I'm tired of cooking/preparing 3 meals a day. It's just the two of us but boy oh boy can that woman eat!! She stays slimish, I get fattish. It's bad enough I do everything here much less start making her one thing and me the other. At times I feel guilty when I buy her fast food cuz of the nutritional value....not to mention I eat it too.
When I had home health I was told that I had to participate in the entire program, which consists of occupational therapy, physical therapy, nurse and aide.
This was fine for us because my mom participated and benefited from all of it.
That’s great that you were able to select only what you needed.
It’s exhausting for elderly parents. I had asked if mom could skip either OT or PT instead of doing both. They told me, “No, the program Is designed to work using both OT and PT.”
It’s exhausting dealing with these situations.
You’re very welcome.
You spoke the truth. Your brother doesn’t have any idea of what you do.
People get so wrapped up in their own lives that sometimes they become blind to what others are going through.
Sure, I get that he has a busy life, but so do you!
It’s a sacrifice to care for others. I hope that your brother will learn to appreciate your sacrifice and pitch in.
I'm trying to muster the energy to call Xfinity to see if (after I send copy of POA) they will allow me to take over the management of my Aunts account.
This is the only task my brother has been responsible for since we moved her out of her home. Unfortunately, he has dropped the ball twice!
I totally understand that he's trying to run a business! At the same time, I don't think he has any idea how many hours I put into keeping my Aunts affairs running smoothly.
I don't want to cause him grief, but I am tired of him inadvertently causing me grief!
As always, Thank you for your support and kindness!!😘
My plumbagos are at the tail end of blooming.
I love the blue flowers. So pretty, but pretty aggressive plant. They have taken over a portion of my backyard.
They are hardy plants. I will need to prune them back soon. They do well year after year.
It is very hard carrying the load all by yourself.
Sorry that your brother couldn’t help you in your time of need.
Frustration can build during stressful times.
What a pain! My uncle paid many bills more than once! He didn’t have anyone to look out for him. His wife died several years before he did and she was the bookkeeper in the family.
His sons would check in on him fairly regularly and try to help but he was impatient and would write a check for every bill that came in the mail. He didn’t dispute anything! It would drive his sons crazy!
My youngest brother, the only person who I thought I could count on for support with my Aunt, has let me down again!!
Initially we worked in tandem to make sure our Aunt was well taken care of after my Uncle's death. Since then, I have been shouldering all the heavy lifting !
He has been responsible for the tech stuff!
I can't call my Aunt, because my brother can't remember what he's done over the last year in regards to her phone and internet. He's been paying for her old phone number yet cancelled her new phone number. I can see exactly what happened, but because he set it up, I have no access !!
I have forwarded his text back to him as a reminder. But he's sooo busy that he doesn't know when he can fix the problem!!
I am tired and frustrated!!
Totally cranky and can't sleep!
Her phone is the only lifeline I have to her with Covid!!
I know about crappy brothers.
Why do our moms feel sorry for them?
We are the ones who have always helped our moms. As you say, they used our moms.
I was the independent one because I wasn’t babied by mom. She. Babied my brothers.
Daddy supported and encouraged me. Mom criticized and insulted me.
Our brothers used them and yet our moms have empathy for them. Go figure.
Moms shouldn’t cause rifts between siblings. My mom loved to stir the pot. I have no patience with pot stirrers. People who twist our words, downright lie and put words in our mouths.
Not that I ever had a close relationship with my brothers. I was too different from them to be close to them.
Your mom sounds like my mother. My mother has to hurt me and she doesn't even care if she hurts herself in the process. I know your right in that I will feel this heavy weight off my shoulders; however, I will be heart broken because my dad's house will be lost forever. My junky abusive brother will move in and he will use his and her money for booze and drugs and not pay any of the bills. She will no longer have health insurance, food, or her Rx. She refuses to move into a AL and I can't pay her bills because that would mean just more stress for me because than I would have to deal with my azzhole brother and her. I can hear him now calling me a controlling B and how I won't let her have her own money. But in truth, she can't handle her funds. I know this because she almost lost this house in less than 3 years. I had to step in and make her file bankruptcy because her and my brother spent 89,000 dollars that she didn't have. Guess who got blamed for her having to file bankruptcy-me! That's right! My mother told my brother that it was my sig-other and my fault. I wasn't even living here for the first 1.5 yrs after my dad passed. I didn't ask for any money nor would I had taken any money from her because I knew she didn't have it. I didn't even know she took out loans on my brother's truck in 2015 for 10,000 dollars and took a loan out on her truck for 4,000 dollars. I found out because the bank called and left a message; plus, she almost lost her Healthcare insurance for bounced checks. I am the one who cleaned up that mess! My payback was/is I got blamed for the mess and I get treated like crap on top of it!!! It would really be better if she just passed away for her and for me. My brother will hurt her! He hates her!!
