I'm tired of cooking/preparing 3 meals a day. It's just the two of us but boy oh boy can that woman eat!! She stays slimish, I get fattish. It's bad enough I do everything here much less start making her one thing and me the other. At times I feel guilty when I buy her fast food cuz of the nutritional value....not to mention I eat it too.
The guilt i have is that i cant look after mum 24/7 with no support so they can just get on with life as if nothing is happening its not fair and shes thier mother too she brought all of us up in very hard times and they all have a part to play in this role ive tried the old "well theyll get theres" they wont.
If i didnt have siblings i would look after mum until she takes her last breath but i am not letting them away with this. SO no i have not made a choice here to look after mum im here looking after her until my finances change then either she moves with me goes into a home or we spend a fortune for a 24/7 carer and lose the house but my life is not going to be taken away from me because of selfish siblings. And when mum goes i will not be having a relationship with them but i will be letting them know how much ive moved on and how happy i am as they will never be happy my two sisters are all about money thats thier mentallity. No matter what they have they are never happy. One sister has and owns TWO houses? other sister has over 90000 in savings and im here with no car to drive mum around in the little time she has left.
We come here to rant and if we say we hate our siblings then no need to take it so serious and make us feel bad for feeling like this?
Obviously your siblings havnt treated you as bad as some of us have been treated here so please "HOLD" on the lectures as i cant abide being lectured i do wish bad things on my siblings but i also know from experience of life that selfish people sail through life i mean how can you get stressed over something when you simply dont care? Roll on october because as much as i love my mum and will do right by her i will not give up my life to look after her while this lot take several holidays a year and gripe when i need a break. Mum refuses to go into respite free? a really nice NH but she wont go so another reason for me to leave here and let my siblings wake to this serious situation.
JeanneGibbs was very firm but understanding as she imparted her words. We All have choices. I chose to take care of my parents. My siblings have a Right to choose whether they want to help me or not. They chose Not to. That is Their Right. She went on and on. I was angry at her words. I Fought against it. I Refused it. Went to sleep. Woke up the next morning, and accepted her words. It was true. I Chose to be here - not out of love for them - but of my religious obligation.
If one was able to retrace my beginning here on AC, you would have seen me posting all over the site. I was venting everything that I kept inside for over 20 years. Vented my anger, my bitterness. I'm still working on the Resentment. As you can tell in my current posts. But, hey, 2 out of 3 ain't bad!
I don't remember what I said about my siblings. I do remember one night, standing near the sliding door, staring at my brother's house and up into the sky - cursing all my siblings. Over and over. Asking, begging Karma to visit them. Then a few days later, 2 of my sisters in Colorado had that wild fire in their neck of the woods. I felt sooooo bad. That night, I went back to the sliding door, and wished back the Karma and curse. I changed my mind. Now, I just ask Karma to please please visit them. No more cursing bad stuff to them. I'll settle with Karma - what goes around, comes around.
I'm not saying you have to LIKE their choices. I'm not saying I don't think my dear darling brother is a complete emotional f*ckwit sometimes, or that my other dear darling brother appears to have left the planet. But stop ill-wishing people! - what good does it do you?
I am going to start asking for money and more help for mum as i cannot live like this anymore. See how many holidays shell have then if she has to pay for mums care soon while i fck off and get my life back!
If they bring you back a t-shirt that says "my sisters went on holiday to Cape Verde and all I got was this lousy t-shirt" you have my full permission to strangle them with it.
One has to remember when it comes to gardeners/landscapers, they have a tight schedule and if it rains that pushes their schedules back. Off season is the best time to schedule mulching or any type of one time yard work.
Hospice is focused on keeping the patient at home and not interveening more than is necessary. Nurses come to hospice for many reasons and from many different backgrounds. people rarely enter nursing because they have a strong disire to care for the dying. This means that although they have the same basic training they have experience in many different area and may be expert in one thing and really understand the disease your loved one has while another nurse may have spent their entire career as an ER nurse. Eventually they will become expert hospice nurses to as long as they can tolerate the high rate of burn out.
