My "whine moment today." What's yours?

Well, I got up a little before the alarm went off went to the bathroom, then decided to lie back down for a few and say my morning prayers...oh boy...I fell asleep again and had one of those crazy crazy dreams...Jeanette you were in it..along with your sweet pibbles......my brother was in it, my Daddy and he had a gun that shot rocks and all my Daddy's family came down here, did not even come in to check on Mama and me and had a big old messy picnic in our front yard...which was like a lakeside pavilion...it ended with me throwing a huge bucket of water on all of them and calling them all a bunch of SOB's.....when I woke up, I was lying there trying to think of how I could kill them all and then it dawned on me it was a dream...I am already worn out...

Praying Shilo..I do know that feeling..and seems like when you least expect to, you find what was missing...but praying that even now God will reveal to you where the pearls are...as Sharadale said so well..amen

Shilo, I am praying, but this is what I pray whenever something is misplaced and it works so well that my family and coworkers have asked my to say my prayer when things are lost. It is important to pray for itself, but here it is: Jesus nothing is lost in your sight, please reveal it to me now.. In Jesus name I pray. Amen. After saying this I usually start looking again even in places I have looked before. I always find it. Good hunting

freqflyer: Thanks for sharing your thoughts on side effects from medications. I had been trying to convince my pharmacy (large chain) about the side effects I was having with the medicine I was taking and said that I noticed a change after the last prescription. They "assured" me that it was in fact the same. Well, I didn't have any trouble with the previous one (just minor things), but with the latest one, it was just awful - I was light-headed, nauseous, dizzy, etc. I had taken this medication for about a year and then it "changed" - I later discovered it was a different manufacturer, and different name. When I approached them, they told me they couldn't get the medicine from the other one because it was discontinued and proceeded to get the other one without telling me. I ended up searching other pharmacies until I found one that carried the one I was used to taking. I just want to add that everyone has to be so careful with their medicine. Always look closely at the labels and don't be afraid to ask around for information - it's so important! This day and age makes it so difficult to monitor everything. Thanks again, and I hope that caregivers can make sure that their loved ones also get the right medicines.

Shilo, I once found a gold necklace in a house that I bought, you know the rope kind that were so popular for awhile. And the more money you make the wider the rope? You've seen football players wearing ones that seem like they must be the size of rope from physical education class.

Oh, and I found it in the window track in the bathroom of my home.

Coulditbe, that perhaps you are not mean, hateful or any of those things? Maybe you have given so much of yourself to others, that you are now taking care of yourself, and want and NEED to do that?

Katie, what you are doing is sometimes called rumination. It can derail our thinking and upset the balance in our lives. You might consider talking to your doctor or a psychiatrist about this if you are unable to get rid of these types of thoughts. Certain antidepressants work wonders at giving your own brain back to you.

Praying away here Shilo - I know that horrible feeling in the pit of the stomach only too well. Did you put them somewhere separately to be extra extra safe? I will now stop asking irritating "helpful" questions and go back to asking God to do something nice, please, and help you find them.

I need everyone to pray that I find my mother's pearl necklace and earrings real soon. I have been searching for them since she passed. I have kept them safe with me after people started coming in and out of our place. I knew just where they were...but they are not there. We have moved several times recently and I have had to move things around to clean up from the ant infestation too. I have gone through everything. I went through the cabinet they were in a dozen times and the only thing I can see that is missing is her jewelry. Now I am second guessing myself. Did I have another box of things and the entire box is missing? I was so sure it was in the tv cabinet that I had shrink wrapped before the move. All the stuff that was in the tv cabinet is there...except those two pieces of jewelry. Something doesn't feel right but I can't put my finger on it. I was up most of the night looking for it and I am running out of time. It doesn't matter to me what religion you believe in, could you please pray I find her jewelry. Thank you.

I don't know why I let this happen. I keep thinking back to where we were a year ago with all this.. Mom's falling and surgery, .the hospitals, the "5 star rated" failures of nursing homes, those NH staff that were losers, the wound developing in one of these NHs, a broken leg, more hospitals, dismayed or blabbermouthed physical therapists. etc etc. Why can't I forget the whole awful last year?? It is like there is no closure to what happened even though Mom is now home on hospice and that staff has been great. I should be moving forward and doing what I must but sometimes it just all comes back to me and I feel such anger at some people and sadness at what happened. I guess I really need to take my own advice that I am always telling others and take things one day at a time. Maybe write down the bad things and put the slips of paper in a box and close the lid on them for now....Someone mentioned awhile ago that going through this type of caregiving for a failing loved one is like being in a continual car wreck and impact never happens and one is always flinching and bracing for that impact. Guess I need a tighter seatbelt and helmet....

I will not have a man in my life. A dog yes, if I ever get to a point of owning my own place so I could have an animal. An old friend once told me in her next life she wanted to come back as a dog and live with me because I love and take care of my dogs. (All the dogs are gone now.)

Hope I am right there with you. If I didn't believe in God and heaven I would probably of done myself in long ago. Like you said, what would be the point in any of this if this was all there was. All you have to do is see how intricately our bodies are made and how beautiful the sky and the ocean etc.are to know that there is a creator.

I am not one to jam my religious beliefs down anyone's throat but It says in the bible that we all have a knowing of God in our hearts. Its just that there are those who shut it out and don't want to acknowledge it. But isn't it funny how in times of crisis even people who claim they don't believe in God cry out for his help. Thats that knowing coming out.

At least this is what I believe. Hopefully I haven't offended any of you atheists out there.

Well, I'm back and just as crabby as ever....so many good notes tonight and I can't remember who said what....but all excellent excellent comments...Jude...you are a doll...thanks for that little visit to a more normal life back when....everything you said is true and I know one day we will return to that state...or at least I hope so...

Jeanette, I have to be the first one to say I am the last one to even try to quote scripture to anyone...I have to look everything up. I do know that sleep is mentioned a lot in the Bible, but from my recollections...now there's a word from my past, we will be called from that sleep. I totally believe we will be reunited with our loved ones. I have a lot of people lately who want to tell me things like there is no life after this, no nothing...while I can't really preach and sadly can't even quote, I do believe in my heart that when we leave this life, we are reunited with Jesus in paradise and when Christ returns we are reunited in Heaven...now my Grandma and Mama could quote on that topic...and i know we are all brought up differently, and not trying to debate anyone's beliefs...but I can't and don't even want to believe that this is all there is...otherwise what would be the point in any of it....also, I have seen to many miracles in my life not to believe in a loving God and if I believe in a loving God then I believe we will be together again in Heaven... :)

On another JW note, we got to having almost biweekly visits from those folks...so much that it got to a point it aggravated me. The first time they came was when I was having a particularly low point and to be honest just the company was nice. We talked a long time but I think that gave them the notion they had a new recruit...I have read a lot of their literature, and actually enjoy some of their beliefs or rather find comfort in them...but then they got to coming every time the wind blew and I just started not going to the door because I am sometimes not very pleasant with folks when they keep coming in spite of my telling them to stop.....Back when Mama was having a really bad few months there, and I was a fraid we were going to lose her, they persisted in coming until I just told them Look, thanks for caring but right now I am not interested in hearing anything else about this and I would appreciate your not coming again...they didn't for a long time and then one of them, a high school friend of mine, started up again..I just ignored the door and then she texted me...I used to text her back...this time I ignored it...I have not heard back....Go away.

Neil Diamond, wow does that bring back memories...especially "Hello"....hello again, hello, just called to say hello....oh wow...that is one of my all time favorite songs and it always makes me cry now...On the fourth, I played the doo wop stuff on the deck while I cooked out for ME and for just a brief hour or so I felt completely normal again...while my little dog danced around the deck in her little outfit...it was good.

Men...still pfffft on them.

