Follow
Share
Read More
Find Care & Housing
Tex, glad your surgery went ok. Hang in there.

Mom's memory is pretty bad today. She's forgotten how to leave a message on an answering machine (looking at me blankly with the phone in her hand when my sister's voice mail picked up, saying, "It's (sis)....what do I do?" - as though someone were on the other end talking to her, when in fact, it was my sister's voice mail greeting playing. It completely confused her. She's asked me what day it is several times. When talking to my sister on the phone (she called back), Mom tried to tell her how we got stuck in the woods on our vacation while trying to get to the lake - and she left out several important details - so I'm pretty sure older sis now thinks I took Mom out to the woods to dump her off and leave her. (That one was actually pretty humorous to listen to from this end of the conversation...) She's neglected going to the bathroom to the point of having accidents, so I've started reminding her again, which she hates. She gets irritated at me when I do that.

These days are not coming all that close together right now, but when they do, it's very disconcerting. Looks very much like the early stages of age-related dementia, and also very much like what happened with my grandmother (Mom's mother). She was fine living alone, going out with "her ladies" for lunch, and doing all her own housework and driving. Then slowly, things started slipping. First it was the driving (Mom's not driving anymore now), then it was the toilet habits (again, Mom's already there), and then it was the memory - not remembering her pills or forgetting to get dressed, etc. (Mom is definitely entering that territory). I hate this.

We have another trip coming up soon. I need to visit my youngest son, whom I only get to see once a year, because his father won't make the trip to bring him to see me, nor will he let me have him for the summer (he blames me for our older ADULT son's bad choices in life, and thinks I will "let" our youngest get into trouble if he's up here with me...gee...thanks for making me feel like parent of the year, buddy...). Because I can't rely on anyone else to check on Mom or stay here with her, and I can't leave her alone, she has to go with me. That means 11+ hours of driving with stops to get mom out of the van, onto her scooter or into her wheelchair to make restroom stops (hoping she doesn't have an accident requiring a clothing change), get the dog out for his potty break, then back on the road....staying in a more expensive vacation rental than originally planned so that it's easier for her to navigate and has a shower instead of a tub...and taking her everywhere with me down there.
I'm glad she's going with me, and that she'll get to see my son - because who knows if she will ever get to make this trip again. Next year could bring all sorts of things, given her current situation. I hope she'll still be in good enough shape to make the trip again, but ....?? I'm SO worried about this trip...

Mom turned 74 today. As hard as this part of her life is to watch, and as hard as it is on me, I hope she sees 75...and longer.
(2)
Report

Glad it went ok Tex! Look after yourself now!! Hugs hope youre not in too much pain!
(1)
Report

sodoneiwthis? What are you doing? torturing yourself? statistics? Nip that in the bud now! Your Narcky MIL could fall and break her neck so stop torturing yourself think positively! you cannot live like this ask your angels to help you! works for me!
How old is she? does she have any other health issues apart from ALs?
I would love to see that "HULA".
(0)
Report

I am now pod#2 after neck surgery. Just now have caught up on most everybody's posts. Please take care of yourselves.Holidays are the worst because they seem to point out how you are the only one taking care of the mom/dad while everyone else is having fun. Karma wil get them . Otherwise sometimes we have to realize we can't do it all and a NH or hospice is enevitable.That is not giving up, just facing reality. We can't give them their youth and health back.And you do deserve to have some kind of life. I f you move them to NH or hospice and check on them that is so much more than others have done for them. If I sound loopy I am on a little pain meds. Just love all you guys and couldn't sleep until I read how everyone is doing. Don't beat yourselves up . You are a great group of people. Can't be perfect everyday but just remember while your loved one cusses you out , there ain't anyone else there and the golden children aren't there but you are and that makes you the best.
(2)
Report

Good news though sisters are back from paradise! AND im off next week so for once ill be relaxing when my sister is here cleaning up after mum!!!! CANT WAIT!!
(3)
Report

Yes thier loss Sallie! Mum has seen a shrink and her geriatrician in last 2wks and NOTHING from 2 sisters and brother down the road?? I will tell them nothing! maybe a phone call when shes passed away? but im not sure that ill even bother then.

