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I think the diary will come in handy when I have to explain to her doctor (and siblings) how things are going downhill.
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Decided to start a diary of mom's daily issues today. I think I'm going to need it to keep track of her decline, as it seems every week there's something new. Today it was, "Is it 8:00 in the morning or 8:00 at night?" (Broad daylight, bright sunshine outside - I know it stays light later in the summer, but....) That's a new one. She's usually very oriented to her surroundings, other than needing to know what day it is so she can take the right pills out of her pill box. This is the first time she's mixed up day/night. Sad.
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I bought a beach house and because my selfish sister won't give me a break, I have to bring my 90 year old father on weekends. Yippie, my walks on the beach have turned into getting him his 3 meals a day, giving him his supplements and steering him around. Is the ever going to end?
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Cap, I don't post much, but I read these comments every day and I have missed yours.. Was just thinking about you yesterday...

'Glad you are back with your wry, witty comments. They come across to me as sincere and realistic..

Have a great day!
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Tex and Emjo, thanks for understanding about my scapegrace brother. He has a lovely girlfriend who's put up with him for - gosh - pushing twenty years, it must be; but no she's not such a fool she'd count on him for anything much. Damned if I can see what's in the relationship for her (I have said cruel things about doormats in the past, I confess, but I'm trying to be a reformed character and stop wanting to shake her), but I'm grateful for his sake that she still cares. Actually I worry about him too. We're all a bit scarred, but I think he's worse than that - I've wondered before if he's anorexic, for example. He is a very damaged, very self-destructive man. But I put him in my "too difficult" file a long time ago.

Mind you, my mother put every problem she ever faced in the "too difficult" file! - that's how come we're all in this pickle. I find it sad but sweet that she still worries about this brother. Not that it would help him to be told that, it would just give him something else to beat himself up about.

I think he's lost two lower front teeth, but I couldn't quite believe my eyes and how do you check without staring?
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Sherridene, what a strange brother! He doesn't like hospitals? Well isn't that odd - I mean, everyone else I know absolutely adores them - how else would you explain why we're all prepared to go and visit our friends and relatives when they need us?

Apologies for the sarcasm. It's just that sometimes nothing else will quite scratch the itch. Hope your daughter had a fantastic time in Oz!
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JessieBelle, it's ok to talk bad about my brother. Sometime he can be a real pain in the butt. He hasn't always been this way, just in the. Last 4 or 5 years. He really earned the worst sibling of the year award on Christmas Day. My Mom has COPD and asthma and went into respiratory distress Christmas afternoon. I had to rush her to the E.R. I gave my brother a choice between taking her to the hospital or staying at my house with my daughter (I'm a single parent). He went home and left my daughter home alone. On Christmas! I think I am blessed with the greatest child. She was so understanding about the whole thing. I called frequently to check on her and went home several times that day. I still feel guilty about her being home alone that afternoon but she always says I understand that Granny needed medical help and I was ok so quit beating yourself up about it. What a great person she is. Very proud of her. She came home from her trip to Australia to a clean room and a thoroughly vacuumed carpet (my stress reliever is vacuuming) it was the first thing she noticed and commented about when she saw it :)
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Sherridene, I think your brother just took the worst sibling award. He sounds like a real whiny baby. I would have asked him if he'd fallen off the wagon again or something. Sorry -- don't mean to talk about your family so bad, but this was the worst I've heard. You asked so little and he couldn't even do that.
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I just have to say EVERYTHIGN TAKES FOREVER when I take my mom on an outing. she is so SLOW.
I want to blame it on her, but really, I have to think in God's time frame.
It's truly not her fault that I forgot to put the handicapped parking tag on my visor (thank God I didn't get a ticket).
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My whine moment is putting up with brother who refuses to help with Mom. Mom was admitted to hospital on Sunday. I tried to call my brother to let him know. Of course no answer. I called back the next day and he said he must have been out side or had already gone to bed and the phone was not working. Same excuse he always uses when he doesn't want to answer the phone. Anyway... I let him know Mom was taken to the hospital by ambulance due to difficulty breathing and I ask him if he was going to come and visit her in the hospital. He said he does not like hospitals and did not want to see Mom sick. When I got frustrated at him for not wanting to see her, he just laughed at me. I asked him if he would at least pick her up when she is released because I had to drive down the Los Angeles to pick up my 14 year old daughter who was returning from a trip to Australia. He said he did not want to and ask if there was anyone else who could do it. What a sh..t ! I ended up making the 600 mile round trip to L.A and hurrying back to get Mom. Feeling frustrated and hurt and thinking some not to pleasant thoughts about him. If a person could be prosecuted for their thoughts I would be getting the death penalty! On a brighter note, some of the nurses I work with were doing overtime at the hospital where Mom was and took fantastic care of her.
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My whine for today -- Mom is feeling better today. This is a good thing. The bad thing is that she started arguing with me again. It drives me crazy. I'll say something and she'll challenge it, then accuse me of arguing with her. That drives me crazy when she does that, since it cuts off any communication between us. Maybe it is why she does it, the contrary old woman!
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Somedaysmile....it will be ok sweetie. Hang in there. You are doing the right thing for both you and Mom.

