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Hope, hang in there. Take it one day at a time. I wish I could mow the lawn. It always gave me a sense of satisfaction to see it when it was done. I have an acre and a half and used to do sections at a time with a self propelled mower. We have a riding mower now, but ai can't mow the lawn any more because of my back, neck, and shoulder problems.
As far as the things that have to get done, write he down and prioritize them based on need and cost and then take one job at a time. I write three things to do on the chalk board and erase them as they get accomplished. That really helps make me feel like I was accomplishing things. Depression can keep you from getting only thing done. I used to be a hard worker that accomplished more than anyone in the office, multitasking and kicking myself at the same time because I was really just asking for more assignments. Well in retirement, it is a little differen. If Mom wasn't here I would probably be sleeping most days.
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More of a whimper than a whine - my dear FIL is asking us to help him find a retirement community. Now, I know how truly blessed we are that he's been so loving as to do all he can to help us help him. But my heart is heavy with this transition for this strong, amazing man. He's going to blanch when he sees the cost of these places.

Thanks to all of you, I'm better able to help my newly retired nurse sister with not one or two, but three family members who are trying to enlist her as a caregiver for themselves or loved ones. Going to re-read advice to Hope......
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This morning has started out not so good. Mama has gotten back into one of the non communicative things and is not wanting to eat...again....my depression is kicking in big time...I think it has been made worse because one of my cousins has been asking the other cousins to send him pics of their families, through the years for a video he is making of our entire family on my Mama's side..and while I love the idea of the video and know I will cherish it, seeing all the pictures from back when life was fun and hopeful and Mama and Daddy were healthy and happy and HERE...it has sent me spiraling into some more kind of depression. This morning, Mama's aid was leaving and she is such a sweetheart and she hugged me and for whatever reason I started bawling...just fell apart right there in the front yard...I didn't see that coming for sure...didn't care who heard me either, just bawling.... and now it is time to mow this stinking yard...this house requires such a huge amount of upkeep, the huge yard, the huge house, all kinds of things needing fixing right now, nothing major but about to be... Too much on my brain to do..way too much....in the meantime, all I see on FB is everyone, my brother and family included, is heading to their lakefront paradises for the weekend....yall have a GREAT time now, ya hear???? urge to hurl
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Thanks Jessie - my guilt was increased when I went to see Mom this morning - her roommate had the curtain pulled between the beds, blocking off all natural light and Mom's view of the window, so here was mom, huddled in the bed, no light, no tv on, no one to talk to, nothing. UGH. Spoke to admissions again, and they assured me they are discussing Mom in their morning meeting and getting her moved ASAP - they know this isn't a good room for her to be in.
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Susan, you are going to feel guilty no matter what right now. When someone is as ill as your mother, there is no "right" choice. If you brought her home, you would feel guilty because you were not able to take good enough care of her. This wouldn't be your fault. It is just she needs more intense care right now than one person can give her. I wish you could bring her home. I know she is a large woman with multiple problems, though, and you are just one person. You can only do the best you can do. It sounds like she is in a place who tries to take good care of her. They have been so responsive to trying to provide things she needs. And you have been so attentive.

I don't know what the future holds. For now I have the feeling your mother is in the best place. They are able to help keep the swelling down and handle the problem with incontinence. Perhaps it would be best to let her stabilize in her new home and visit as often as you can. I know you miss her.
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Ugh, the guilt is killing me this morning. I keep thinking of mom in that dim, gloomy room with a roommate that won't/can't talk to her, no view of the street, just a wall of trees...not good.
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Hope I always say good night and love you to my Mom after I say my prayers at night.

Anyhow good night and love ya to all you gals and guys too.
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Pam, my cat used to yell at me for a straight hour when I came back from a trip. There is also a product that can retrain your cat to use the litter box. You can probably Google how do I get my cat to use the litter box again and you will find it, or just call Petco.
Gershun, my Mom is my best friend and I have always been her favorite of four kids and I was spoiled. I was spoiled because we hung out together and it is easier to buy stuff for someone is around, lol! When I was a kid, she took me to work with her all the time. She had three boys and as she tells the story, when I was born the doctor said, "You finally got it!" She wanted me more. I moved to Florida over 30 years ago to be with her and am so glad I did. When I suffered my divorce, my stepfather sent us on a 10 day trip to England which I will never forget. I pray everyday that God restores her to health so that we can do stuff together again. That will make me so happy, but I am still blessed to have her here in my home.
Well good night, I am going to go give Mom a kiss and go to bed.
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It sounds like it was a pretty good day for most of us...that is great...I bought some pretty little polka dot bows to put in my pups hair tonight...six different colors so I'll have something for her every mood...She doesn't like her hats so maybe she'll like the bows....I think I have gone over the edge, but it's ok, it feels good to be happy....hope everyone has a good evening and sweet dreams...

