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Totally agree hope22!!! It does usually fall on ONE person (normally a female) and people DO tend to assume if you have a large family that you've got all the help in the world. NOT!! Funny how people tend to disappear when you most need them. I'm thinking there is a lot of stupid idiots out there.... clueless people fer shur. Personally, I find it so much easier without my siblings around. Life is quieter ... I can make my own decisions and go about doing what needs done. Not to mention it keeps my crazy level down.

Why is it, our mother's at times, find our ailments funny? My mom did the same laughing bit yesterday at the Dr's office. Her blood pressure is awesome. Mine is about to explode at any moment. Seriously. Anywho, she laughed and said ha ha mine is better than yours. *smirk* well that *smirk* quickly faded when I told her if I had a heart attack or stroke her next stop was a nursing home cuz her precious sonnnnsssss where damn sure not going to do what I do. HA!

Get your happy back hope22....life seems easier when you ignore the stupid and find sunshine. Speaking of sunshine and summer.... it can be 98 degrees outside and someone I won't mention will wear a sweatshirt and jacket. I finally had to hide her knit hat cuz I swear she'd wear that too!! Last night she must have been cold (I'm sweating buckets) so what does she do? She piles blankets, shirts, socks... on top of the DOG!! LOL!! She likes to project her feelings/wants onto the dogs . hehe... this is how I know what SHE wants. If she says the dogs are probably hungry, it means she is.... if the dogs have to go potty, she means she does.... never a dull moment trying to put the puzzle together :D
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One semi comical incident this past Sunday .....my brother had dropped by for his weekly visit and I have just learned to try and enjoy those. He does bring my lunch and the conversation is pleasant enough...We were sitting there enjoying Mama and all of a sudden, I'll be danged if here his ex mother in law was standing there at the door...as usual, dropping in....so in she came....all dressed to the nines..as always...and started up with her usual whining about how hard her life is....THEN, I'll be danged if here didn't roll up one of my brother's friends, in his fancy ass convertible sports car...dressed to the nines, wearing shades...looking like Richard Gere in American Gigolo, and here I sat, in my loungewear, no makeup, hair not even combed, thank God I had bathed, but you know what? I didn't want to deal with it so I just got up, told my brother "deal with em" and I went to bed. Didn't come out til everyone was gone and let my brother take care of Mama til I got back up...that may just start happening a lot more....looking back it was almost like a Seinfeld episode......
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helpontheway...yes, thank you! on a very positive note, the dentist came out yesterday afternoon, looked at Mama's teeth, told me the one that was broken appeared OK, no inflammation and apparently no issue...the one that is loose, he said, is not compared to so many he sees in the elderly and he did not think it would ever be a problem for her, especially as she is on a totally liquid diet and does not chew...he told me that if it was his mom he would just let it be..which seems to be the consensus of what I am hearing, but he also said if we decided to have it removed, he would COME TO OUR HOME and do so....thank you God! yes, it made me feel hopeful just knowing there are actually some good caring folks still in the health care industry... so that was a very positive moment...and so I will live on that one for a while...
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I think I have finally figured out it doesn't necessarily mean you come from a bad family, a family of weirdos, mean folks, do gooders or whether it is a huge family or just a few, it ALWAYS seems to fall on ONE person to do it all...and I too HATE it when folks assume with their stupid "can't you get so and so to do it? " wth .....why heck no I can't ....if I could do you think I'd really be this po'd and crazy by now? My ultimate conclusion is that unless and until you have physically taken care of someone 24/7 who is totally bedfast you will NEVER understand the absolute and total insanity that frequents my soul. I am often ashamed at myself for feeling like such a worn out and utter failure and then at the same time, I KNOW without a doubt not one single one of the blasted bible thumping holier than thous that permeate my family would still be able to do this with as much grace or composure as I am...And I also know they would not have done it in the first place, but