One of my siblings asked me today if I will keep Mom at home until she passes away, or will she eventually go to an NH. (Kind of funny she asked, since we've been talking on here about the "line in the sand" lately in terms of when you decide to make the decision to place your loved one in a facility.) I told her what my determining point was - complete medical incapacity (like a stroke) or inability to walk at all, even with help. I discussed it (again) with Mom today, and we went over things again in that regard, and she agrees that I should not have to provide care for her if it is not reasonable for me to do so - in other words, she doesn't want me to have to get a Hoyer lift into the house to move her because of her size, if she can no longer move herself. (We discussed that pretty specifically, which is a good thing, because it's a distinct possibility.) That's the first time one of my siblings has asked that question - I guess I'm glad she did, because they need to know where we stand on that.

Somedaysmile - you'll be ok. But don't rush into anything. Take some time to "grow into" your home without Mom there, and slowly reclaim your life.
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ya do your best somedaysmile . most elders require round the clock healthcare when they decline to a certain point as determined by their pri care doc usually .
my apology for getting a little snippy on your thread the other day jeanette . i dont mind hearing about my percieved shortcomings but if i was a bit defensive its because my lifestyle isnt all that dysfunctional , just different than most and a bit on the frugal side .
for example , 15 years ago i looked kinda silly driving around in a 51 chevy work truck . now that construction has taken the worst beating of any sector of the economy and most contractors have wiped out and had their shiny trucks repo'd , the old 51 makes pretty good sense now ..
intimidating appearance ? tell that to the tons of kids who love and trust me from the moment we meet ..
still , i apologise . shouldnt be such a defensive jerk ..
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I put mom in a nursing home today. Her attitude was wonderful but I cried a bunch. Hospice is great. I feel relief then I'm in tears. I miss my parents so much. I'm soooo sad and yet I'm ready to live. Bitter sweet.
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Heck yeah! and she was crazy as h*ll but very graceful and personable even though she had just killed William holden who was floating in her pool.
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Good one Linda! mums just been on the phone to sis i was in the bath all i hear is laughing and joking??????? she was moaning and groaning before the phone rang? amazing isnt it? dr jekyell and mr hide!!
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tex, all I could think of when I realized what was happening is that scene in Sunset Boulevard where the leading lady comes down the stairs, saying something like " I'm ready for my close up, Mr. DeMille."
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It's really pretty amazing - it took about 3 minutes. It should help considerably, especially after we get her a new pair of drugstore reading glasses. Hopefully she'll be interested in reading again. I was surprised though, to learn that quite a number of people with cataract implants develop this later. kazzaa, your holiday in Spain sounds wonderful - enjoy!
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I also never new the hidden Academy Award acting abilities my mother had until I had to start living with her full time. As a child I knew something was wrong with her, now I know she secretly ....was an actor.
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Linda mum has to have this lazer thingy done too ive noticed shes not reading her books anymore just the newspapers!
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Me too - it will really help with the boredom if she can read again. I left there thinking "she did it to me again....I'm handling her like I know I need to and she turns it around so I look like Cruella de Ville!" Under the bus again.....got permanent tire tracks on my head. My son told me my "give a d**n" is broken. I told him I'm not seeing a repair in my future.....
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Linda22 you wicked evil little-old-lady abuser you..!!!