BJ Thomas...oh wow, he has one song...I think it's called "home where I belong" and the words of that song just do me in...I can never get through one particular verse without breaking down....There are a lot of songs I love so much and music has always spoken to my heart ..it reminds me of when Mama and I would be driving thorugh the country side and one of my favorites would come on and I would say..oh, listen to this one...I want this one played at my funeral...we would listen to it and she'd say yes, that is pretty....and then there got to be so many and I always said..."Oh, I want that one played at my funeral too"..finally one day she said...you have so many you want played we are going to be there all day...that cracked me up....today, during one of my pass out episodes, I had just started waking up and was on the sofa beside her and she just started talking up a storm...like she was carrying on a full blown conversation with someone...I was trying to hear what she was saying but didn't want to disturb her in case she was talking to Daddy...then she just started laughing and smiling...and then she woke up and I said hey Mama, who you talking to??? She was just beaming from ear to ear...she never did say...but I wonder...

Well, I had to check in a visit with everyone...maybe now I will be able to fall asleep. I have been watching Shark Week and there was an episode I have seen already a couple of times so I started to bed and remembered I had not checked in to see what everyone was up to...Hope you're all off to dream land, getting a good nights sleep...

I got my rant in on FB last night just because it felt good. I did not get many likes, except a few folks who totally got where I was coming from..the extended family can KMA.......

This morning I had to fix the rear view mirror on my car, which had fallen off the windshield, so I had bought one of those little kits that works like a dream and was finishing up with that when I looked in my console and there it was, Daddy's little handerchief, where I keep it now...still folded up like the last time he had it...I refuse to wash it and have not since he passed...but I held it close for a long time and got a good cry in and put it back in the console to keep me company....Oh how I miss my Daddy...and my Mama..I wonder what he would say about all the stuff going on these days...

Well, good night all God bless..love you folks....

Darn! I was gonna post how down right crabby I am tonight... Stacey beat me to it :/ Coulditbeme summed up my feelings on men and life in general. Glad, you are such a stickler for rules... not saying it's bad but break one once in awhile, throw the dust at the base of the mountain and run like h*ll. It will be ok. Not as if they'll scrape anyone up. Religion? I was told yesterday, and yes, I googled it today.. not sure why because I like my silly thoughts but... was told as far as God and religion goes, when you die, you sleep. That's it.. No greetings at the gate, no loved ones waiting, just sleep. It's mentioned in the Bible 49 so called times that when you die, you sleep. heh, no wonder I cannot sleep anymore I am not dead apparently. Grrr. I really am in a tizzy tonight!!

You all should google "family caregiver platform project". It is an effort to get out legislators to understand caregiver issues, the money they save our country by providing free or low cost care, delaying and sometimes eliminating the need for Medicaid in the future at the cost of our futures, financial, emotional and careers.

Find someone to come in (by inviting them) who is a mandated reporter.

LeeLee, if mother has pets, and she is a hoarder, you can fast track helping her by calling animal control to welfare check the animals. That is how they do it on the T.V. show, Hoarders. Then, the health department comes out, or the city with a notice to clean up or else. Then, a person will agree to help to prevent losing their home by a certain date. Please don't judge or punish them, it is said to be an illness.

I have the same view as Susan about the religion knocking at my door. I had someone stop me while I was out walking one day, never again after I gave them a piece of my mind. I have strong religious beliefs and do not care for people seeking out (recruiting) others to join their religion. They may view it in a different way and that is their right, just as it is mine to keep my religion private. I wish I could have been around to hear my grandma quote the bible back to the JW that always stopped at her door. My mom use to tell me how she got a kick out of watching and listening because grandma knew the bible forward and backward.

Glad and Hope: I am so in the zone with you all. I do NOT want a man in any shape, size, color, age, etc ever again. AND, I do not EVER want to be a caregiver again. The woman laughing brought happiness, sadness and then loneliness into my mind. I have no social life. I thought I was the only who has turned to mean, hateful and more since I became Mom's full time caregiver. I am just fed up. I have taken care of problems, people, and SH till i could just blow up. Yes, it was noisy here on the 3rd, 4th and 5th..POP POP BOOM.. I am grateful for the Country I live in. The people well .... Thanks My blogging friends for this time you have given me. You are all special to me and I feel like I know some of you all like we have been good neighbors.. Take care.