they sure would have stopped a long time ago.....I am also learning to not take it personally when Mama laughs at me at the most innapropriate times...yesterday, while changing her, I literally felt..and heard something pop in my shoulder...it hurt like hell. I screamed out and she just started laughing up a storm...I know that is normal with dementia..it used to make me angry, but I try to suck it up and go on..but if I am being honest I think it still makes me mad...why is that when i know she can't even help it........the other day, when I finally gave in to the dark side and just had to accept that for now I am not going to be that great to be around all the time, I kind of went off on social media and changed my normally happy go lucky personal picture to a picture of total darkness, except for a few stars...because that is where I am at right now...I feel totally alone...I know that God is around....it sure feels like sometimes He's kind of busy doing other stuff though....but one of my idiot high school friends who KNOWS my situation and who, by the way, bragged about how they were taking in her Dad, turned a den into a bedroom for him, on and on it went...and he is still of complete sound mind, able to go dancing at the local church social....took her all of one and a half months to put his ass in AL.....and they didn't have to stay home and be with him, just moved him in with them and in a month a half his butt was gone...and she would msg me about how fed up she was within two weeks of his being there....but her comment on my new profile picture was... "beautiful".....REALLY???? I was saying, without saying it...my soul at present is in a place of utter and complete darkness...and the bitch is saying "beautiful" stupid idiot....
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ASSA im off now for a walk and a coffee somewhere? its my escape! costing me a fortune in coffees but keeping me saine! its nice to meet normal people and have a normal conversation with strangers whove no idea what youre going through? i just put on my happy face and none knows the crap in your life!!
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mums in the middle of a dispute with her sister she wants to visit but mum dosnt want her to? im been dragged into it but dont want to know anymore. My aunt is nuttier than my mum and selfish the last time she visited last year she expected me to wait on her? i just want to stay under the duvet until its all over!
I can see my mums point so i snap and tell her "whats the problem if you dont want her to come then say so?" but mum just goes on and on and on about all the things my aunt has done to her in the past 70yrs? enough already!
I want to run naked out of here and just keep going until i find some peace! im now just wondering just how long more can i hang in here? my fortune teller said alot will be sorted by september? thats not far away BUT it feels like ten years away! my court case is in October so please god it goes my way and then i can finally start to make plans i am now just trying hard to concentrate on ME and getting fit again ive started cycling again and my legs are like bricks!! but i can feel a bit better fitness wise i just have to keep it up when im not out of breath after my ride ill now im getting there! its a hard job to look after a dementia patient its HARDER to look after yourself because you can get so depressed and lose motivation! i had a holiday to look forward to which helped so i got to keep going keep planning ahead more wkends away take up a hobby i may do spanish lessons anything to stop me cracking up? i went to the free courses board last week and the only thing available course wise was a forklift truck driver course PUT ME DOWN i said anything to get out of here and do something? HA! who knows maybe my future will be driving a forklift?? the woman looked at me funny? i said your not sexist are you i mean its ok for a woman to drive a forklift? yeh im losing it!!! cant wait to pick up boxes with my forklift! may come in handy here for picking up mums depends!!!!!!!!!!!!!! oh god help us all!
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Assa! hang in there! ive just done my angel cards and it keeps coming up "show more compassion" i try i do really try but waking up everyday like "groundhog day" to constant moaning and negativity sucks your energy! i want my life back and to be around happy shiny people!!!!!
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So tired of everything... Tired of the whining, tired of effing waiting for Mom to get out of bathroom, get dressed, finish eating, forget making a decision!!! If I hear it's cold one more time! It's friggin July in Massachusetts!!! It's summer for God's sake...Moan, moan,moan, moan....

