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She thinks we dont need her??????????? says she cant afford her she can? she just thinks i can do it all? the mess is getting worse! everyday is stressful bringing down mountains of clothes to wash some not even worn. I wish i could threaten to leave but thats not possible YET? thankgod im going away i think a nurse needs to have a serious word with her nobody ever talks to them and tells them they cannot live in thier own home unless there is some help coming in. All my mum does all day is MOAN it sucks the life out of you. Shes been out gardening today and the garden is like a junk yard stuff everywhere im just so fed up with this constant cleaning i am very houseproud and i cant bear a mess so not good for my nerves!
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Not a whine, just little story that may warm your heart. A neighbour found a kitten in the middle of a back road desperately trying to eat road kill and they were going to take her to the shelter. We all know what that likely means :(. She'd struggled so hard to survive I couldn't let that happen so yesterday I picked her up and, after a stop at my vet, she came home to join my crew.

She's about six weeks old, tiny and desperate for affection so she's not feral, just likely dumped (some days I hate the human race!). It will be a couple of weeks before she can do a meet and greet with the rest of the gang. Full of fleas, lice and worms she has a huge dog crate in my sun room for now with a radio for company. She's so sweet, full of energy and afraid of nothing. I will be taking down my sheer curtains lol Her name is Lucy.
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Why's she taken against the cleaning lady, Kazzaa?
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Big whine! mum dosnt want the cleaning lady coming in anymore? i am just not putting up with this crap i am less stressed knowing she is coming for 3hrs a week as she does things that i just dont have time to do like cleaning out every room etc... will have to get the nurse up as i cant be doing with her BS anymore! they have no idea the stress the constant cleaning,cooking searching for thier crap making phone calls because they cant hear? shes pushing her luck now illness or no illness if she fires the cleaning lady i will refuse to do anything see how long that lasts!
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freqflyer, can you tell your folks that in order to juggle what you do for them and your own responsibilities, you are streamlining some things. And one of them is ordering groceries online and having them delivered. That yes, there will be a delivery fee but this is a necessary expenditure to help you help them. It was hard for my mom to understand that me being her personal shopper meant me making changes to work this task into my life. Little things like substituting another brand, big things like getting Christmas giftcards for the grandkids instead of specific items from various stores. But she's gotten used to it.- if she wants her favorite face cream, she knows that she'll wait a week or so since I'll order it online rather than running to the mall.
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I think we all do this lisarose! I cant seem to delete dads number from my phone either! Its tough i miss him he was a support on the phone as he knew what mum could be like! Dads gone 7mths and it still is hard to sink in!
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My whine...every day a message pops up on my computer screen to call my mom and ask her to get up and get ready to go eat lunch across the hall at her assisted living. I see this every day and don't have the heart to remove it since I lost my mother last month. I miss her.
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I really feel for you, I have to do all the cooking and cleaning to. You know I think it is ok to grab fast food some times, but the rest of it we need to eat healthy to keep up with all this?
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Today is not a good day. I....I will try not to make this wordy and to just encapsulate what I feel today. I live with my 'ill' mother. I have been with her for 11 years since my father passed away. I gave up my independence to 'help her out' and me financially. Five years ago (although it seems much longer) she suffered a stroke leaving her with vascular dementia.
I have started jobs and had to leave them due to her increasing and unpredictable needs. So essentially, this has become my job with just a little outside housekeeping to add to the household income. So, my income is pretty much 1/2 of the household rent (i.e. around $500). With all that I do and am limited to do, I am grossly underpaid. She could not hire someone from the outside to live here and do what I do.
So even if I were to make what I theoretically should make, I WOULD NOT DO THIS JOB AGAIN IF YOU PAID ME!
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Since my parents no longer drive, I get their groceries for them. Every week I pick up Mom's grocery list which is a pre-typed list of Mom's regular things she buys weekly, all she needs to do is circle what she needs.

The past few months I've been using an on-line service to order the groceries and the next morning, before work, I drive up to the front of the store, give the employee my name, he checks his list, and loads up my car, everything already paid for, takes 5 minutes. Then I drop off the bags at my parents house. Whew, what a time saver :)

Anyway, my whine is that my Mom wants me to still go into the store and get certain items because she doesn't like some of those on-line items [even though they are the identical product]... "it taste funny", or "cost 10 cents more".... ARKKKKK, that is defeating the purpose of me using the on-line service.... to save ME time because I still work.

This on-line service also has home delivery service, I am so tempted to use that, but I know my parents would squawk big time at the delivery fee.

Now, if my parents would have moved to the retirement village, they themselves could go grocery shopping every single day as the village offers that transportation free of charge.
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Oh JB we all have days like that and going through the garbage has become the norm here! Mum keeps losing her hearing aid? i found it once in the garbage? all mums meds are free thankgod so is her hearing aid but the absolute hassle of getting a new one is not worth it. I suppose i shouldnt whine though as i dont know what id do if she had to pay for all her meds?
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Ha!....Daughter was talking to me online just now and was asking how her grandma was doing (my mom). I explained what her days are like now - potty accidents, me washing multiple loads of laundry to wash sheets and chair pads, no shower unless I push the issue, won't get dressed, sits in bathroom for 30-45 minutes at a time until I'm calling out to her to come out (she's not "doing" anything, just sitting there - and then she forgets to wipe & flush!), barely walks anywhere unless I push that issue as well, nearly fell when we went to b'fast on Sunday - almost took me with her - and memory failing.

Daughter said, "wow, Mom, I wish others could see how much you're having to do for grandma!"....yes well....as my ex used to say, "Wish in one hand and sh*t in the other and see which one gets full first!"
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Success! I retrieved the garbage from the curb and went through it. There it was -- the glaucoma medicine. I guess I'll have to start doing a trash inspection for taking it out. No telling what I might find.
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Oy! What a day. Started by taking Mom to the doctor and getting a lab test. Opened a coke and it squirted all over my crisp white pants while we were out. :( This afternoon Mom made an appointment with a telephone soliciting company that I knew would be a scam. She didn't remember the name of the company, so I couldn't cancel the house work. Fortunately, the man called me this evening and hung up on me when I cancelled. Then Mom came in tonight and asked me if I had another bottle of her glaucoma drops. I had just bought one for her last week. She lost it somewhere and I can't find it. I fear she put it in the garbage or it is hidden where I'll never find it. We have to pay out of pocket ($45) for it again so soon.

None of this is fair at all. It isn't fair that she has lost her ability to deal with life. And it isn't fair that I spend so much of my time trying to make things work for her. Those questions we mentioned the other day -- What now? What next? -- are going through my mind. But it could have been worse. The man did call back, instead of showing up at the door. And at least we have $45. I guess I really can't whine.
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I'm tired of cooking too. I want to go to the gym but I have to go @ 5:45 am while my mother is asleep - which I am going to try tomorrow because I cant go after work. I am eating poorly/junk due to being frustrated w/being sequestered at the house every single day after work & on weekends. I hope to get my mother approved to go to Adult Day Care so I can have her go there on Saturdays to give me a break! My vacation is next month so I am looking forward to it. I have not had anytime away from my mother since March - 4 mos. . I could scream & I am tired. I just want to win the lottery so I can send her back to her house with care in place & set myself free.
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yes, Kazzaa, through hospice we can get I believe up to five days each six month period for respite care..and it is paid by Medicare...I am about to be doing it too
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Kazzaa..I too would be lost without my furtots.
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Off to bed and to snuggle up to my cat who decided to come in tonight as its cold! He sleeps at my feet hes such a comfort!
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Thats a disgrace in the states that you cant get respite free to have a break gosh i guess we are luckier but whats the point if she wont go??
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HA! veronica! mum afraid of a priest!!!!!!! oh that makes me laugh! i would be afraid FOR the priest!! nah mum would send him running! shes religious but has no time for the church if that makes sense? she says her prayers but never goes to church here.
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Kaz is there any way you can make her go. I don't know how maybe docters orders or something like that. I am guessing you are Catholic. Could your priest put some pressure on he. Would she be afraid of him?
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My whine im off to bed to try and sleep with no pills? i have no chocolate and just realised i left my cigs in my friends house and shes asleep now!! nothing more to do than try and sleep also as if all that wasnt bad enough ive been waiting up for CSI only to discover its a repeat! soooooooo bored roll on my week away am very close to cracking up here just so bored and agitated need some excitement!
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Kazzaa - I don't believe we have such a program here in the states - nursing homes charge out the wazoo for even the briefest of stays, and to my knowledge, there's no "respite care" for a week where someone can stay in a home for a week. There are programs that will offer respite care, but for only a couple of hours a week at most, and the services are limited to companionship, meals and light housekeeping. Anything more than that, and you have to pay for the services.
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Just listening to everyone here. Dont you have any free respite for carers where you get a break? probably a stupid question but here mum can go into a NH every six months for a week to give carers a break? of course she only went twice and refuses to go in again. they were even going to up it to every eight weeks for me as ive no help here but no mum will not budge so thats why i have to leave as ive no break from her only if sister comes home and shes coming home less and less cunning cow!
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I know hope my aunt hasnt been in touch since mums diagnosis then she just rang the last few days? wanting to know if mum wanted to fly to london(shes mums little sister) like what part of dementia does she not get? oh and she works in a hospital and i told her last year to speak to someone about this illness. She was here last year and wasnt much help to me kept giving out about my cat? i warned her not to leave mum on her own as she wasnt well and she left mum to cross a very busy dangerous road on her own while she ran on ahead as she had to pee? she has absolutely NO patience and was kinds waiting for me to cook dinner? anywhoo i just ignored the phone as im sick of them all. My mum was very good to my aunt as mum was in the states when thier own mum died and she sent her money clothes etc.. and this is the thanks she gets now? When i told my aunt mum had dementia she didnt respond normally like "oh god thats terrible" she just said "oh i hope i dont get that". Im sick of mums dysfunctional family crap have enough of my own i want to runaway from ALL of them!!

Hang in there Hope may sound awful but your mum is a good old age and cant last for much longer with this illness? Im away for a week and im nervous about coming back already?????? scared i may never return!

Yes its easier when siblings are not too much involved but i would never say no to a break why couldnt your aunt do the decent thing and come for a week? theyve no idea have they?

Chin up we are all cracking up here its a very stressful situation but what goes down must come back up again thats life and things cannot stay one way forever thats what keeps me going but yes so hard to be positive but we have to try or we will crack!
Hugs!
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SusanA.....got that right....I am so freaking sick of relatives who, when they do call, want to quiz and tell you what you ought to do and all the while they are doing their fun crap and oh, back when Mama was taking care of them and funding their school issues etc. and was giving them HER money to help them all make it through the rough times, now they have all sat on their butts watching me about to lose my home to foreclosure, knowing most of my belongings are still in my previous home 2 1/2 hours away because no one will help me move it home...heck , I would get it myself but no one will sit with Mama....I did have an aunt call last week on a whim and just left a vm that she and her husband were coming the next day (day before the holiday) didn't ask, just told me they were coming. I finally found my kahunas and called her back and told her, look thanks for the call, but tomorrow is not a good day. I am worn out and do not feel like company. Well, that wasn't enough to shut it down...she started telling me, well, we'll come on down and you can go out for a while. told them thanks but no, I am too tired to go anywhere...like I said I do not feel like company...period...she actually voiced her dissatisfaction to and with me...heck with it...they're not here when I need them...why the heck should I have to deal with them when it's convenient for them.....If it were that simple ...today is one of those days I think I could back the car up to the door at THE HOME and just leave her at the door....worn out and fed up.....
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Yes sallie its very sad! sisters home three days now and not a word? They will be sorry one day! but like you i feel for mum a brother down the road who never spends time with her. Other brother says hes in denial stuff that crap i dont believe in denial but i do believe in "sticking your head in the sand". So unfair BUT look sallie your mum is so lucky to have you and youre doing the right thing and we will be happy again soon!
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I hope there comes a day where we're all happy again. We have all put our lives on hold for now and who knows for how long. My whine today is we had a holiday weekend and no one called or visited mom. I had a small get together and she came here (next door) and really enjoyed herself. Mom goes most weekends and a lot of week days without a phone call, invite or visit except by me. I feel sorry for her. She was a good mother to us when we were growing up. I have so many friends who say " I wish I had my mom back for just a day ".
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Well thats good Linda we cant let them ruin our lives just because they arnt happy took me a very long time to realise i cant make mum happy no matter what i do. Having my first holiday in four years this wkend and i cant wait! feel like a kid at xmas but i know the depression will hit hard when i return! We have to enjoy life to the fullest we never know when it could end! I have my sister coming to look after mum so she will see just what its like as mum is getting worse but she needs wake up call as she dosnt see the side of mum that i do and mum lets her do what she likes but mum cannot be on her own here or cook so that will put a stop to sis plans with her friends! HA! spend a week in my shoes!! but its not the same she can still just fly back to her life again!
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kazzaa, you're so right. I stopped playing that game a while ago. I do go out and we are traveling a bit more again. I don't hide that we're doing things. It just never fails to amaze me that she still keeps trying to guilt me - I told her I'm Teflon...no guilt sticks.
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