Ahh Music, it been 11 years since we've had any real Music playing in our home, when before the FIL moved in we used to listen to Rock & Roll, loud, all the time! It makes me sad and angry, that we put his needs and desires before our own not that it's his fault really, but ya, it's his fault! Grr, we've created a Monster! I miss Music! Why do they suck the joy from our lives? I'm feelng incredibly crabby tonight!

Jude. my baby crocodile could take up residence in the vacant hen house. That'd teach whichever little blighter it was who visited last time and murdered all my lovely ladies, wouldn't it?

Leelee - Call APS (Adult Protective Services) and get them out there for a welfare check on mom. If she won't listen to them, and appears to be competent, then APS will most likely report her to the city she lives in, if the house is really that bad. The city will take over and force her to clean it (or face fines if the mess extends to the outside and creates an eyesore) or, if it's in bad enough condition, they will condemn it and force her to move, and then APS can step in and get her into an assisted living or nursing home situation. It's a harsh stance to take, but if she is handicapped and the house is as bad as you're saying, then something has to be done to protect her.

On the topic of the JW's that come to the door - I have no problem whatsoever with anyone having their own religious beliefs. None at all. What I *do* have a problem with is people bringing it to my door - especially with my "No Soliciting" sign that specifically calls out "no religious causes", amongst other 'no-nos'. I don't shove my religion down your throat - so don't bring yours to my door and try to shove it down mine. I've had one tell me that they are taught that people rejecting them at the door are not rejecting them, personally, they are rejecting God. Nope, trust me - I'm rejecting the person standing at my door telling me what I should believe. *That's* what I'm rejecting, not God. We all have creative ways of getting them to leave. My sister's favorite was to tell them, "No, I'm not interested - we worship the devil." (No one ever said she was tactful...lol)

I have to start marking things down for Mom - she's completely forgetting from one day to the next now. I took her for a ride yesterday and she had her party - this morning she remembered all that, but by this evening, she was sad again, wanting to go home, and saying, "If I can just get out of here once in a while...do you think I can go for a ride some day?" - so she doesn't remember at all. The progression of her memory problem is kind of scary - it's so fast. I'll have to call tomorrow and talk to the nurse manager on her floor and find out where we're at in terms of the dementia evaluation being done. I went to see her tonight, then went grocery shopping. I came home to one phone message from her asking when I was coming up to see her (had already been there for over 2 hours to visit) and another, sadder call saying she just wanted to hear my voice. I called her back when I got home.
She's got a calendar in her room - I'm going to start marking off the days when I visit at night and writing "go for ride" on Sundays, so she can keep track of the days and how long it is to her next outing. Hopefully it will help.

LeeLee, welcome to the site! I am the daughter of two chronic hoarders. I had to tackle a TV-style hoard when I came here to live with my parents over five years ago. It was rough, with lots of drama and anger. But the house is finally livable. It still always feels dirty, because there is no way to clean it. So much furniture!

The method they use on TV works well. It is the one where people choose to keep, donate, or trash things. They don't HAVE to know that many of their donations end up in the trash somewhere. The hardest part is working through the initial resistance and resentment. There is so much anger and anxiety that it puts things off the track at the start. But if you keep working the program, you make progress. My mother still has two hoarding strongholds -- the secret back room that has clothes and the kitchen cabinets that has old pans and things. I haven't been able to effectively clean out these strongholds. Maybe one day. The roaches also have their stronghold in these places, so I would love to get them totally clean. We had tons of roaches when I first came. Now we are down to a few. I would love to see zero of the little rascals.

It has been a tough night. The other day my mother found two guns that had belonged to my father. My brother and I both knew he had guns, and I think my mother did. She said she didn't. Two days ago she found bullets. I had originally taken the guns and put them in a safe place. Then she demanded them back so she could put them where they were. My brother said he wanted them, even though they haven't been cared for in a long time. I thought all was fine.

This evening she came in to dinner and started welling up in tears, talking about how dad was not the man she thought. She was mad at him for all the stuff he hid from her. She was sorry she ever met him. And she wished she were dead. I don't know what switch went off in her head, but she was inconsolable. She kept it up until she went to bed three hours later. She says she hates him.

I really think this was triggered this afternoon by me going in the secret back room and saying I'd help her straighten. She has a jealousy when it comes to me handling things. I don't understand it, but I know it's there. It's almost like she is okay with sharing my father with her sons, but not her daughter. Yeah, strange psycho, I know.

One thing I hope she doesn't find is the dirty books he had. He used to buy all the Sex-to-Sexty joke books. I know she doesn't know he has those. I hope they're not around here anywhere. Or at least I hope they are in the attic. She can't go there. People have their own Walter Mitty's that only a few know about. I think my dad would have secretly love to be a musician with pretty girls swooning about him.

Sometimes I realize that my brother and I knew Dad better than Mom ever did. Maybe it was because we were watching and paying attention. Or maybe my mother has just forgotten things she once knew.

I hope she feels better about this tomorrow.

Another artist my mother listened to is B.J. Thomas. My mother loved singing to the song "Mama" and I just have to skip it...at least for now.

Jeanette, Neil Diamond's Greatest Hits is in the "Mix" that I have for my mother who always listened and sang to her music. We were listening to her "Mix" her last few hours. I was glad I had it with me and was playing her tunes.

FeelingLost, for me I look at "Healthgrades" website to get information.... don't know if they have a separate section for specialty centers, you might have to post a review under the doctor's name.

Hello, I am new to this website... I am at my wits end ... Here's the scoop... My mother is handicap. Can't walk without a walker, she weighs 300 + pounds, she no longer drives, she lives alone an hour away from me. The worst part is that she is a HOARDER big time... her home is gross, im mean puke gross. I called the show Hoarders and they accepted her, but she said no.... I have asked our primary doctor to help me get her out of there, he said no because she is still mentally compatant... I asked the hospital and nursing home when she was in there for surgery and rehab... I am an only child... She is very smart, knows how I feel about it... I told her I would get her a home close to mine and take care of her, she refuses.. The house hasn't been cleaned in 25 plus yrs and the outside is getting bad also... I have to take her groceries, I hold my nose till I almost pass out finding places to put the groceries....I know if I do anything myself she will disown me, I am about willing to take that chance.... Anyway if anyone has any suggestions I would so appriciate it!!! Thank you!!! ;-)

Question for those of you who have been around this site more, what's the best place to post info on Florida's specialty centers for memory disorder testing? The place we went today is one of 15 in the state. Not well enough publicized, I never would have known about them except for my neighbor.

Gotta say I like this memory center so far. Initial meeting was Q&A, then dad did various tests with the NP while I filled the social worker in on our situation & answered her questions. Then NP, SW, & I had a chat. Initial screening result is "mild cognitive impairment" and major balance/proprioception problems. Their MRI was booked for the afternoon, so I will call tomorrow to get one done closer to home. We go back in 2.5 weeks, to see physical therapist, audiologist, and geriatrician doctor who heads the program. Neuro-psych evaluation is scheduled for October, they are booked solid till then :-(.

I'm happiest that they agree with me that under the circumstances he is better off in assisted living than holed up in my back bedroom doing nothing. They'll fill the doctor in before he sees dad, and said he (dr) is well practiced at being the 'authority figure' to help seniors accept the need for a change in situation. I sure hope so!

My only whine in the process is the city traffic. Reminds me why I avoid the place. Still, we escaped before rush hour was in full swing, so it could have been much worse. Next appointment is 9 am, so we'll catch rush hour on the way in, oh joy.

Wondering if a little wine is going to make my head better, or worse....