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Today is my nephews 5th birthday. It is one of the 3 or 4 days a year that I actually look forward to FUN! I planned his party, will be doing all the cooking, will get to see my friends from my brothers Law office, that I talk to all the time, but see rarely.
My nephew fills a small part of the void of NOT being with my own grand children for THEIR birthdays. He's a doll and I love him

My "sister" who tore our family apart for years, and said who when Pearce was born that "I'm going to ignore him, why fall in love with a child when you KNOW his father will abandon him sooner or later" Invited herself to OUR party. My brother said NO, until MOM put the pressure on him and he relented.
I look forward to this every year. I go all out with watermelons cut into sharks, and dinosaur pinatas, and pounds upon pounds of my famous home made ribs.
I guess I'll cook and clean and go hide in my room. I TRULY HATE HER!....Can ya tell? lol
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Wow and I thought I had it rough. I have to give you credit for holding it together. You don't think you are but you actually are and that says alot about what kind of a person you are. You are strong and compassionate. Trust me on this, from someone who thinks I am the worst person in the world and I am trying to do good things even though I do not enjoy it at all. You deserve better from your family and I know about sisters and reasons not to come. God Bless you and better things for you, I have faith for myself and so I have faith for you. Hugs..
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Mama is still in the hospital, and it has been one of those weekends of staying there the entire time except for when my brother did come and let me go home for the night to rest...thank God...I needed it...but so interesting...the stayed with her for about 20 hours or so and it is much appreciated...but that is apparently all it took for him to be caught up in everyone's eyes...I am deciding it is not my brothers fault...he is being helpful..I am just so sick of the extended family members who continue with all their whiney excuses for why they can't come and see Mama, why they can't stay with her a few hours to let me do things that I NEED to do....(not just fun stuff, literally things that I need to do to wrap up legal matters on my former life) and their number one excuse is always church related...this one is having Jubilee this week...that one is having an association meeting..this one is a deacon...he HAS to be there ...(otherwise how on earth would people know how to sit down I suppose)...in summation I am sick of all of them...BUT....they ALL think my brother hung the moon...again, not his fault...but I have given up my entire world, lost all of it...my choice I know...my brother is riding high...good...happy for him...but why do these people whom I used to call family put him on a pedestal and think I am a horrid person...It is hurtful...and I don't understand...also, brother's wife, who has not been to see Mama in over two years, heard I would not be at the hospital while brother was staying there so she followed in her car and made an appearance ...then when I texted to check to see if he wanted me to bring some more gowns from home or if they would prefer the hospital ones and she thought I was returning ...she left....again...hurtful....I swear I have never done anything to these people.....other than be here 24/7 for Mama...I don't get it...and I am so fed up....

Then again, the only thing that matters is they can't get the clotting factor numbers or whatever they call them to the correct level, so she can't come home til they do....so it's back to the hospital after a pot of coffee and a few minutes of putting my feet up.....I feel delirious....
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Texarkana, I wish the male designers of those shoes would be forced to wear those pointed high heels or 6" heel shoes or those platform shoes or wedge pumps for a month and see how well they fare :0 Bet we would find more comfortable and safer shoes to wear.
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Ernie, not everyone likes to cook.... I would order carry-out every day if I could as cooking for me is like a science project that goes horribly wrong :P

Why not get those Lean Cuisine quick dinners that you just put in the microwave? The portions are small but that is all someone really needs to eat unless they are football player. The sodium count I found is less in the Lean Cuisine meals compared to others.
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I am not only sick of making the meals, but the clean-up is just as bad. She is getting heavier since she just sits in front of the TV. She will not cook and admits it. The few times she has, I end up cooking something else and still have to clean up her mess! Her idea of cooking is a sub or ordering pizza or takeout. Not healthy for me or her.
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Tex, isn't your mother diabetic? Have I remembered that wrongly? I'm half impressed that her MD is being so conservative, but I'm also half surprised - it's a bit dilatory of him, isn't it? What does he say he expects to happen?
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Not a whine but a vent .Would welcome any suggestions. My mother's has elephant feet and in the 60's still insisted on wearing the fashionable pointed high heels.,Well now even I am paying the price. When I first took her to the podiatrist I wanted just 2 toes amputated that would have solved the foot problems once and for all, they weren't even toes needed for balance. Well she had a bunionectomy first,which required many return visist because it got infected and now the little toe has an abscess because of one of the 2 toes I wanted removed.I am making another appt for tomorrow because this abscess is going to get away from me and just putting betadine on it ain't going to work.Even if it healed it is going to happen again. Her toes on this foot look like Chinese foot binding. These 2 toes are going to have to come off because she will eventually get an infection into the bone and then things are going to really have to get amputated. I know it 's not my foot, I would have already gotten rid of them and moved on but my very vain 78yr.old mother is a nut,not dementia,just a narcissistic person.Putting pins in the toes is just kicking the can down the road.I told her the infections are going to get away from us and get into the bone ,why wait for that,? Just exasperated with her and MD.He is a good MD and I know he doesn't like to amputate but I am really pushing for it this time.Anybody's thoughts?
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lois,
" hilly " is specifically what we wanted . my son isnt familiar enough with the area to take us out very far . it was nice tho . beautiful day . if my ave pic were scrolled out more , you would see three kids holding their hands over their ears . they were making fun of ikes muffler - less - ness .. ike sounds like a pissed off mule in a tin shed is what im sayin ..
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enjoy " bystander " for the time being freq . the last few months of a parents life can get very real for you whether they are in home or NH . youre going to be taking a journey with them and its not all a sad time . youll learn more about yourself if you let them offload their stories onto you . they will want to review their lives . its a somber time . its the changing of the quard . the fact that you have become the community elder will knock the wind out of you ..
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I had to look up everclear. It's apparently illegal in my. Oh well.
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The nicest country roads around here are east and south of Chesterton. We live on one of them - tree-lined, curvy and hilly.. You gotta try again... Look for Greening Road. But perhaps you don't want hilly??
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fligirl58 I know what you mean.... it's like watch TV in our head and every 10 minutes the same commercial will play but that commercial is about *worry* :0

