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Oh boy,, my whine has nothing to do with caregiving,,, except I bought my latest SUV for hauling Mom and Aunt around. It is my 5th SUV of this model and I loved the last 4, this one was the first model year of a new model ( if that makes sense they upgrade every so often) My hubs and I were hesitant but I needed a bigger SUV because the ladies had more "stuff" walkers, rollators you know". we were worried about the "new model year curse" and boy did we get it! It has been recalled 2x, cameras work when they want to, transmission issue . All got sort of fixed. Yesterday when I was going to the carpool site the touch screen crapped out. OK, I still have speedometer and such just no radio or GPS, all good until until I hit the city.. transmission issues! Not where I want to break down as Baltimore is a pit! When we went to leave the touch screen was working,, OK! Hooray! Hubs and DD tracking me on phones and a friend ready to pick us up if it crapped out but other than lurching good to the highway. I just wanted to get to home town before it was not running. Made it almost the whole way home! It was horrible on our country road but I limped into the garage. They can't see it until the 15th! What the heck! Luckily I have Moms sweet old ride to get to work and drive until then,, but I am not a happy camper! I know there are supply issues but this is only 2 years old and I just paid it off,, and lemon laws are hard to prove. Hopefully they can get it fixed before Christmas!
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Mom has a bad habit of peeing in the trash can. When she does the urine runs down her legs, wets her socks and shoes, and generally makes a mess in and around the trash can. Yesterday I discovered such a mess :( In frustration I told mom that when she straddles the trash can the pee gets all over her and everything else! All she had to say was: I didn't straddle it. I tipped it a bit this way then squatted. Ai yai yai.....
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No whining. Actually, a thank you.

A positive. Do you also feel sometimes that your friends on the forum are more your friends, than your real life friends? (I’m not saying one should compare friendships). I’ll speak for myself: I feel much more understood at times, by my forum friends than by my friends in real life. Here on the forum we’re going through the same struggles, often suffering. It feels great to be understood!

Thank you.
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Mom got up around 1:00 a.m. this morning 😖:
Me: mom why are you walking around the house in the middle of the night?
Mom: I'm not walking around. I went in a straight line from my room to here.
Me: 😶
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The avatar is back this morning as are my settings.
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glad - Mine has disappeared too. My settings seem to be intact.
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Where did the little accessibility avatar go? My settings seem to have gone with it.😧😧
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For me, this saying sums it up pretty good.

Good judgment comes from experience and ALOT of that comes from bad judgment.

I hope my judgment is improving as I go through experiences. :-)
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@Bandy7 Thank you for your kind words.
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For those of us who’re having a hard day, and feeling negative, and needing some positive sentences to lift us up:

“If you don’t like the road you’re walking, start paving another one.”

“Count your age by friends, not years.”

“If you wait, all that happens is you get older.”

“Life is a series of baby steps.”

“When you think positive, good things happen.”

:)
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I agree with you Cwillie!

Regarding me:
strangely, I feel I was wiser when I was a child. I understood things/life much better.

I think I’ve been beaten down by my abusive mom over the years. It has clouded my vision. I’m very busy healing, and then defending myself again against her abuse, and then avoiding her, and then protecting myself against her, and then…

See? I spend way too much time with her - ON MY MIND, even when I’m doing my own things. Abusers take up so much brain space: you’re either protecting yourself or busy recovering from abuse.

I think I was a wise child. I’ll try to find myself again.
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I think that "with age comes wisdom" is a myth, the only wisdom I've gained is being self assured enough to say no, and also the realization that most people are wrapped up in their own life and other than momentary notice (positive or negative) could care less what I do.
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My whine moment?

I want to be a wiser person. I have a sneeeeeaky suspicion I lack wisdom in my life.

The wiser you are, the more you know what to do - instead of me, sometimes so unsure.
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I have a dimmer switch for my hallway lights. I just realized today that Mom thinks it's the thermostat. No wonder she's always complaining how our house is too bright and shouldn't be so cold 😶
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Natasha, your anecdote reminded me of one from my husband's grandmother. She said she hated getting fresh flowers because they were just gonna die.
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FF, bite the bullet and go to streaming. We "pay" to view no matter what: regular tv isn't free, we pay by suffering through the commercials (thank goodness for the mute button). Or, if you have a smart tv, you can pause the show for 15 minutes when the first commercials run, then you can fast foward through them the rest of the program. Some tvs won't let you pause for long -- ours is a very old "smart" tv so it limits us. Cable is soooo expensive.
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Just a whine about all the TV commercials. I know they pay for the show, but I bet if I taped the show and later removed all the commercials, that half-hour show would only be 15 minutes long.

Some times on an hour long show, by the time the first set of commercials are through, I've forgotten what I was watching :P
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@Isthisrealyreal, these antics are unabashedly funny to me too, but only after several hours have elapsed 😊
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Today mom ripped the sides of the new depends before I put them on her. I asked her why she did that. Just to get ahead, she said. 😶
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Thanks BarbBrooklyn!
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Venting, I'm so glad to hear that you're getting back on track!

Have you read anything about Fear, Obligation and Guilt (F.O.G.)?

If you believe that your loved one is "simply" mean and not demented or mentally ill, then she should be able to learn that if she utters a lie, abuse or anything else vile, you will walk out (of the room, the house, the area) and not help her for the rest of that day.

Perhaps try this ("I'll see you when you are feeling better") and just leave. Do not engage in a discussion with her.

Do this several days in a row and let us know how it goes!
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Hi BarbBrooklyn! Thanks also to you, for guiding me back on track!

"I can't possibly do that"

In fact I do indeed use phrases like that.

“Nobody except YOU can take care of your mental and physical health.”

Thanks! So true. And the abuse destroyed me…my mind, my spirit, my body…

I’m currently working hard on only MY mental and physical health.
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Venting: "If I am not for myself, who will be?"

Nobody except YOU can take care of your mental and physical health. And without them, you are worthless to anyone. You become a burden, not a helper.

Do you want to say more about why you can't say "I can't possibly do that"?
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Nat, I know it isn't funny but, you are very funny in your descriptions of your moms antics.
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Did you know it is possible for an 86 year old woman with dementia and arthritis, and who is apparently NOT able to put on ONE SINGLE depends.... can put on THREE pair of sweat pants! Pair over pair over pair! She must've worked on that all night 😶
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Still waiting for some races to be counted completely. That he of them is a difference of a few dozen votes. Just want it over! This race will have to be done again next month, most likely.
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Coffee shop not open yet.😔😔
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Hi Golden!

“you owe it to yourself and to them […] to put your life/health first”

Thanks for putting me back on track!
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How's your coffee shop coming along, glad?

My whine:This is much too early to playing "Throw the Mousie" with Rocky. She doesn't go out as much now that we have cold and snow so she is playing inside with her toys more. I guess this will make the transition to the condo easier where outside will be the balcony or a walk on a leash if she tolerates it. Dgd takes her dog and her cat out in E'ton on leashes daily.
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venting - Of course I realize that. Do you realize that if you weren't available to care for your parents, for whatever reason, they would get cared for by someone else - likely the state. If your life, your mental and physical state, are in serious jeopardy due to caring for your parents, you owe it to yourself and to them (sick caregivers are not the best caregivers and up tp 40% of caregivers die before those they look after) to put your life/health first which may mean making other arrangements for your parent(s) care.
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