Susan mom may indeed nedd her oxygen raised but their could be other reasons for her memory loss so her oxygen saturation level should be tested before simply asking for an incraese in the oxygen. If you have a nurse visiting they should be able to do this for you. Yoou can keep an eye on this yourself if you buy one of the little meters. they cost about $15 in Walmart. A healthy person should be in the mid 90s but someone who has COPD can manage a lot lower than that. Try and keep Mom in a position so that she can breath easily. She needs to sit up straight not lumped over. A pillow behind the back can help at home and in the car. Raise the head of the bed at night or have her sleep in a recliner. Have her do deep breathing exercises too and not sit aound in stuffy rooms
That comment from the Medical Director… eeeuw. I mean, you don't want doctors to get all jargon-y and technical and pompous on you, but I think actual flippancy is taking it too far. Crap shoot? Nice..! :/
Susan's post should be a real help, yes? Good to hear what to expect from someone who's been there.
I understand your frustration with hospice. Keep talking to them, though, because you are on the same side. It's just that you're taking a more active approach to keeping him comfortable, they're focusing on guiding him in as gently as they can and minimising intervention - you're both right, you just need to find a balance that everybody's happy with.
But whatever anyone does, this is a very hard time for you. Take care of yourself, too (e.g. if you can't stand cigarettes, don't put up with them - and that's coming from a committed smoker!). Big hug.
My ex-husband's parents moved in with us years ago when we were still married and his dad was dying of lung cancer and COPD. When his oxygen levels would drop below a certain point (even with a nasal canula or oxygen mask on - they can only do so much when the disease reaches the advanced stage), he would start with the odd paranoia. I was usually the target - not sure why. At various times, I was (according to him): a witch, because I'd put a spell on his wife so that she wouldn't listen to him or do what he said....I had married his son for his money (yeah right!)...I was a prostitute....I was trying to kill him by poisoning his food....I was hiding his wife from him...and more than once, he threatened to shoot me. Once his oxygen levels came back up a bit, and he was feeling better, I was the nicest person in the world, best thing that ever happened to his son, he loved me and knew I was taking good care of them, etc....it was a real roller coaster. I learned to just roll with the punches, so to speak, and play along when it got bad. When he accused me of being a witch and putting a spell on his wife, and told me to take it off, I said I would. I left the room, walked up to my MIL and said, "Hey, Momma...BOOGADABOOGADABOO!!" - she looked at me like I had two heads and asked what in the world I was doing - I told her I was removing the spell so Daddy (my FIL) would be happy again. She just laughed and laughed. I went back and told him I'd done what he asked and he said, "Good. Now we're ok again."
You may want to check with your dad's doctors on this and see if there's something that can be done, although it sounds like you're doing all you can at this point. This may just be something you have to deal with as part of the process.
You see, if you had an evil sense of humour, you might be tempted to encourage her to go ahead and do that. I'm tickled by the idea of DMV bureaucrats getting a bit fat writ dumped on them - can you just picture the kerfuffle in the office? Even better, take her to deliver it in person. Oh come on! - this could be FUN..!
Holiday? How in the word can one get a Holiday???? waaaahhhhhhhhhhh
My Holiday is my blow-up pool
My whine......... came home to chaos just chaos she was sitting in the room watching tv telling me she had cleaned the whole house while i was out "having fun" I spent 2hours having lunch with friend then 5 hours waiting for HER perscription!! then home to well looked like burgalry thats the only way to describe it? couldnt find garbage bin? well silly me its at the end of the garden???? oh my god please give me the patience i need to deal with this i didnt clean up i went and had a bath and cried!
Im not getting up tom i dont want to get up until the cleaning lady arrives on friday!! I am going on holidays in 3wks and wonder if ill make it.
Gosh front room with her clothes EVERYWHERE? she was sorting them out AGAIN.
Deep breaths and big brown paper bag OR crystal meth oh how i wish i had just stayed in resto and got very very drunk!