I'm tired of cooking/preparing 3 meals a day. It's just the two of us but boy oh boy can that woman eat!! She stays slimish, I get fattish. It's bad enough I do everything here much less start making her one thing and me the other. At times I feel guilty when I buy her fast food cuz of the nutritional value....not to mention I eat it too.
I got a new whine today. I have a friend coming to visit tomorrow. I told my mother and she got mad. Why is she coming here? Mom is most unhappy now and giving me the stony treatment. Sigh.
I know what you mean with the worry that someone will think you are making things up or making it seem worse than it is. I deal with that with one of my siblings. She's out of state 90% of the time, comes home every other month or so for a few days, and spends about 30 minutes with Mom when she's here. She sees nothing wrong with Mom at all - but she's not here when Mom leaves urine puddles on the floor, waste on the toilet seat or bath seat, needs help to get in and out of the tub, to walk, even to cover herself up in bed, because she can't reach behind herself to get the blanket.
Mother was confidently telling the community dementia nurse yesterday that she could make telephone calls, look up contact details in her address book, manage the tv and her computer and was going to retake her driving test 'as soon as I'm a bit better.' I felt like a cruel robot sitting there saying "No, she can't. No. No. No. No…" The sad thing is that it's not that long since it was yes, she could. And the other sad thing is that I was kind of glad that she was so away with the fairies while the nurse was actually watching - you know that uncomfortable feeling that people might think you're making up melodramas and claiming your mother's worse than she really is?
My mother talks out loud when no one is in the room. It is not uncommon, I know. But---how can I describe it---she says out loud what she is thinking and it is not always nice. Mostly I notice the things she says about me when she thinks I cannot hear.
Last night, after a reasonably good day for her with an outing and a visit to her sister, I fix her dinner and her meds and get ready for an evening--a moment-- of peace and reading my new book. All of a sudden I hear her get up from her room and begin (outside my door) singing loudly and complaining loudly (like muttering) about me and how selfish I am and how nobody cares and on an on..
This went on for a few minutes. I became surprised at the behavior out of the blue and was upset. Should I disturb her rant? Does she even realize I hear her? So I go for a long walk to get away from it. Now it's morning and she's not up yet. I wonder if she'll even remember. It upsets me though when I am doing all I can and she still thinks nasty thoughts about me.
So we have our nightly routine. She sits in her chair like queen bee while I, the worker bee, buzz around getting ready for the night - shutting down the computer, locking the doors, shutting windows, putting cat away for the night, etc. I usually hand her the tv remote, get her water cup filled, etc - hoping to minimize any risk of fall during the night, since she only sleeps about an hour or two at a time and then is back up. I keep the tv remote with me during the day, because despite my best efforts to simplify the process, she inevitably screws up the tv and can't get it to turn on or change channels - easy to fix for me, but frustrating to her.
For the past week, I've been getting ready for some upcoming travel and also for some work to be done on the house - so I'm meeting myself coming and going, and my own memory is starting to show the strain. I forgot to give her the remote before I went to my room for the night and got into bed. Now, she knows I sit at my desk ALL DAY working, and that's where the remote is - always. If I forget to give it to her, all she has to do is get up, take 4 steps to my desk to get the remote and 4 steps back to her chair. What does she do last night, after I've gotten ready for bed, climbed in, breathed a sigh of relief that the day was finally over and started to relax in the only room in the house where I can be alone? "WHERE'S THE REMOTE???" "ARE YOU COMING BACK OUT HERE??" "I'M MISSING THE REMOTE!"
Someone needs to buy me a new bedroom door. I think I just about yanked mine off the hinges when I went back out to retrieve the precious remote that was sitting not 10 feet away from her and deliver it to her hands.
Can't help thinking that way.. At 92 it's inevitable...
How I wish my parents would move from their single family house into a retirement community where they can have a large condo and enjoy everything the place has to offer. Plus they would have more freedom instead of trying to rely on me. My Dad liked the brochure but said maybe in a couple of years they will move.... HELLO... you are 92 and 96.... [sigh]
I can't tell you how many times I have come out and found the house so absolutely silent and still that I was certain she was gone - passed in her sleep. In fear, I would call to her, and after 3 or 4 times - by which time I was in an all-out panic - she would suddenly jerk awake and answer me. Not sure what frightened me more - the silence or the awakening!
I do the same exact thing, listening all night long to be sure she is breathing...and at times you can't hear her and then she will take a deep breath and back to normal...and like you said, a deep sigh of relief and all is well ....early in the am, before it gets daylight, it seems I always wake up and I will check on her...she is always looking quite comfortable, breathing normally and soundly sleeping....I go back to bed for another hour or so and you can hear the sound of turtle doves, sometimes a whipporwil.....spelling???.....and it is the most peaceful and glorious feeling.
I picture myself curled up in a ball, sobbing, once she's gone. Sadly, I suspect that image is all too close to the truth. Our relationships with our parents are complicated things - sometimes more than we'd like to admit.
Oh my...she's flushing the toilet repeatedly in the bathroom....I better go see what the heck that's about.....
Sooo....I've had to cancel the rental I had already paid for, which was incredibly cheap at $470 a week (cheaper than a hotel, and it was a whole house!), and start looking for something else that is: a) at least somewhat handicap accessible, with no stairs or steps and a shower instead of a tub; b) allows dogs and c) has wifi so I can work at night (the only way I can afford to pay for the trips we're taking this summer, since they all come out of my pocket - Mom's income doesn't allow for any extras). I think I finally found one, which is even nicer than the previous rental...but it's also nearly twice the price, at $850 a week. (sigh) Waiting to hear back from the owners to make sure we can get it reserved.
Second whine.... seeing that thread pop up You know, the one that say's lots of caregivers die before the person they are caring for?.... my tummy is not feeling this day, at all.
I'm too tired to do all the stuff I need to do!
That is all. :-)