I miss my dad every minute of every day. Their is no love like a daddy's love.
Golden,
I know I do matter, it is just hard to believe that at times. I also know that I need to distance myself from her. I think this year has been harder because of the whole Covid thing. My sig-other and I usually take a few camping trips and a lot of day trips, plus, I usually work in the fall. But we only could do one camping trip and no day trips, plus, I lost my job. Let's say, it has been a bad year for everyone!
But you are right, once I get away from her than I can start to heal.
Hugs💗
Yep, when my mom didn’t get her way I caught hell. It was payback! She had to be vindictive, in some sort of way.
It ends up backfiring though. You are moving out and I couldn’t be happier for you.
You are going to feel the weight of the world leave your shoulders when you are no longer her caregiver.
I was a ‘daddy’s girl’ too. My father was a wonderful man. I loved him dearly.
Send, I know I am nothing like my mother. She uses and steals from people. She goes out of her way to hurt people and I don't, in fact, I am "my father's daughter" and she hates that. 🐦🐈
Earlybird, Thank you for praying for me. I need it today. 🐦
Polarbear, You brought tears to my eyes-seriously. Thank you for reminding me of who I am and that God loves me know matter what my mother says or does. For being a bear of the cold you sure have a warm heart with warm words. Sorry, I needed to lighten this up. Thank you so much, you have no idea how much your loving words mean to me. 🐾🐾🐻❄️
Gershun, I do write about it, but it is in small phases, poems, songs, or just in answering questions. I never really just came out with it. I have been close to ending it all in the last 2 years, but God reminds me that I am here for Him and He will get me through it & my dad use to tell me "when you find yourself at the end of your rope tie a knot at the end of your rope and hold on because this to shall pass." I do complain just not so much on here. I feel like my mother is wearing me down, piece-by-piece. Like I am losing myself. Thank you for your loving support.🐈
NHWM, I know you understand how hard it can be to live with someone who you can never please that is why I stop trying to please her years ago; however, because I don't jump through hoops for her she takes my things or she will move things on me. She loves turmoil and causing me pain. All I do is put out fires so to speak and I am exhausted and that is why I am moving out in a year because I can't live like this anymore. Thank you for your understanding. 🦄
Golden, Thank you for sharing your wisdom and experiences with me. I am scared that I will end up being a hateful and bitter person and I don't want that. I pray that you are right and that I will be a better person for this. I never saw just how hateful my mother was growing up-no body did, not even my dad. He started to see it after he retired, but he didn't know she was so awful to me because I stop coming around. My dad would come to my house or we would meet somewhere. We never talked about it and we should have. I really never feel safe. I guess, I don't understand why now after my dad passed that I see her for who she really is because it's not like I can change her and she sure isn't going to apologize to me for all she has done to me. I don't know how a mother could hate her own kids or play her kids against each other as mine did. My brother hates me because she told him lies and he believes her. Twisted is the right word for my mother & brother. I am sorry that you too had to go through so much pain. But I can tell myself "if Golden got through it, than so can I." There really is a weird comfort knowing that I am not the only one who has a twisted mother. I pray that you heal because you so deserve it. Thank you so much. 🐈
In short, I want my freedom back! I don't want to shed one more tear over someone who never cared about me. I want to be free to do things without the cutting remarks & comments or the backlashes. I have never let anybody abuse me ever in my life and yet I have let her do it, why? Because she is my mother and she is in bad health; moreover, my dad always told me, family takes care of family. Although, he didn't mean to let the person abuse you. I was taught to respect and care for her and that is what I tried to do. I want my life back. I want to dream once again. I want peace and love in my life.
I really can't thank all of you enough. You all mean so much to me and I would not have been able to get through all this without your support.❤
Hugs!!
Do what you have to do for your own welfare.