I am trying so hard to be just a *bystander* when it comes to my parents who still live on their own by themselves.... less hands-on care. What will be will be. One can't change the course of life. We can make suggestion for an easier life, by not all the time will one's parent(s) listen. Since thinking *bystander*, I now find myself sleeping better... which means 6 hours of sleep instead of 4.
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fligrl.
i straight up drank 190 everclear about 1 - 2 times a week and ive never felt the need to apologise to anyone for it . i well remember sitting at the pc with a muscle in the back of my neck hammering at times . stress . extreme stress and about a dozen other emotions swirling around .
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correction ; the kids and i went riding and it was nice but not as rural as id hoped ..
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I think that I am becoming stupid. My brain is on overload. I am trying to just play a game where you get letters and make words out of them and my brain hurts. Is dementia contagious? I worry all the time and I cannot stop the thoughts in my head. I am by far the worst worrier ever. I am afraid all the time. I fear how much worse this disease will get. Then I worry if my mom with be breathing when I look in on her in the morning. I stand and watch her breathe and freak out if it looks weird and wake her up and ask her if she is having trouble breathing. I just am looking for a way to control this fear. Can anyone help me please.
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trippy ..
my oldest son lives in chesterton right now . i visited there twice this summer . lois, im from martinsville , bout 120 miles south . chesterton had a nice small town feel and look but trying to find rural enough roads to take g kids trike ridin was not to be . the rural roads were still grid - ish and in suburban " block " form . lots of intersections / stop signs . im going back up there nov 2 lois to see alice cooper in hammond .
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Same here, Boni - Glad you enjoyed our town!!
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Yes, the one I attended was 4 years ago, and I believe the last. The memories I made with my Grand daughter that day will last forever. Plus I took pics, knowing I'll need them someday. lol! Nice to meet you Lois!
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OMG! I was born in Chesterton. 'Lived in IL for my school years when my folks followed their jobs to IL, but moved back after the war -(DH was in England for that) and began our family. We met in HS and both worked in Chesterton since 1946 , working mostly in the local bank and Drs. office.

It's a small world, afterall....

The Oz Fest - a thing of the past now.. big mistake.. Fun while it lasted..
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Lois, Capt IS a GEM alright, and after reading some of your comments and messages I believe you are one too! The BEST things are in Indiana.......mostly my GRAND CHILDREN! They are right up the road from you, in Chesterton. Ever been to the Wizard of Oz festival there?
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Thank you JeanetteB for the encouragement.. Many here have it much worse than I - my hubby is always kind and grateful for my help, tho' he thinks there is another 'Lois' out there. He wanted to be sure that I had notified her that he was in Hospice care this morning. Very thoughtful of him! smiling...
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Captain, you are a gem.. I think you are a northern Indiana gem.. We live in the country south of Michigan City and some of your references make me think that you are not far away, eh?

Our son-in-law is a Forester near Ft. Wayne and we planted over 200 trees on our four acres 26 years ago, so we are tree people.

I wish someone had warned me about leaves in the gutter and all over the 'lawn' and broken branches here and there and everywhere as these trees grow older. LOL - like I should have known, right? We have lots of fun once the 'burn piles' grow large enough and we can have bon fires for the grandkids! 'Have not been warned about burning - the eastern edge of the county it is OK I guess, since all the neighbors have a lot of branches and sometimes logs when a tree will die, etc.
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My mother isn't agitated all the time but when she is, she is! I see her frustration at what's happening to her mind and body. Imagine watching someone do all the things you used to be able to do and now you feel useless and can't express it in a nice, kinder way. She expresses it with bad thoughts/words. She knows things are wrong and it scares her. My mother also says she wants to go home. I'm sure, in her mind, "home" would be a safe place for her. Her husband of 60 years, her mother and father and lot's of her friends are "home". The world she lives in now is scary for her. I don't let her words hurt for too long I know my mom would never say those hurtful things, it's the disease speaking for her. What hurts the most is watching the disease do these awful things to her... I am really trying to make her happy and give her some joy in life. She's like a scared little girl and that just breaks my heart.
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LoisCorrine not only am wishing you luck, but also throwing in prayer that all goes as smoothly as possible for you and your husband. I cannot even imagine being 91 and caring for a loved one. If he goes on hospice he will get all his meds from them as well as using their doctor. Bless you both.
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Well, it's happening. We never anticipated that it would be this way, though.. After several 'funny feelings' he (husband) could not make his fingers do anything. After two shivering, shaking events his legs gave out.. Visiting nurse asked doc for order for CT scan of head to rule out stroke.. No stroke..

