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I prepare only two meals a day. We don't need to eat three times a day. We eat a late brunch (11:30 or so), then another meal around 7:00 in the evening. Midafternoon I give hubby and myself a small snack. That is all that elderly people need.
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Lucky just keep telling Mom how much you love her. It's OK not to tell her she can go she will figure that out for herself knowing how much you care. She will choose her own time and it will be OK it reaally will. So sad but OK.
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Susan, wasn't your mothers Birthday Party yesterday??

Don't feel guilty sweetie, imagine if she was at home and something very serious happened and you were not able to help her? You'd feel worse.
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Hope I have a couple stubborn girl kitties who do give me a hard time about coming in at night. I laser pointer toy works at times just keep on getting the red dot closer to the door.
Got dads checkbook all caught up but now have to deal with canceling an old credit card- you cannot even get an address to send a letter without permission to talk to the cardholders. I know it's a script they stick too but bend the rules a little.
Hoping for the best for your mother luckylu.
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Thinking of you Luckylu...hard times. ((hugs))

I'm afraid I don't have much positive to add today - having the "guilts" pretty badly today.
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lucky...still praying for you and your Mom...My Mama too has been sleeping so much now almost for a year and a half now. and the runny poop...it has been that way as well ever since she became totally bedfast...again 1 1/2 years....it is not easy for sure...I think Katie mentioned she felt like she had been watching her Mom pass now for a year...I feel the same way...I remember this past Christmas, Mama was once again, so frail, not eating, still pooping, but totally despondent...I know my brother and I both thought she was soon going to leave us, then she kind of rebounded, but then it was a long hard winter, up and down, up and down...we were told to prepare...then she got better, then we were told to prepare....It is emotionally crippling...I know when I first came home, I anticipated that if we had at least a year together we would be doing well...that was almost four years ago now . I think it's taking a lot more of a toll than I imagine.

Our nurse AND the chaplain was here today...kind of tag teaming me I guess...they are really pushing me to do the respite, so cwillie....I do understand the apprehension, but I actally did do that last August as I HAD to and everything went smoothly...since I was moving stuff the entire week it wasn't much of a break physically for me..or even mentally because moving is a "b" at it's best, but it did go quite smoothly and in fact, I think Mama kind of enjoyed a break from ME as well. :) I do understand but it will be fine...and I am most likely aiming for mine to begin next Monday...it is long overdue....

The cat wrangling...what can I say...I think I have tried every thing known to man but they are just smarter than me :)....The one thing that will usually work to get them close enough that I can dive and get them, the Temptations...the treats, not the group.....they love those things...thing is they love them so much, they can easily go through two and now three of those HUGE mega tubs of treats in one week..But surprise surprise I have spoiled them now and they refuse to come in without them. I had run out last night and so really struggled but finally got them in.speaking of spoiling...my pup is over there sleeping on her back in her little pink polka dot tutu....
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Cwillie, she will be fine, it's ok. Totally understand the anxiousness it gives you. I had the opportunity to send mom to Hospice House for a week. Good grief I cried for an hour after they picked her up. Visited her 4 times in 2 days, finally realized she was alright and gave myself a break for the next 5 days. Enjoy your break!!!

Lucky and Katie, my heart aches for you right now. Truly, this is a very sad phase your mother's are going through. It's hard to keep the smile on your face and cheeriness in your voice. From what the hospice nurse told me, ones body stores a lot of food inside, so even if it appears they're not eating much, there's lots to still get out. Please don't let this upset you, however, dying naturally is a very synchronized process of eliminations. If I were to look at it in strictly a clinical view, ( I read several great books on dying) it's pretty amazing how it works so that the soul inside the body doesn't suffer. Having your beloved mother take her last breathes in your arms isn't easy, knowing that it was a painless experience for mom, while she sorted life out, was a comfort.

Susan, how did moms party go??

Hope, try and pay no attention to your brother and the house. Keep letting it go, however, I would be more assertive on your Sundays. Give him a piece of your mind girl!!