Will you be the same as before. I doubt it, as any significant experience - good or bad - changes us. I expect you will be better. I am going through a healing process since mother died and I cut contact with my sister ( another mother-type only colder). It is truly wonderful not having that expectation of being put down once again hanging over your head. Working through the damage isn't easy or pleasant but I feel safer than I ever have before. Mother and sister with their twisted minds twisted many things in my life, and though I can't change the past, I can improve my future. My sister was the golden girl "beautiful inside and out" in mother's words and I was lacking. That message was consistent throughout my life. and as untrue as it was it was also damaging .
I am confident that you will do the right thing for yourself and come out of this more healed and happier. Rooting for you!!!! 🎈🎈🎈 🧡🧡🧡
No one knows how hard it is to live with a difficult person unless they have been through it themselves.
I can promise you that I have been in your shoes and completely understand how challenging it is.
Things were never consistent with my mother. It’s exhausting to try and guess what someone’s behavior will be.
It’s even more exhausting to keep banging our heads against their brick wall. It’s a hopeless situation.
Do what is best for you because there is no pleasing them.
Take care.
You must be a very long suffering person. The kind that takes it and takes it without ever complaining. My goodness!
I hope you know that your friends on here love you and want to listen and try to help. You've always done that for us.
Please keep the faith I know you've always shown you have.
We all care!💖
The Shell I know is a kind, warm, and helpful person. Shell is intelligent and insightful. Shell is compassionate and caring. She cares for her mother even though her mother doesn't deserve that care. Although, she has suffered much abuse at the hand of the woman who was supposed to love and protect her, that abuse and the lack of love from her mother didn't and couldn't break her spirit. Shell still shines through as a good, decent human being, that is because she is strong and resilient. And also because she has received strength, moral values, and most of all unconditional love from another source that is much higher, more superior, more benevolent than any other source.
Shell, you know in your heart who loves you the most, and thinks you are just the perfect creation ever made on this earth. Shell, believe it because it is true. Whenever you have doubt, remember who really created you and gave you life. You are perfect as you are and you are unconditionally loved.
Taking time to re-read your story.
I m not going to jump in with any advice, but wanted you to know you have been heard here today.
I am coming alongside of you to support you in what seems like the most painful and difficult journey with your Mom.
Be encouraged, you are not your Mother, and no one deserves to be treated as you have been. 💔
I have to wonder what will I be like after she is no longer in my life whether it is her passing away or me moving out?! Will I ever be the person I was before I moved in with her? I feel so beat down and my self-esteem is at an all time low. Will I ever recover from knowing she never wanted me...from knowing she has spent my whole life punishing me for being born...that it was her causing me so much pain and she blamed it on my brother and my dad? I have to ask, "why would God allow this woman to abuse her kids in every way a person can be abused?"
Is it possible that she took herself hatred out on me?!
Just needed to vent!!
Is doing nothing about it considered passive aggressive?
All we can do now is not allow any messages or to ignore the undesirable messages.
Ignoring and deleting messages will have to do.
My mom enjoys the holidays. She loves singling Christmas carols and I love hearing her sing. She has a sweet voice. We used to go Christmas shopping all day and out to dinner up until my mother turned 95. We also used to go to a Christmas concert every year. Now she is in bed by 9pm usually. She tires easily too. We make Christmas cookies together, she still helps decorate the tree a little. We go out around the local towns and look at Christmas lights. It was so nice to see my brother on Thanksgiving. It was a nice day, quiet and peaceful. I love mint tea too with chocolate mint cookies. No worries about misreading. My niece and I fell on each other in the walk in closet in my moms room today and we had difficulty getting up, we were laughing so hard. Did not want to call my cousin in the next room, we would all wind up on the floor with my cousins walker on top of us. Never a dull moment at our house. Well I am going to retire for the night. Good night.
Oh, sorry. Guess that I misread.
I was thinking that she was trying to assist your mom.
Goodness, yes, people can be impatient and yes, you were in the middle of helping your mom.
Does your mom enjoy the holidays or are they becoming tiresome for her?
My mom likes the holidays but everything is exhausting at her age, 95! Her energy runs out quickly! For the past several years she has been running on empty.
I remember years ago, I would take her to the doctor, go have lunch, stop at the grocery, etc.
In later years, just the doctor wore her out. We would return home for lunch and she could not shop in stores at all any longer.
I just finished a cup of mint tea. Yummy!