So the next step - doc decided that Hospice in home is needed.. Wow! This all inside of one month! I'm still managing here with a transport chair, bed rail and raised toilet seat - but it is harder each day for him.

VNA support begins as well as hospice tomorrow... Wish us luck. We are going to need it. We are both going on 91 and have four lovely children, only two live close by and one is still working.. but they are helping all they can.

He is incontinent at night. He is depressed - how could he not be?! And anxious and nervous - can't relax - feels useless and wants to go quickly. He may get his wish..

We are hoping for an Rx or two for the depression and anxiety, now that his condition has worsened. It might help us all. We shall see what the nurse suggests, etc. It's all new to us -? Any suggestions how it will all go down?
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hope,
my phsyc doc is a bright girl . she instantly reasoned that edna was doing as much good for me as i am her right now . im figuring out her words more every day .
wood cutting is good therapy but a bit short on intellectual stimulation .
goin ta see my aunt, lonely b*stard son 2014
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Ladee, how beautifully written...and Veronica, I agree, they are not delusional, they truly do want to go "HOME".....When Daddy told me at the hospital the last time his Mother and Daddy came to see him last night, I never for one moment thought he was dreaming or delusional, I knew they were getting ready to welcome him home...and like Ladee, when he passed he had the most peaceful, comforted look on his face...after all the pain, the frustration, the aggravation of a medical system that kept poking and prodding, he was through with all of it ...and he was home....even the pastor who was present at the time commented on it...it felt as though there was a warm glow in the room. Mama has had a substantial bloodclot develop in her leg and so is back in the hospital on the heparin...I am praying she will get to come home in a day or so and then it will be the constant monitoring. She is happy, she is comfortable. These things are happening more and more and in my heart I know I need to be ready. I can't say I will ever be ready to let her go, but I know for her sake I have to try because I don't want her to try to stay for me...and I know she would try.....this is the hardest thing on this earth I will ever go through , but it is also the most amazing and I know how blessed I am that God set the wheels in motion for me to be here... I want this all to be about Mama, and to make her as happy and content as she can be, and as confident as possible that my brother and I will be ok after she has gone home....heading back to the hospital...my brother stayed last night, for which I am thankful as I was getting almost punchy...and I think he needed the time with her....blessings to all....comfort and love to your Edna, Captain....you are such a wonderful man...and she is surely blessed to have you there for her....
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good story ladee , thanks
veronica,
my mother was a sunday school teacher for 50 yrs but it was against her beliefs . edna nor mom as they reached the end had any expectations of an afterlife . the end of life is certainly the time to search ones core beliefs i suppose . my mother , in the state of terminal agitation reaxched out for her long deceased brother johnny in her bedroom . she didnt reach out for my deceased dad because her brain was dead until only 70 yr old memories remained . dad wasnt in her life 70 yrs ago ..
supporting a nonbeliever at the end of life is most fascinating as there are no " crutches " ( no offense to believers intended ) . one just worries about their b*stard kids .. you hope your philosophies live on in them . then youve contributed to the betterment of mankind ..
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Talked with a young friend of mine yesterday who has started caregiving for her mom.... she was so frustrated that her mom 'wasn't trying'..... it all came down to, the daughter not accepting that the mom is tired.... she doesn't want to do this anymore.... the Dr's, the tests, the procedures...... sharing with my friend what an honor it is to be with our loved ones when they are doing their own personal preparation for the final exit.....that the greatest gift she can give her mom, is to work on accepting that this is the end for her mom on earth..... and hopefully shared some things with her that would open doors for her mom to have a safe and understanding place to put her own feelings..... I have been blessed to have had some unforgettable conversations with people on that last journey..... they are still teaching us as they leave..... one in particular taught me about the grace of letting go....
This part is not about US..... yes we are going to miss them, and all that goes with that.... but this is their time.... they may need to say some things, they may need to share their hopes of the other side.... they just need a loving and safe place to let us know how tired they are..... and for us to not take it personal....
I was so blessed to be with my mom.... she was so tired, in so much pain.... her last few minutes, she was so restless.... we got her settled and this look went across her face.... I will never forget it and have never been able to put words on the expression on her face.... bliss just doesn't seem to explain it either.... but what ever she saw, made her the happiest I had ever seen her..... and for all the rough times after her death, I could remember that look on her face and be at peace with still being here missing her......she was ok..... she was tired and it was her turn...
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