Happy Anniversary Veronica!!!!
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Mother made it through the night thank God but when I changed her diaper,it was loaded with runny poop.She,nor I knew she had gone.I wonder how a person can have so much poop when they dont eat anything...Anyway,It looks like we have another day together and I am very grateful.The bathaid is on her way now.Thank you for caring and your input everyone.
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Hope, sorry you brother is being so selfish and thoughtless, life just doesn't make sense sometimes.
Gershun, I'm so glad you are getting some restorative sleep, you needed that.
texakana, I don't change out of my comfy clothes unless I'm expecting company or leaving the house. I'm retired, what's the point. I earned it! Lol
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LUCKYLU, oh im so sorry you are having such a tough time of it right, I found it helpful to write a letter to my Mom to tell her how much she meant to me, what a great Mom she was, memories of my favorite times in life, and it was cathartic. When I read it to her, it ended up being so long winded and emotional that she fell asleep, but I read it to the end anyways. I still haveumy rough draft and read it once and awhile, it gives me a good cry, then I put it away for another year or so.
Veronica, HAPPY ANNIVERSARY LOVE!
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Thanks CM, I can't believe how stressed I am getting about this! I KNOW she will be fine, but still...
I am having a "staycation", I plan to sleep in, go to the beach, have lunch with friends, MAYBE cross some items off my to do list, then again maybe not. And a whole week without dealing with bowel issues...
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Hope, try this to catch your cat [they can be stubborn, can't they]. If the cat is out in the yard, never walk toward them as it become a game to them.... make a huge arch around the cat so you wind up behind the critter.... then the cat will start to run toward the house. No guarantees the cat will decide to go inside, but it's worth a try.

If that doesn't work, if the cat is in the back yard, open the back door, then go out the front door and walk around to the back yard rustling the bushes or making some type of noise where the cat doesn't know it is you [but not loud so to scare the neighbors], then the cat will get spooked and dash into the house.

Oh gosh, I know how it is to lose sleep trying to herd cats at night :P
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CW - it's okay, she'll be fine, don't worry :)

Really, she will. Enjoy your week off (once you've got past the first two days of being owl-eyed and bat-eared because of the eerie silence, that is…) - any plans for what to do with it?
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I've been reading this tread for quite a while, I've found it helps to put my concerns into perspective as well as being an education in where things are potentially heading for my mother and I. Today I have a little whine, I'm placing mom in the local nursing home for a week of respite stay, a dress rehearsal for this winter when I will be away to attend a wedding. My sis generally calls me every day and drones on for an hour or more about her life, today I got a 5 minute phone call and a "good luck". I haven't spent a night away from my Mom in ... hm, years? I know it's stupid, but I'm stressed about it. I don't expect anything from her, but it would be nice to hear "it's OK, she'll be fine, don't worry".
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My Mom has been in the sleeping alot and eating less mode for at least a month now, but it was slowly happening before as well, slowly sleeping more and more and eating a little less for a year now. The past 2 nights she has had very bad diarrhea and it is rough dealing with that. As soon as I think I have her cleaned up it starts again and I have to clean and put a new brief on all over again. She is completely bedridden for a long time now. I have had talks with her and let her know all is ok and that I will be ok. She has been saying she is dying for a year now and it has been a slow and painful thing to watch her be this way. I have to just take it one day at a time...
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Hope we are here for you as you are for us.sya what you feel. That is what this thread is for!
Had a pretty awesome weekend. Mom got her new chair Friday night so, she is in have an and it brings her out of her room and out of bed mor often. She had a friend visit and our 8 month old granddaughter came to rescue us for several hours. Today was strictly recuperation and I am about to go to bed. Night alla,
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Lucky..i am so sorry. .i don't know what to tell you because i don't know how i will go on either. .but as gershun says you will because toy have to. Just be with her, touch her, press with her and tell her what she means to you. Sometimes i think our hearts speak loudly without saying a word. Mamma is sleeping a lot now too, but she will go and come out of that and has now for almost three years. When her legs starting seeping fluid they told me to put a pillow under her calves and that stored the seeping. My prayers and thoughts are with you. God bring strength to our friend and her Mom
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Luckylu I am so sorry. Trust me I've been where you are as have many on this site. You will go on cause you have to and you can tell your Mom now you will be okay. I have thought at times that I didn't want to go on without my Mom but here I am and I have gone on despite everything.

I pray every night for the people on this site. I will say extra prayers for you and your dear Mom tonight.
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I think my Mothers body is shutting down.This morning I couldnt wake her up after several tries.I finally got her to come to but as soon as I got her settled in the bathroom,she went back to sleep,even with a suppository and after an hour,I took her back to her liftchair and she went back to sleep.I hoped taking her outside to feed the birds with me would wake her up but it was way too hot with her copd,She stayed awake for a visit with my Aunt and Uncle,but then she went back to sleep.She didnt touch her dinner last night or tonite.Her legs are huge with fluid and one seeps.She has big dark circles under her beautiful eyes.I pray I am strong enough to finnish this journey.Today marked 3 years on Hospice.Mother has fought and fought.I dont know how I will ever go on if she leaves me and yes,I have been very selfish because I have never told her Id be ok and it is ok.
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Don't apologize Hope. I think anyone would feel the same way in your position.
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sorry about that last one yall....I can imagine yall are as sick of hearing that one as I am thinking of it....guess the pictures just got me going..when I got to sit here for the second and now going on third week in a row of not getting to go out for the afternoon...
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I finally caught my kitty around 1:30 AM and it was not easy. She gets on a roll where she will let you almost get up to her then she'll dart forward a few yards...then wait....then dart forward...and sometimes the more you follow after her the farther she'll go and so when she is like that it is a strategic thing...I am already trying to get her in tonight because once she is in this mindset it is going to repeat for a couple of weeks...That is one thing about the cold winter that I love, they are all too eager to come in then....

Well, just a small whine...and I guess I am really worn down because I don't mean to even complain about it anymore...but....for the 2nd weekend in a row, my brother has not come here...Today the deal was that they have hired a landscaping company to further beautify their lakeside palace so he is busy with that...he told me he would come next weekend if I needed to get out for a bit...so that will be three weeks without a chance to get out and about...and then it will only be for an hour or so. I need to plan ahead and figure something or somewhere to go and just tell him I need the entire day....

Oh, he did send pictures of it and it is gorgeous....with all the freeform flower beds, fancy plants, etc....and I am happy for him..BUT...the thing he never stops to think about...I will never be able to have anything as nice as this, and he got it because he and his first wife griped and threatened and harassed Mama to the point where every time I called her or came home she would be in tears and would tell me that "yall" are killing me... (so I was included in it)..anyway, I wasn't even saying anything..but one day on the patio at my little home, I was sitting there talking to God and also out loud talking to Daddy and wondering what I ought to do...and then, it felt like Daddy was telling me to let it go...and so to keep it from breaking my Mama, I walked away from that place I loved so much, that I had spent all my life taking care of while he was a fancy ass lifeguard, the man about town, then later, the young dad with the cute wife and kids and so they just had it handed to them...I know I did it for the right reason...but for some reason now I get aggravated that he does not seem to ever think how it makes me feel for him to brag and send the pictures of what HE has, what HE worked for...because to be honest, he and she together would NEVER have been able to buy that place had they not been handed it on a silver platter...I guess what I always remember is right after I agreed to let him take it, and everything had been finalized, he told me "there, I'm tired of kissing your a$$....that was 20 years ago and it still hurts....and to be honest if I had it to do over again, I would NEVER have just given in and let him take that away from Mama....
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Happy Anniversary Veronica! and they said it wouldn't last
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Good grief where have I been for the past 24 hours. I missed about 4 pages of posts. Part of the trouble is the email notifications are not getting through to me so I have to rely on the news feed. the admins say they have "reset" me but I still only get hugs. They say my server is blocking them but i have no idea how to unblock them.I suppose I should be thankful for small mercies.
Talking about small mercies. I have long complained that hubby hogs the remote. he comes into the living room requests the remote selects his program watches for a while then wanders off leaving the TV on something I really don't want to watch and the remote on the other side of the room. After much complaining hubby went and got another remote so my very own safely resides in a pocket at the side of my recliner.
Tex I once had a patient taking 140mg morphine every 2 hours. Mothers make up, do you have to rub her knees with Absorbine too?
All that British humor makes me feel homesick. Tuned into PBS on the 4th hoping to see Hyacinth and the family but I got the band on the front lawn of the White House.
Hubby just wished me happy anniversary it is our 52nd. It is tommorow actually but he said it is already the 13th in the UK
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Ohh, Gershun, you've reminded me of a poster I promised myself I would eventually track down and frame a copy - it was for the then Royal Insurance company, whose tagline was "you'd better ring the Royal"; and this particular poster in a long campaign was landscape format and showed a shar pei on the left of a line of four golden labrador puppies. The genius of the thing was that the shar pei was looking embarrassed, lab 1 was looking aghast, lab 2 curious, lab 3 smothering a laugh, and lab 4 was laughing his head off.

