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Cwillie, I’m finding that the various ‘everything’ threads don’t work well for me. After several posts from other people about their different family issues, I forget who is who, and what their issues were when they explained them earlier.

I’ve tried to steer new posters away from the ‘everything’ thread to ask their own question. Also urge them to complete a profile. Perhaps we should not run with everything that comes from ‘newbies’. It turns the general threads into a one-off complaints session, not really what was intended. My 'whine moment today' is starting to seem like something we should all go 'gray rock' on! Like the other general complaints.
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Golden ,

I agree . The families with the pleasant elderly person who agrees to hire help to come in the house or go to assisted living when they need help are not needing to come here for the same type of issues as those with a narc parent . It’s difficult to understand what that is like unless you’ve lived it .
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Considering that I am one of "them", I think this forum does a great job of supporting caregivers with relational problems.

Those of us who come from dysfunctional/abusive families face additional difficulties when caregiving.the people who abused us. Relationship problems are the biggest part of it for us and are a very legitimate issue.

So, cw, I disagree with you. I don't think there are an excess amount of relationship threads here. I think there are the number of threads that reflect the needs of the members of this forum. If we were not caregiving mentally ill and abusive people, we would not need this kind of support.

way - I understand being between a rock and a hard place as regards caring for a narc parent. It is a very difficult spot to be in.

geaton - yes!!! Thank you.
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cwillie, I don't know where else they'd go either, except to a therapist -- and I mean that respectfully.
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Unfortunately , when you know that you ( and possibly a spouse ) are the only one(s) there are to make sure an elderly abusive and/or narc parent gets help they need, it’s a very difficult spot to be in . It makes it harder to walk away . Many wish there was someone else to do it . I frequently answer the questions of people in that situation to let them know it’s ok to place the parent in a facility , and I discourage them from living with that type of parent . And I don’t know of a Forum dedicated to this situation .
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I'm not saying there's not a legitimate need Geaton, it's just that I'm not sure this is the right place for them to get the help they need. But then I don't know what is.
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cwillie, I think the number of relationship threads is an accurate reflection of how much of it is "out there" and doesn't make it to this forum. It never stops grieving me whenever I read posts from abuse victims who were groomed and struggling as to whether or not they should take care of their abusers.
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Honestly, I think the forum has had an excess amount of relationship threads for a long time now with all the dysfunctional families attempting to care for one another
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Curious, what's up with all the relationship advice all of the sudden? Or is it just me
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Golden, my eyes the last week have been itchy, just say that are air quality from smoke is up.

I can't imagine what it's like living so close to it
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Sinus pain has been really bad these last few days. We had a couple of days of heavy wildfire smoke which was probably at least part of it. Not as bad today, but then I am taking more meds for it too. I know for me allergens are worse this time of year and all that combined with the construction nearby doesn't help.

I bought better filters for the furnace and a small but good air purifier for the bedroom. It's been raining a bit and I hope it rains more to clean the air, 🌧⛈🌦

nacy - road construction is a pain everywhere. It's all over the place in Edmonton.
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My whine moment is I just found out they are redoing a bridge that connects my town to moms, so that's going to be very frustrating 😖, months of patients, to get back and forth.
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Cwillie,
The improvement in the baby grandson is some really good news!

Thanking God for answered prayers!

And thank you Cwillie for updating us.
Even so, there will be continued prayers for this little one.

I needed this good news!
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Southall, I'm sure your mom would rather be spending time with you too. It's not just one person caregiving, it effects the whole family, in one way or another.
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Having no quality time with my mom bc my aunt and uncle won't step up to care for my grandma.
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CWillie, Praise The Lord!

So happy for all involved.
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I got an update from my friend - her little grandson has been released from the hospital and is improving at a remarkable rate, we are all so thankful!!
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River, so sorry to hear about the gout. It, like kidney stones, is infamous for its pure HURT. I DO agree with you that having the information helps with the pain, because fearing its a fracture adds fear and fear always adds to pain. It helps to have an answer. Wishing you the best in treatment.
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River, so happy for you that you are getting treatment that helps. I pray you do not have any more flair ups.

Good luck with your follow up visit.
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Was just diagnosed with gout in my left foot. Terrible pain. This foot was operated on in January and I have a 6 month post opp appointment this Tuesday so I was trying to hold on until then but last night the pain felt like a 12 out of 10. I really thought a fracture had somehow developed so this diagnosis is actually a relief in disguise. 3 prescribed medications are kicking in and am feeling better.
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That's the problem when people give hints and talk in code Anxietynacy, the message often does not get through.
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Just testing see if this works, couldnt get on the forum this morning
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OMG , I'm an idiot, 😠 I just realized the occupational therapist at moms today, was trying to get me to walk out with her.

She asked if my car was blocking her and looked at me odd.

Now I'm realizing why.
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Yeah the poor little gals , test results came back negative for other things, so it's most likely pancreatic cancer.

So she is hopping to spend the weekend with her and I'll take her Monday. 😢
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Anxiety , That’s sad , so many recent losses for your friend .
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My friends dog is very ill, she lost her husband and dad recently, so I told her I'll take her sweet pup to the vet for her when she is ready.

Not something I'm looking forward to doing, for sure!
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Blickbob, you don't have a phone at the moment so Mom cannot call you. But Mom has a phone, right?

Ask Mom who else can she call if she did have an emergency?

Plus who would she call if you didn't come home on time.. (anyone can trip in the street, car breaks down etc)

Can she use the phone? Or does she have a personal emergency button?
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Blickbob, you need to set some major boundaries, and find a way to get breaks , for your mental health.
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I'm currently without a phone right now. My phone won't connect to a charger at all and I have a new one on the way as of a few days ago. Problem is, I have to keep my phone off and wait another couple of days to get the new one and I'm basically on house arrest in all but name right now.

I went and got mine and my mom's dinner at our country club the 1st full day without my phone and she had a panic attack while I was gone. Maybe it's a good thing she didn't have me during the 70s or even 80s. Overprotective parents of my generation wouldn't have lasted long the moment their kids left for college 40, 50 yrs ago.

I was gonna go to an event earlier today across town for literally a few minutes, but she pleaded with me not to go because I didn't have a phone. We initially considered having a friend come and watch her, but the friend was gonna go to the NH to help feed her 95 yr old mother at the time I was gonna leave the house. I brought up a couple of other friends of hers that could keep her company, but she wouldn't entertain it any further.

She got emotional and talked about how I didn't understand things from her perspective and pulled the "I got you this/that" card regarding the new phone, which is my birthday gift, and dinner every week from our country club. The phone is more out of necessity than desire and as far as the weekly country club dinner, it's always her preference, not mine. She's the one that gets that ball rolling regarding that dinner decision, not me. She has gotten me a phone and weekly club dinner, but she won't give me things like respected wishes, seriousness, and extra help, let alone give me my life back. Several months back, she talked about how various relatives have had at least one son and that I can mark it down when it comes to having a boy. She doesn't grasp my perspective and that if caregiving continues on, I'll be marking down being unmarried and childless instead.

She then talked about how she was "making strides" in her recovery prior to my dad's passing. We all know that was a complete lie and she had long started to be up and around the house on a less frequent basis by that point. She was also resisting calls by my dad to start PT and she would chew out her "best friend" in response to the PT suggestions. She was unmotivated before my dad passed, as well as paranoid over Covid.

Btw, the 6th anniversary of her becoming immobile was a few days ago and when I made note of it, she said it was water under the bridge. Her still being immobile and stuck in the den of our house say otherwise.
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way: Prayers sent.
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