I'm tired of cooking/preparing 3 meals a day. It's just the two of us but boy oh boy can that woman eat!! She stays slimish, I get fattish. It's bad enough I do everything here much less start making her one thing and me the other. At times I feel guilty when I buy her fast food cuz of the nutritional value....not to mention I eat it too.
But how was Teepa Snow? Do tell please!
Susan my mother fell all the time and eventually had a bad fall where she couldn't help me get her up, went to hospital and on to a NH. Unfortunately it's just a matter of time.
Mom is *already* a fall risk - she shuffles when she walks, so the least little thing on the floor - or nothing at all - will make her trip and down she goes. I've managed (knock on wood) to keep those to a minimum - she hasn't fallen since last summer - but it's only because I hover over her every step. I just don't want her to lose mobility completely, because when that happens, she's going to end up having to go to a NH, because I can't lift her.
My whine for today is that my BP SIL gets right up my nose. I emailed all siblings seeking volunteers to take mother away somewhere sunny and safe for a week's vacation. Sister says "nope. Not a chance." Brother 2 hasn't replied at all. Brother 3 - I get a one sentence email back from his address, obviously written by snotty SIL, saying loftily "we will talk to her on Jul 3rd."
Don't think you will, dear. That's the day of her birthday party and she'll have guests to entertain. And since you're not hanging around for much longer than it takes to blow out the birthday cake candles I don't think you'll get far with the conversation.
And ANYWAY what makes her think my mother can wait another THREE WEEKS while she finds a convenient time just to start the discussions? Snotty cow.
Ooo, I feel better now :)
Ok, so you're leaving them outside, feeding them, but providing absolutely no medical care for them whatsoever - and many of them have running eyes and noses, ear mites (constant head shaking and ear digging) and are obviously not vaccinated, so there's the concern of FIV and Feline Leukemia, not to mention distemper and other diseases - and fleas/ticks. At least 4 of the 20+ outdoor cats were pregnant. I told her she could be reported to animal control for having so many...so she turned right around and told me they weren't "hers", that she just fed them because she felt sorry for them. Ugh. Sorry lady - if you feed them and they stay in your yard, they are YOURS.
Was so glad when I moved away from there.
I actually had to fire one of my very first clients - turns out he was fishing through the freelancing sites to find people that would work for him based on his promise that he would pay upon completion of the project. Being new to the freelancing game, I fell for it, hook, line and sinker. Worst case of scope creep - ever. The project never "ended" - so I never got paid. Turns out it was good I left when I did - he was being investigated by the IRS for his shady business practices. He's still out there, taking on new freelancers and never paying them. I don't know how he gets away with it. I counted it as a loss (and a hard lesson learned).
Susan I've "fired" (very sweetly and professionally) two or three clients over the years and the minute you do it a huge weight lifts off your shoulders.
No don't fall for that pity line. Of course she would rather be at home but she knows perfectly well that she needs full time care. Anyone who has ever tried to manouver a walker and carry a cup of coffee can tell you they need help.
Yes you have been used but you have let it happen so don't even think of making things worse for yourself. You may have to supervise her care but don't visit more often than you have to. Let her calls go to voice mail and then call back when it suites you. Tell her she can call one of the other sibs if it is that urgent. Sounds cruel I know but this is a harsh world and this is as good as it is going to get. She has got a lot that many others don't have but don't expect her to appreciate anything you do. She is not capable of that. Overweight of course she has probably been home alone for years and comforted herself with food. Lazy, well probably but depression encourages that. Dementia doesnot excuse the way she has always been but now she can't help it, that is what dementia does to people.Many others share your problems and will sympathise but only you can look after yourself and help your self in this situation. The staff will haul her out of bed and make her walk and take a shower and take her meds, be thankful that is not your responsibility. Visit if and when you want to. This is about you and your mother not your siblings who have made it clear they have no intention of taking any responsibility. If you really don't like her and that is OK and don't want to visit then stay away but you do need to keep in touch with the staff and visit ocassionally to make sure she is being cared for. When you get there if she is unpleasant and especially if there is a nasty history between the two of you you don't have to stay. Let her know when you are able to visit and ask her to have a list of things she needs so you can plan ahead. Arrange to call her at regular times. Every evening for 20 minutes or once a week on sat it's your choice. other times don't answer or cut her off. You don't have to be nasty just firm. You are not being a bad daughter by imposing some discipline into this relationship. I doubt you can afford the gas to drive six hours every week end either. You have done a fantastic job so far. Many will be jealous of your ability to find placement for her in only an hour. If you do actually want more interaction you may be able to find a facility closer to your home that she could be moved to. Blessings
I've never let him know that I need his business, but he's very aware of how the freelancing game works, and he knows that a long-term, weekly gig at a decent flat rate is a rare thing to come by - but he also knows my skill set and that he's getting a bargain at the rate I'm charging him. So it's kind of a balancing act. He ticks me off now and then and I get really irritated and think about dropping him, and then realize that I really need to get my ducks in a row and more work lined up if I'm going to do that....so it remains status quo.
This is the first time that he pushed me to the point of seeking other work with my other clients to fill in his work space - if one or more of them offers enough work to keep me busy long-term - enough to replace his work completely or close to it - I'll drop him like a hot rock and not look back. He can go back to using overseas contractors, paying $3 an hour and getting results worth exactly that - $3 an hour.
This past week my mom has been calling me relentlessly saying that she just wants to go home and die, cannot walk or move her legs, and is totally helpless. I worked with the staff and her physician over the weekend, and discovered that my mother has been playing me like a fiddle. She can move her legs, and she can walk with a walker but has been acting out when I come around so that I will feel sorry for her and bring her home. I can't afford to quit my job, and I can't trust anyone else to really be there to help. I have had family members not show up for scheduled times they were going to help or bring her to dr visits, or just not show up at all when it was their turn to help out. I feel as though I have been used both ways, and I am just disgusted with the whole situation. I know my mother has bouts of dementia, is extremely overweight and just too darn lazy to help herself. Why should I have to be the one to take responsibility for everything? Is anyone else dealing with anything like this?