My "whine moment today." What's yours?

Hope, I would love to read your life story! As I only really know the Caregiver part of you really, but I do know that you and I, well all of you guy's and I have so very much in common, it isn't any wonder we all ended up being Cargivers in the first place! So many things that we discover in this little bit of blogging, and we all chime in, thinking, yep, that's me too! Such as, I'm a homebody too, I just love being home, especially since raising my kids and loosing my parents and leaving my career due to disibility, I hated having to do that! I loved working, but now I'mqquite happy being retired, and although very rare anymore, I love being alone here too! Hope, yes, it is a huge realization that being a caregiver, is truly, ultimately satisfying, when all is said and done, and you have done the Very Best for someone who you love, and see them through all the difficult lifes trials, yes, we are so incredibly important, and will have that under our belts, so many cannot say the same, and will miss out on what is truly the most beautiful life lesson of all! Yes, most people will never know, how sad! My Husband's sister has always worked as a Nurse, in Nursing homes, and she never cared for either parent, only others parents, isn't that odd? To go through life in that capacity and Never ever even nurse your own parent through even the simplest cold or medical test, or post surgical recovery, let alone participate in the long road to the end? That irks me to no end! You are right Hope, life is precious!

3 hours I've been trying to get the pool pump to prime. 3 HOURS!!! I've taken it apart for the hundredth time. I loo like a drowned rat.

I AM BOUT READY TO RIP IT OUT, STOMP ON IT, STOMP AGAIN AND AGAIN UNTIL I FALL EXHAUSTED INTO THE NOW MUDDY GRASS!!!!!

Globtrotter, I have always wanted to write a short story about my parents love story and immigration to the US, that would be cool!
Salisbury, I hate waiting to, especially when it comes to ilnesses, death and dying, ugg, I have bee on that watch 3 agonizing times, I'm sure we all have, it's heartbreaking!

Gosh, im so far behind but JEANETTEB, Don't you dare leave us Ever, you are such a huge part of all our lives now, I Love You All!
Sheradale, I'm am right there with you on the weight loss front! It will help my arthritic knee's and pain issues, as well as set me on the right path to getting knee replacements when I get to that decision!
I wish I had the memory you all have in remembering what each of you have posted in, say the last 10 posts, I am so sorry if I don't respond to each and every,but I am rereading them all! Are you guys cheating and jotting down the highlights? lol. I'm 1 finger typing away, and trying to catch up!

Even with all the illness,there have been some wonderful things come too.I was very lucky to find my Mothers diaries while she is still with me and we have had a great time reading them.She wrote a paragragh every day from age 10 to 25 in the years 1939 to 1954.You can see her writing go from a little girl to a womens.She grew up in the depression.The best parts of the diaries though is how she and my Father met and dated and basically their Love Story.We have had a great time reading them together and I was really glad to find them before shes gone.The other reallly good thing thats come out of all this,is Mother finally stopping and taking time to smell the roses.Every day for years weve gone around the block for a daily walk.We notice all the flowers and other beauty and sometimes come home with a "neighborhood boquet".She has always been my best friend and supporter.
The Hospice PA just left after doing Mothers recertification to stay on service.
Sad to say,theres no worry about that.She said on the way out that Mothers lungs are much worse to her at this checkup.During her visit,my brother came to eat his lunch in front of Mother which he considers a visit like he usually does.The nurse was trying to listen to Mothers lungs and he got a phone call.He was so rude and just sat there talking loudly showing Mother and the nurse no respect.I apologized for his behavior to her and ofcourse she said it didnt bother her because she so nice.Thats all.

Globtrotter, well, umm No, the Colonoscopy is nessasary Because those Occult Stool tests are so often False Negative only detecting simple blood somewhere in the GI tract, being it a simple rectal bleed from a hemorrhoid, , tear, fissure, or higher up, from a Cancerous lesion, or many other GI ailment. I'm just a chicken, but please DO NOT LET MY STUPIDITY, STOP YOU ALL FROM GETTING YOUR VERY IMPORTANT TESTS DONE AS PERSCRIBED BY YOUR DOCTORS!!! I should have never said that! I WILL DO my Colonoscopy very soon! Next time I will consult 1st with the Gastroenterologist to get adequate pain relief! I believe that Ihave adhesions from my Hysterectomy, so I had aditional complications, that weren't that bad, I'm just a Whiner! Globtrotter. Mamograms have gotten a lot better than before, depending on your own lumps and bumps, but not too bad!