Gershun, thinking of talking to our loved ones. I did it all the time right after Daddy passed, even for a couple of years after and still do but not quite as often. It's ok..sometimes I get little signs sometimes not, but always feel comforted. It is indeed a special bond we have with them.
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Staceyb..I am so jealous!!! My next door neighbor at my old home and I used to go to the casino as our big "thing" to do. neither of us were clothes junkies...I usually put a little away that I would have spent on stuff like clothes, shoes, etc. and kept a little pile of "mad money" to go and just have fun...I hope you have a lot of luck...I can just hear all the little bells and jackpots as we speak...ahhh..memory lane :)
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Sharadale...ah, men...yes, they always are more than happy to hear what is bothering us aren't they?? As long as it takes less than 30 seconds, with no emotion no tears and no putting them in a situation where they think they are supposed to solve or fix something..lol
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Oh Jeanette, I am glad you chickened out. You will know when the time is right or pray and ask God to take hi. So you don't have to make the decision.
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Pamzimmert..your kitty was showing her displeasure having been left behind...lol...stinkers aren't they! literally :)
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My husband has been a blessing and a curse. He has helped out so much doing things that he has never done before. He went to the Walmart, the only place to get the creamer he likes to drink in his coffee. I don't even drink coffee but always in the past, he leaves the last empty bottle for me as an indicator that he needs a new supply. Yesterday he came home with 7 bottles! That is a big deal because going to Walmart is a special out of the way trip for me. He passes it everyday, but he has never ever done this before!
A curse because he cannot handle the emotional stress. He tells me that he is there for me and I should lean on him, but when I try to let go as he suggests, he wants it to be short and the magic pill. I have tried to tell him that it just opens up flood gates that I may not be able to control. When I can't stop when he gets uncomfortable he gets a little anxious and leaves which really pisses me off!
Men, you can't live with them, you can't live with them! Lol
Have a nice night ladies!
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Jeanette so happy about your dog.

Susan your Mom will hopefully find a good roommate. I'll be hoping for you.
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Loving all your posts today so happy, my sister is taking me out tonite to the Casino, yay, I really need to just go! Thinking of you all, will chat you all up tomorrow Jeanette, si happy about your Pup!
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Yes, Susan, your mother needs a bit more livelier roommate. Someone on the same page as she is. I visited several NH around her.. it was too gloomy. I hope mom can find a roommate ore to her taste :)

57, thank you. My li'l old fella is snoozing away beside me. May have to tempt him was food soon. His scar is 8 inches long and he's missing 4 teeth. LOL. They put them in a baggie for me. Nice.
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dads Al had family bonfire night tonight. Kind of warm to sit around a fire! Brought dad a beer and a chocolate chip cookie. Showed him the video of his hot rod ride and he laughed!
But when I went to leave he wanted to come and had to do some talking. I said he was spending the night and it was ok and he will have breakfast and I will come tomorrow after I work. Hoping it will be a good night.
Hope the pup sounds cute-I can't dress my cats.
Jeanette -yay on your dog!!
Susan- I hope a better roommate can be found.
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Visited Mom in her new room tonight - and immediately requested a change to another room with another roommate. They put her in with a 98-year-old woman who is almost completely deaf and barely talks at all. NOT what we wanted at all. The room is dim and very, very tiny (not much to do about the space issue, unfortunately), but all those things combined makes for a bad situation for Mom. She's just going to get depressed in there. I'm probably going to drive the staff nuts until we find a decent roommate for her.

