I'm tired of cooking/preparing 3 meals a day. It's just the two of us but boy oh boy can that woman eat!! She stays slimish, I get fattish. It's bad enough I do everything here much less start making her one thing and me the other. At times I feel guilty when I buy her fast food cuz of the nutritional value....not to mention I eat it too.
A positive. Do you also feel sometimes that your friends on the forum are more your friends, than your real life friends? (I’m not saying one should compare friendships). I’ll speak for myself: I feel much more understood at times, by my forum friends than by my friends in real life. Here on the forum we’re going through the same struggles, often suffering. It feels great to be understood!
Thank you.
Me: mom why are you walking around the house in the middle of the night?
Mom: I'm not walking around. I went in a straight line from my room to here.
Me: 😶
Good judgment comes from experience and ALOT of that comes from bad judgment.
I hope my judgment is improving as I go through experiences. :-)
“If you don’t like the road you’re walking, start paving another one.”
“Count your age by friends, not years.”
“If you wait, all that happens is you get older.”
“Life is a series of baby steps.”
“When you think positive, good things happen.”
:)
Regarding me:
strangely, I feel I was wiser when I was a child. I understood things/life much better.
I think I’ve been beaten down by my abusive mom over the years. It has clouded my vision. I’m very busy healing, and then defending myself again against her abuse, and then avoiding her, and then protecting myself against her, and then…
See? I spend way too much time with her - ON MY MIND, even when I’m doing my own things. Abusers take up so much brain space: you’re either protecting yourself or busy recovering from abuse.
I think I was a wise child. I’ll try to find myself again.
I want to be a wiser person. I have a sneeeeeaky suspicion I lack wisdom in my life.
The wiser you are, the more you know what to do - instead of me, sometimes so unsure.
Some times on an hour long show, by the time the first set of commercials are through, I've forgotten what I was watching :P
Have you read anything about Fear, Obligation and Guilt (F.O.G.)?
If you believe that your loved one is "simply" mean and not demented or mentally ill, then she should be able to learn that if she utters a lie, abuse or anything else vile, you will walk out (of the room, the house, the area) and not help her for the rest of that day.
Perhaps try this ("I'll see you when you are feeling better") and just leave. Do not engage in a discussion with her.
Do this several days in a row and let us know how it goes!
"I can't possibly do that"
In fact I do indeed use phrases like that.
“Nobody except YOU can take care of your mental and physical health.”
Thanks! So true. And the abuse destroyed me…my mind, my spirit, my body…
I’m currently working hard on only MY mental and physical health.
Nobody except YOU can take care of your mental and physical health. And without them, you are worthless to anyone. You become a burden, not a helper.
Do you want to say more about why you can't say "I can't possibly do that"?
“you owe it to yourself and to them […] to put your life/health first”
Thanks for putting me back on track!
My whine:This is much too early to playing "Throw the Mousie" with Rocky. She doesn't go out as much now that we have cold and snow so she is playing inside with her toys more. I guess this will make the transition to the condo easier where outside will be the balcony or a walk on a leash if she tolerates it. Dgd takes her dog and her cat out in E'ton on leashes daily.