Yes its times like this you really feel you are on your own! My other bro rang as usual thankgod at least he gives a crap!
(0)
Report

My whine moment? Narcissist MIL has another 9.1 years to live, according to the actuarial statistics for a woman her age. I looked it up and felt a stab of horror. That will mean a total of forty years of my putting up with her sneakiness, lies, triangulation and fake crying when she's confronted with having done something awful, like telling everyone she meets that I'm looped out of my mind on Vicodin all the time. Not true, although visits with her would be much pleasanter if it were.
She's always been this way. Always. Dementia is just making it worse. If there was a way to divorce an in-law, I'd do it in a second and never talk to her again. Then I'd throw myself a big party and do a hula dance to celebrate.
(4)
Report

Sallie that's so sad but it's their loss. Other than my mother in the NH who's pretty much out of it, I have no family so any holiday it's just me and my dogs but I'm good with that. My fur girls, Sue and Ashy, are my family.
(1)
Report

Had a great night with some good friends. We had a drink or two and watched the fireworks. The only whine I have us another holiday without any siblings paying attention to mom. I'm having a little get together tomorrow with mom,hubby,son and daughter so my son and mom can meet my daughter's boyfriend. Should be a nice time.
(0)
Report

Dadshelper you will still have parents, they have gone to a better place and are together again. My mom often asks about whether her folks are still alive. My answer changes depending on where I think she is. But she often gets upset when I tell her that they would be 114 years old. And she cries about not having parents any more. I assure her that she still has parents, just not here any longer.
(2)
Report

To all of you who have posted today..4th of July....there will be other holidays to celebrate. I too don't celebrate any as I take care of my 85 yr old COPD Dad who can't walk far anymore so he stays home while I get groceries. Docs told me this is not a good time to find a job..sucks! I need freedom however he is on his way to heaven in the next few months so I will stick it out. No other relatives have offered to help so it's me..I'm fine with that now that it's been a year. I have been bitchy too not know how his disease was progressing and we finally got on Hospice and that shed a ton of light on what is happening. Hang in there everyone because one day they will be gone and you will miss them...trust me...I am already worrying about how my life will be when Dad isn't here anymore. It will be a relief but strange, very strange as he is my Dad and with losing Mom 21 yrs ago I will have no parents or grandparents. Thank God for kids & friends...Loves to all.
(1)
Report

Good for you susan! i hate touching anyones feet too and also hate my feet being touched so far havnt had to do mums feet yet? UGH couldnt be a "chiropodist" all those bad feet yuk! they deserve every penny they get!!
(1)
Report

Susan so happy for your nose!! my mum was up dressed,washed,make-up hair brushed WTF yeh trip to doc part of the act!!
(1)
Report

I know what you mean, Daughter52 - we were on vacation last week, so Mom has been in "recuperation" mode all this week - meaning taking more pain pills than normal (but still within her recommended dosage) and sleeping all the time. I've been mentioning the shower every day, but every day, she resists it. I've just left it alone if she resists, because I know her back hurts from getting in & out of the van all last week, and sleeping on a different bed. But today was the final straw - I finally told her, "Ok - shower time." - no excuses or "oh I don't feel like it". She actually showered and I cut her toenails (ick. I *hate* touching other people's feet) and soaked her feet in a tea tree/peppermint oil and epsom salt solution and gave them a scrub with a brush to start working on the horrendous fungus she has on her feet. So she's all clean and happy and I'm all grossed out. lol
(2)
Report

Ha ha ha...SusanA43. I always have to suggest the shower/shampoo thing for mom. If I didn't she would never. I always get "the look" too when I mention it.
(0)
Report

Hallelujah! Mom finally showered today after nearly a week!
(1)
Report

No whine today about mum had a great day in fact WHY? because she had to act at the docs today and is totally wiped out now!! shes gone to bed!!! ME TIME!!
(2)
Report

thanks susan i googled bee sting and no it cant be that as it was 2 days ago? so no his breathing is ok no swelling so i cleaned it again with teatree oil wipes and green puss came out seems to be drying up now but hes fine a bit depressed but eating ok i think he was attacked by cat as his nose is a little scratched. Poor little pet i think the fly just scared him as flies always pick on wounds. So far so good hes asleep now but am watching him just in case. Teatree oil is great and seems to have drawn out the infection but i will take him to vet if wound dosnt heal!

Oh dear cant cope with this now as hoilday next week and ive never been away from him that long but my sis is here and shes been warned to look after him OR else.