Dementia sux!!!!
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assholes on the roads are busy looking out for me . i WILL stick em in the fence if the forget about the buffer zone ..
this aint mine and ikes first rodeo ..
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Woohoo!! ive just won 4 euros on the lotto!! see not such a bad day! ah lifes not so bad!
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We know you were kidding! youve had your fair share of whining on here! id much rather be cramming stumps through a splitter all day than clean up things here! ah youre getting old and crabby you need LOVE and a good meal!!! have a great time in chicaggy as mum calls it! told her you were going and shes jealous she loved it there! and stay safe watch out for assholes on the roads! i always think "bike" when im driving but then im a good driver!!
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i was only kidding earlier . i guess youd have to cram stumps thru a log splitter all day , come home feeling youve been run thru a log splitter then sit down and crack open the whine thread to get the joke .
crappy joke i reckon .
you guys elbow deep in caring for crazy elders need to whine .
i wish everyone good luck and a better evening / weekend ..
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Susan ive read that they become afraid of water? its advised to run a luke warm bath for them and have all thier towels soap etc.....nearby so they know what they are doing? also the bath is not too full half fill it? ive tried this with mum and the first time she seemed happy that it was all organised for her? maybe give it a try? mum washes everyday at her sink and is bathing once a week so not too bad yet? but i am just honest with her when i tell her politely "you smell" she will go and have a bath! OK so then she comes down nice and clean with her depends hanging down her leg BUT shes had a bath lets not push it eh?
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apparently she has GREAT patience with MOM??????? maybe she should be waxed and put in a museum for the person who had the most patience with elders bully hoo hoo for her! shes put me in a bad mood hate these martyrs with no real dept and honesty Mmmmmm would i love my life back OR clean up pee and poop all day? Mmm thats a hard one oh what a terrible daughter i must be?
Sorry needed to rant really get pissed by this BS. Must be so great to have normal cutsie elders?????????wtf.
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kazzaa, some people don't realize we are not all the same age, with the same health, with the same cookie cutter elder parents.

I know I whine about driving my parents but I do have a reason to whine... I hate to drive.... I get panic attacks.... it makes me physically exhausted. That isn't the case with everyone else, we are all different with different levels of patience, different personalities, etc. I wish others would remember that.
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My whine is MAGGIE MARSHALL??????? who the hell is this witch? shes doing a great job with her mom bully for her she just told me to back off if im not looking after mum AS A GIFT? who are these a@#holes on here who think they are do-gooders and when we rant and cant cope we should all just run away and leave mum to family? boy did she piss me off but theres always a few on here isnt there? you know the martyrs who think we are bad people because we rant and are honest at not coping with living with a mad person? or maybe im mad? get really sick of these "holy joes" piss off and give some real advice and dont come on here and tell us HOW WELL youre coping with MOM! BS
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My whine is the usual tonight. The shower. So far this week, I've been able to keep her on the every other day shower schedule. Last week she went 5 days without one, and went round and round with her about it every day.

Come September, I am shelling out $800 to have the tub cut down so there's an opening for her to get in and out without having to step over the tub. And you better believe that every time she fights me on the shower, I am *going* to remind her that the tub was made accessible for a reason. I think if she had her way, she wouldn't shower until then. (sigh)
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Well my mums mum was very ill with kidney problems and died young so my mum being the eldest had to do it all from an early age so youd think shed understand but with the dementia they become self-centered she was never like this! she has no idea how much hard work she is its her constant moaning i cant take anymore it dosnt matter whats done for her she will have a moan BUT she was always that way the illness just made that worse!
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You're right, Kazzaa.... we do get advice from those who have never been a Caregiver.... even my parents give me advice, and they never cared for their own parents :P
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Well FF i suppose he comes from a fairly "normal" family and like alot i know people just assume its not badness its just people dont know how hard it is or what peoples situations are!
I get it all the time "well you cant do this alone where are your brothers and sisters surely they HAVE TO help? then im too embarrassed to tell them what a selfish family i have as its a small town and it would get around in no time and ive enough shit without people talking about what a lousy family i have and looking at me with pity!!
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When my significant other was asked to fly out of town, by his manager, for an extended period of time, he refused citing that he is helping me with my aging parents [92 and 96] who still live in their own home....

His manager said "can't other family members help?... how about their church?".

My whine is why do other people assume everyone comes from a large family of siblings and grown children who live in town? And why do they assume we or my parents belong to a church? Neither I nor my S/O have any of the above.
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Capn stop your "whining" we all work like two borrowed mules everyday 24/7 with no freedom!!
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Cap you might have worked like a borrowed mule today but your acting like an old crotchety one!!!!!
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hope22 I am so happy that you found a dentist to come. It's good to know that there are still good, honest and caring people around.
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Its the WHINING THREAD, cap, surely you're making a joke? Lol! I'm back in South Holland, btw, darn bully older bro sent me running home. Hard to stay with someone like him, who even looks at me like I am "less than." That's my whine.

And looloo, JessieBelle, I understand about the scams. Its a shame there isn't more regulation to prevent companies, mail order stuff, home improvement contractors, all of it, from targeting elderly. I find it telling that one of the biggest abusers of this sort of thing, at least in my house, is the AARP themselves! They send my dad monthly "renewal" notices and cards for "new memberships." My father tells me he has sent them money several times but they keep sending new cards, saying he needs to send money. Hm. It just doesn't look good when the AARP is engaging in this sort of predatory mailings, too.

I've signed this house's phone number up for "Do Not Call" list but there are still regular calls to try and sell home monitoring, home safety, call buttons - that sort of thing.
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i work like a borrowed mule all day , come home and have to listen to all this whining . maybe ill go find the cooking thread and tell em about my salami sandwiches . theyre not so dam downtrodden over there ..
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Well, be careful what you ask for...lol.....others on here have heard me whine about hospice. And I absolutely KNOW they are great about so many things, but as some of you know I finally changed providers, was soooooo excited as they roared in with all the bells and whistles and all the promises of what they were going to do....some of it did happen, right at the first, but now...has been almost an entire week and had a bathing aid one day this week (monday) although they had said they would be coming in the morning from now on, because that is what they promised...anywhooooo, the main thing that made me change providers was the seeming lack of concern over my Mama's dental issue, specifically the loose tooth, as it appears the broken one may not be an issue, nonetheless, they were "on top of it" "working on it".."getting it done"...long story short...no further than we were this time last week...in short, there is not a dentist in this small southern town who wants to deal with it, one even went so far as to say they did not think it would look good to have an elderly patient come in on a gurney...and besides they are covered up with their younger patients getting them ready for school...well...ok.....I have worried and worried that this tooth is going to come out during a time when I am not sitting right here and Mama will swallow it and choke to death....BUT today I remembered our old family dentist, who has now passed, but his son assumed his practice. I called his office for what reason I am not sure but I have to believe the angels were on Mama's side . We were talking and I had not even asked him, when suddenly he told me, "let me just come out to your home and see what I can do".....OMG.....this amazing professional is what I would have hoped most professionals would be but are far too often not anymore...so he is headed this way to see what he can do to help her before the weekend...and I only called him this morning...I am exhuberant... got Mama all changed and ready so after she can just take her afternoon nap....oh thank you Lord...this has been driving me out of my mind....
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JessieBelle -- scammers, don't get me started on scammers! We're lucky that nothing awful has happened yet, but they're EVERYWHERE. Several times a week in the mail, I rip up magazine subscription 'invoices' which aren't even invoices. Someone at the bank convinced my mother last week to open up a line of credit! I cancelled it the minute the letter arrived. Last year, another jerk salesman tried to sell my mom solar panels, plus financing. AND, I strongly suspect that the air conditioning company sold her a brand new unit ($$$) when she may well have not needed a new one, but I don't know that for sure. My mother's no longer online anymore, thank goodness for that, because she's received a few very tricky phishing emails that I had to re-read a few times to make sure they actually were scams. It's never ending, how vigilant we have to be.
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You do just that Me1000 !! :)))

Kaz... this will be my 3rd winter in Oregon. Every winter I swear that I am going to pack mom up and winter back in Florida. Sigh. So far that hasn't happened. Lack of sunshine just about kills me during the winter. Winters are the WORST!
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JeanetteB, your right :) We are all here for the same reason, and Im going to just jump in I guess and make myself at home everywhere here and try to help anyone I can.
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