My "whine moment today." What's yours?

Since I'm being such a serious buzz kill today, I'd like for my siblings to read all of this. Every last stinkin thread on this website.

Yes I realize there is more hidden inside that I know of concerning my brother. He blames my dad for his shortcomings. I blame him. Even though I was much younger than they, I saw it all. They were typical teenagers siphoning gas, stealing pies and having fun. Dad didn't like it. Yes my dad was a mean SOB but he also gave us great life skills, not to mention every thing we wanted. This includes my two oldest brothers. They blamed dad for all the wrong and never appreciated all he gave to them. This is WHY it amazes me just how devoted they were to him, when his life was nearing it's end. Now, as a mother you now how we protect our kids, well.... they never gave mom the same respect. Guess they blamed her for something also.

CM, I want to tell them so much, Lord knows I do... once upon a time I was able to do just that, speak my mind. I am a Scorpio ya know ;), lately though, I find it so gut wrenching that I just can't even try with them anymore.

Hey!! I'd love to babysit pets.... I might look into that. However, cats are still a no no. My big pebble is just now accepting my own cat. It's been 1.5 years since I rescued Sydney. Best thing I EVER did.

Great way to get started pet sitting is care website post your profile for free and answer ads. I was hired on that site as a caregiver but the do pet sitting and nannys too. Hope I don't get in trouble again for mentioning website. Got a slap on the wrist for mentioning my blog. Ouch!

Jeanette, I'll add on to Jude's suggestion with the thought of offering pet-sitting. Flip side of the cattery, cat stays home, you go there once or twice a day while the owners are away to tend them. Plus dogs, horses, etc. Collect the mail, water the houseplants, shift the blinds so it looks like someone is home. Around here at least, people do quite financially once word gets out that you're reliable. One lady will even sleep over, for pets who aren't okay home alone at night. She's booked a year out for holiday weekends!

Ya'll are making me feel a lot better about my brother. He's clueless, useless, and absent--now I'm thinking the latter is a good thing. Out of sight, out of mind. He calls dad somewhat regularly, calls me only when he needs veterinary advice for the cats. Five cats. So yeah, my brother is basically the Crazy Cat Lady. I'll just sty way far over here on the *other* side of the family tree!

Jeanette has it struck you he is lashing out because of HIS guilt at not doing more? That doesn't excuse it one iota and believe me I would take great pleasure in telling him so but it might explain his stupid insensitive f%ckwitted outburst.

I am so angry with those who sit back and do sweet FA but feel it is perfectly OK to not just shove the knife in but twist it - they will get their desserts don't know when but that day will come and you my dear can sit back and inwardly smile for you did all you could and a whole heap more besides xxxxxxx

SO time Jeanette to take yourself in hand and say OK gal what can I do for me? Clubs - learn how to plaster a wall or try your hand at something new that is less challenging like redecorating a room. Why not make a point of going and talking to people at your local church and see if there are other people in the same situation as you - they may be less challenging as you will both know how you each feel? Or perhaps as you are so good with all things animal you could set up a cattery (do you call them that - where people leave their cats while they go on holiday) or a dog walking business for those busy rich folks whose pooches wouldn't otherwise get out

OK whine and humour. I live about 70 miles south west of Chase Farm CM so no I don't have to worry about that hospital or several others nearby for they truly are not good. Mum's hospital care is/was brilliant until I realised today that despite the fact she hasn't got C-Diff she still has diarrhoea, so while I am still concerned they aren't - like it's not C-Diff so nothing to worry about - erm hello!

Mums rallying though despite the runs - rallying well enough to tell me she doesn't think I will be able to go on holiday in 14 days time!!! She won't be well enough to be left in a rehab specialist home for people with dementia - oh really!!!

Then she said could you go and get me some biscuits and cake I haven't had any since I have been here.....well so you haven't but you have eaten apple crumble you have eaten some sweets - lots looking at the empty packets......

Oh and could I take her to the toilet because she likes me to do it rather than the nurses who are so busy because its the weekend. GRRRRRRRRR

Then I find out the only reason she has messed the bed three times is because she doesn't tell them she wants to go till its too late. Well if they came immediately she said - Mum they have other patients too. Well I am more urgent than them Im 93 - oh ffs talk about narcissism.

