Follow
Share
Read More

33K Comments

Newest
First Oldest
First
55 56 57 58 59
Gershun, my hubs would say it's colder than a boss's handshake...
(4)
Report
I hope it warms up here too. It's colder than a witch's tit. Can I even say that on here. I guess I'll find out . :P
(7)
Report
Okie: Oh, I do hope that things can improve for you. That's tough and has to be tiring for you. Hugs.
(3)
Report
golden: Hope it warms up there for you soon.
(3)
Report
((((OkieGranny)))) I am so sorry you are in this situation. No wonder you are discouraged. It sounds to me like your husband could be showing signs of dementia. Could you get an assessment from his md? I wonder if it would be worth your while going to your local agency for Aging and asking them for some help/direction. Things are almost too much for you now and as you both get older it will only get worse. Also you sound totally burnt out. You need a break and some relief from caregiving your husband amd plans for your future so you both can have a decent life. Come back and whine anytime if it helps.
(3)
Report
Well, this is the place for a whine, so here it is. I am so discouraged. My husband is a type 2 diabetic who will not do anything to help himself. I have posted about it previously, but things have only gotten worse. All he does is sit and watch TV and eat junk. If there isn't what he wants to eat in the house, he bugs me to go out. We are OK financially, but we don't have the money (and I don't have the desire) to eat out all the time. I do literally everything, from paying the bills, shopping, keeping up with insurance and Medicare, keeping up with what needs to be done with the car, and any cooking that happens. I don't cook much because I have never really liked to cook, and I have to admit I resent doing everything here. He goes days without showering, has become incontinent, and won't do anything that might help that, like going to the toilet more often. He depends on me to do everything for him.
On top of all that, he is bad-tempered, and it took me over 40 years to realize he is an abuser, not a beat-you-up abuser, but an abuser nonetheless. My daughter wants me to leave him, but we don't have the money to support 2 households, and he is made himself so helpless, that he would require assisted living. I haven't worked in almost 50 years, and any job I got wouldn't pay enough to keep him in assisted living and me somewhere else. Besides, I live in a cold, snowy climate and I would not be able to go out to a job on many days in the winter. I have no confidence in my abilities, anyway, and I have a lot of fears. I pray every day that God would take one of us, and at this point, I'm ready to go. Nothing matters to me any more except my children and grandchildren. I don't expect a solution, because I realize that I don't have the courage to step out and change, so here I am. I just needed to whine.
(8)
Report
My goodness this is a first

We just got a Critical Alert to reduce electricity use to essentIal. The Grid system is under stress due to overuse b/c of the cold weather and could go into rotating outages.

Thank goodness I bought extra flashlight batteries.

cwillie - this is square tires weather.
(6)
Report
My prairie nephew reports that he was working from his car for 10 hours last night and it was frozen to the ground when he tried to leave LOL.
(2)
Report
It's COLD in Western WA--last time it was this chilly (teens-20s) was in 1990. There was a snowstorm, too. I spent the night at work since the roads were icy, and we lived at the top of a hill. (The next day I drove home but still had to leave my car at the bottom and walk up the hill, which I could not do now.)

Thirty-some years later, I'm very much at home, hoping that our ancient furnace keeps chugging along and that the power STAYS ON. We have a portable generator, but it can be tricky to hook up and get going. That was my husband's thing, but he's 94 now, so I hope we don't need it--or that together we can get it started. (Our son lives 15 minutes away, but I won't call him unless it's absolutely necessary.)
(1)
Report
I was blown away when the newspaper reported about a church service honouring the 64 homeless people who died last year in my closest city, anyway you look at it that's a heartbreaking statistic.
(4)
Report
way - It is challenging. Even in Edmonton 40 mins drive away it's 10 degrees C warmer. I expect we will have bad fires again this summer as it has been so dry. I think we are safe here.

Alva - sorry to hear about your furnace.. I was thinking about the homeless in the temps we are having now. I think there will be more deaths than usual due to this extreme cold.
(2)
Report
Our furnace chose today to die.
I live in SF. At worst it will go down to 40 degrees or so.
I can't imagine this happening in the cold states right now.
Heard that cities are overwhelmed with finding ANYTHING to keep open as warning centers inundated as they are right now across the entire country with unhouse and immigrants.
I looked at N. and said "We are going to see some deathes.
We always do, but this time is really worrisome.
(2)
Report
Golden ,

Fires, then freezing temperatures. You live in a challenging environment. Glad you are safe in your cozy new condo .
(2)
Report
need - you do what you have to do to survive. I snuggle under a large fleecy throw in the living room. Rocky loves it. That and I am making soups. The latest was a cream of cauliflower with coconut milk and other veggies and turmeric.

Ana - sundogs are lovely, and yes, it is dry but anything in the minus 40s is too cold in my view. I know Ontario has lots of snow and blizzards. I'm with you on the doggie diaper and treadmill. Recently my dd was given a very small dog. He is still a puppy and uses pee pads a lot. As they are moving to an apartment I think he will keep using them.
(0)
Report
Golden, a friend in Edmonton sent a photo of sundogs. She shrugged off the temp. “Sure, but it’s a dry cold.” 🥶

We’re in the midst of a blizzard and the dogs need walking. I’m thinking on the treadmill wearing diapers.
(3)
Report
Golden,

Our weather is crazy. Warm one day and cold the next. We are supposed to have a cold front moving through and we will be in the teens. Very unusual for us!

I can’t imagine living where you live. I would freeze to death!
(1)
Report
((((((Ana))))) She sure did an about face!

My whine today is the cold weather at 40 below (C and F) and worse with wind chill this morning. Amazon deliveries yesterday were cancelled due to the cold and rescheduled for tomorrow.

It's now -34 C (-29F) which is an improvement. Supposed to be a few degrees warmer tomorrow and much better next week. I gurss we are making up for a mild December.
(2)
Report
Ana: Wow.
(2)
Report
Ana,

Never a dull moment, huh 🤔 ?
(0)
Report
Oh boy Ana,
I have no words .
(((hugs))))
(2)
Report
I'm stunned too, like the staff! M deserves an Oscar!
(2)
Report
I just need to vent.

I have previously ranted about how, 2 years ago, my physically active mother (now 98, dementia) repeatedly ran off on hospital staff (while contagious), then became angry and refused to move a muscle ever again (even closed her eyes and mouth), and so was tested for everything under the sun, and then moved to “comfort care”, where she reanimated and blew a gasket that she was fine and shouldn’t be there, and so was released from the hospital to a care home (because I was done Done DONE), where she continued to refuse to move a muscle except that she kept talking and using her eyes. There was the occasional escape attempt when nobody was looking plus the times she was so mad she picked up her utensils and fed herself.

A few days ago staff sent me a short video. Sitting up in bed, feeding herself and drinking from a mug. Chatting. The staff was stunned. Her nickname is now Mrs Benjamin Buttons.

I’m so grateful that her caregivers have decided to find her entertaining. Her combative and self-defeating behaviour cause me so much stress. I’m sure one day I’ll laugh about it all but I’m not quite there yet.
(9)
Report
BlickBob,

I kinda love that story you just told us.
You and mom are driving yourselves nuts with this deep dive into an old picture meant to bring joy!

I think that I have an easy answer.
A) buy a lovely card (or a funny one; you know your bro).
B) Insert photo
C) In the card write "Hi Bro. Mom wanted you to have this snap of you. We had it put away to give you at Christmas, but somehow it got buried. Better IT, than YOU. Mom says she hopes you enjoy it. Says you were and remain one handsome son-of-a-gun. We were so happy to see you on the holiday."
Love from your Mom and your doting bro

Sound good?
I would just LOVE LOVE LOVE to get something like that from MY wonderful brother. But he's gone. Do it today. Both you and Mom will feel so much better.
(3)
Report
blikbob,

I honestly got a bit lost in the scenario , but “ white lies “ to Mom when you can to calm her down . Ignore things when you can . Don’t always respond to her ridiculous worries. Change the subject.

Im sorry you haven’t found the wisdom to get out of this situation. You are wasting your own life . The fact that your mother does not see that, shows she is mentally ill , not just a worrier .

I would rather leave this earth than have my kids living like you are.
(3)
Report
blikbob, This is much ado about nothing. May this be your worst problem.
(4)
Report
blickbob, it pains me to think about you circling the drain around your Mom's fears and worries. You may not be able to get her to stop, but you don't have to participate in it because if you do, it will deplete you. I know it drains me when my Mom does stuff like that. You don't provide much detail in your profile about your Mom (her age, whether she has cognitive/memory impairment). My Mom is 94, has been single most of her life and I'm her only child. She lives next door to me. She has always been a fearful, glass-half-empty, skeptical person (but not to the point of personality disorder). And mercifully, I have always been the opposite. She watches The Weather Channel a lot and "anger-tainment" news. In the past 2 days she called me to tell me how she called her sister in south FL about tornados that were on the complete opposite coast. Like, over a hundred miles away. I couldn't convince her that there was no reason to fret so I just changed the subject completely to something upbeat and then hung up. On the other occasion she called me up on some pretense but really wanted to talk about a recent school shooting in Iowa (we live in neighboring MN) that was just reported. I said "oh, that's awful" then changed the subject completely and then hung up. I refuse to get sucked into her negativity vortex or allow her to wallow in it on my watch. It is relentless and I know if I entertain any of it, it will affect me. Please make boundaries for yourself regarding your Mom. She won't like it but eventually (if you defend them strongly) she will stop resisting them, or at a minimum it will support your mental and emotional health. You are the priority and need to take care of yourself first and foremost.
(5)
Report
Idk if this should've been in the dysfunctional forum, but I'm putting the latest moment from my mom on here.

There was an old picture of one of my brothers that I found a couple of weeks ago while looking for another picture of my mom and the friend of hers who recently died. My mom let him know about it and I put it in an envelope and intended to give it to him last week while he and his family were in town visiting. However, I accidentally forgot to bring it to him while delivering the Christmas gifts for him and his family. It was under a couple of things in the house and I literally forgot all about it.

I realized I forgot it earlier tonight when she asked me if I gave the picture to him. My mom's afraid that she accidentally came off as passive aggressive and spiteful. She wants me to tell him that she wanted him to have the picture and that I accidentally forgot to bring it to him. She's afraid she accidentally made him think she was withholding the picture because of her voicing disagreement over memorializing my dad's FB page or because of an old plaque my dad got that still hasn't been found, at least to this point. She's complaining about how so much has gone wrong of late and went on about how he and my other brother are unpredictable and that the older brother didn't directly thank her for the Christmas ham she got him. They're from my dad's first marriage and they and my mom didn't have that good a relationship until he passed. It was more them than her. I should note while texting the oldest brother a couple of weeks back, he told me to tell her thanks for the ham.

I was planning on texting him and simply say I forgot to bring the old picture to him...and note that the forgetfulness is most likely a sign I'm suffering from caregiver burnout and just leave it at that. But no. She wants me to start it off by noting she intended on giving it to him and THEN note I forgot it. I highly doubt he'll make a big deal over it, but mom thinks I'm naive to believe that and to never take anything from him for granted. I really don't think he'll be that bent out of shape over it and that he'll understand that forgetfulness sometimes happens and there was zero underhandedness going on.

My mom has admitted on some occasions she worries too much about things and I'm willing to bet this will be another one of those moments.
(2)
Report
Rriverdale and Send: So true. I had to make that split second decision on 8/30/13 to move to Massachusetts when all else was met with resistance.
(1)
Report
@ Riverdale
You are correct.
So many focus on the rights of an elder who is no longer capable to make decisions on their own behalf. And then walk away.

I say their loved ones need to take action on their behalf, both to benefit the elder, and to secure their elder's rights, as well as safety.

You said, and I agree:
"If someone is on the fence regarding their parent and there is a choice then please make that choice. These elderly individuals are no longer capable of making decisions and what they think they want is simply not feasible...."
(5)
Report
Somehow today more so than other days there seem to be an enormous amount of hopeless elder family situations. I feel greatly for those coping or attempting to cope with almost horrific daily life events their parents are living and yet some seem almost blinded with an inability to make proper choices that need to be made. Anyway just a feeling I am getting and hoping that some of these situations might possibly end with a divine intervention.

If someone is on the fence regarding their parent and there is a choice then please make that choice. These elderly individuals are no longer capable of making decisions and what they think they want is simply not feasible and most likely won't result in feeling any happier.
(7)
Report

Recent Questions


Popular Questions


Related Questions

Start a Discussion
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter