I'm tired of cooking/preparing 3 meals a day. It's just the two of us but boy oh boy can that woman eat!! She stays slimish, I get fattish. It's bad enough I do everything here much less start making her one thing and me the other. At times I feel guilty when I buy her fast food cuz of the nutritional value....not to mention I eat it too.
Yup. That's the idea. No society that I can bring to mind has encouraged women to insist on being treated properly, and it seems ours is no different then.
I hadn't heard anything about Karens so I just spent a while watching some. Granted there are the "call the police, the dog just peed on my garden wall" types; but more of them were doing outrageous things like expecting customer service staff to give them what they were paying for. And "I'm really busy and you must be cruel, entitled and probably racist to expect me to treat you with respect."
So don't be a Karen, be a nice lady and smile no matter what crap gets dumped on you.
[But also don't be a brat.]
Medicare does not advertise.
I wish the private companies weren’t allowed to use the name Medicare.
Have you ever tried 5HTP for the seasonal mood changes? I've been experimenting with it and it may help.
1) as the weather gets colder I get hungrier, Does anyone else experience that? Somedays I feel like a bear preparing to hibernate.
2) When the waste trash was collected yesterday they threw the emptied bin into one of my rose bushes. It was lying on it's side against/in the bush when I went out to get it. So I sent a message to the city accompanied by a photo, got several acknowledgements that they had received my message and then a return message showing the item was "COMPLETE". So I sent back a message asking what COMPLETE meant as I hadn't heard anything from them about the incident. The city uses these big bins and mechanical pick up and emptying. I also included a comment that my windrow had not been removed even though I had a marker showing that I was a senior and it should be removed. The city removes the windrows when snow clearing for seniors if a marker is left out, I don't want to get stuck entering or leaving my driveway.
I don't expect to hear back from them. Am I just being a fussy little (well not so little) old lady?
The weather is all over the place - minus 20C (-2F) here today going up to minus 5C (25F) on the weekend. Rocky hasn't shown any interest in going out at all today and I am with her. However it is sunny out and nice to look at but sunset at 3:50 today! Where I am moving to sunset is 1/2 hr later and sunrise is sooner which will be very nice.
The Medicare commercials are non stop! They are some of the most annoying commercials too!
Same with Medicare text messages. I don’t read those.
A lot of commercials in general are annoying though. A few of them are clever or cute.
Our local news is so very depressing! Carjackings, murder, latest corruption stories and requests to recall our mayor, etc.
Life in New Orleans has changed dramatically since I was a child. To think that I used walk or ride my bicycle everywhere and take the bus at age 12 all over amazes me now. Kids could never do those things today.
I came from an area where the station I use to watch, the news team was very professional, none of the giggling and annoying chit-chat. Plus trying to get use to local accents. All of this was before cable national news.
For me, I am glad I am back to where I can see those very same news anchors from the past. The news stations here hold on to good talent for many decades :)
"You should have never been discussing the abusive relationship between you and your mother with her caregiver."
I reply:
1. My mom's doctor asked me to talk about it with the caregivers. You BurntCaregiver, don't know my mom's health. I do. The caregivers do, now. My mom's doctor asked me to inform the caregivers about this and that -- and that's exactly what I did.
2. Today's conversation was started by the caregiver. She wanted to know something specific about the abuse. I answered. I also took the opportunity to tell her, that the caregiver's actions (although not intentional) are harmful to my mother and I. She now understands, and has completely stopped doing that (she has stopped being a flying monkey).
You should have never been discussing the abusive relationship between you and your mother with her caregiver.
The caregiver is not there to support or help you. Your mother employs her, not you. Therefore your mother is her boss and every one of us who has ever provided service to an elderly person knows it always works better if you can stay on their good side.
If I was your mother's worker I would tell you kindly that I do not work for you and if there's a problem with your mother that is for the two of you to deal with. On the other side of that, I would tell your mother that I refuse to listen or engage in any bad-mouthing about you because it's none of my business.
I can't tell you how many times clients and client families have tried to pull me into one of their petty squabbles or intrigues, or tried to get me over as an ally in a fight.
Not me. I never get drawn into any client family business. I know better.
