I'm tired of cooking/preparing 3 meals a day. It's just the two of us but boy oh boy can that woman eat!! She stays slimish, I get fattish. It's bad enough I do everything here much less start making her one thing and me the other. At times I feel guilty when I buy her fast food cuz of the nutritional value....not to mention I eat it too.
Thank you for dedicating me your time!
I think yesterday was just a bad day... The three of us go to work/school in town at around 30km. My son and myself by train and 2km on foot. We all get up early (son and I at 6) husband at 4. Yesterday husband arrived at home and started working in the garden for hours... So after lunch we actually didn't have much time...
My husband helps cleaning the house, he goes on errands. I really can't complain but... I think yesterday I was not ok: afraid for the job meeting and even more for my mum. And was not fine physically either since I have low blood pressure.
I find it difficult to sleep since I hear all the noises coming from downstairs, from my mom's flat. On Thursday at 23 she was walking in the laundry room... She thought it was afternoon. So getting up at 6 a.m.
I am anxious.
My son is great with my mom and when I can't work at home he prepares meals for himself and my mom.
Now he is back to school so he is away from 6.40 till 13.50.
The problem with my men is that I have to tell them what to do... I think it is very common for women. There's a great story in French about mental load. Organization remains on women's shoulders.
I am (was?) a very active person, well organized, full of hobbies... Now I realize I doesn't want to think. That is the reason why I am going to a therapist.
Thanks for your answer. It helps me very much. What needs to change so that you can sleep better and not be so tired? New boundaries? Sleep medication? Therapy? It does not sound good that your son is constantly interrupting you and your husband discussing things. Can you ask him to wait until you and your husband can finished discussing something? Since your son is a teenager, why can't he help with the laundry and meals? For that matter, why can't your husband? One person working a 40 hour week and another working a 30 hour week leaves plenty of time in the day and on the weekends to deal with other things. Have you had a chance to tell your husband what the therapist has said?
No, I don't think that is the problem. I proposed several time to go away, but he does not want to. Actually we are living in the same house but it is split in 2. We live upstairs and she lives downstairs, the stair is inside the house. She does not interfere, she did sometimes but not with him, it was more with me as mothers keep on thinking we are their little girls.
We could finally talk yesterday and he gave me advice for this meeting I will have (hope not though) on Thursday. People arriving from France: the situation with COvid in France is much worse than here.
It really seemed it was impossible to find 5 minutes as our son was calling for help with his homework or just to chat about soccer or football (he watches NFL on TV).
I think that it is really my problem now... I always was the one in charge of documents/bills, our son's school/dentist/sport and now I am so tired I am getting confused and forget things.
When my mom was fine she would help with the laundry or with the meals, she used to take care of our son when we were at work.
I am the one with the possibility of working at home or asking to go out earlier from work. In Italy, you have the right of taking 3 days off per month (payed) to take care of an invalid/hadicapped person. So I can do this when I have to take my mom to the doctor etc. So I am the one who had more time. Also he works 40 hours per week and me only 30.
I now find it hard to sleep so probably I am much more tired and find it hard to concentrate.
We decided together that in case my mom gets worse especially with her cognitive decline we will find a place or a professional caregiver to live downstairs with her. The same with his mom. He is also an only child and is mother has got Multiple sclerosis but thank God she is still independent.
I told my son that I want to be placed in a nursing home and do not want him to be my caregiver should I need it when I got old.
Reading your post and looking at your profile, I have an idea which may be wrong. After living with your mom and raisiing a child for all of these years and now she's getting wore, he may be saying quietly, but loudly, that's he's ready for you to throw in the towel so to speak and find somewhere else where your mom can be taken care of or someone else to do the caregiving. Does your mother have the financial means to do any of this? Can you and your husband afford to live in your own home so that her house could be sold to take care of her? He might be waiting for you to say, let's stop doing this instead of just asking to talk. Like I say, I may be completely wrong. I wish you the best.
I talked about the meeting with my therapist and wanted to tell him what she thinks.
Time to change the channel. Actually I have to start on dinner.
I really cannot understand how Dr. Phil and I use the word ‘doctor’ lightly, is still on the air.
All it seems to be is a ‘victim of the week’ episode and then the arguments, the awakening at the end of the episode, then they seem to worship this man!
He doesn’t even have a practice anymore. He sends them off to the up to date ‘professionals.’ Same old story day after day. It’s all so contrived.
It’s as depressing as a ‘victim of the week’ Lifetime movie!
If I watch a movie it is to escape drama. There is enough drama in real life.
Give me a good fantasy, sci fi, adventure or comedy any day of the week. A well done drama or mystery is great but not some boring predictable junk.
The really crazy part is how much money he makes doing this stuff. If I got paid that amount I could babble on like he does too! 😂
The home is loaded up with junk and I'm damned if I'm going to go over there and clean it out/resell everything in case she has to sell it, and we can't hire people because they might have COVID (which is high in our area.)
She'll wait until it's a dire emergency, call me when she doesn't have the money to pay the mortgage and I'll have to bail her out. This is not going to be fun.
I keep on postponing things I'd like to do... Will I ever be able to do them?
My whine of the day: (discouragingly thought) .... And I wish you could, too, so I don't have to listen to how miserable you say you are ............
for at least 3- 4 times per week for the 3 years you have lived with me.
[ Note: AFTER you came to both entrances to my room to get me up to get you a cup of coffee, when other days you have surprised me by getting your own coffee, and fixing a piece of toast all by yourself. ]
I spent part of the day chipping branches and cleaning up my compost/brush pile and moving some concrete edging piled at the back corner of my property in anticipation of fall yard waste collection and I can definitely notice I'm older than I was back when I bought this place. When I went out again later in the afternoon lo and behold my neighbour had planted spruce trees, one at the back corner and one 3' from the side of my garden shed ... OK fine, but no spruce is going to stay within his boundary and if I prune off everything that encroaches I'm just going to have to look at a mutilated tree, there is just no positive way to spin this. Then I reflect on how I decided against building a car port in part because it would block their windows and I feel like a big dumb patsy.
There is no rain in the forecast for the next 10 days and temps will be in the high 70s to low 80s. ANOTHER FIRE just broke out in the same mountain rage, I’m not sure how close it is to our fire, it’s down in Carmel Valley & spreading rapidly!!! I just went out back to sit on the patio to get some fresh air and there is ash all over the chairs. Never had fires so close to our house so this is all new to me. I live in town but on the outskirts so we are safe, wildfires won’t reach us. The fire is about 8 miles away, up in the hills.
"My Mom is trying to complain her way out of her AFL so she can move in with me!". Was your Mom offering to move in to care for YOU, that was nice 😉
The kids are in all this together, I think that will help. The Teachers will inspire, support & help them to be resilient. I'd never heard of that word when I was at school (last century) but my kids school talked a lot about it, what it meant, how to be more resilient.
I hope rain is heading that way soon 🙏🤞
My heart feels so heavy, especially for the children who have been affected by the fire. 5 homes have burned, 1500 are threatened. At least one of the destroyed homes belonged to my children’s classmates. This just seems so cruel! These poor kids have had their whole world disrupted, school was cancelled, all major events cancelled, sports cancelled. Can’t play with their friends. Some can’t see their family members. And now just 3 days before school starts, a fire is threatening to burn down their community! The school district decided not to postpone the first day of school because they want to give the kids a sense of normalcy. The fire is so close to the middle school that there would have been no choice but to postpone the first day of school if this were normal times. I don’t agree with the districts decision, remote learning is not normal for these kids and how are they supposed to concentrate when they may have to evacuate? Because of state guidelines, the kids will be butt-in-seat all day (with breaks), they cannot go at their own pace like we did in the spring. Seems like they should have delayed Re-opening until Monday if the fire was under control.
How much more are these kids supposed to take? What is life going to throw at us next?
Good you can still laugh about it.
6 weeks of miserable c spine pain. Looks like I am heading for surgery.
Had my 3 month follow up colonoscopy after my colon cancer diagnosis last Tuesday. The Surgeon removed a new polyp right next to the original cancer site. I tried calling the office today for my results because I haven't heard anything. I was told the results are in, but the Doctor hasn't reviewed them yet. Are you kidding me!
My left foot has been swollen and painful for two weeks so I finally saw a Doctor for that today. Turns out my left foot is broken.
My Mom is trying to complain her way out of her AFL so she can move in with me!
I have my yearly mammogram next week. Maybe I should cancel!! Lol
Thanks ya'll for letting me vent!!
Truly all I can do at this point is laugh!!
Batteries are usually guaranteed for between three and five years: if yours is ten, it's reached a grand old age!
Simple things to ensure that you have a vehicle when you need it.
Giving her a hard time for her response when I reminded everyone that staying home and not driving regularly would cause potential vehicle issues and some ideas how to avoid things like a dead battery.
Cwillie, if your car was driven regularly leaving your trunk open would not have drained your battery dead. It is a good idea to replace it. I am glad that you got help and a ride. I couldn't help ribbing you a bit.😋
Vehicles are strange machines, no use can be worse than abuse.