I'm tired of cooking/preparing 3 meals a day. It's just the two of us but boy oh boy can that woman eat!! She stays slimish, I get fattish. It's bad enough I do everything here much less start making her one thing and me the other. At times I feel guilty when I buy her fast food cuz of the nutritional value....not to mention I eat it too.
Ex-husband may not be as crazy as it first sounds. A friend of mine is POA for her ex-husband, as she's the closest thing to family he has left. They are on friendly terms, obviously. He had a massive stroke recently, and she drove 6 hours to be there as he was doubtful to survive. He did, and she arranged discharge to snf and is overseeing things from a distance.
Honestly. I'm down for a vacation of sort, especially if it's all inclusive. It may be during monsoon season but who cares, free drinks, meals and spa days, heck, I can watch it rain inside wrapped in my comfy robe like the rest of them, besides, I lived in South Florida for many years, it's not so bad :)
Ex-husband??????!!!!
Brother was never named in any of my plans, but with mom gone and dad fast heading for incompetence, it hit me the other day that he will be legal "next of kin". I'm hoping we can write something into the updated legal docs to specifically exclude him from having any involvement if something happens to me.
As for brother, he finally made an appearance after I got really nasty on the phone, she was asking for him and he was telling me he couldn't come for a few more days because he had to do laundry and take the cat to the vet! Oh boy did I let him have it. He is useless, and a pain in my a** to boot.
Do you have an attorney helping with mom's estate? It sounds like time for one, if only to have them send siblings a letter telling them to expect a nice long wait for things to be settled "properly". Then block their numbers on your phone, delete the emails unread, and spend some time taking care of yourself.
I remember I used to laugh all the time. In school I used to get in trouble for making the other kids laugh. They used to pull my desk away from the other kids so I wouldn't disrupt them. LOL
I hope I can get back to that person one day.
On another note, my answering machine was blinking today and for just a second I thought "Oh maybe, its Mom" :(
I hate it when things like that happen.
Jeanette Cancun sounds great.
For what it's worth CM, I am doing the very same thing. For now, I am okay with it, I find I enjoy myself and the mindless puttering around the house and yard. Believe it or not, ones mind needs to "CLEAR" after many years of caregiving, why? Well, it's a strange whole new world out there...so just take your time, keep breathing.... what will be, will be. Right??
On that note :)... I harvested 12 nice banana peppers from my two plants today, promptly pickled and canned them! I'm getting too good at this garden/homebody stuff :)
Maybe what they mean is you need to start focusing on your own needs, wants, desires because you've been a caregiver for so long.
I know I need a job, hobby, outlet of some sort too. I'm tired of being with myself and my thoughts. Trouble is getting a job when you've been out of the workforce for a while is tough too. I get depressed just thinking of it.
Time for some more mind numbing intensive introspection.........:) Maybe I'll pop another antidepressant while I'm at it.
Mouse.. maybe the Dr felt you would be less isolated and make a friend or two! But I imagine this sort of retreat would be expensive! Maybe you can find something more to your likeing? The idea seems fine, and maybe sort of fun!
To explain. I was just listening to the late night shipping forecast, a ritual that many insomniacs will be familiar with, and the presenter kept coming up with this new feature. Apparently it's the combined warmth and humidity of our weather, which we don't often get at the same time, that has led to broad swathes of thick fog around the coast. So as the announcer went from Fisher to Dogger to German Bight, each area was concluding "… westerly veering north westerly. 5 miles. Poor or very poor. Fog banks!" for all the world as if he was sympathising with the poor fisherman who have to negotiate their way through this.
You possibly have to hear it to get it. But the other pathetic fallacy that they come up with much more regularly is the general outlook, when quite often it will say that "an area of high pressure, drifting slowly north east and losing its identity." I know just how it feels.
I was actually going to whine about my GP. I went to see her yesterday, mainly I admit on the grounds that I couldn't say she wouldn't be any help if I hadn't tried, and on reflection I've been getting crosser and crosser about it all day.
GP feels that I am burnt out and should not be attempting to find a job right now. She feels that I should go on a mindfulness retreat, and helpfully jotted down the name and number of a lady she knows who runs one. It's on an isolated Welsh hillside, and apparently isn't mainly aimed at patients - it's mainly for health care professionals who are stressed out by working in the NHS.
I went to have a look at it online when I got home. Ohgawdblimey. Whole circles of middle aged ladies all learning to be in the moment so that the thoughts that are - I quote, sic - clambering for their attention don't overwhelm then.
Clambering, indeed. Tchah. Clamouring, for heaven's sake! Though I quite like the mental picture of clambering thoughts, like hyperactive toddlers, and just as apt to give you a thumping headache.
But never mind the pedantry. Hang on a minute. I went to see GP because - thanking God for the forum again, or it would be much worse - I recognise that I am isolating myself. I'm avoiding people, and not going out, and not wanting to see or talk to anyone. I want structure, and some sense of accomplishment, and a purpose in life, and I need the money for goodness' sake.
And she thinks that what I could really do with is a week's intensive introspection?
My Mother cant hear anymore at all and its super frustrating to me.Ive cried about it and screamed about it but I have to remember she cant help it.That takes alot of patience for me and its depressing because weve always talked about EVERTHING.Its hard for sure.
Gershun, I am thankful that your Mom did know you til the end. That is a blessing. These cold blank stares and no emotion are destroying me, mentally and physically. It feel like she is goine already, but I am stuck in limbo. It has largely felt that way for a year now. If one more person (other than those on this site obviously) tells me they know what it's like I am like to slap the **** right out of them...I noticed I got dinged a lot today...sorry admins...I will try to be more mindful of the ugly words...that alone shows I am over the edge.....I am so worn down right now I feel like I am the one who is dying.
Freqflyer....the hair dryer trick is interesting and I will try that next time I get it, which will probably be soon as I am so susceptable to poison ivy and oak. I imagine the dry air dries the rash out.
Hope you sound like you are heading for a breakdown. You get that respite care ASAP. As far as your family. I know that feeling. The only good that has come out of my Mom's death is I don't need to think about what they did or didn't do to help me anymore. Thats over for good.
Jeanette - Mom's party was last Sunday, the 5th. I posted about it, but the post probably go buried, so you might have missed it. It went well. Unfortunately, my darling daughter posted pics from it on FB today and I saw myself as I truly am. Fat and unhealthy. I knew I was, but hollleeee crap, what a wake up call. I've already gotten myself back on track since Mom went into the NH, but I have a long way to go. I'm posting that d*mn pic on the fridge, along with some inspirational quotes and other pics so I can remind myself what I'm working for. I see that picture of me sitting next to Mom at her party and see myself being in her shoes in rather short order if I don't take care of things right now.
Mom's doctor finally approved Zoloft for her. We'll see how that goes. She was on a sleeping pill, but it got d/c'd due to a drug interaction and no one told me - no wonder she wasn't sleeping. So that starts tomorrow. Dementia eval can't be done until the first week of August when the psychologist comes in. Good thing she's not suicidal, right? Sheesh.
She's not extraordinarily happy with her roommate - they put her in with a woman they said really likes to talk, but she's also been in the hospital for a couple of weeks with a severe infection and has a colostomy bag and catheter. So you walk into the room and are hit by a wave of heat (2 oxygen condensers in the room) plus a horrible odor. Not a great combination. And apparently the roommate objects to Mom having the tv on at night when she wakes up a few times a night - she demanded that Mom turn it off, so now Mom feels bullied. (sigh) She asked if I could have her moved again, but I told her that the only other choice is to put her in a room alone, because there's no one else without a roommate other than the 98-year-old across the hall that she was in with before. So she's staying put for now. I hope it works out.
57twin, yes those blank stares are painful indeed. Sorry you're experiencing this. Dementia/AD just sucks. Sucks the life right out of all those involved.
My mother never knew who I was. Even when I first got here almost 3 years ago. All she knew ( after she got over me being my dad's new g/f) daddy had promised her someone would take care of her, well I was that someone. On the bright side though, I became her bestie and she mine, I was her protector and comfort, I was the one and only person who loved her, stayed with her to the final breath. oh God... I just made myself tremendously sad...again.
I hope your Dad is better. It is so hurtful to be on the receiving end of those stare looks..I have seen those a lot the past few days. I have been in there talking to Mama just hoping she hears me, but she just looks at me..so blank..no emotion. and then I start drifting back and I have to literally say STOP out loud to myself...it hurts too much right now to remember those things...knowing they are forever gone....
Stopped at dads this morning as I caught up his checkout and see that I haven't deposited into his petty cash for a while. Sitting in living room and didn't want to do walking club-he hasn't done much of walking club this month at all. :(
Nurse said he feet look better-he has athletes foot quite bad.
Stopped back after errands he just got done eating lunch and said he wanted to go home to W.........hopefully distracted as I told him I was waiting for someone to come and get something at my house-true but that's not happening until later.
But both times today he looked at me with a blank stare that he didn't know who I was.
We share our everyday thoughts,feelings and difficulties.
We know Hope is wearing herself out caring for Mama and dreading the day she leaves this earth. But we also know what a beautiful person she is and how lovingly she cares for her animals and we all feel sad when one of her fur babies does not come home. If we don't care for someone or the things they say we just don't read their posts it is that simple. We all have many friends on this site. Who knows how we would get on together in person. it might just be one big cat fight who knows or we would gather into a huge hugs and cry our eyes out. There would be lots of cries about "|You don't sound at all the way you look" But it would not matter because we never knew each other in real life when we were young and beautiful. One thing I hate about reunions and the reason I don't go is because I like to remember the people of my youth as they were then.
So Gospelgirl don't stay away because of unkind remark you need to vent and this is the only place some people have to do it. There are plentu of hugs and love to go around.