So I took her to the bathroom and closed the door because my daughter was there - not that she hasn't seen it all but nevertheless.... leave the door open i want to see XXXXX - NO - I can see she is now going to fly.......what is wrong with you I don't know why you come if you're going to be nasty. Deep breath Jude - I am NOT being nasty but XXXXX does not need to watch you having a poo. I won't go then and she got up?????WTF. So she toddled back to her bed and promptly messed in it. At this point I decided that that was enough and I dragged my daughter out with me.....mum I am not prepared to tolerate this....I called the nurses who were really good and gave her a telling off - because she KNEW what she was doing and no-one can tell me otherwise - yes the dementia makes it harder for her to join the dots but the smug look on her face told me she knew.

Now for the humour - have you ever thought what our respective families would say if they ever joined AC!!!!!!!!!!

Jeanette I'm not going to say anything about siblings, especially brothers, because asking my opinion would be like asking - I dunno - Andrea Dworkin or somebody if she's cheered up about men lately. I can't think about my two without having violent fantasies.

The horses were pleased, right? So who cares.

And don't make excuses for them. I don't care how f*cking busy he is, he either grooms his animals or he sells them to somebody who will. Oops - I said I wasn't going to say anything, didn't I?

I do feel sorry for you Jeanette even though I know you don't want anyones pity.

Actually saying that reminds me of what an old boyfriend said to me once. Cause I've always felt sorry for things, and people and animals etc. I even used to feel sorry for that last piece of pie that didn't get eaten for dessert. My eldest brother used to always tease me and say"Donna the pie is crying, you better go eat it"

Anyway, I digress. My old boyfriend said "Don't feel sorry for people, nobody wants your pity"

So, Jeanette like I said I know you aren't looking for pity but maybe I feel bad for you cause I can relate.

I remember an incident when we were sitting at my Mom's deathbed and my brother gave me shit for being negative. Give me a break! I don't think there can be a more negative situation than watching your Mom die. God forbid I should say anything negative. I said"Now is hardly the time to be giving me grief about being negative" Jeeze,.

Donna, the two brother's I HAD her are both older. Oldest is 59 and the one I wrote about is 57.

I too am disappointed with my brothers. Hey, so much for being the "little sister" that has 3 older brothers who all could just give a sh*t. You know, I had a real bond with this brother too. Heck, 15 years ago I got him a 6 year postal job. I've spoke to him for 30 years and always thought he was more like me than anyone.

As for what you said "Shouldn't families do that"? Yes they should. I know I would. To this day I love and cherish my 2 brothers here. It has been a difficult 3 years on all of us....I think he has more deep seeded emotional problems than I know of.

Donna!! Don't feel sorry for me, I didn't post all of that for anyone to feel sorry about my particular situation. Heck, I've been going rounds with those two for 2 years, especially when they lied about where they were taking mom, didn't pay attention to her, she wandered off and fell on stairs.... they brought her home bloody and bruised and laughed at her clumsiness ... that story was several thousand posts ago.

I wish there was a way I could go back to the beginning when I started this thread, print out all I've said and mail it to each of my brothers. Heck, I put mom and I's entire last 18 months on here.... they've NO clue.

Oh, and no... they would never speak to their friends like that.

Jeanette your post was mind boggling. Seriously...? Your brother sounds like my brother. Just out of curiosity, how old is he? Is he younger or older?

My younger brother is 51 and has changed so much. I am the second youngest. We used to have a real bond when we were young. Now, you can't say anything to him. He is touchy and defensive.

Actually I'm really disappointed in my whole family. We all lost my Mother but everyone in the family knows that its had a greater impact on me. After the service we had for my Mom I heard everyone saying to the pastor "keep an eye on Donna" Well thats real nice and good for them, but shouldn't families do that. My one sister used to keep in touch quite regularly but now when I could really use it she just disappears. In the last e-mail I got from her she said "call the pastor"
I barely even know the pastor.