You should know better than to discuss your abusive mother with her caregiver.
I believe you that your mother is an abusive narcissist and you've had a long suffering. I don't doubt it you're telling the truth.
I don't work for you or your family though. If I was an employee it would be highly inappropriate to be discussing your relationship with me.
Thanks Golden!
“I found there were some people I could talk to and others I couldn't.”
I see that too. The people I’m talking about are not bad people at all - it’s just that they “don’t get it”, whereas someone with similar experiences, does get it.
I have woken up in Albuquerque and Portland before oh and somewhere in Texas! Watching news in other areas of the country can be interesting.
glad - a staycation?
AuntieN - any hope of moving her to a facility? I couldn't handle the put downs.
venting - it sure does feel bad not to be believed. I found there were some people I could talk to and others I couldn't. I am glad you set the caregiver straight. Totally agree with Barb - you need your own team. Counselling has been invaluable for me. Are you afraid of going for therapy? You know it's the healthier sane ones who chose therapy. The unhealthy ones stay away from counselors.
Don't you ever tolerate another snide comment or even a moment of gaslighting again if you're the one unblocking a toilet at 11pm at night.
You have every right to yell and tell her to shut the h*ll up if she's pressing your buttons.
You think you're not doing enough? You think what you are doing for her is wrong and not done correctly?
You are doing MORE THAN ENOUGH.
Let me ask you something. Is there a line of people lined up at her front door to unblock her toilet at 11pm at night? Is this long line of people fighting with each other over who will be chosen to be the next target of her verbal abuse and gaslighting?
My guess is there is no line of people. There is YOU the only one willing to step up and help her. So you don't tolerate her gasligting and disrespect one more moment. You tell her that if she has such a tough time coping with your "meaness" then she should not behave like an entitled, ingrate brat. Or she can get someone else to come the next time she clogs her toilet up at 11 at night. Or she can try raising her arms in front of the bowl like Moses parting the Red Sea and maybe the toilet water will recede that way.
Stop taking her crap. You're the only stepping up for her. Never miss an opportunity to remind her of this when you have to.
But.
The trouble is, my mom is now using the caregiver as a flying monkey. The caregiver is not a bad person - but I made the person aware today that they’re continuing my mom’s abuse of me (continuing the dirty work), by doing this and that.
The caregiver said they’ll stop doing that. The person didn’t realize they were contributing to the abuse by doing this and that.
The aim of the conversation was to put an end to that.
What matters is what you know.
Have you found a therapist yet? That's who will understand this dynamic.
Please stop trying to find validation from people being paid by your mom. You need your OWN team.
i think it has everything to do with conflict of interest. i bet anyone else has been sympathetic, empathetic.
courage.
you be you.
and be glad - you’re - not an abusive person.
Just had a very frustrating conversation with my mom’s caregiver.
The person has never had an abusive family member. My mom is abusive towards me. We started talking about my mom’s abusiveness (the caregiver started the conversation), and the person can’t comprehend that not all mothers are kind. It’s like the person doesn’t believe me.
I understand there’s a conflict of interest: my mom employs the caregiver, so the caregiver wants to be “on my mother’s side “. But it feels very bad, not to be believed, understood, empathized with.
Doesn't happen often, but this morning I woke up in Montana.😳😳😏😏
I contacted a snow removal company, they called back that they were in the area and could come soon. They came, cleared the driveway and put down some salt I had as it is very slippery and its done for $75.00. I may try to work out a contract with them if Snow Angels doesn't come through. Once the salt has acted the driveway will be usable. Right now I don't want to try walking on it.
My whine today is snow removal. Since I started with the city Snow Angels someone has turned up when it snows to clear my driveway. In the past if they haven't found a volunteer the city sends labourers to do it. No such thing this year. My driveway is shin deep in snow. I emailed the city and was told I had to reapply every year and they sent me a sheaf of papers to fill out sign and send back. I did so and got the reply that basically if someone in my area volunteers they will let me know. There is a new person in charge of Snow Angels and it seems they could care less. DD says dgs will do it, but that requires me to drive to their place, pick him up and take him to my place to shovel, then take him for a meal and drive him home. That uses up too much of my energy budget for the day,