I promise you, they've got her measure. I will put money on it that everyone there was role-playing! And, seriously, well done getting her there at all - hope the procedure does the trick.
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Rant warning...... Mom has refused all offers of reading material, saying it doesn't hold her interest. Well, a month ago, she let slip that she's having vision problems. So we contacted the social worker at the NH and they got her an eye exam appt. I called her last night to remind her I'd meet her there - she's wigging out "so scared, so worried" - usual game. Then I tell her the doc is a close friend of ours, whom she's met and poof! Polly Perky. We're sitting in the doctor's exam room, the tech is doing the prelims and she's now quietly snuffling into her tissue because she's just so scared. I reassure her, telling her it just the same old exam that she's always had. The tech reassures her. The doc comes in, fusses over her, she repeats the scared and concerned speech. We go to transfer her to the chair, I caution her firmly but nicely NOT to release the lock on the knee of her brace and God help me, my filter is gone and don't I tell her "please get yourself positioned on the chair before you release because if you release and your legs fail, you're going down on your a**". My friend the doc just looks at me funny and I realize that my mom is now putting on an Academy Award performance with everyone. She's got them all thinking she's the perkiest, cutest little old lady, so sweet. BAM! Once they starting fawning over her, she went from eliciting sympathy to having them think she's the spunkiest, amusing little lady. He tells her she needs this simple procedure that might be able to be done today. So now we need to get lunch because the surgeon can see her at 1:30. I go to order sandwiches - "I don't eat much - they all look too big." A full grilled ham and cheese, chips and juice later.......we've just played the eating game. By the time the surgeon was there discussing that he was going to poke a hole in her eyeball with a laser, she's smiling and chatty. From crying over an exam to upbeat about a laser on her eyeball. And I'm sure my friend is wondering about me - after all, here's this dear little lady with one cloudy eye, the other is 20/200 and what kind of neglectful daughter am I that I had no clue she had these ongoing problems. I need donuts...
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I have no car so i cant put cat in kennel as its too far away and the last time i put him in one he was traumatised not surprising as it was not well run and i swore never again he wouldnt eat and his bed was wet when i went to pick him up? there are some very good ones but you have to travel. Im not worried too much because mum looks after him better she will see hes in and out fed as she knows how upset id be if anything happened to him. My sis will look after him when it suits her and her plans but ive written down instructions my brother sent her an email to look after the cat or else!!
Im ok not stressed just typical her she thinks coming home is to catch up with friends etc you know spend as little time with mum as she can. Im in holiday mode now and am excited just to get to the airport let alone a different country hey even the bus ride will be exciting and i hate buses just to be going away from this madness!
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Well guess what? sis rang to say she is meeting friends in sat night and can my brother not stay? Told her the point of her coming home is to look after mum and make sure shes not on her own at night? told her to sort it with brother if he says no then she has to cancel her friends and stay here. Im shaking and i havnt even packed yet?
Selfish cow! its just not going in told her mum is getting worse that she fell out of bed she laughed??????????
God help me!
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If you hear anything like that, take you cat and leave immediately telling mom you obviously don't need me.
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Sorry Kaz Mum will probably be as good as gold while you are away and clean up after herself and tell sis what a lazy slob you are and she has to run around after you
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I would definitely kennel the cat. Anyone tried to hurt one of my fur kids and I'd make their worst nightmare seem like a happy place!
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What do you think would happened if you sorta "forgot" to come home on time? Do you have the key to her Paris apt, maybe show up there for awhile because you though your sis and mom should spend more quality time together? Before possibly doing this , I would definitely put your cat in a kennel somewhere your sister doesn't know where it is.
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Well its only until i had a mild stroke that shes even bothered to come home much now but its not good enough she is single has plenty of money and originally was coming home every six weeks? that never happened? she has 10 weeks holiday a year and has already had 2hols this year BUT she will come here to relax?? Please!
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