I feel sorry for you Jeanette. Your brother has no right to speak to you that way. Why is it that family members think just cause they are related they can say anything they feel like. Would they speak to their friends or strangers like that. Probably not.

As for family, mine are the best, who all helped in harmony when our parents wereill and tthrough out the dying process, funerals and all, with everything shared out equally, but I know that isn't the norm. But my husband's sister and brother both live in other states, and that's just fine with me! They are both selfish people, who never lifted a finger to help either of their parents and haven't even visited their Dad since their Mom passed away 11 years ago. Not even to take him out for an ice cream cone, they are pathetic! Only just recently has hubby's brother been calling, since he found out his Dad is really failing, he is now circling like a vulture, saying that he will come up to Seattle from Arizona to visit and to "help" , ya right, I won't let him cross my threshold as he is only interested in one thing, whay HE is gonna get out of it. He even had the gall to tell my husband that he made a "promise" to his mother that he would be there to take care of his Dad! Well, 11 years to late Mate! Where was he when his Mom was ill and died, her funeral planning and memorial, through his Dad's Cancer diagnosis, and treatment, and health decline, and now he thinks he can march back in and Save The Day? As Jude would say, I don't BLOODY THINKS SO! Stay put bud, we are doing all right on our own, and his Dad doesn't want any help from You! The nerve of some people! This same brother is a complete chister (sp?), he ha been married, no less than 9 time that I can figure, and has screwed loads of innocent folks out of money, including many many thousands from his own parents. There is no wayhe is going to step in to help now, I'm sure it is only talk anyways. I guess we will see when we see. I cant believe that they are even brothers, as they are nothing alike. Its stressful just when he cals, because he causes so much upset with his threats to Someday visit. It won't happen because I won't let it happen. I can't have my FIL stressed at this point, he is 85, and gets very shaky and upset, so anyways, yes, family stress is unhealthy, ugly painful, and drudg's up hard feelings better left buried, I don't need that added stress!

Oldestof3, I can fully relate. I've felt a longing to be able to take some pictures or go on a guided trail on these days. I, also, have a strong affinity for nature.

My whine moment is just nothing compared to the problems some of you have. I can't imagine what some of you must be going thru...but yesterday was the perfect day. High in the mid 80s, humidity way down and a slight breeze and I'm stuck indoors with Mom. I felt as if I was imprisoned. Of all the things I feel I've given up becoming Mom's caregiver my time outdoors hurts the worse. And I'm grateful I have this time with Mom but I miss my freedom.

Gosh, I've gotten so far behind, and I've only been gone a few hours from you all! But on the hair front, I'm also a natural blonde, but have so much gold in it that when I use those drugstore box dyes, my hair goes red, as the bleach in them isn't strong enough to pull through to the color on the box. Thankfully my sister is a Cosmetologist, and she has fixed me several times over the years. NowI just have it foiled to cover the ever growing crop of grey coming in. Now I would love to go short, but hubby hates short hair, but I don't care anymore, at 55, I still get hot flashes, and I I'm ready for wash and wear. Ihave major thick and fast growing hair, and it takes ever so long to dry, and I must use the hair dryer, or I end up with a big puffy hair, and I like it smooth. It's just crazy in humidity! I do love that beautiful chestnut color though, bur my wardrobe is all blues, black,, pinks, and Burgundy s, and I couldn't afford to change all of that on a whim. No tatoo's here either here, Yet, maybe someday, but one as a tribute to the folks would be cool, there are some amazing artists out there,
jude, I agree, when your loved one is in hospital, it wears you out! And having to pack on top of it, jeez, it's too much! I hate packing and moving. I have way way too much! Both my hubby and I are collectors, my hubby collects coins, and vintage clocks and radios, but thankfully he has turned his garage into a nice place to showcase and store all those thing's. Me, I have to mix my junk into home decor, and I just have way way to much! Dust catcher's, that's me. I seem to have a lot of craft supplies, but never get around to actually doing the crafts intended. Garage Sale Time! As soon as the FIL "goes", we have every intention to sell our home an enjoy ourselves, possibly buy a condo, or what the heck, be vagabonds for a while! We always future trip about when... well, I haven't reached the end of the thread yet so I'm in suspense as to what's going on with you guy's, but I hope it's all good news, I love you all and HAPPY SUNDAY!

Good afternoon all you wonderful loving care givers.

I'm trying to catch up on all your posts and it just saddens me so much how sibling treat some. Why do they find it so necessary to be hurtful and neglectful is something I will never understand.
Unfortunately, according to two podcasts I listened to the other day it's all going to get much worse. Right now 5 million Americans suffer with Alzheimers/Dementia and 15 million caregivers are struggling. In a few years that number is expected to double and just keep going to what they considered epidemic proportions. Good news is there are big pharms who have genius scientists working on something, anything to slow this down. Since they've basically cured AIDS and found a cure for Hep C, this is their next big money maker. While it's too late for most of us already dealing with this and the aftershocks when caregiving ends, hopefully they will figure this all out and no one has to have the last 6 months of their life with such indignities as my mother did and I'm sure many others loved ones.

Jude darling, I'd love to borrow you for a couple of hours and have you give my brothers the tongue lashing of their lives. You really have a way with words!!

Gershun, don't isolate yourself nor push your husband away. We all grieve differently and in my experience, men get over it quicker than women. Oh, haha, now this is funny because a few weeks ago when I was going through mom n dads stuff I found the most loveable pic of the two of them and.....wait for it.... wanted it tattooed on me somewhere!!!!!

Bare with me on what happened when I tried to do a nice thing with my brother. It will be long and detailed. To say I am in shock and devastated is an understatement.

You know, I've spent the last few weeks really working at getting everything in order, including my relationship with my brothers. They work very hard long hours outdoors doing road construction during the summer. I sent a text to brother #2 whom is single that I might surprise him with dinner the next evening. He said cool, thanks. I bbq'ed some chicken, made a nice salad from stuff in my garden and a few other items, packed it all up, put my 2 fur girls in and headed over.
Went inside his house and his kitchen was a MESS so I cleaned it all up or else I didn't have dishes or room for what I'd brought over. Took the dogs out to the corral to sniff the horses and get accustomed to them... curried and brushed both horses and gave them treats.
Since my brother works so much they hadn't had much attention and were loving it all. Well, my brother rolls up and it's "what are you doing"? "You've got the harness on wrong and can't you see they're color coded for each horse"? uhm, no? Anyway, he said while I'm at it, put some coconut oil on their hooves. Well, I lifted up a leg and applied the oil on the entire hoof, even rubbed some underneath. No big deal, right? Wrong. He said I didn't have to put it on the entire hoof, doing just the outside was fine. I said no big deal, I don't mind and I love puttering with the horses.
So, we go inside, have a nice dinner, watch some MMA boxing, I cleaned up our dishes, packed my stuff up and went home.
Sounds like a fun day, right? Least I thought it was, plus you know, I was hanging out with my brother. They are my only family here and I hadn't seen them since mom passed. It's been very lonely here for me since mom is gone and well... I was trying.
I sent him a text Friday eve asking what he was doing Saturday, that I'd love to stop by and hang out. He said he had things to do in the morning... I said that's fine since I don't get out till later in the afternoon. He replied with "I know". I was like how do you know since I never see you?
I decided to just call him and not text. Well, after a few minutes or normal conversation he lit into me like no one has ever. His voice was just seething with hatred when he told me how I went over his directions at putting the oil on the hooves, how I just HAD to do everything MY way. This went on for several minutes and I was just babbling by the end... trying to say that I was just enjoying pampering the horses and it had zero to do with him and and that I was only trying to help, but he just kept at me so I had to hang up, I couldn't listen anymore, I couldn't even speak at that point.
I gave it about 10 minutes and sent him a text "Sorry you feel the way you do, don't worry I get the hint and I won't bother you or your horses again". His reply
"F-U*K OFF you nut job" I replied "I can't believe you just said that to me" He said "well you're crazy". Well... I told him I wasn't crazy, maybe just maybe he was, I mean, who goes off like that over coconut oil on a hoof?? Anyway, told him how hurtful his words to me where and again not to worry won't bother him again. I can't tell you how devastated I still am. Why does it hurt so bad?
Now I sit here feeling more alone than ever, asking my dad why he did this to me. Why did he ask me to leave my life and everything I loved to come here only to watch him die 6 months later, then care for mom and watch her die a horrible death only to be mistreated and left utterly alone in life. Dad knew my compassion and guilt wouldn't let me say no I'm very mad at him right now and wish he was here so I could tell him in person. Then again, I'm also very grateful for all he's given me and what he left for me.

Caregiving and siblings has really changed me. Honestly I really think the past 4 years of such stress has given me a severe case of PTSD. Some of you may not know or don't remember, but I postponed moving here for a year. My son, 2 weeks before my scheduled departure date, had a pretty horrific motorcycle accident. Broke both femurs, shattered his lift knee into hundreds of pieces, broke left forearm, fractured right, crushed 3 fingers on left hand, severed left thumb ( it was reattached) and suffered brain injury. He was in an induced coma for 2 weeks, had 3 major surgeries.... how could I leave him? Between him and my parent's my mind is numb, throw in my brothers, well... it's no wonder I prefer to be alone with my dogs. I find it difficult to socialize with people. I am a giver by nature and sadly realize that people just disappear when you get tired of giving and never get anything back.
At 51 years old, living in a small town, not knowing but 2 people, (whom I've come to realize 2 things about, they have their own lives and are not as interested in you when you stop giving),no family anymore, that this ...this being alone, not able to deal with anymore stress from others, is going to be the rest of my life.

That question that is asked quite often on here of "Does caregiving change you"? "Does it make you lose brain cells" and several other questions meaning the same, well, my answer will always be YES.

Sorry for my long post. Sorry so many are going through such difficult times with the icing of heartless siblings. Sorry so many of our parent's and other loved ones have to endure such awful things during their "golden years". Just so many things I am sorry for, the one thing I am happy for, is all of you loving people just trying to do your best and what you feel is best for your loved one.

The neighbors think my husband is a really great guy. He's always ready to stop working and talk to them. Me they don't talk to much. I'm the one with the heavier schedule. I fly in and out of the house to appointments and business for both my husband and myself. I'm often focused on my pain and keeping my balance and carrying things that are difficult. I don't have the time he has to chat. I'm often hot and miserable outside in our intense heat & humidity & just want to get inside to the A/C.

I endured 6 years of hubby's verbal & emotional abuse. And the neighbors think he's a great guy. Me?? not so much. That's my whine.

I think a lot of it is denial. It is hard to accept all of this work, and if someone else is doing it, well, it is so much easier to stick one's head a little deeper into the sand.

Yeah, me too CM...funny thing is ...no one really ever sees that side of him...all they see is the nice side...and he truly does have one, but again, no one has a clue what all has transpired over the course of the past several years that have gotten us to where we are now. And I really do not want to cut ties with him...he didn't use to be money grubbing the way he is now....

But I'm telling you, everyone, and I do mean everyone thinks he hung the moon and I am a "b". It has been that way all of my life...but especially during our adult years....I want him to be happy, successful, all the other stuff too....but why do people think he's a saint and I'm a "b"..so all they do is judge us based on what they "see"...but they don't realize that what they see is all for show. My Daddy knew it...my Mama's older sister knew it...she even told me one time that she saw the difference that Mama always made and she knew I had been hurt badly by it. And she had told her about it...And then one day at the house when she was visiting, she actually brought it up to my Mama in front of me....and Mama starting crying and saying..."It's not true..it is not true"...I am a good mother....and she was..and is...but she did make a difference...always....so has everyone else...and it has helped make me the way I am

Because all he had to do was show up and he was Mr. popularity...I could do and do and try and try and nothing I ever did was enough. He has made it a running joke now that everyone loves him and no one likes me...hey, I get it...but then, I've heard it all my life.....it doesn't mean it does not hurt.....a LOT....

So Hope if I sit on my arse and ride around people's lawns while my sister gathers up the clippings, trims the edges and spot weeds the dandelions, will they all think I'm Wonderful too? Neat! Wish I'd thought of that before I aged twenty years looking after mother...

They must not have been made with sugar, spice and everything nice. Some people get that way from their environment somehow. We still don't understand fully how people develop unhealthy personality.

I dont understand why the people we thought would care dont give a crap and why they enjoy making a hard time harder,but they do and they are good at it.The selfishness shines so brightly.Im with you Hope.Mother and my birds,cats and dog are my brightest spot in my life too.

yeah, Jude...after thinking on all this I do know that my angst comes from everything BUT caring for my Mama...who , along with my furkids, is the only bright spot in my life

Also, when he brings the mower, which is a nice fancy riding mower, so mowing is actually FUN...not like my pushmower that I have to take the air filter off and clean it out and spray in some engine start to even get it to go...but after he mows my yard he then mows my neighbors yards and then all the neighbors come out and tell him how wonderful he is and how he is so awecome and what a great guy he is....and there I stand....and somewhere along the way I usually here the standard...why aren't you more like your brother ???? ugh.....

meant to say one day of the weekend..he doesn't come during the week..period

oh wow oh wow...No sooner had I posted all that stuff than I got a text from my brother...telling me his landscapers weren't coming until this afternoon...so he was heading this way with his lawnmower this morning.....OH H*LL NO HE'S NOT.....I really have to say it infuriated me. Call me crazy but I count on ONE day in the freakin week (whichever day he is not coming) when I can kick back, enjoy the news, my coffee, and just relax and unwind. I got up early yesterday and had to hit it so I could have Mama ready for the day, so I did not get to relax whatsoever and looked for him all day long because he said he was coming and then to have him not even let me know he wasn't until I started trying to make sure he was ok..and yet this morning, when he is NOT supposed to come, he lets me know he is coming and we are about to do a bunch of lawn work on a Sunday Morning..oh heck no we are not.

I promptly told him...DO NOT BRING THE MOWER. I WAS NOT EXPECTING YOU TODAY AND AM STILL GETTING MAMA READY FOR THE DAY. THERE IS GOING TO BE NO LAWN WORK GOING ON HERE TODAY. I AM TIRED AND DO NOT FEEL UP TO IT. Shortly after he texted me......sorry, I know about that tired feeling (yeah right, you know about YOUR tired feeling..you don't have a dang clue about THIS tired feeling) and that he would just stay up there and for me to relax and chill....I said...thank you..you too.....

Honest to God, what is wrong with people...I may be the only person on the face of the earth who that would tick off, but it did tick me off and this time I let him know it....I guess in a passive aggressive way...to be honest, I missed his visit yesterday....but did not feel like one of those run by and work my fanny off and then getting back up to the palace on the lake...type visits...no...just stay there.

I so understand and totally agree with everything you said Globetrotter....I think I am grieving the loss of my family being able to get together and also the relationship my brother and I always had until he married...this is the second wife, but he married the same kind of selfish, incompassionate women both times. It is so odd how they seem to gravitate towards one particular type and he was not raised that way. Growing up he was the sweetest, kindest, men...strangely he still is, just not towards me...and yes, for sure I miss the close relationship we used to have.

I know that I take a lot off him I shouldn't but think it is because I don't want the ties severed completely ...but I can't say I mind him not being here because he has a way of making remarks that are so hurtful and ugly ...all the while they haven't missed a beat of their fancy life style and you're right, he ought to stand up to her but he doesn't...didn't towards the first one either...He has single handedly done more damage to our family dynamic that anything else in our world...we always had such a close loving family...truly...we were like the Waltons....never argued, fussed, no harsh words...all worked together...holidays and every special occasion were so important..these two women and his refusal to deal with them properly has caused so much hurt and anger in me...oh well, what can you do?

I truly do prefer it just me and Mama now...every time anyone else comes they leave me with feelings of anger, hurt, upset, or just flat out rage, so I'd rather they all just stay the heck away....that's probably exactly what they wanted because they didn't want to help in the first place.

Hope, your brother's passive aggressive behaviour is hurtful and rightly makes you very angry. I understand that his wife may be a factor, but if he does not have the assertiveness, respect and love for you, his sister, who have sacrificed such a large part of your life for your mother, then he is the one that looks bad. It sounds as if you are grieving the loss of the sibling relationship and the ideal of family coming together during difficult times. So many dysfunctional families! How ironic that during times of disaster, strangers and neighbours pull together to help people. So why do the family sheep scatter in times of crisis?

My sister and brothers are the same way. One lives in another province and is truly estranged from us, although he has called the odd time for a few minutes to wish us a happy birthday or seasons greetings. My brother lives but a few miles away, but do you think he ever comes over so I can go out, or takes mom to doctors appointments? No, he is either too busy with his self employment or on vacation! When he does visit, he humiliates us by saying it stinks in here and starts opening all the doors and windows. Believe me, I've been in subsidized housing buildings, it doesn't smell that bad in here; there's just no air circulation. When they do visit, I think to myself, it's more peaceful when they are gone, there is no love lost between us, and good riddance! There may be a silver lining underneath that cloud - your brother may have the potential to do a lot of emotional damage or try to be very controlling when he does visit you. I find the best way to handle sibling absence is to disengage from them. We have enough to deal with.

I would like to add that it seems they all want to constantly act like they know how to handle things, know how it ought to be done, when, why, etc....but when it gets down to it, they can't handle jack sh*t by themselves if their lives depended on it. There is not ONE single person in my magnificent family who would or COULD do what I have done alone, for one week, let alone 4 years...

I often think about had my brother suddenly had to leave his world behind and pull his 401K, lose his health benefits, lose all the equity in his home, all his friends abandon him , be constantly told what a loser he is, how he needs to stop feeling sorry for himself....etc....how long would he have lasted before he was blasting me out of the water and flat out telling me I was going to start pitching in and helping...or else.....first of all he would have NEVER done it in the first place...second, had he ever tried to do it...it would have lasted all of a few days at best before he would have been blowing me away....so I KNOW I am a h*ll of a lot stronger than any of them...and most likely ALL of them put together...not one single one of them could do it....that is what makes each of us on here worthy of knowing we are unique ....and special...we deserve a union to protect us...but then again, we are pretty good at protecting ourselves when it gets down to it...we do hunker down and get it done....even on the worst of days...everyone I see on here has their bad days, their horrible days, their down right scary days...and then you all pull yourselves up by the bootstraps and get going again....I think we should be proud of ourselves....I'm proud of all of you!!

Jude you are exactly right....as tiring as the actual caregiving is...I knew what would be involved with that aspect from the get go. What I never anticipated was all the rude, inconsiderate, bossy, even arrogant behavior of people whom I thought I knew...and was to discover that their true colors were not very attractive.

I've tried to figure out what happened but nothing happened, they are just the way they are...the way they always were...selfish, opinionated, and dare I say it, holier than thou....my Mama's side of the family is very religious...nothing wrong with that...I am too, but they use their religion as an excuse it seems to keep from doing things as well, and also use it as a means of "letting me have it" verbally and because they all live at the foot of the cross, they could not possibly be in the wrong...

Sorry, went into whine mode, just meant to say that I totally agree my exhaustion does not come from Mama...it's tiring, I cannot deny..but the emotional beat down I have gotten on a regular basis is what is doing me in....and what has made me see that I don't have the family I thought I had...

Along with the NHS I do, grudgingly, sometimes love the BBC. Today's headline is that the Deputy Speaker of the House of Lords (forgive the arcane labels - he's a senior politician, put out to grass in our consultative senate) has resigned after a yellow press Sunday published links to a video of him snorting cocaine through a rolled up bank note, naked, in the company of prostitutes. But you have to wait for the punchline…

He has also had to resign his chairmanship of the House of Lords Standards and Privileges Committee.

Wipes away tears of laughter - could it get any better?

Jude, where the heck are you? Is your mum on a side ward or something? This does sound like the arse end of the universe, only I know you can't be at Chase Farm because thank God they closed it down. Complain complain complain. Is your PALS lot any better than ours?