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Joekool you certainly do have the right to report your uncle's living with you and ask for his needs to be assessed. Isn't his wife aware that he's going to need support? - it's one thing for her to be relieved you've taken over, but she can't keep control and turn her back at the same time! If she won't get in touch with his health care team, ask for the number so that you can.
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Joekool94: Welcome to this thread! Do you have POA for your uncle?
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I am not in burnout but I have already cared for my mother and father. I have my uncle now living with me because his home has steps to the only bathroom and his wife my aunt can not clean him up if he was to have an accident because she can’t stomach it. I don’t mind at all that my uncle is here. He’s like my second dad. My aunt his first wife who passed was like a sister to my mom. We are pretty close. Well his wife now has not set up home health care which is what my uncle says he wants. He originally was sent home with hospice but the man isn’t ready for hospice and the hospital told him he had no choice. So me having been through this had the hospice nurse explain the difference and he said he wants home health. He has been here now over a week and no one has set this up. Hospice does not have him as a patient. We are lucky that we still have his oxygen. Do I have the right to call and set up his home health care since he lives with me and I am his night time caregiver or is that my uncle’s wife’s responsibility to have it set up even though she really hasn’t done anything as of now. I just want the man to have a nurse look him over and make sure he is doing well.
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cw: Good plan on the external hard drive.
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freqflyer: It is helpful to have a remote hard drive. I must remember to back up my data as I haven't done it in a while. Sorry that you don't have one.
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I bought my refurbished desktop PC when I move here in 2013, it struggles to get going again if it gets completely turned off so it stays on 24/7. I've been meaning to buy an external hard drive and a tablet for back up for years now....
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Llamalover47, nope no back-up equipment. Seems like computers, along with other appliances, are having shorter and shorter life spans. The desk top I had prior was 5 years old, prior to that 10 years, and prior to that 12 years. I see a pattern.

As technology moves at warp speed, the older stuff doesn't play well with the new technology. Gotta buy new.
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freqflyer: Perchance do you possess a remote hard drive where you periodically backed up data from your desktop?
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Can't believe it, my desktop computer was only 2 years old and it crashed. The computer guy [we have him on speed dial] said it was a part failure. He said it would make more sense to order a brand new tower then for him to order all the parts he needed. So I ordered a new desk top.

I just hope he can put in the old hard-drive and pull off from it onto a memory thingy items I had on my old computer, that weren't saved on a website, and place it onto the new computer.

Right now I am using my sign-other's desk top computer. It is throwing off my whole routine. It's like going into a grocery store you're not familiar with :)
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Was thinking about taking flannel sheets off of my bed today. Maybe next week. Major temp drops the next few days, overnight down to low 40's or high 30's.
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Hello Chlokara! I hope your 50th wedding anniversary was great! That's very, very special.
Hello all! I hope you're well!

I just scrolled down below, and noticed that my challenge to myself was 22 April '22 (1 month ago!) (I said I would try (1) not to whine for 7 days, (2) focus on my life).

Update: I failed, and gave myself F- and F-.

HOWEVER, suddenly I succeeded (A+++ and A+++). But it's totally by chance. Totally unconnected to my own self-discipline. What happened is: the situation is OK now. My mom is all right. No emergencies. I've been able to really work on my life. It's been an awesome feeling. I got a lot done (FOR MY LIFE).

Good luck to all!

I give myself a new challenge: for the next 7 days: don't postpone. Get it done now.

OK, I'll update again in a few weeks. Knowing me, I'll start off with F-, but maybe I'll be lucky and go to C+.
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Chlokara: Happy Golden Wedding Anniversary!
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Dear chlokara - Wow! What a tough life you have had. I hope in those 44 years since your husband's life changing accident, there were many moments of happiness, and not just all suffering and enduring.

Congratulations on your 50th anniversary. Hope you enjoy something special for you and your husband.
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dear chlokara,
:)

compassion hug!!!
verrry tough events, the past years.

HAPPY 50th ANNIVERSARY TODAY!!!!! :) :) :) :)
amazing!!! golden anniversary!!! :)

i wish you and your husband a wonderful celebration!!!
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One of my staff tested positive for Covid today. He was to attend a conference this next week in Richmond. Hoping he is feeling better soon. It is back. Or should I say it is still here.
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44 years ago - husband's accident which severely limited his mobility
33 years ago - husband stops bringing in regular income; he does artwork
16 years ago - husband's first brain tumor; can no longer do artwork
10 years ago - husband's second brain tumor; becomes deaf, stops working around house
8 years ago - I retire and husband gets upset when I plunge into activities
7 years ago - I come home from mother's funeral to realize I can not go away and leave him any more
5 years ago - husband diagnosed with dementia, stops leaving house; my outside activities severely reduced
1 year ago - husband hospitalized five times for rampant infection
2 months ago - husband treated at home by hospice
today - our 50th wedding anniversary
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Yea, they should have told you next steps by now. Seems they could have drained that pipe.into a pit in the backyard. Then vacuumed it out or something. It just seems very strange. Ask the city sewer people for a list of contractors. Do you have Better Business Bureau there? Have you checked ratings of the contractor?