Found my missing Contigo bottle today. It *might* be salvageable if I bleach the heck out of it.....maybe. It was in the van, and to be honest, I don't remember taking it out to the van *at all*. Must be losing my mind.
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Pam, welcome to the cat "I'll show you what I thought while you were gone" club. As soon your cat has stopped being royally p---ed off, she will start using the litter boxes again.

One of our cat use to howl upon our return for 48 hours.

Another acting like "you were gone???".

Another one decided that all the dirt in the potted plants belonged on the floor :P

Another one did a great escape out of an upstairs window which was left open a tad too high, torn a hole in the screen, and made it out onto the roof, down to a fence, and onto the ground safely [the cat sitter was frantic when she saw that].
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Oldestof3, I go through very trying days and then sometimes there are better days, though they are never easy. I find the best way to handle it is to take it one day at a time, sometimes one morning or afternoon at a time. You are doing a good job and I too hope tomorrow will be a better day.
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Oldestof3....honey, you will never be a perfect caregiver. You are doing the best you can in very trying circumstances. Things will probably be better tomorrow. ((hugs))
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Thank-you all so much. You are all such a comfort to me, you don't even know. Jude what you said is so true. Instinctively I know my Mom was crying for me cause she knew she was leaving me. Thats why it makes me so sad when I remember it.

I know I probably sound like a broken record sometimes on here but my Mom and I had such a bond. It was really something special. We even read each others thoughts some times. When my brother died my Mom used to say "oh I saw this the other day and it just made me miss Larry so much" Before she even told me I knew what it was. That happened all the time. One time she left her sunglasses at my place. I went running out to catch her. She said she suddenly knew she should stop and she turned around. Something told her I was right behind her. We had this connection.

No body understands except you guys. My husband has just given up. He just wants me to be me again. But I just don't have anything to give him right now.

Countrymouse I do talk to my Mom all the time. When I am by myself of course.

You are all so great. I can't say that enough. You've helped me just by reading my posts and giving such great feedback. Plus you understand. (((((hugs)))) to all of you.
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Pam - may want to take Kitty to the vet. Sometimes not using the box is a reaction to stress - like the stress of you being gone - or it could be stones or a urinary infection.
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My whine moment today........why can't I be perfect when it comes to taking care of Mom? Trying to get her to go to the bathroom since she hasn't been in 8 hrs and her refusal to even try and I got impatient with her. Trying hard to keep the smile in my voice but she knew I was upset and now I'm getting the silent treatment....I don't mind the silent treatment but I know she doesn't remember why I got upset and it makes her feel she did something wrong. It clouds our day, these feelings of disappointment. Oh, and I am just like her so I know my kids are in for a real treat in a few more yrs!
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well I have a whine.... we finally got a chance to have a family vacay or two, between the Mom and Aunts bucket trip and our 5 days at our river home. Our elderly cat decided not to use the litter box while we were gone... and still won't now that we are home! So I had to call a carpet cleaner today,, luckily only one big room, but lets hope she goes back to the litter box after the cleaning!
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Oh Susan... we were very happy when we no longer had our great CG,, because we could also put the rugs back. She kept saying Dad was tripping on them.. we never saw that but moved them to keep the peace
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Ok, nobody shoot me here.....

I just realized I can put a rug back in the bathroom now, because no one will be soaking it with urine 5x a day.

Small celebration going on here.
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Our furkids are indeed a comfort aren't they lucky!

I'm so thankfl too for all this extra time I have been given with Mama. I try to make her laugh and pretty much know what gets her tickled, so try to keep it going..they say laughter is the best medicine...bless her heart...she tries so hard...I just wish I could do more, but I am thankful for every little moment we get.
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I had the best dashaund weiner dog you ever met. During all this with my Mother,my boy got diabetes and lost one eye and then the other 5 weeks later but even with no eyes,he compensated and ofcourse we didnt put him down just because he couldnt see.My animals mean the world to me and give me great comfort. Now we have a little chihuahua named BabyGirl who was a puppy mill mama we rescued.
A lady came from Compassinate Touch today to give Mother a leg and backrub.Mother has had a terrible last 2 days and has been in more pain.Nights are the roughest!I am very worried.,and scared.I have been So Lucky to have been blessed with all the extra time with Mother.In 3 days,Mother will have made it on Hospice 3 years which is pretty much unheard of.
The rainy weather were having in missouri is h*ll on the arthritis....
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