My "whine moment today." What's yours?

Glad you are feeling a little better. My advice would be to double check on the left side. But I'm a "better safe than sorry" kinda broad.

GUILT SHMUILT!!!!! Go have FUN!!!!!!

hope, that is GREAT NEWS!! See? God is listening and He provided you some much needed relief having someone buy your house. Things will eventually sort themselves out and we can get back to the life we once had, but on a much deeper understanding level.

LoisC, I am still super impressed how efficient you are on a computer!! I can only hope I am as astute as you are when I reach that wonderful age :) Kudo's to you young lady!

Found out something disturbing yesterday while at my Dr's office for the follow up from my ER visit. He was reading the notes from the X'Ray... he mentioned left side - ribs 9, 10 fractured. I was telling him how the muscles in my back were pulling all the way around my chest... he said something about that being strange that it was affecting my right side... anyway, he said it would be 6 + weeks for it to heal.... I had mom with me and she was a bit fussy, it's hot out and I'm just not feeling it... so I wasn't paying that much attention to what the doc was saying. Just give me some pain pills and let me go ya know? Get out to the car and that proverbial light bulb goes off over my head! LEFT RIBS?? Sub acute/chronic?? I fractured those 17 months ago... they apparently DID NOT take an X-Ray of my spine where the pain is and where I heard it crack. Today was the first day that I didn't have to crawl/creep out of bed... so now I'm wondering if I should go visit the ER and ask them to show me the X-Rays and see if they even looked at the right spot? or should I just let it be, since it seems to be better?

Another dilemma....My oldest brother agreed to watch mom this weekend. my girlfriend and I are going to float the river.... she caretakes for her mom also, she's got coverage too. We will stay here at my house and do whatever we want for 3 days.... BUT ...mom is very frail these days and even more confused/scared/lost. Every time they have watched her she has hurt herself. They do not pay as close attention to her as I do... I am starting to feel guilty about her going away for a few days.... I know it will upset her .... I don't think she really remembers who they are anymore... ahhhh what to do, what to do.

Insane week....If I hear one more of my "never there at all until they think they will be seen" extended family tell me they will "let" me RUN home and GRAB a change of clothes I am going to hurt somebody. Who are these morons....almost three years of no shows and now all of a sudden they are popping in right and left and telling me what they will let me do...the good thing is that is never the good approach to me....I have told them...you are welcome to visit with Mama as long as you like, I am going to DRIFT home and enjoy a bath and perhaps do some things around the house so I will not be back for some time....I am so sick of people trying to make me feel like I need to be sitting right there, like I am waiting for a bomb to explode and the only way I can dare leave the room is to have someone else sitting there doing the same thing...My goodness mercy...while I know it is good to be present, especially for someone like Mama is now...it is not even reasonable to think someone can sit there 24/7...although I have sure given it the old college try. I am done with all these shenanigans...I am doing the best I can and I think I am doing one h*ll of a job....I have told all of them Mama is in great hands while she is in here and NOW is the time for me to be doing what I will need to have done when she comes back home...I told my brother as well you don't need to be telling me when I can or can't go home to do anything. I do stay at night..probably more for me than her...she doesn't need me there except at meal time to be sure she drinks all of her ensure...but honestly they check on her more when I am not there...I have seen they tend to try to put me to wrok when I stay..and Lord knows there is a wagon load of stuff to do at this house....I don't think I realized how bossy and selfish these people are until Mama took her tumble....

On another note, an eleventh hour purchaser is in the process of buying my little home....I will not be making anything out of the deal, but it will pay off the mortgage and creditors and that burden off of me in and of itself will be a blessing...so thank God for that....

Jeannette I hope you are feeling better....I am slowly making my way through the thread to try to see what everyone has been up to....

Too much if she is abusing her son call child protective services that should get rid of her

Oh, Dad's Helper... Yours is a serious dilemma but your last post has had me in stitches.. Old Fart Cart ? I will never enter Walmart w/o thinking about that! And having another chuckle..

He's past that stage where he thinks he can do anything anymore - I cannot even get him into the car let alone onto a fart cart, but I remember the unreasonable requests and comments he made for some time. I have not really convinced him that I am really his wife, Lois - I am a different Lois - and the real Lois should not expect me to do all this work by myself! - Like mowing and shoveling snow, etc.. At least he has tried to be considerate since I am the one taking care of him, etc.

I guess we are nearing the end of this journey of 70 years together. He's in no pain, but is panicky, anxious and soo bored - can't walk or feed himself. His hands just will not do what he wants them to do.

Hospice begins tomorrow... the VNA has been hovering over us for several days until Hospice was finally approved today. Now Marley, our Lab, will have to get used to another new bunch of ladies with names like Amy, Kathy, Debby, etc. she is so excited to meet new folks! Much more exciting than playing catch with me..

So you and JeanetteB - both live in Oregon... We have a granddaughter in Portland. Oregon. She loves it there!! Years ago my dear, departed brother was also a resident - Klamath Falls - enjoyed ocean fishing a whole lot - with our uncle Frank.. A lot different from old Indiana..

Oh gosh, my Dad scheduled a doctor appointment for my Mom without telling me, or checking to see if I was even going to be available. He's never done that before, but I think he was trying to help Mom who looking for that magical hearing aid that doesn't exist.

Thank goodness I asked him who is the name of this new ear doctor who says he can help Mom. Dad said not to worry, he already made an appointment. When is that? Tomorrow at 4pm. Sorry, Dad, you will have to cancel that appointment as I have something scheduled myself that I really need to attend.

I don't know what Dad was thinking, guess he thought he was doing something good but forgot he has to schedule these things through me, because my significant other or myself are my parents' wheels. We are both employed and can't at the last minute leave the building, except for emergencies. And this isn't an emergency :0

f*ck them cats--
eh , wrong thread , nevermind ..

toomuch, if she screams at her son and hits him, she will hit your dad too. Her reaction to stress does not change from one person to the next. You are dealing with someone who may be bipolar or just plain violent.

Fligirl, sorry to confuse and alarm you the HHA hits and yells at her son each day, not my father. Sorry for the confusion.

Dadshelper!! You live in Oregon? Me too!! Have you contacted the Agency for Aging yet? At the least you can get 5 hours a week of paid respite!!

It does sound like you need a nice long break, so look into some free respite care! As far as going crazy?..been there done that have the shirt and decided crazy is a good thing if you're a caregiver :)

My whine moment ...been sitting around for days cuz Dad is feeling bad and not in mood to go anywhere. I did get groceries yesterday as we needed things but he didn't go. So today I decide to rake the leaves, clean driveway & wash car & Dad gets dressed (1st time since Friday when he got bath) andask me when are we going? Going where I ask & he says to store. Told him I went yesterday. Then he asks me for the keys to the car! Hah! He doesn't know how to hook up the 02 bottle nor can he see to drive. Thought I should let him go with or without 02 and see how long before he crashes into something but then I think nope, there goes my vehicle! LOL! It seems when I make a plan for us he is too tired or he is constipated. He thinks if I go to store alone that is my little piece of "freedom" from him and when he feels up to going somewhere I should jump at the chance to haul around 02, get an ol fart cart for him to ride, and let him go thru EVERY aisle at Walmart no matter how long it takes. Yay. Plus when we do go anywhere within 10 minutes he has to pee so we have to find bathroom quickly or he'll wet his pants. God knows how many times he had to dry them with the hand dryer in the public restrooms! I know I should be more accommodating as he is in end stage COPD but come on now, to sit around while he sleeps & gets his energy up, which takes 4 days, and then be ready to say how high when he's ready to jump is frustrating! I am looking into the Senior Companion program and hopefully they can come take him places and hang out with other 85 yr olds. I am 58 and hanging with a bunch of oldies for hours is not my cup of tea. He needs the outside stimulation and I need moments for myself. I have no support group except this site. My daughter lives 2 hours away but is working & doesn't have time to come up here a lot and my son, who just had a baby in March, lives in Alaska so coming to Oregon is tough for him. I haven't seen any of my friends since april 2013 nor my son for that matter! I miss my kids and my friends and although I know I'm the only one who agreed to take care of dad when no one else would, there is only so much of him I can take. Having a child 24/7 is fine as they need guidance. Having a dying 85 yr old with no physical energy, memory loss and unable to care for himself properly is the hardest thing I have ever done! the docs gave him 6 months about 3 months ago and sometimes I think this is it but then he comes alive a bit and I wonder if he'll last longer. It would be nice for him to outlast that 6 month thing but for me it would not. I have seen him go from 192lbs down to 168lbs in the past 4 months, watched his breathing get worse (but he still smokes his e cig) and gone thru so many bouts of constipation that why in God's name would someone want to live this way? Sometimes I think he hasn't come to terms with what he needs to do before he goes and he may think that if he doesn't address it then he will live longer. I've told him that if I ever got to the point he is at, I would take more meds to go quicker. He has no quality of life although he thinks he does because he is still "upright" as he says. He can't make a sandwich so he eats chips unless I fix something, he can't shower alone (we have bath aide), he can't drive because he as macular degeneration in one eye & other eye is losing its sight, and he needs 4L of 02 24/7. But for him being still alive he thinks he's doing great. It's a shit life the way he's living now. Like he's just waiting to go in his sleep. He depends on me for everything and sometimes I just need a break and right now I need a long break as I have done this for 1.5 yrs without a break. I did have a part time job which was wonderful as it got me connected with others but when Dads health went downhill, Hospice said I shouldn't work as he will need more care now. So I haven't worked in almost 4 months and I am going crazy!! I just want this to be over so I can get back to life and get a job so I can retire with some income. No one knows when someone is going to die and even though there are signs that point to "soon", how soon is soon? Months, weeks, years? Not sure how long I can do this alone. I miss my family and life.

Countrymouse, regarding my Dad thinking Mom could have an ear operation.... I know he wouldn't have a clue about cochlear implants.... just guessing, he might have thought a surgeon could go in and scrap out the flaking calcification inside Mom's ear which makes it now difficult for her to use her current hearing aid.

About 3 hours ago I also had trouble with posting on the website.... wrote someone long and the system said it didn't go through... of course it disappeared :0

Tonight is the party, OUT DOORS, and I just found out that they are spraying our neighborhood for West Nile tonight! AAAAHHHHHH!!!!! I can't fit all these people in the house. H*ll, I barely have room for all the food and presents! Big Whine!

OMG she is physically and emotionally abusing your father. CALL THE POLICE. I say that with all the love in the world.

My whine is the usual. I thought there was a break through. A couple of weeks ago our HHA came in very late. She told me she was coming in late, but did not tell my father. Needless to say he was very upset. When she came in he told her off, finally. We stood our ground together and agreed that it would be best if she went home for the day. She vowed not to come back. On top of that we let my sister (who pays her ) know exactly what happened. But rather than address the situation, my sister waited for her to bring the situation to her attention which she never did. I was certain that this woman would be fired once and for all. Nope. She continues to bring her child every day and leaves him with me and my children when she and my father run errands because my father doesnt want to be bothered taking him along. Not only that but she screams at him and hits him through out the day. So of course he is crying loudly. This goes on until they leave. This has taken place for the entire summer. It is clear nothing is going to ever change. Although my father says he is taking back control of his home, she gets angry when I have the "nerve" to tell her what to purchase etc. Everyone walks on egg shells with this woman. She has taken over our home.

How are you, Hope? I've been trying to leave a post for you but connection problems - so slow that I end up with an invalid request message, it's so frustrating.

FF, your parents haven't got the wrong end of the stick about cochlear implants or something, have they? I've been trying to imagine what… operation..? …they could have in mind???

Quitting while I'm ahead and submitting this one quick. Hugs

ive been hand pickin stone all day in the 96 degree sun . i enjoyed the h*ll out of it . gonna be stoning what may be the most beautiful modern farmhouse in the world in the next buncha months . i have no trouble envisioning it fully done altho it hasnt quite broke ground yet . pretty cool . my only whine is the quality of help available . i need control of the job right down to a nose scratching for safetys sake . one of these stones from 25 feet in the air would kill a person . i need one of my past two female workers back . they are attentive to detail and instruction . you turn your head away from a young man and in seconds hes trying to fight a tree or f*ck a cat or something . im being quite serious here . the women operate with finesse . finesse is whats required .

Perhaps you might like this: cok some noodles. At the same time cook sliced broccoli and chopped green onions in Olive oil and sessame seed oil. Cook till tender, adding grated lemon rind near the end. Add hungarian paprika, garlic powder. When vegetable is done add freshly grated lemon.

You can also cook cubed chicken in garlic & oil then combine with drained noodles & vegetables.

Yesterday was hard for me. She walked off. I have been worried about her son (my fiance) at the same time. The stress got to me. He turned out clear on his test & she has had a fairly good day. I wanted to cry today on the way home after his test. No vein blockage for him, and she's tired tonight. She helped with dishes, which she had quit doing. More her normal self.

This reminded me of the weekend. When Mom learned her sister died, she said that she was the last one of the eight. She never thought she would be the last one to go. I told her that mean people live longer, and it meant she was the meanest of them all. She laughed and said she was mean. (This was joking talk, not serious.)

Oh, I hate it when my mother tells me to go find a job. Like when am I supposed to work, Ma? You take up 12 hours of my day. I don't say anything. I just say I'm retired. She has a hard time realizing how old I am now. It's funny, too. I sell things online. She can see me heading out with boxes to mail, then comments I haven't sold anything all year. Not worth arguing, but I admit it stings my pride.

Roni, I think your mother is a good one, isn't she? I guess even the best can have their moments.

Today she told me to go find another job. I told her I would, when she can find someone else to put up with her. I'm feeling guilty for arguing with her. She has already forgotten. BIG Sigh. Thanks for listening to my whines. Time for wine.

I totally agree. The no sight, out of mind has been working great. MOM is the one who Butt into this arrangement. Last time she did, it brought up all the anger...then again today. Next week she won't even remember. Last time she said a week later " I don't know why you all made such a fuss for my birthday. I didn't care. Wow, I guess i DO start a lot of trouble" Yes Mom, You DO!

Oh my goodness!! Seems like there is quite a few of us that need time away desperately!! For those of you dealing with sibling issues, no contact at all, has worked wonders for me. Out of sight, out of mind. If I have a need or a question, I send an email.

Hope, why are they waking you up to help? If you weren't there what would they do? Sweetie, you need to take a deep breath and get some rest. I can't believe you haven't dropped yet with all you've been doing this past week.

Boni, happy birthday to your nephew!! He's a lucky fellow to have you make cut outs from the watermelons!! LOL! That is a lot of work!

You know, I really feel empathy for all of us. I wish I was better at putting my thoughts into words so I could truly express myself. What we do is HARD. Not just the physical work, the mental work is just as hard, if not harder.

Please, someone tell me how long this excruciating pain going to last? I' scared to cough or move to quickly cuz when I do .. I almost drop to my knees in pain. he muscles in both arms are now sore.... each breath I take is a stab of pain... Oh God.... I promise I will never cannon ball into a pool again.... waaahhh You'd think the could just shoot my back up full of lidocain or something similar.

hope, if Mama is in the hospital, why is the staff asking you to help change her underwear? Is your mom anxious about someone other than you doing this?

I know everyone is sick of me at this point....I am going to make one more whine and then head back to the hospital.....I literally feel like I am about to drop dead from stress.....all the judging....all the abandonment....my house will be foreclosed on Wednesday....Mama's numbers are not adjusting the way they should (blood clot issues)......no sleep last night because the CNR or whatever they are called keeps waking me up to help him change Mama's underwear...not to mention they filled the room with that odor ban spray that literally suffocates you when you use more than one small puff of it....God in Heaven.......where are you........

Here we go again about my Mom's hearing.... last week the ear doctor that Mom has been going to for years, who I think is great, told Mom there is nothing more she can do for Mom's ear, thus there isn't a hearing aid made that will help her hear any better. End of story....

Well, Dad called me this afternoon and he said after calling all around to different hearing aid places he found in the phone book, one that sounds good. Say what? What part of "there isn't anything more anyone can do" didn't he understand for Mom's ear. "Oh, Mom doesn't believe the doctor."

At first I said *NO* this trip to a new hearing aid place will be a waste of time because I know it will be 3 or 4 trips. I understand Mom's frustration but she has to realize that her 96 year old ear can't be made to be 26. Then I told Dad ok but if this new doctor said there isn't anything he can do, will Mom stop looking around? Dad said yes. Then Dad said what about surgery? HELLO, surgery on someone over 90? What was he thinking?

Now comes the logistics of trying to find free time so that I can schedule an appointment. It's not like I am sitting by the phone waiting for my parents to call to go somewhere.... I have a career that helps keep me sane.

Captain, clue me in here. Is Ike a motorcycle or truck or what??

Tell your son to explore country roads east of Rte 49 and south of Rte 6. It's called the Valparaiso Moraine (I think) and it is lovely. You will run into county roads and routes around the Hwys, We have part of that Moraine across from our house on 950 North which is a sort of extension of Greening road just south of the Toll Road. The Toll Road bisected Greening when it went in, etc.. I know - kinda' complicated.

Whatever - enjoy your next visit..

Like I said Hope, you just never know when something good might happen. My sis is a b*tch. Minimizes everything I do. questions what we are having for dinner, calls mom drunk and asks her questions that she has no idea how to answer. Starts problems with money etc. Well as of Thursday of this week she hired a caregiver to come in for 2 hours 3xweek. She keeps saying its for mom, but will say its respite for me. I may not like her at all, but I am grateful for this. That was a God thing and you never know when its going to happen. Again, you need tons of hugs.

Party is tomorrow, btw. Today is CLEANING DAY!
My SIL Annie, who you might have seen me mention on other threads, cried when I told her sis was coming. She truly needs a fun break from her mothers bedside vigil. My sister has treated SIL and both brothers, very meanly and rudely for years.
Ok, done whining, back to cleaning.

I am just sitting here in shock right now. And I go back and forth from ok to suicidal ...I hate this feeling...I do not hate my brother...and I want him to be successful and happy, but I do NOT understand why I such a villain...Whatever I do I am damned. If I am firm and speak up..I am damned. If I sit there and take it...I am damned...I hate all of them right now....Mama is the only one in this life that holds me here....I am sitting at our home right now feeling numb, typing with my eyes closed..praying for a peace that never comes...and wondering what I did to bring this much wrath from God....I think it would be a lot easier to not believe in God.....it would make more sense...but nothing about any of this has made sense for a very long time....how a woman as good as my Mama would end up at the end of her life being so abandoned..how a brother I have admired all my life could abandon me...knowing how much I am hurting....how a family that had their butts bailed out every time they got into a financial bind by my parents have just sat there and knowingly watched my house go down in flames....I don't even care anymore about my financial situation. I will bounce back from that one day and again "stuff' doesnt matter anyway....but the only way I can describe the way tehy have made me feel..in a word...DESPISED......for whatever reason....I don't feel just hated...I feel despised....God forgive me if I am feeling sorry for myslef...maybe I am and I am ashamed of that too...but I am so tired from trying to put on a happy face and suck it up and let them keep sending their tacky jagged barbs and just continue to suck it up, suck it up....I do believe in you God....I just don't understand where you are.....