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JessieBelle; me too. Alone with sleepy mom and everyone is out having fun .... It sucks. I'm thinking I'll start walking tomorrow. I've gained weight watching mom and feeding her fatty foods. Tomorrow I think I'll start taking care of myself like I use to. I'm going to visit a NH or two and begin to make plans to place mom somewhere besides with me. I'm going to take myself to lunch and ask around to people about job ops. My real mom would not want me to suffer anymore. I have to do this before winter because I get really depressed in January thru March. I truly believe I will become an alcoholic if I wait much longer. I just can't watch my mother sleep all the time and lose her mind any more. I've read all these posts and I feel bad for us all. But I love my kids too. And my grandkids. They miss me. Mom calls me by different names now. I don't think she will remember me once she is in a home where they can take care of her w/o my resentment and huffing at her. I'm getting hatefull and I don't think mom desires that either. I want to be a daughter not her tired grouchy boss. I'll let you all know how it goes.... I'm done.
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Oh glad! my brother and my mums friend play along with her which i find really annoying and get mad with them!

Mums aleep and im drunk!! had a GOOD night with friend and a few laughs!! mums seeing geriatrician tomorrow GULP i know shes going to actout her best performance yet? so worried i hope he has some answers!! Hugs deep breaths!! wine,crack,maryjane whatever it takes!!
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OK my whine, consider my blood curling scream uploaded!l

Started as soon as I picked mom up from her day program. She thought she had been locked up or some such. Got home, she starts on this with her hubby, he tells her yes he called the President to have her sprung! So, naturally, this continued for a couple of hours, until a neighbor parked his car on the street outside out dining room window. Then it became she needed to get the license plate number because they were casing the joint. And hubby played into that as well. I sure don't need that kind of help.

While Mom is going through the getting out, sissy calls, she asks sissy how she got out. From there the conversation turned to, I think, moving Mom because Mom asked how much it cost. Just one thing after another, just got her in bed, hope she stays there.
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Susan you are not a worthless parent and stuff him! the more i get of men the more i love my CAT!!!!!!! No offence Captn!
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veronica?????? so you didnt have the needle stuck in your hand and asked to seperate your fingers???? what did they do? aslo why were you having this done? i had a bad bang to right side of brain in an accident 5yrs ago my right leg and arm are not functioning properly? if i do anything with right arm it goes numb or painful? my doc says has to be nerves? be interested to know why you are getting it done and how come you were not tortured? i had the shocks thats ok but the needle OUCH! Glad you didnt suffer!!
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Well I had dad's dentist appt today 2 small cavities and a much larger one that the tooth may need to be pulled. So I have to bring him back in three weeks to get that work done. Tonight is last night with just Hubby, Dad and I as my sister and a friend are driving through the night to get to my house as hubby and I have to attend our godson's wedding out of town then Monday Dad moves in assisted living and I can slowly regain my life and sleep again.
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I started to post a very long rant...but what's the point. It won't change anything. I'll just say this: Never underestimate the power of an ex-spouse to make you feel like a worthless parent and remind you of why you remain single.
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Kazz so to disappoint you but I calmly lay on the table while the shocks were administered and just felt a little fizzle in the muscle. My husband who was in the room said that they hurt him so badly he screamed everytime the shock came. I asked the Dr if he would have used a stronger current on hubby. he said not with a tiny smirk. MEN.
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Kazz, if I started pulling my sister's hair now I wouldn't be able to stop. She would be bald! I hate the thoughts of ever seeing her again, I don't trust myself. Jessie, I know how you feel. We used to have great family get togethers for holidays. The laughter was wonderful. I would be happy for days after these events. Sadly they are no more. I think if we had a party now we would wind up in jail!
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Pity party today. I went grocery shopping. There were people buying things for the 4th. Hamburgers and hotdogs. Beer and coke. Chips, etc. It made me real sad to realize I had no family or friends to share with tomorrow. Just the woman who will sit in front of the TV tomorrow, saying she doesn't feel like doing anything. I remember a time when holidays were fun. This is beyond sad.
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dadshelper! So sad for you hugs this is a very hard time for you BUT i never got to say goodbye to my dad which is sad although im glad he went quickly and didnt suffer! We are still having serious anger issues with his girlfriend as she never told us how ill dad was so we had no idea he just had a massive heart attack then at the funeral we found out his heart was working 40 per cent and she knew this and didnt have the common decency to tell us. Cant describe the anger we feel now as we could have spent more time with him but he didnt suffer and thats the main thing! I just miss him as i would whine to him on the phone every week over mum and he was so supportive! So sad!
Enjoy your time with him i know its hard to watch them suffer but youll treasure it all when they are gone!
Hugs and prayers to you as i will be in this situation one day soon with mum and im dreading it i think just finally seeing her at peace will make me happier although it will be hard to lose her!
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I told my little sister there was no "santa"??????????? she brings that up alot too!! I know it wasnt a nice thing to do but i was pissed as she got extra presents and i didnt!! The one xmas it really got to me was when SANTA? got her a beautiful blue fluffy cuddly toy dog!! i was so jealous then. Mum tells her still today that im jealous of her? youre too right im jealous shes off living the high life and im cleaning up poop 24/7??.
Shes here next week for a week so i will be doing a ritual on friday night before i head off on holidays that mum throws the biggest tantrum in public with my sis and she will see the "madness" that i see everyday!
Another lovely day today i cleaned the whole kitchen wiped down all the counters with antibacterial stuff THEN mum comes along flings her toast on the clean counters then spills cumbs on the nice clean floor? I snapped and asked her why she dosnt get a plate? NO she hurled abuse at me called me a bitch and went off slamming doors again!
thankgod we are seeing her geriatrician tomorrow as im done with this crap shes in a bad mood everyday now i just hope he can give her something? if not maybe he can give me something? Really depressed and sick of her bad moods i have to sit in the kitchen to avoid her and just smoke my head off ( i know not good).
Yep everydays a "whine"!!!
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Yep Hope youre so right "GUILT" is the main reason for all thier anger issues! cant help wont help but will curse me down for giving a shit! Because they dont feel the same caring way that we do!
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Sallie my sister is 46 next week? she still goes on about me pulling her hair when we were younger!! Grow up????? they never will! I tell you shes not too old for a bit of hair-pulling if she dosnt wake up to mums illness!! Ah they were the days remember? "NO YOU LET MY HIAR GO FIRST!!!!" lol
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Sallie and Hope, you aren't the only ones! My sibs bring up stuff from 40 years ago, resentments against not only me but my mom as well. There are plenty of these stories on the dysfunctional thread.
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Thanks, Hope - unfortunately, the issue is Mom is unable to lift her legs anymore, and falling is a serious risk - so anything she'd have to step into wouldn't work...

