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I'm having extra fatigue, body ache, and general energy slump the past week. I think the stress from the roommate situation caused it. I'm avoiding homework like never before. I hope I snap out of it. I think I will. I think I just needed some time for rest and to get it all out of my system. I still feel jittery opening the front door, like I expect to find the old roommate back here. I'm sure this will go away soon.

I've spent about 16 hours cleaning her old room so far, and still haven't done the floors or washed the curtains. I took the curtains for cleaning, it was going to cost twice what I paid for them so I'm going to try washing them myself and go from there. Everything needed scrubbed down. It's nice having that room cleaned up again.

I was supposed to get my second Pfizer covid shot and I didn't... because of how bad I'm already feeling and I expect to have some side effects reaction to the 2nd shot based on others' experience. Hopefully I can get it next week. It's all walk in appointments now around where I am.
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Anche,

I get it. I felt like that. When we are tied down to a schedule, we are never free to look forward to anything that we used to enjoy. It feels like we have lost our free will and are going through the motions as if we are a machine instead of a human that can freely choose how to spend the day.

People expect us to make the best of a depressing and stressful situation. It’s hard to do that not knowing when the end is in sight. The end is depressing because it usually happens at death. Even if parents go to a facility there is still care involved.

So, what are the best years of our lives? 20’s or 30’s? No caregiving! Some at that age don’t even have kids! LOL
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For Golden:
The fishing line trick to keep deer away....
HOW DOES FISHING LINE KEEP DEER OUT OF YOUR GARDEN?
No, you’re not trying to hook and reel in a deer with the fishing line. You simply string the fishing line about 3 feet above the ground attached to stakes. The lines should be hung a few feet outside of the beds you want to protect, not right up against the plants. 
You can use metal or plastic stakes that blend into your garden, making the whole setup virtually invisible to the human eye. Start by inserting 48″ tall stakes about 8-12″ deep into the ground around the area you want to protect. Then tie your fishing line between the stakes about 3′ high. 

Basically, deer can not see the fishing line that’s right in front of them. They can smell your delicious garden/landscape plants and see a blurry version of that lush, green goodness.
They start to approach the meal you grew for them. There’s no sound, smell, or sight of danger anywhere around. They move in for the feast.
Then suddenly, something right in front of them that they hadn’t detected brushes against their fur. What the heck – run Bambi, run!
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Anche, are Sundays something you choose to sign up for? In preference to other days? Could you swap days? Or is it the actual task of caregiving?
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I hate Sundays! It's a warm sunny Sunday today... I wish I could go out with my husband... A walk, a coffee without paying attention to my watch....
But on Sundays I am alone caring for my mom... I just cry nearly every Sunday...
I feel like I have had a life sentence
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ali - the deer have been here before but I hadn't seen them or signs of them since the fire. I was hoping they were gone. I am not aware of any repellant that keeps them away. I have to take down a large lodge pole pine which has died and I want to replace it with another evergreen. It will have to be one that the deer don't like. They LOVE cedars!
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Thanks, Need! I'm truly just so happy and relieved to be back to normal stressors in my life. 😂 Bring on all the unrealistic school workload; it's nothing compared to the other stuff. I want to move past this terrible recent drama as fast as I can, and complaining about school feels almost fun compared to the other stuff of late. It's no fun grinding through 8+ hours of mental strain for several days to get the work in, though. It gets very stressful and it helps to vent for a moment in here. I appreciate the support.

Golden, I take it the deer in your yard isn't typical or you would get repellent of some kind if it was destructive and ongoing. It does sound pretty and picturesque but I get the annoyance. Wild animals of all kinds are cute to me but I remember some critters chewing holes in things or pooping in flower beds at grandma's house and then it was war. lol
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Golden, I suppose that I wouldn’t like the deer droppings but I love nature and watch all of the nature shows on television! I love the show, ‘Nature’ on PBS. Deer are so pretty.
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Pulling for you, Ali!
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Deer droppings on the front lawn! We are having a late spring and a cold one so I guess their food supply is not good yet. They like my cedar and the shrub roses. I don't like their droppings
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I'm officially back to whining about college workload. These research/essay/thesis papers every other week are so time consuming. When I took classes at university 20+ years ago, papers like these were special assignments to wrap up weeks worth of material, for midterms or finals. Now, I'm required to do them every other week in the past two psychology classes I've taken. I learn a lot from doing them so that's great but it's such a time-intensive part of the course. I think the directors of the curriculum believe it should take a few hours to do one these papers but I always find it takes 2 days of researching, reading, writing, and then formatting for APA.

Finally got my late paper in this evening and now I'm caught up there... and behind on everything else for this school week. Whew. These classes move fast, with a lot to cover and learn, and then test on or write papers about, all in one week.

Both classes this term have quizzes every other week, too, and including the required discussion board posts and replies which take a whole day to do them for both classes.

I'll never understand how working adults with young families, or two jobs, could ever put in the work needed... but I have a few people like that in my classes and they manage to get it done.
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Ali,
In California,
"Unless a shorter time is specified in the lease or rental agreement, a landlord has 21 days to provide a final accounting and return the balance of the resident's security deposit. The time begins when the landlord regains possession of the property."

N. can "say" anything she wants, it will be harassment.

You can say that you are making a police report for the stolen items and the drug paraphenalia left behind, as well as the damages she caused.
You can say that you will likely sue for damages to the apartment.
Except, don't put anything more in writing, imo.

Be strong.
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Today, how about mastering a new piece on the guitar, something you’ve never played before? I think you need something mindful to do, which could help with the anxiety.
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NeedHelpWithMom,

Thanks! It is somewhat hard to believe that in one more year, I'll be 65 and in about 4 more years, I will complete my online degree, the Lord willing.
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Chriscat83,

Thanks. Yes, this is tough. Getting out of the house 3 times a week to exercise for 45 minutes is not enough. I really need to get back to playing my guitar as my sister in law hopes I will do. Don't take this wrong, but as a man, one of my greatest stress and anxiety reducers is sex, yes even at 64, but my wife say that being 66, she is too old. That's not so according to the medical books that I have looked at. Oh well.

I think it is time to find a new therapist since my present one does not sound like there is anything I can do from his perspective. He is in the town we left and thus, an hours drive away. I wish my very first therapist was still doing therapy, but she went back to being a school counsellor.
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Hope your situation improves, Yoda. Happy Birthday 🎂!
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NoTryDoYoda, things sound very difficult for you at the moment. It’s no wonder you are so anxious. Can you try downloading some calming breathing exercises, maybe from YouTube, that you can listen to when things get on top of you? These have worked for me and for others on this forum. It’s sensible to look for alternatives to meds if they are giving you bad side effects.
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The extra anxiety in my life is exterior and becomes more as my wife still remains very dependent on me for so many things like her identical twin sister's husband is doing to her, but that is more understandable with his water on the brain problem, although, I need anti-anxiety meds just to be around him as my wife does. I will turn 64 in a few days and she turned 66 back in January. My therapist believes there is really nothing that I can do after this many years of marriage and one clue she likely picked up on when dating me was that my mother was still so dependent on me. Well, she's been dead for 7 years and thankfully I got my freedom before then. My wife remains emotionally attached to her abusive mother who has been dead 2-3 years. Her mom while in control was totally dependent my wife's father. After his death, long ago, her only emotional response was that he was no longer available to do for her. My sons see this and are concerned about me more than her. They each refuse to let her hoover either of them in so she can be dependent upon them. They have already told me that she can forget them responding to her every call when in an assisted living or nursing home for she is just going to have to learn how to do various things on her own. I must find some natural ways to handle my anxiety so that I can get totally off of this medication given its bad side effects.
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N texted and asked for her deposit back. I said "absolutely not" and told her I would be doing an accounting of it, but that process has only begun. I would like to think any small claims judge would be sympathetic that she has cost me much more than just material damages, which are going to be a good chunk of the deposit money already, considering I didn't sublet E's old room directly because of N's behavior. I'll gather and keep receipts. I don't want to feel like I did anything unfair in this transaction, but geesh...
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I started cleaning out N's old room, assessing things. I knew there would be some damage and everything would need cleaned. I didn't expect all the burn holes in EVERYTHING, including the mattress. There was a cover on it but that's gone and I am just amazed that someone can burn so many things in 3 months through layers of fabric -- pillows (also covered), all the bedding, fabric shelves and storage boxes. I found part of a glass drug pipe -- looks like part of a crack pipe. Then found some very small knotted plastic bags. Those are crack bags. I was never sure of N's drug of choice, besides her self-admitted "cocaine, heroin, and occasional PCP." I'm documenting everything but you know what I mostly feel right now..? Lucky. I feel so very lucky that this experience with her wasn't worse than it was. It's sinking in, realizing who and what I invited into my home. I hope she gets help, I really do.
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Oh, Ali

I am so happy for you!!! You deserve peace in your life. I know how committed you are to your studies. Now, you will be able to move forward and focus on what is most important without the stress! Yay!

Let’s toast, 🍻🍾🥂🍸🧉🥃! Time to celebrate 🎉!

CHEERS, ALI!
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Lol Gladimhere! That is so true about the driver's license address. Good point.
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I woke up today, remembered N was out, and had this sense of JUBILATION!!

I didn't sleep well, couldn't get to sleep until past 4am even though I took a little extra zolpidem. I don't feel well rested but MAN I feel GREAT! Such relief. Feels like a new lease on life. 😆

There's a lot of work to do to clean up and get the paper done but now I feel very confident it will all get done! I was depressed, among other things, when N was here. Same thing I felt living with my father. Just didn't want to do anything, always so tired.

I'm glad I have the cameras in place to feel more secure. I'll leave them up for a bit, just to be sure that N is really gone.

I'm really in your debt, those who made time to be supportive and give input during this ordeal. A million thanks!
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ali ((((((hugs))))))
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Just a word of caution, Ali. When twisteds changed locks on mom's house, my ID had mom's address on it. I called a locksmith to get me in and they did because my ID showed that address.
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Happy for you Ali but stay alert. Don't let your guard down yet.

Now get some sleep and start fresh tomorrow!
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Ali,

Yay! Amen! Hallelujah!
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I went through and locked everything up. Closed the window in her old room, picked up some scattered trash. There is still one keyset that she had that is unaccounted for but she claims it's lost. I put the chain on the door... and will take a better look at everything tomorrow. But yeah.... YAY! The worst is over, for sure.
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Ali,
Do you have any questions?

Did you lock and barricade the windows?
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Good on you Ali!
You stood your ground, and stayed stable, did it all legal.

It is never really over with an addict, but the moving out is over. She must never be allowed in ever again.

She may try everything to have free access to you via the letter in the mail; via the deposit being returned; any reason to get to you in the future may be employed by her. Including returning the knives or pans (oops, took them by mistake).

Now can the locks be changed?

Your job is to breathe a sigh of relief! And be very careful to never open the door to her again. If you have something to exchange, meet her on the curb.

Now go sit in your desk chair.

Then, inspect the apartment, throw out the trash. Check for gas leaks etc.

You are going to be fine from here on in.

You did it! Yay!
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