I think I would have the city take a look. At least you known that they will give you reliable info. May be the best dollars you spend on this project.
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glad - just saw your post below. I mentioned earlier that the water level hadn't gone down enough to use the camera. Yes it is water tight but the water is murky. Tuesday the guy came and dug a hole and found the broken pipe. Couldn't they have done that earlier? The estimate of it being fixed by Tuesday was before they found they couldn't get a camera shot. Supposedly the project manager was informed on Tuesday afternoon that the break had been located. I think I should have been informed of the next steps by now. The city public waste department says to call the restore people of your choice and if you call the city to investigate you will be charged.
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cw - I was an firm introvert before covid. It's not so bad!

glad - I essentially have a septic field in my backyard now but it is not draining well. I am managing. I really couldn't lug a porta potty about. Today I called the project manager and haven't heard back. I know I am not the only project they have to deal with but I had hoped to hear something by now. Then I would have more information to make a decision as to how to proceed. Sil is setting up a room in dd's house which will help. It's cold out today and not great for me to bath then go out in the cold. I am rethinking taking a hotel room which would be quieter and possibly covid safer than dd's house. If I brought Rocky with me we could chill out together. Showers here today and tomorrow so we both will be inside most of the time. I think I'll wait for a callback from the restore co.
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Golden, call your wastewater provider to ask what you can do. Have they even been contacted by the contractor for necessary permits? I am suspicious since this seems to be taking so long. Initially, they told you it would be repaired by tuesday. Have they even run the camera down the line yet?

Those cameras are water tight.
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When my sewer line collapsed they dug a pit in the backyard and broke the pipe to drain into it so we could at least use the bathrooms. Yea kinda gross, but what is a septic system anyway?I

Or you could bring in a porta pot.
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LOL Gershun!
I've turned into a curmudgeonly hermit, the last two years of going nowhere and seeing nobody have cemented the introverted part of my personality firmly in place.
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gershun - good for you. Stick to your guns. Thx. Poor me indeed. It could be worse. I wasn't standing outside. I was in like a shot. 😉
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My Hubs niece is getting married in July. The wedding is in California where she lives. I'm definitely not going. My Hubs sister (niece's mother) is insane. I mean actually insane. Should have been institutionalized a long time ago. She overheard me say something not so nice about her a thousand years ago so now anytime I've seen her since she just glares at me and talks loudly about me within earshot so I can hear every nasty comment. Yes, I should not have been talking about her. But the only reason she heard what I said was cause she had picked up the other phone and was eavesdropping.

Anyway, hubs Dad will be 93 by then and needs someone to stick around here for him cause he can't go so hopefully hubs will agree to stay here and we'll have a ready made excuse. Either way I'm not going. I dislike weddings. Never had one of my own. Never will. Never wanted the long white gown or any of that. It's just not me. Don't find other people's weddings entertaining at all. Would rather stick hot peppers into my unmentionable parts, that's how strongly I feel about that.

Golden, sorry you are having to deal with all this nonsense. Hope it gets figured out soon. I hate to imagine you standing outside an A & W at 6:00am. Poor you!
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cw re the wedding I hope you figure something out that works for you.

glad - don't blame you for not going.

In general, I agree with the comments on destination weddings or other huge cost weddings. Doesn't make any sense to me.

venting - maybe try just focusing more on you. One thing at a time! It sounds like you need more self care.

My whine for today is that as of yesterday they know where the damaged pipe is but I have not heard about any plans to repair it. I guess I better make a phone call or two tomorrow.
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dear isthisrealyreal,

"boj, I hope you get your hearts desire and find a man to love and that loves you even more."

so sweet, thank you!! :)
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Weddings! Both my brothers had big weddings, graciously paid for by my dad.

Me, my dear husband and I decided on a Friday afternoon to go get the license, then decided that we should just get married, another couple without witnesses stood up for us and visaversa. That was 25 years ago.

Oh, both my brothers divorced within 2 years. Seems like a down payment on a house would have served them better.

boj, I hope you get your hearts desire and find a man to love and that loves you even more.
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Hi Golden, thanks yes, my Mom is well! Thank God.
I hope you're well! Everyone!

How am I, you asked? Well, well, well...
So I challenged myself 22 April '22 to: (A) Not whine for at least 7 days. (B) To focus more on me, and less on helping my mother.

Today is the 5th day.
I give myself an F for both. Terrible result. I've been whining all day (silently to myself). Anywayyy, here I try again. Off I go.
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dear geaton, hugs!! :)
i understand you.

i must confess: i'm one of those people!! i wannnnnt a wedding -- with a wedding gown that's long and goes from california to new york.

(i've never been married) (hopeless romantic) (working on my career first)

i totally understand what you say, geaton:
i'm just confessing, i'm one of them. i'll be having a huge wedding :). and i wish, for me, and of course for anyone, to be married 1,000 years, more!

i haven't met him yet, by the way. he's probably under a rock somewhere.

hugs from geologist, bundle of joy :)
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The whole wedding thing in general is completely out of control. I've been to 3 weddings (the children of my closest friends I've known for decades) and their lavish pre-nuptual events and weddings resulted in marriages of less than 3 years. So, my "official 2nd marriage policy" is I don't attend any further weddings for them and they get far scimpier of a gift. I know that's cynical, but those short-timers maybe should have spent the wedding money on pre-marital counseling instead and saved us all a valuable Saturday night in Spanks eating chicken.
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