Just had to have one of the hardest discussions with Mom....we talked about our next vacation trip and the fact that this last trip was SO hard on her. I also broached the subject that her mobility and memory are declining. She understood and said she knew it was, and agreed that there's not much we can do about it - it's just part of the aging process. It was so hard to discuss this with her, but I am glad she at least understood where I was coming from. I told her I'm not saying our next trip won't happen, but not sure at this point. Since the trip was to see my youngest son, I may have to change plans and have someone stay with her during the weekend and run down to pick him up and bring him here for a week or two instead. Still not sure. I hate how this whole situation forces us into making such drastic changes.
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That is ALWAYS the best course of action....anytime someone thinks they will "threaten" me with tattling something...I beat them to the punch with whatever they are thinking they can pull my chain with...before they get there I have already dealt with it and then THEY look like a nutjob...and a very petty nutjob at that.
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I too think it's a guilt mechanism! The one thing she brought to the tattle table was something I dud that I was nit proud of. I actually confessed to my mother after my sister brought it up to me and I feel much better about it. Sister called to tattle this subject to my mom and my mom told her I had already told her about it and it's water under the bridge. I have stopped contact with this narcissistic sibling. She us evil and I kicked evil to the curb. I have blocked her from my e-mail and cell. I need her like I need a hole in the head.
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Sallie, your sister sounds like a lunatic. On the bright side, it must be gratifying to know that whatever you did to her thirty years ago is still pissing her off.
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SusanA and Kazza...I know this is a weird suggestion, but how about a kiddie pool with a shower chair in it...you can pour the water over them directly. I know this is a long shot, but "improvise" has become my favorite word these days....I don't do this anymore as Mama is totally bedfast, but it actually works pretty well....just drag it outside and dump the water when you're done... I know it's a stretch....
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Sallie...wow...so mine is not the only one who does that??? must be a "guilt" thing. any major fight we ever had was when I would try to politely address the issue of non help from my sibling...and he would immediately BLAST me with stuff from the past and it 's always the same stuff over and over and over....we won't even go there of all the stuff he has done...I have seen others mention this too...must truly be a common "guilt" dynamic ....but you're so right...like they're 10 all over again...
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An e-mail feud between me and my sister because of her not helping out led her to start bringing up bad memories from 30 years ago. How sad of her to stoop so low to grasp at past behavior. What is she 10 again? Oh and she tattles to our mother! I wish she would grow up and fight fair. She's 49 and I'm 53.
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Tex – I hope your surgery was successful. Please do your best to REST after surgery. What is NOT critical, ignore. You need to give your body (inside/out) to heal. You don’t want to spend all those fears, money for your surgery – only to undo the positive results because you went back to caregiving too early.

Veronica – I think it’s a given. Anything to dealing with ‘nerves’ would be painful. I’m such a baby when it comes to anyone sticking a needle in my arm. What more a ‘nerve conduction test.’ Bring something to bite on hard when the pain gets bad… like they show on the old TV shows of Indian women doing when giving birth.

ABB – my father would have been like your father. Except fave sis would visit every weekend. And my dad had enough pride to feel ashame if she visited and he was stinky. Except towards the end, he wasn’t showering for about 3 weeks – before he had his stroke. He didn’t care that he was stinky – because he did NOT think he smelled. He would insist that he didn’t smell stinky. (His sense of smell is gone.) I don’t know how you can get your father to shower.

Dadshelper, sorry about your father's quick decline. I have no experience at all when it comes to COPD. Sorry....
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So sorry about you dad. There is nothing worse in life than watching your parent deteriorate and pass away.

I went through end stage kidney cancer with my dad. He's been gone 16 months now and not a day goes by that somehow I am reminded of him and what the end was like. He didn't start hospice until 2 maybe 3 days before he passed. Once he started that low dose morphine he was sleeping too much. I don't think he liked it very much. Like your dad, mine also furniture surfed. It's how he got from room to room. Surf from the couch to the table to door frame across counter top to toilet. He had one of those rolling chair/walker things but his legs were too week and he'd slip out of it so we nixted that one real quick.

Warning signs? There's a lot of info on that if you google it. I knew it was a matter of days/hours when his breathing became rattled. Also, the day before he passed it was as if he had renewed energy, shaved and all... he knew.

Coping was the hardest part. I wanted to make sure he had everything and anything he needed or wanted. Kept myself busily making his end as comfortable as possible and just didn't worry about coping. He was having a hard enough time coping without me being a pain. Just do your best..and let him know everything is going to be ok. Hopefully everything will be :)

Take good care of yourself.
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So my Dad is dwindling quickly. He hasn't been able to walk or even be able to sit down on the toilet due to pain in his legs. Hospice nurse has given us low dose morphine and now wants us to start prednisone, long acting morphine and a sleep aid as Dad says he doesn't sleep. Well, I beg to differ...dad sleeps most of the night except when he has to pee and he will get out of bed and fall asleep in his recliner within 20 minutes. He has fallen asleep within minutes of eating a meal! He has to hang onto all the walls and doorways just to make it 10 feet and he gets winded. He has end stage COPD if I forgot to mention and he seems to be dwelling on the fact that he will die. Hospice doc told him 6 months but I believe he only has a few weeks or months. He just cant control any bodily functions and he cant walk and I believe he is on his way out. I am worried about him as he doesn't tell me anything about how he is feeling and it frustrates me. Has anyone gone thru the end stage COPD with their family and can give me some idea of what the warning sings are and how I can cope? I would appreciate it!!
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I hear you, Allison & Kazzaa! Mom's back is still bothering her since we returned home on Sunday, and guess what the last day she showered was? Sunday. We are now approaching Thursday and no shower yet. We desperately need a walk-in shower installed, but can't afford it right now, and there's no help to be had for such home improvements unless we put a mortgage on the house, which we refuse to do. We may have to go back to a transfer bench in the tub, so that at least she can sit down and I can lift her legs into the tub (she has a shower chair right now).

The fans are blowing and air fresheners running at full tilt this week.
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Oh alison call the fire dept! ask them to hose him down! gosh mums depends are stinking the whole house out? i go in search to see where the stench is coming from? i remove the offensive article and put in the garbage OUTSIDE? i come back in and NO the smell is still there in this heat here its awful. A delivery guy came today i couldnt answer the door in case he called "health and safety"!!!!! Not funny yeh mum walks past me and i BARF! i have to tell her she smells now as "why not have a nice bath mum" aint working anymore! Oh god help us all!
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Interesting. I had nerve conduction tests before spinal surgery three years ago and it wasn't too bad. It felt weird, but not particularly painful.
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Tex good luck with your surgery tomorrow. hope it goes well and you have a good recovery.
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My not-so-important whine is that my dad who doesn't bathe regularly and doesn't tolerate air conditioning well is a bit stinky and gross right now from moderate summer heat. And he decided to lay (lie or lay...?) shirtless on the sofa in the living room all day yesterday and watch TV. Not a huge deal but once he went to bed I Febreezed that sofa from top to bottom and laid a sheet over it. He used to sit in a chair right in front of TV, I guess he found a new spot he likes. I'm just trying to contain his funk to certain areas of the house, if possible. His bedroom - former guest room - already STINKS after 4-5 months he's been in there, up from his former bedroom in basement that had to be remodeled. He also brings his cigarettes and smokes in living room now, too. :-/
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