Breaks your heart when your little pet is in pain!! id probably be a basket case if i was a mother!!! but hes my baby!!
(1)
Report

Kazzaa - keep a close eye on your cat. If he seems to be having difficulty breathing AT ALL, take him to the vet. I would be more worried about an allergic reaction than an infection. Most likely, he will be fine, but keep a close eye on him for the next 24 hours. If he is going to have a reaction, it will happen relatively quickly.

If you can *see* the stinger sticking out, take something with a flat edge, like a credit card, and gently scrape across the top of the sting to try and get the stinger out - DO NOT squeeze the site of the sting or the stinger itself - you will inject more venom into the wound.
(1)
Report

Big whine today!! Does anyone know if i should take my cat to vet?? i thought he was attacked by another cat but now i think maybe it was a bee sting as when he was eating a fly was buzzing around him and he ran upstairs and hid under my bed?? Hes eating ok and going out BUT im worried the sting may cause infection or worse? is there anything i can do in the meantime as really dont have money for vet but will go if i need to.

I have teatree oil wipes that i cleaned his head with? its a bump that seems swollen so a bit worried?

I know if its a person you could take the sting out? any animal experts there like Ashlynne?
(0)
Report

somedaysmile im with you! my friend got angry with me last night and said get her fkin name down for NH now her mum had als and she said your mum is getting worse everyweek so it could take six months to get her in there.
We are all here for you and i know its time for me to move on with this i cannot live like this im miserable and NO mum would never want that for me.

Hugs this will be hard for us all but its the right thing to do for all concerned i dont want to end up resenting mum because even a 47 i feel my life is over sometimes.

I am so excited about Spain next week but nervous aswell as one sniff of freedom will just make me more determined when i get back to have my life back again i have to get back to being me ive lost a bit of weight but its not easy when theres nothing to look forward to at the weekends i need to get out more and get fit but comfort eating is a big part of this job if youve no other outlets!

Hugs we will be with you every step!! God sounds awful but its like inmates keeping in touch when they "get out" of jail!!
(0)
Report

I do the flag cake for the 4th (usually, probably not this year) this way:

Sliced pre-made pound cake layered in a long casserole dish
Top sliced cake with crushed berries (crush earlier in the day and add a bit of sugar or sweetener to bring out the juice - it soaks into the cake - yum!)
Top berries with Cool Whip or other whipped topping
Slice whole strawberries in half lengthwise and lay them in rows across the top of the cake like flag stripes. Add blueberries in the upper left corner as the "blue field with stars" (the bit of white whipped topping showing through the blueberries looks like stars).

It's always a hit. No baking, no huge mess to clean up. Make it a few hours ahead of your event to allow the flavors to blend.
(1)
Report

Veronica; Go to store; buy a pound cake. Get a can on whipped cream. Frost cake with whipped cream. You can use maraschino cherries, strawberries, whatever for red and some blueberries for blue if you're so inclined.
(1)
Report

Yesterday afternoon, completely out of the blue, I caught a stomach bug! Was up most of the night. Yuck. Better now, but not much interest in 4th of July food. Well, my taste buds are! But my tummy is saying not to :)
(0)
Report

Veronica91, any baking turns into a science project that turns bad. I am already stressed out, I would be a basket case if I had to try baking my own cake :(
(0)
Report

freqflyer you don't have to be Martha Stewart to buy a pack of cake mix and some readymade frosting. So back to the grocery store and do what you can. A yellow or white cake mix from Betty Crocker or Duncan Himes will do the trick along with a foil disposable cake pan if you don't own one
(1)
Report

My 4th of July whine.... went to 2 grocery stores trying to find a nice red, white & blue cake or cupcakes that my parents could easily eat.... would have loved to have found a nice white cake with red/white/blue frosting and none of those sprinkles or stars which are too hard in texture for my parents [who are in their 90's] to eat. Everything I saw had those hard candy sprinkles/stars. Came home empty handed. Martha Stewart is am I not, so baking it myself is out of the question :(
(1)
Report

I was thinking the same thing, Somedaysmile and Susan. It can be sad to read the despair others are feeling, probably because it makes us more aware of our own.
(0)
Report

Somedaysmile - keep us posted. Please take care of yourself. You're doing the right thing for both your mom and for yourself.
(1)
Report

Kazz yes I got the needle in my foot ,calf,hand and arm. Yes it was a needle but not at all bad. all done in the name of ruling out nasty diseases like lou gehrics. Dr seems satisfied now so it's on to PT to build up my strength to see if that helps. most of it is old age and O/A
(1)
Report

Start a Discussion
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter