Follow
Share
Read More
OK peeps I have having a down moment...I'm sure she will rally again but Mum is starting to fail again...she's very very sleepy and her urine output is much more frequent and her incontinence levels increased though she has not got into la la land so I am not sure whether it could be a UTI or the meds she has just been on or what - docs don't seem to know either and are reluctant to come out of course (which they do do in the UK).

She feels she is getting worse but I don't know what that means any more

I am a little worried that the move is too much for her but I have tried to keep her away from most of it - we are now to the next stage being the exchange of contracts so hopefully it will all go smoothly. If not I am sure it will be my Mum's death defying wish that it all fails because she dies on me on the day we exchange! I tell you if she doesn't I might!

I am just so glad you are all here. I know I try to make light of things because that is my way but deep inside it hurts like hell and memories of my Dad keep flooding back and making the pain much worse.....sorry for the downer peeps - I will rally I promise
xxxx
(7)
Report

Jude...now that is interesting. The nurse has me giving my Mom yogurt and Kefir for a probiotic and there is something called Good Belly that I am going to check into, but luckily C-diff hasn't been an issue. I did worry when she was in the one nursing home summer of last year. A pill of poop though....that might be hard to take if one knew what it was!!
(2)
Report

Just to make you all feel sick as you eat breakfast over agincare....did you know they think they may have a cure for c-diff? Because the flora in the gut are destroyed through antibiotics etc they have found that if they introduce healthy poo into the gut (god knows who thought that one up) the bacteria (good bacteria that is) multiply rapidly and kill off the c-diff - so watch this space for poo in a pill! Have you taken your morning pill - no I don't like it it tastes like 5H!T - well there's a surprise!!!!
(3)
Report

Shar... uhm, LOL!! Oh my goodness I just spit out my cap'n crunch (dinner)! May I ask just what he feels he can win a state championship at? age?

Trigger finger?, really? I thought that was just a saying?

Awesome that mom is doing great! Gives us a chance to ahem, talk about other things ;)

Finished moving the bedroom. Looks lovely. Mom would really love it. Now to figure out what to do with the stuff I moved. So much sh*t... dang, you'd think they were semi hoarders but they weren't. Just your typical garage sellers who gathered more than they disposed of. gads Now I just need to find the strength to donate most of it. Yeesh, it does give one guilt. Sigh. Least today was so much better than yesterday. Thank You for those that felt the pain of removing your parent's life long belongings. It is surreal. It is final. It is sad.

Hey, we can always change our avatar on here to that of the selfie flipping our siblings off? hehe... could be fun ;)
(2)
Report

I have been up and down this weekend. There has been progress on the suite we are building so Mom has her own place for more of her things. My physical pains have flared up, so that always makes me depressed and my husband is going on about getting a dirt bike and going back to racing and getting a state championship and all I can think of is someone else to take care of. He goes through these phases every now and then but he usually snaps out of it. I have nursed him through 2 knee surgeries, a broken ankle, rotator cuff surgery, trigger finger surgery, and now he is complaining about his carpel tunnel! He thinks this is his last chance to win a state championship and he knows he can do it. What a selfish egotistical narcissistic attitude! I am struggling with my chronic pain and taking care of Mom and run the house and he is thinking about this. Last yeAr he said he wanted a stand up jet ski and we agreed that that would be the end of toys. He forgot that promise!
As far as Mom she is doing great the last few days. She is eating regular food and they found the right antibiotic and we have planned to go to the movies tomorrow afternoon! This brings me joy! My hubby just pisses me off today.
(3)
Report

Freq. And Gershun, you guys are so bad.....Selfie giving relates the finger. LOVE THAT!

I just kinda hang out here once in awhile. See what comes up. Glad we finally finished with bleach discussions...

Lucky, I can't imagine how hard this is for you. All my best to you ......
(4)
Report

Hope I know what you mean about the whole being spoken to like a child but I found after caregiving for my Mom I grew a backbone and with out even having to say anything I gained more respect from my siblings. In fact my one sister who used to treat me with contempt is the only sibling who has ever sat me down and told me how much she appreciated all I did for our Mom and even told me after my Mom died that I had been my Mom's rock for the last few years.

So your family may not want to say it Hope but admitting you are doing great by your Mom would maybe mean they have to admit to themselves that they are not.
So hold your head up high Hope. Put those shoulders back and be proud of yourself.
(2)
Report

Because at least i would feel appreciated. .because i assure you, i do not
(2)
Report

Lol...from what i have gone through. ..folks do not want to know what we are going through. I have not aired much of my laundry but on rare occasion when i did i got hit back Wirth a bunch of"get over its" "get a life" etc..all people who dint even know the situation. .those who do are usually stone cold silent. ...i get so confused i forget who said what sometimes but someone mentioned their family considered them a saint. ..i can tell you that is not the case Wirth me. Most of my folks talk to me like a child, like I'm stupid or just with disrespect in general. I think if they were kind it would make a big difference
(1)
Report

Freqflyer also a selfie of giving all your siblings the finger! :)
(8)
Report

I don't do Facebook, never did, but I know many do here. I realize how annoying it is to see vacation pictures of siblings who don't help out. Was wondering if it is a general family website where everyone can post something, why not posts things that happen in your day? You don't need to post pictures of Mom or Dad out of respect.

But post a photo of a clock which shows 4 a.m. and under the photo say "Mom wants breakfast"..... photo of you scrubbing down the bathroom "cleaning again for the 4th time today"..... photo out in the hallway of a closed door to Mom's bedroom "Mom refuses to come to dinner".... someone take of photo of you napping "finally getting some rest after 24 hours".... pictures of you doing laundry, 8a.m., 11 a.m., 2 p.m., 5 p.m., 8 p.m. and midnight..... selfie of sitting in a doctor's waiting room.... another selfie in another doctor waiting room.

Don't know if that would be a wake up call to the siblings or not.
(5)
Report

Lucky, like Katie said, your Mom could be dehydrated...or could it be a UTI...both can mimic all kinds of really rough things .. I can usually tell when Mama has a UTI just from the way she acts.

I understand how difficult it is going through all the up and down up and down, then down down down then up, then down..anyway, you get the drift...Mama is up a bit today so I am thankful. Brother has come and gone and we had a good visit. Glad he is on board with the respite..even he told me he thought it would do m some good....If Mama can just stay perky then I am actually getting a little giddy about the thought of having just a few days of being able to turn my head off of caregiving for a bit. I know I will go by and peep in on her, but since her aid and her nurse have assured me they will also be watching her then I feel like I can relax a bit. My AC is not cooling like I would think a totally new AC system would in my truck so after I get Mama settled into her new temporary digs...I am going by the place that put it in and ask them to check it out. I know we are having such insanely hot weather right now it is not going to be as cool, but it is not even cool, just blowing warmish air out and that is not ok, considering I just spent $850 on an entire new system...
Too hot to do much else...
(2)
Report

Thank you Katie 222 for reminding me to count my blessings.
(2)
Report

Jeanette, sounds like a great plan to do some renovating. Some day I hope to have the energy too to renovate a bit or to even move. The chest for blankets and linens sounds lovely. What a nice heirloom to have and practical too!

Susan, I am glad that your Mom is getting used to the private room so she can have access to the window.

Lucky, if the urine is dark it could mean dehydration..I can always tell Mom isn't drinking enough water if it is darker. Try more liquids, preferably water and cranberry juice and see if it gets to looking lighter and more straw colored.

Veronica, the water therapy could be a good idea,maybe check with the doctor to see if that is ok. It does help a lot of patients with all kinds of things going on.

I ran into an old friend while shopping the other day....he was in a wheelchair and had gone through a medical crises that few survive. He is just glad to be alive though they amputated his leg due to complications. This is the second time this past week that I have heard of sad things happening in the lives of someone I know....I think God is telling me to count my blessings and not be depressed...to forge onward and do my best. I keep thinking of the story of lamenting having no shoes until I saw a man with no feet...It is funny that right when I thought I couldn't go on anymore this week, I see someone who has or is going through worse.
(4)
Report

Jeanette, I hope today has been better for you - sorry you had a tough day. I've got to do that same thing soon myself, as I wade through the mess in Dad's room. I still haven't gotten rid of all of his clothing. Realized the other day that since Mom has no need of underwear anymore, so those need to go too.

Took Mom out for her weekly ride this morning, which made her happy. She still seems to really like her private room, so that's going well.
(4)
Report

Veronica, I would recommend water therapy!!
A lot of the rehab facilities have pools now.. .that would really strengthen you up without too much exertion!
(2)
Report

Awh lucky.... it breaks my heart knowing what you're going through...I am so sorry honey, but one day you'll look back on this and your heart will fill with love knowing you loved and cared for your mother with such tenderness.

Sounds like your mother is having a rough time also. Poor sweetie... I wish I knew the answer to all this but I'm still searching myself, so ((((hugs))) it will get better.
(2)
Report

Good morning ladies and gent :)

3 pages of bleach stories LOL had me in stiches already!!

Gershun, my mother's brother lives in Lincoln City, unfortunately he will not be with us much longer. He's the last on my mother's side. My dad's sister is the last on his side.

Yes, the Oregon coastline is spectacular, breathtaking and amazing to just sit and stare out at. Mom, Dad and me would go to Izzy's buffet along the coast and sit on the patio watching the whales while eating a ton, leaving feeling like a whale. Ahhh... happy memories.

When I am done clearing/cleaning and moving all the bedroom furniture to the other room, my plan is... to knock down the wall that separates my room from that room, frame it back in and voila`, I have a much bigger room. I only need to have one guest room, heck, not even that since no one really comes here. I have 4 giant boxes of mine in the attic that I've no clue what's in them it's been so long. I know I have a lot of really nice drapes and nice holders that go with them. Enough to do this house. Hmm, now I'm really wondering what's in them!

Hope, my mother has one of those lovely cedar hope chests that was given to her by grandma when she married dad, I filled it with linens and blankets so it they'll get that lovely cedar smell :) I do hope you get some much needed rest this coming week. Recharging is a MUST for a carer!
(3)
Report

It is pure h*ll on earth watching Mother go down and down and down day in,day out and yeah,its awful to miss them when they are still here.They say hearing is one of the last things to go,but thats not true.But Mother has never been normal in any way shape or form.Last night was awful and I thought she was leaving me so I called my Uncle,Moms brother to come.She slept from 6pm till 1am and when she got up she wanted dinner.I was surprised because she vomited and vomited before she went to sleep.We finally went to bed at 3-30 am.Her urine is funny colored this morning now.Thanks for letting me vent here.
(2)
Report

Sendme2help...my sister tells everyone I am a saint and I think.....if you only knew what goes thru my mind each day you wouldn't say that! God help us all.
(5)
Report

OLDESTOF3.
Thank you for commenting that as caregivers, we must be saints.
I know I am. It is just that I don't aways act like one.
Then, not many get my jokes, either.
(6)
Report

I have started purchasing more prepared foods from the deli and they are a treat for my dad and myself. The deli guy even saves food for us. I add a small portion of vegetables and some fruit. I figure it's a little better than frozen meals but we do those also. Like yourself, I am overloaded caring for dad. I try to go outside every day on a walk with him in his wheelchair. This seems to help a little. I dread winter.
(4)
Report

SusanA43, Your story of the bleached towels reminded me of when my husbands mother washed his suit and hung it on the line to dry. When it was dry she handed me this wrinkled mess and told my husband all it needed was a good ironing!
(7)
Report

Veronica...I'm sorry you are having all those issues and hope you are feeling better soon...so working in the yards is not exercise..well, I guess that explains how I can work in the yard almost daily and never lose an ounce and feel like my muscles are seizing...wow....to me, good hard yard work is some of the hardest stuff you can do...

One of the things on my to do list for this coming week provided Mama does get to go to respite care is a doctor's appointment for me....I'm also going to see if he'll up the dose on my depression meds again...the current one is not cutting it...
(2)
Report

Wow...miss a day on here and it's like you've missed a year of a regular persons life..right??? so many things that go on in each of our lives on a daily basis.