One thing I have decided, imo...those of us who have done this...and gone through all the stuff we have been through, so many of us still going through it...we are somewhat "knighted" to an awesome "in" group of folks who have an inside track to life......we really do have insight into life that most people cannot identify with.I feel that way..it's like people can be yammering on about their mundane load of BS lives and how important they think all that insignificant stuff is and in my head I just think...if you could only know what I know and understand how much that stuff does not matter in the grand scheme...not saying I'm above anyone..just saying I feel like I finally "get it" and realize what truly does matter in this life...and it has made whatever remains of mine more exciting and more precious....it's a beautiful day here...finally a break in the humidity...I can feel a tinge of fall in the air...and I love it.

GlobeT...I love to write and years ago I started writing a book...loosely based on my life....hahahaha....there are a lot of people who are praying to God I don't ever publish that one.....

That's a good idea re the research...I'm sure that the info on here would be so helpful to so many......I'm not sure I want to travel down that road and all those memories again....but it's a great idea...as long as privacy issues weren't breached.

Katie..I know...I have found this home to be my retreat...where I go to stay away from the rest of the world..and I like it that way. Funny thing is...I am mad at no one any longer.truly...I just don't want to deal with them or it or whatever.....I am happy...I feel content.I don't think I've gone to another galaxy mentally...I just don't want to deal with people anymore.

I was even thinking that later on when and if I ever enter the public workforce...I might just do something like be a waitress down at the large trucking facility ....I have worked professionally in just about every industry out there but got to thinking the other day I might like to just serve coffee and chit chat with folks who are traveling to all sorts of places...plus they give awesome tips... :)

By the time I get through scouting out the land in Wyoming, I just might us a patch of 50 or so acres and we can build our caregiving compound... maybe call it the Old Care Corral..... (get it..OK Corral) has a ring to it..looking at that vast expanse of land I can hear that song...give me land, lots of land, under starry skies above....don't fence me in.........sometimes it feels like on down the road...I may just love who I am......

Salisbury...I hear ya....waiting is probably my BIGGEST gripe on the face of the earth. My brother was always late when our family went somewhere, to church, school, everywhere...Daddy always said he was going to be late to his own funeral...then he married and we still had to wait for them to get here...Lunch never before 2:00 because SHE was always late too...I told Mama that once I was on my own I was never going to wait on anyone again as I had spent my life having to wait wait wait on everyone else..........and.......I still have spent my life having to wait...funny thing is I was always one of those who was there 30 minutes early everywhere I went, and sadly now...I am one of the ones who seems to run late...not by a lot and I always call if I 'm running late, but let me tell you...NO ONE tolerates it...even when I was about 5 minutes late getting to my brothers house a few years back...they started lunch without us....After a lifetime of having to wait for him, sometimes over two and three hours...I can assure you I was livid...and I don't wait on him anymore....

Ok, this is my whine for the day: WAITING. God, I get so tired of waiting!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yes, I read books and all of that but still... I wait for my husband to register what I have said. I wait for him to stop--dead--in the middle of a sentence and try to finish. We have five house guests right now and I wait for everything to happen. Everything takes so long. This morning they were going to go out and I was going to have the house to myself for the first time in two weeks!. Blessed moment. It took about 90 minutes for them to get it together and leave the house. 90 minutes of kids making noises and running around. We just had some renovations done. The builders said: done by March 19th. They were done the last week of July. Waiting, waiting, waiting. I I spend half my life waiting for the other half. And that is my whine moment.

Jeanette, Hope and all caregivers whose loved ones are living or deceased. I had to thoughts on the wealth of information one can access here. One is as a form of qualitative research. If any of you have interest, skills, qualifications in research, you might want to take the qualitative information you find on these posts and develop a database to log patterns, issues, correlations (cause/effect relationships would be harder, I imagine). Then submit your research down the road to whatever educational or health institution will take it.

The other route for any of you who are interested is to write novels, or poetry. Poetry is a great way of releasing those painful emotions of loss. Although I hadn't written poetry for a very long time, I did write a short poem for the eulogy when my dad died. You can either self publish, e-publish or become friends with a literary agent (lol) who will offer to get your book published.

The other thought that goes through my mind is having a separate forum dedicated to comic relief, as humour is supposed to be the best medicine.

So many posts! I hope I am not unacknowledging ( I am sure this is not a real word...) anyone unintentionally, but I do read them all.
Lucky,Susan, Stacey, Jude, I am thinking of you and hoping things calm down and work out! I hope I have not left anyone out and I am wishing well for all the caregivers!

Sharadale, That is quite a story....very mysterious about the SIL. Have you tried locating her via the web? Maybe she just wanted to run off with someone and start a new life? I

Jeanette, I hope all goes well with your appointment...and don't stop posting here!

Hope, I started to feel months ago that trapped feeling in my house, but now I view it as a sanctuary from the rest of the crazy World and feel good in my home. It is funny how the mind can view things several different ways. At first I was overwhelmed with Mom's care and it is a 24/7 job taking care of someone bedridden with so many health problems, but so many people have pointed out that I am doing a wonderful thing, and I have known that myself all along that this is the right and only thing to do for my Mom no matter how hard it does get many times.

I put off the colonoscopy until I had some bleeding. My doctor sent me to a specialist who gave me some suppositories in case it was just hemorrhoids and the bleeding then stopped. It turned out to be just hemorrhoids probably from dehydration and driving a new car with harder seats for 6 hours almost straight on a trip, but he insisted on the colonoscopy. The prep was a bother and took the whole day. Then when I woke up and was recovering my blood pressure really dropped when I sat up and that was the worst of it. They should really have given me some juice afterward. The doctor said my colon was really clean so I am not doing that again any time soon! I even eat less meat and red meat, more fiber so I can avoid that again. You would think they could come up with something less invasive and time consuming!
Hoping everyone has a better and good day...{{HUGS}} to all!

Never had an upper g.i. either. Not a real diagnosis by exam, just the doctor saying I had g.e.r.d by symptoms. After all these years of prilosec, maybe I should worry. (Gastroesophageal reflux disease).
Avoiding the g.i. doctors too!

Globe, seems we are of the same opinion. We must know something the others don't.

Jeanette thats actually a good idea. Lets all get together and write a book to finance our old age experience. Marvelous idea Darling.............!

ha ha!! water hose....clampette's, oh LORD, I can just SEE IT!!

So mine isn't as dastardly as you 2's but... it is slightly different to, but I got majorly cussed out from the brother in another state after dad passed. Why? Well, dad has these pair of slip on type boots, they're quite popular here but I forget the name and too lazy to google it, so... they were basically brand new since he always wore his old worn in identical boots. Well, greedy brother here asked about the boots after dad passed because they wore the same size, so I was like sure, take em, all yours. Come to find out the brother in another state had bought those for dad 3 years prior (now how in the h*ll would I know this) and HE wore the same size as dad and I SHOULD have given them back to him.

Yeah, I'm thinking while we are all living in a home together, we should write a book with quips of "what some siblings will do". This way we can afford to hire some fun entertainment and oh yeah, a gourmet cook!!!

Thats disgusting Hope. You should of got out a water hose and sprayed them all until they left. What a bunch of degenerates.

If my family had done that I think I would of just freaked right out. Seriously.

How horrid Gersh....that is one of the big deals to me after someone passes...the ugliness of folks ...usually ones who didn't do a think to help when their help would have been appreciated...or even just their presence and checking on our loved ones, but man oh man here they come when they think there's something in it for them..

I always remember when my aunt was moving from her home to an AL facility and she told all of us to come and get what we wanted. Mama and I didn't want to go....but Mama wanted to see all her siblings...so we went late in the day...by the time we got there it looked like vandals had been through her home...they were grabbing and tugging and dumping drawers full of things out in the floor. I noticed they had dumped out a drawer full of pictures of my aunt and uncle and they were just walking on them like they were trash. I picked them all up and asked her if she minded if I kept them for her...she looked like it meant a lot to her that all I wanted were pictures of her and my uncle...she looked so pitiful as she sat there and watched those greedy guses grab and pull and tug and cram their cars so full it looked like the Clampetts on Beverly Hillbilly's...how sad....that kind of mess just makes me livid...so disrespectful...

I'm SO GLAD you got your stuff....it absolutely should have been yours...

You know what I was thinking last night in bed. Since we are all around the same age on here. Wouldn't it be great if we could all arrange to be together when we are our parents age. We all know about care giving so we could care for each other. I know I'd put myself in ye all's hands before I would some of the so-called professionals out there.

Shar you talking about your family all wrangling for possessions reminds me of something that kind of irritated me when my Mom died. My Hubby had purchased a nice new flat screen t.v. for my Mom when she was in the nursing home. When it was time to move my Mom's stuff out of her room my sisters hubby volunteered immediately. He was supposed to bring the t.v. and recliner to my place since they were both new and my hubby had bought them. Suddenly he couldn't make it to my place. I lived 5 mins. away from the nursing home. I know they (my sister and him) thought that I would forget about it and they could just keep the stuff.

No way I said. My hubs and I got in the car and drove to their place that day and picked it up. I mean why should they have it. We paid for it. It was brand new. Forget that.

Maybe I am being petty. But its funny how they had no sentimental attachment to anything meaningful of my Mom's but they sure wanted the brand new t.v. and recliner.

Hope, Yup! LOL and I was mid typing when shar posted about the nasty stuff you have to do days before a scopy. So funny how we think alike at times!!

Jeannette...don't even THINK of leaving here...what would we do without you? For me I think caregiving is going to be a part of me for the rest of my life...even after it's over...it will just always be a part of me..it has changed me...for the most part, for the better...Yall are all like family to me here....I feel like I've known you forever...And I really do wish it was possible to have a caregivers convention...I know that would be too daunting, but I truly can't imagine ever losing contact with you all.

LOL...I'm about to read your post...haha..we must have hit send at the same time...me just a second faster..hehe

Gershun..Mama never complains either...which also concerns me because I find myself really watching her for signs of discomfort because I don't think she would tell me...One thing that our nurse had prescribed for Mama was a little patch called a Scop transdermal patch that you put behind their ear. allegedly no side effects and such and it is for the purpose of helping that stuff in Mama's throat be absorbed and passed through her system...Those things must be popular because they thought at first they didn't have any, and they are behind in production but the man at the pharmacy found a few for Mama so I put one on her tonight. She seems to be resting well now..

Veronica...I know you know all about that stuff...I was assured that these patches are ok...they are right??? I know...I'm paranoid...

Sorry hope.... you beat me to "send". LOL

Shar, the foundation for the compound? haha, I know... congrats! And a big WOW to moms appetite today!! I agree, I'd be on cloud 9 as well. Wayyy back when I first started this thread I was bitching about how much mom could eat.... ahhhh, what I'd give to fix her anything her heart desired :)

Stacey and Globe, you are really not helping me with the colonoscopy thing now, nor Shar! I did have to snicker at your "Stoney Experience"!!! I, errr, uhm, did tell the doc I'd think about going only because you get good drugs!!... then she killed my happy moment by mentioning the nasty stuff you have to drink prior to happy happy. BTW, knit your cutie patootie Charlie a sweater, slap a sticker on it that says Service Dog. They are not allowed to ask for paper work...nor are they allowed to disallow an service animal. Situation for car happy pup, solved ;

Yep Gersh, I will be there tomorrow at 11:00 a.m. with big juicy veins. I suppose in the grand scheme of things it's nicer to know what's going vs not. Right? Sorry about your sisters...As much as I wish so many things would have turned out different, I think they really turned out just right.

The phentermine really doesn't speed you up much and my docs knows my bp has been as high as 180/127, thus the bp meds. Being very sensitive to any sort of upper's I was a bit scared to try it. I'm wound tight enough as it is... but that didn't curb my eating, at all. The first month on it was pretty great...it's slowly losing effect and I don't feel it at all, my half caff gives me more of a buzz...it's more mental for me. Now if I'd stop adult beverages, well then....I wouldn't need help :)

Susan, you still hanging in there burning the never ending candle you have?

To be honest, many times I've felt I shouldn't be posting here anymore, my time as a carer is over. I've grown to love and care for everyone here and those will one day find themselves here and you're all more family than my family to me.

There's not a day go by that I don't learn something new and valuable from the wisdom of posters here.

Shara...whoa! what a predicament. But you know, I've never seen it fail that a perfectly sweet normal family can turn into a pack of barracudas in a feeding frenzy after someone passes. That was horrible I know. And the wounds made at times like this are deep and don't tend to heal well. I was an investigator for most of my adult career and also did a lot of work regarding sudden deaths and life insurance policies, etc. and I have seen way too much out of folks to ever be "normal" again I think...maybe it's one reason I don't tend to trust folks..People will show out worse over money than anything on the face of the earth.

Yes, my pup loved the truck ride...She was on the table dancing around when they came in to give her her vaccinations and the lady started jumping up and down like my puppy was doing..it was so cute...They all just bragged on her and I was a proud Mom....Got all her stuff handled, including the heartworm test and monthly treatments and so she is good to go except for her spaying next week...Tonight I was talking to Mama about the puppy and as much as I love her I have to admit it is a lot on me with all the kitties I have...including a lot of foster failures I brought home when I moved home because I refused to abandon them at the shelter so with Mama, and all the cats and having to deal with the nightly coyote issue, adding an active puppy to the mix has about sent me over the edge...anyway, I do have someone who is wanting her, BUT tonight I was telling Mama I had her just about ready to go if we decided to do that...she started looking so sad...I asked her...Mama, do you want to keep the little puppy...and she literally said...."yay" Keep the little puppy....I almost started crying...how on earth can I let that little pup go now??? plus I'm attached to her anyway...I guess I'lll be keeping the puppy. I have been so busy tonight with all of it I didn't get to eat so now I'm starving but it's too late to eat anything...But Mama does seem to be feeling a little better and for that I am so happy and thankful.

Jeannette, can you play Candy Crush without being on FB? That is about all I do on that anymore...that and post an occasional rescue picture...I have vowed to stay away from hot button issues these days as I am still reeling from that horrid man who singed my britches with his hateful ugly words....that hurt badly..which makes me feel so ridiculous because he was just a hostile nut job but it still hurt...because I am so NOT what he called me....

Lucky...my thoughts and prayers are with you and your Mom. I know this is such a difficult time for you. Hugs dear one.

Stacey...you could be right...they could have been sitting there together when all that was going on...The older I get the more I love to stay to myself and do my best to avoid any hint of drama....

Jeannette, what you were saying about being home more now...I found that the day and half I had Mama in respite, I really didn't know what to do with myself. I kind of felt blah...couldn't get started because I didn't HAVE to..so I just roamed and drifted around the house...by the time I finally got a little road trip planned, we all know what happened and my plans got cancelled, which is ok,,but I can identify with what you are saying... I cannot imagine how pretty the Oregon coast must be. That is one area I want to travel some day...

I know I'm forgetting folks, I don't mean too, my mind can't retain as much as it used to...I think I'm intentionally forgetting the colonoscopy issue...I have never had one and don't see one in my near future....I don't even know when I 'd have time to do it..or how I could do it...I don't have time to do things like that...I guess I should make time..but right now if something is wrong I think I'd just rahter not have to think about it....

Globetrotter, according to the doctor the real purpose is to look for polyps which will develop into cancer if they are not removed. So it is not just a test, it is a preventative procedure. I also just saw something on tv regarding a prescreening test besides the occult blood test which I also have every year as part of my annual exam. As far as the way the procedure is performed here in the U.S., you are given a prescription for something that puts you almost out. You are awake enough to do what they need you to do, but you do not remember anything when you wake up. My poor husband has had 3 this year because he has been having gastro problems. After being with him for the preparation and the afterglow, I must admit that it appears from his experience the worst part is the 3 days of liquid diets and drinking laxative solutions the night before. Not looking forward to any of that.

Hope don't feel alone! I have always had some strange I laws. My husband's dad passed from cancer about 20 years ago long before I met him. His mother lived about 40 min away and we saw her every weekend.His brother and most of the grands lived in the same county so family gatherings were frequent. His sister and her husband lived in Colorado and called his mom everyday and visited at least once a year and had a visit from her mom at least once a year. We did visit her once in the first three years we were together. I talked with her about once a month and enjoyed what I thought was a growing relationship. She seemed to have trouble with my BIL and his wife but I didn't really know what it was all about.
When his mom was suddenly taken to the ER and admitted to the hospital and put on life support, everyone converged from all over including one of her brothers from Texas. Mom knew if was her time, although she had not been sick. I always wonder if she kept an illness secret from the rest of us and medicated herself nightly. ( she always called and sounded drunk around dinner time.
So as we were all circling her bed, she made us to promise not to fight over the will. We all did and the. After the family made the decision, she was take off life support and passed within the hour.
My husband left the hospital as soon as he said goodbye to his mom, not wanting to stay with the family waiting her to move on. We went back to her house because we lived out of town and were wiped out. Not two hours after she let out her last breath, everyone, grown grandchildren included descended on the house to start claiming some of her things! They started just looking at photo albums and one by one they started to drop lines about what they would like. That was our cue to head out. It was so sad what ensued next. The typical family fight over things, money, her car, you name it, it was being discussed before the will was even unsealed. My BIL was the executor and he and my SIL started fighting right away. The day after the funeral, they made my husband come to the house to discuss what we wanted. I suggested that spouses and children needed to stay out of it. My hubby asked me if there was anything that he should ask for. I told him that the only thing I really wanted was the pull out couch and crocheted comforter that my stepson used when he stayed overnight. A I thought that would make him feel connected to her. He called me several times to tell me how they were going around the house tagging what they wanted and his brother and sister were fighting over things. He said he didn't know what to do, and I just reminded him to do what he promised. He did tag the couch, but the comforter was gone, someone had taken it the day of the funeral after we left. I know because my stepson had been in "his" room curled up watching tv with it during the reception.
Well the fight continued for months with both the BIL and the SIL trying to get us to pick sides and my SIL was going to sue my BIL!
Eventually they got it all sorted out but the emotions and bitterness had broken the family apart. We had stayed neutral and refused to engage in any fight consistently saying we didn't care what we got, we just wanted to honor Mom's wishes.
As years rolled on things went from bad to worse. My SIL became more and more isolated, not answering her phone and the only contact we had with her was through her husband. Then they got a divorce and she disappeared. The only way we knew she had left Colorado was when we got a phone call from a storage facility in Connecticut asking if we wanted to pay her storage fees because she abandoned her stuff!
This stuff was so important that she fought over it, shipped it to Colorado from Fl and then from Colorado to Connecticut. We knew that it was possible that some of her mother's antiques were in there, but I didn't want to pay 4000 to get what was in there, the owner wouldn't tell us and then pay to have it shipped to Fl. The really weird thing is that the owner said she drove the truck in there and unpacked it herself. Well, she doesn't have a driver's license because she has seizures! We were and still are wondering if her hubby dug a shallow grave in Colorado and paid someone to pretend she was my SIL and sent her to Connecticut. We called the police in Colorado, but they contacted Connecticut cops who went to the motel she was staying in (supposedly) and it was dropped. She had an ID, but we have not seen or talked to her. Her daughter has not even talked to her, but told us she doesn't want to!
I even wrote a letter to that guy on tv, Troy the locator, and made the first cut. I received a letter. That the producers were interested in a group of letters and to write another one with more emotion in it. I tried, but we were not chosen. Strange but true!

I've never had a colonoscopy either. But I accompanied my Mom once when she had hers. She was in her late eighties at the time. She was a real champ about it.
Never complained. Mind you she was always a strong lady. Took everything in stride.

Sharadale and Stacey, I'll confess I've never had a colonoscopy. Isn't the more humane practice the occult blood stool test? Mine comes back negative every time, so if t here is no cancer from that test, why put yourself through h*ll? These tests are quite invasive, and I often wonder if they create problems. The same with mammograms. I always insist on an ultrasound, since I had one mammogram which showed a cyst, then they had to take an ultrasound to get a better picture. It seems as if there is a more painful, invasive way of testing, doctors will opt for it.