Gosh I loved that poster. If anyone knows how to track down very old advertising campaigns, let me know?
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Well its 3:30 in the afternoon her and I just woke up. I took something to help me sleep and it worked too good. My face looks like one of those wrinkly dogs right now.
Shar Pei I think they are called.

Hope try cat nip to get your kitties inside. Even if you don't give them any they will come running.

As far as makeup is concerned my look is ponytail and glasses most of the time. I figure no one can tell if I'm wearing makeup when I have my glasses on anyway.I think Woman of a certain age look better the less makeup they wear.
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Texarkana, my mother is a master of subtle and not so subtle put-downs. No matter how bad her dementia gets, she remembers how to be mean and stingy with me, sis, dad, dad's nurses, and especially nasty to the housekeeper. I am her chauffeur, and gofer, and even cook her favorite treats because she is frail and only 85 pounds, still everyone is scared of her. She scrutinizes me, the household help, friends of the family. They are still in the family home of 50 years, I live close by and am worn out after 3 years of this! I feel guilty when I sneak away to have fun for a day, and the unpredictable emergency phone calls often spoil my time. I hope your week will be better.
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My mother and I are VERY different. When she first moved in with me she was HORRIFIED I even wore insulated underwear and even more HORRIFIED I wore them around the house like pants. Sometimes I have to run in and out of the house,I have a couple of horses,and when its cold yes I wear insulated underwear, I even have some purple and pink ones. I live in a rural area, no one sees me except my husband and the critters and I haven't heard any complaints.I took my mother to get her hair one time and one of the ladies that worked there asked when did my mother "hire" me.She thought I was the "help".Well I guess I am, I am also the maid, the chauffeur, the yard man,nurse( I am a retired nurse) ,laundress,medical coordinator,pharmacist,etc.I look like somebody that has 7 jobs that they do all at the same time.
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My mother and I are VERY different. When she first moved in with me she was HORRIFIED I even wore insulated underwear and even more HORRIFIED I wore them around the house like pants. Sometimes I have to run in and out of the house,I have a couple of horses,and when its cold yes I wear insulated underwear, I even have some purple and pink ones. I live in a rural area, no one sees me except my husband and the critters and I haven't heard any complaints.I took my mother to get her hair one time and one of the ladies that worked there asked when did my mother "hire" me.She thought I was the "help".Well I guess I am, I am also the maid, the chauffeur, the yard man,nurse( I am a retired nurse) ,laundress,medical coordinator,pharmacist,etc.I look like somebody that has 7 jobs that they do all at the same time.
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Just in case y'all missed it send me has created a non whine discussion of f...... if you put favorite things into the Search site at the top it will come up
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