I saw somewhere on here someone mentioned a Shark..are yall talking about that steam Shark? I have been wanting to get one and now I can't find the post where yall were talking about it.....It looked like just what I need for our hardwood and vinyl flooring....I love cleaning with steam...I love using boiling water on stuff when I clean ....so if you've tried that one...just give me a yay or nay!
(2)
Report

Jeanette, I don't blame you I would have kept those things too. They matter to YOU and that is all that matters... I have so many things like that here that I don't know where I'm going to put it all, but I will find a place if it's nowhere but a nice chest of some time to keep my valuables...I am thinking that is exactly what I am going to do...get me a love chest and put the things that matter to no one but me....I always thought I'd have children or grandchildren to pass them on to, but now that has past, but who knows, my little great nephew may be interested some day...he might want to hear the musings of a gray haired lady who once had dreams... (me)

I'm sorry you had such a difficult day.. hugs to you...
(2)
Report

Lucky...I totally understand how heartbreaking it is to seemingly relive all the fun and frolic you used to get into with your Mom and how different it all is now. That is exactly what has overwhelmed me the past few weeks, but particularly the past week....and why I am holding my breath and praying to God nothing happens to keep us from doing respite beginning tomorrow. I still don't know for sure because the tests won't be back til tomorrow. Our nurse told me she was almost certain it was NOT cdiff, so she thought I needed to go ahead and pack so we'd be ready...of course I know I can take her stuff after the ambulance gets her too, but will go ahead and get her things together ...I think she'll be able to go because they already did the social work assessment and the chest xray ...I am thankful that Mama has done a lot better this weekend, so I won't be as worried letting her go...I don't WANT to let her go so much as I NEED to let her go so we both can recharge our batteries.

But it is sooo hard to see her like this, remember all the fun stuff we used to do, knowing it will never be that way again...never.....I miss her so much....it is so odd to miss someone who is still right here, but honestly sometimes that is how it feels.

Friday night, she because pretty bright eyed and I went over and sat down and was talking to her...she was just looking at me with the sweetest little face. I leaned over and hugged her and kissed her on the cheek and she put her hand on my arm, like she was trying to hug me..To say I almost lost it is an understatement. She can barely even lift her hand anymore, but it felt soooooo good, feeling her hand on me again....This morning she has been smiling...so I am hoping for a good day.

Jude....hahahaha...I know it's not funny, but I have had some of those extended length visits from folks I almost can't even bear to think about let alone have to entertain...I had a mental image of you as the visit went alone, can picture the poor hubby having to deal with an inflammatory bossy droll on a regular basis and immediately thought about my brother's ex MIL who used to drive me over the edge until they took away her drivers license and now if they catch her on the road she'll get a ticket or worse...she still drives, but not usually this far south now...thank God....

I don't know why but i can't really take a visit from anyone longer than an hour or so at a time. I wear out fast. I don't understand why folks don't get that...when my cousin asks if she can come to see us, what she means is "can I come by and stay the entire day and let you wait on me and cook for me and I will leave at some point but not until you have lost your mind"......that's why I don't like to see her coming these days...

Heaven forbid you tell someone we'd love to see you, but short visits are best these days....it doesn't work, I've tried it...it has been a lot of what has gotten me termed the "B" word....
(2)
Report

"Selective incompetence" it's called, FF. I've never got past the shame of it, though: how do you make yourself do something badly when it's the work of a child of five to do it properly? When I make a pig's ear of something it's never even subconsciously intentional - I do it through sheer lack of talent.
(3)
Report

Sendme2help, wish I had learned that clever trick of messing up a chore so bad that instead someone will do the chore.... I could have gotten out of cooking :P

Ramiller, thanks for your review about the Shark vacuum. I will I will order one. The price on-line sounds very reasonable, too.
(4)
Report

Good morning everybody, I hope everyone has a good or better day.
I myself have to try for that. I am spending too much time sitting here thinking "what the heck has happened here, and how could things have changed to this?"

Jude, I like the idea of not telling that you plan to move. Let her figure it out. I do see what you mean about feeling sorry for her husband.

Is the Oregon coast lovely? That is one of the places I have not explored yet and I hope to see it someday.
The last couple days I have been having trouble focusing on things and can't seem to feel hopeful about much of anything. I am hoping this feeling will pass with the hot weather, though I don't think it is the weather causing it. Just too much happening all at once and I feel I have no control over it. Maybe I am too much of a control freak...I am the one that always has to drive the car. Right now I feel like I am free falling and don't know what is at the bottom...spikes or a nice soft cushion.....
(2)
Report

Start a Discussion
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter