come til her last stop today BECAUSE IT WAS MORE CONVENIENT FOR HER..she said..ok that's great!!!!!! I know Hospice serves such a vital service BUT they have a ways to go on some of their workers regarding just popping in, taking up your time, etc. especially when you don't need or want them here...that has been one of the biggest things I have had trouble getting used to..I HATE HATE HATE losing my privacy and independence..HATE IT.....I have always been a very private person...so has Mama. We have never been ones to go and do and in some ways thank God for it as I have been more able to cope with being here all the time...but all these popper inners....just drive me up the wall....I just think they could handle that a little differently and it would be much more helpful..at least in my opinion.

JeannetteB...anxious to hear what you thought of the song too....the part where he says it's not gonna bother him to see you cry....wow, that hit home...and kind of explains that blank cold stare I get from Mama at times when I long so much to see the softness of her eyes again...and feel those hugs...she has slept most of the day today and while she seems comfortable, it really magnifies the loneliness.

Today my brother's ex Mother in law popped in at the same time the nurse was here and I can tell her mind is getting really bad...She was a mean old cuss in the days when my brother was married to her demon possessed daughter, but she has mellowed with time..but still every bit as nosy as she always was and still after money...she got going today ...AGAIN...about our lake house and wanting me to do something to keep my brother's current wife from taking it away from my nephews (her grands) in the event my brother passed first. I finally got sick of it and just told her flat out LOOK...there is not one thing I can do about any of that now...YOUR DAUGHTER will be the one to blame if that happens because she demanded it be theirs after my Daddy passed...so don't blame my brother or me...your daughter stuck her nose into something that was none of her business and things have a way of coming back on people. It's sad for me and my nephews but the only one to blame is your daughter. that may have been cruel, but I couldn't take it anymore...she finally grasped onto the idea and went home...

I just watched the Glen Campbell song and them talking about his alzheimers. So sad that people have to live their last days like this. Sometimes I think why does God let them live to be this age but let them have to endure this disease. I sure hope I pass before I get it, At this rate of stress and anxiety I am sure she will live longer than me. I do not want her to go, I will be devastated but really would mom have more peace seeing her brother and sister who she loved with all her heart. Really depressed today, my cousin usually comes on Wednesday to have dinner and chat but she got a flu shot yesterday and is feeling crappy. Disappointed again. I am whiny today, went to my doctor who gives me my Xanax. She went on vacation and the head of the office refilled me with half of what I usually take and my doctor says I have to go to another place for mental health. I get so frustrated that there is a specialty doctor for everything. It used to be one doctor could help with these types of issues. Thankfully I got in Friday pm but now I need someone to come stay with mom because she will be up in the afternoon. My sister took mom to the doctor last Thursday and she said that a social worker and a visiting nurse will come and they will make the home safe. They have no idea what they are talking about her and my bil. They think they are geniuses. I have already done this and basically the only thing I think mom will get is one of those commodes that are higher which will help. The same social worker is going to come out and give me the same numbers he gave me last time, and did not meet my mom at all. The doctor makes you think that you are getting real help but in reality it is just to pacify us into thinking we are getting something. So over it.

Well Fligirl, I thought it was the correct Tuesday also. Gonna try it again today. This time it's AD support group. I wonder what this will be like. Anything to get out of the house today. Mom is in a pissy mood and blaming me for the cars driving by. "Oh, I bet you're happy you put me in this position, aren't you"? I made the BIG mistake of putting on Fox News to listen to the Ebola news.... never again. Ah blah.... blah blah blah day.

Gad you are feeling a bit more chipper hope. Nothing wrong with being able to take care of yourself. I've had the same problem as you.... "why did you do it, you knew I was going to do it"?, well ... if I waited on everyone to do it for me, nothing would be done.

Think I shall check out that Glen Campbell song :) Thank you for sharing it... also, I never knew he had AD :(

FF...yep, I am amazed at how many men I know who cannot fix anything. I can at least fix something long enough to get better help (if even necessary..I can usually fix it right, period)....BUT I do not like to mess with electricity because of the danger element....but anything else I will and have tackled....and Mama was right..being so handy has apparently made me unappealing to most of the men I know...they tell me all the time I think I am better than they are...they say it in a joking manner, but I don't think they are joking....

Today has been much better than yesterday...except animal control came to check on why the neighbor's dogs are running loose. So guess I'll go back to the hardware store and buy more stuff to fix a new section of the fence that the neighbor can't seem to get right....I have made sure she's not escaping through the former corner opening...I made dang sure that is secure...the neighbor put a rock...yes a rock...at the other opening...ugh.

Saw a piece on Glen Campbell this morning and the song he wrote about his Alzheimers back when he was first diagnosed...It was so heart stirring. Of course I had to pull it up on Youtube and the title is I'm Not Gonna Miss You...listening to it kind of brought it home to me (as if anything needed to...but did make me have a good dose of reality) that Mama loves me, it is just this dreaded disease that is/has taken her from us too soon....we are having a better day...I am thankful...

I meant I thought that this was the correct Tuesday

Jeannette I did the same thing yesterday I put makeup on. Asked the companion to come a bit later so I could go to a support group. I called and it is next Tuesday I thought this was the first guess at. I was so depressed because i am falling into another one again and I cannot make next weeks because I have an eye doctors appointment big sigh