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Way,

So, he’s pacifying his dad.

It kind of reminds me of when I was a kid and my mother said, “We’ll see.” Oh my gosh, I knew every time my mom used that phrase, it really meant, “No!”

Yep, it’s a stall tactic.
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Need: Thank you.
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way: You're welcome.
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Need,

DH knows better. But doesn’t always act .
Instead he just stalls, tells his father he will get to it.
Then turns to me and says ,
“ I’m done dealing with this S4!t “
His other go to answer for when he doesn’t do something ( even if it will make it easier for all ).
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Way,

Yep, one phone call to the assisted living facility is a lot easier than running over there.

Your husband is lucky to be married to a logical woman!
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Llama .

Thanks
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Need,
DH is just as ridiculous. He’s complaining to me about his father calling him about his hearing aide. He told his father he couldn’t run down tonight .
I told DH when his father calls, tell his father to use his call bell. DH replied to me with his go to answer “ I’m sick of this “. And added , “he won’t use the bell”.
Sheez. It was clear DH wasn’t going to do anything so I called the AL. Otherwise FIL would call DH about it again.
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LL,

Sorry about the text that your daughter sent.
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Way,

That is so hard. Your FIL is exactly where he needs to be. He could never survive on his own without help.

I am sure that you and your husband thought that it would become easier when he was placed in assisted living.

It isn’t any easier if he still depends on y’all for help. Grrrrrrr…
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THANKS Way! Yes, great start!!
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way: Thank you SO much. I'm sorry about your FIL's troubles. Hugs
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Just another day where FIL thinks asking for help from the staff is beneath him . Today’s phone calls were to drive to his AL in the pouring rain to retrieve one of his hearing aides that he dropped and it rolled under his recliner . He refuses to use his call bell because “ I don’t belong in this institution “. 🙄
So I called and asked the nurse to look for it when she brought him his meds , or to send and aide in to look for it .
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tgengine,

“ he likes to be doted on “.
He has staff to dote on him where he lives . He also has activities , and meal time for opportunity to make friends there and have a social life. They also bring in church services , and most likely have some outings he can go on out to restaurants , stores , perhaps the movies or a play , library .
My FIL refused to make friends where he lives , that’s on him . He partially did it to try to get us to dote on him more. He demanded we take him out to meals and wanted us to take him on vacations where he wanted to go . Being in AL was beneath him . He still complains that he’s “ in an institution” , nothing we can do about it. FIL has dementia, 1/2 the time he doesn’t think he belongs there. We encourage him to go to activities , make friends and then we change the subject .
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Llamalover,

sorry you had a bad text . Glad you will treat yourself.
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Sooohappy,

Good start for the New Year !
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TG
"How do I deal with dad starting to complain about being lonely?"

Well Dad, being lonely is a problem that can happen as we age, or any age really. What can you think of to see more people, get more fun into your life?

Turn it back to him. It's his feeling. Only he can fix his own feelings.
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TG, why is your dad's happiness YOUR responsibility?

Do you think perhaps he's attempting to turn you into a "flying monkey"? That's a relative who is enlisted by someone with a personality disorder to get someone ELSE to do their bidding. It seems to me that both your sister and aunt fell prey to this when Dad was living with YOU. Do you see the pattern here?

Dad is in a good facility with lots to do, yes? He has dementia and can't be reasoned with, yes?

How about "sorry dad, can't help you out there" and move on to another topic?
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Dad is 5 months in at the retirement facility. Not your regular place, personal care, nice private room, lots to do and great food. He has his sister nearby and grandkids somewhat close as well as other relatives and my sibling to stop once a month. He's been dropping hints about no one comes to see him, he's missing out on family holidays, "just leave the old man at the home and forget about him" was today.
Not sure how to deal with this. I explained he sees more family now than he did living with me and he is safer.
He likes being doted on. I can't visit, I am many states away. He did have a social life living with me, Dinner, breakfast and lunches out and church on Sundays. That took a toll on the people having to drive him everywhere. Took a toll on me and my wife too. Now we have one adult child back in the house and watch my granddaughter 3 days a week (my choice).
How do I deal with dad starting to complain about being lonely?
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THANK YOU!!
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SH, Yay! So HAPPY😍 for you!
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SoHappy. Count me in as SO HAPPY for you. What a great present this is. I am so relieved. I hope you keep them out of your life forever.
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THANK YOU. THANK YOU.
And now these bullies are forever out of my life!

Thanks for all your support.
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sooohappy: Congratulations.
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Beatty: I hear that as I had an unpleasant text from DD. Treat yourself well. I plan to as well.
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ExSounhappy to Sohappy,

Yay 😃! Wonderful!!!
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Sooo good to hear it happy!

Congratulations on your legal victory.
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Hi all! I hope you had a GREAT Xmas!

THANK YOU for all your support and good wishes for me. It helped a lot.

True to my word, my screen name changed from So Unhappy to Sooo Happy.

I want to let you know: the judgment already came out (instead of February). I won in court against the bullies in my family. They’re extreme bullies. I can’t tell you more details.

Justice has been served.
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Beatty,
glad you popped in a movie and treated yourself !
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OK. Felt a big whine moment approaching yesterday.. like the dark blue-black rain cloud I saw. Air all crackling & tense. No good for walking the tenseness out so popped on a favorite movie & treated my 'whine' with wine (sparkling Shiraz) 🍷😊

Today, clear skies & clearer thoughts too.

I am now done with the nonsense. 100% DONE.

I HAD been well stepped back.

I CHOOSE to step in, just this time, (as it was Christmas time) BUT stayed neutral (no push to stay home or transfer to ER). I left that up to the Paramedics.

Literally stepped back in the door after seeing the ambo crew out, to find LO calling for help. Now stuck in bathroom. Had walked in with a walker, somehow closed the door behind but now unable to open the door coming out.

I tried to respond calmly while the calling out to open the door became angrier.

Was very tempted to just quietly leave.. await LO to work it out but I didn't want my actions (or lack of) to cause another fall. I was there (this time) so I opened the door.

I will not even do that again.
I have decided to not visit alone again. Done.
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Thanks, Alva.
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