My "whine moment today." What's yours?

JeanetteB, I know what you mean about listening to certain music... I haven't listened to anything else but Frankie Vallie & The Four Seasons for over a year now. There is just something about his music.

With whatever music is on the radio now a days, I can't identify the song nor the singer.... yikes, I am beginning to sound like my parents :P

Gershun, I am listening to "Hello" right now. Your mom had such a wonderful loving soul... this song meant something to her for a reason. The majority of his songs are so soothing....

I forgot to mention that it's been 7 weeks since I've heard from my one and only child/son. Alrighty then. Don't know if he's moving to frozenville, if she truly is pregnant, not a thing. On the other hand look at the guilt and $ I am saving. Sad thing is he may not have the "same" mother, which might not be a bad thing either.

Jeanette my mom liked one Neil Diamond song in particular. "Hello" I think its called.
If I heard it I probably would ball. In fact any somewhat sad, melodic songs tear me up these days.

I laughed yesterday. I talked to my sister and she told me she e-mailed the pastor and told him to keep in touch with me cause she was worried about me cause of my grief over my Mom. The reason I laugh is that my sister has a tendency to send angry e-mails when she is drunk and I can imagine the pastor getting one of those. He may regret giving out his e-mail.

Anyhow, I wish you all the best. Even you captain....you grumpy old fart!! :)

I'm not sure if this is a whine or not... but, for some unbeknownst reason I've developed this great penchant for..... Neil Diamond. I do mean ALL of Neil Diamond. I listen to his "Greatest Hits" on youtube every darn day now for what seems like ever. Somehow his music soothes my soul and gives me inner peace? I even changed the lyrics ( in my head) to "He ain't heavy, he's my brother" to SHE ain't, she's my MOTHER" ... so on we go, her welfare is my concern no burden is she to bare, we'll get there.... yeegads, if you've never heard the song, google it and the lyrics, change all the he's to she's and BAM, there ya go. He even got the "long long road of which there is no return" right. Seriously, if you need to cry and get it out about caring for your mother/or could be father... listen to it. H*ll, just listen to the whole d*mn album, I am now personally OCD with it ( whine ) ( he's a tad before my time )

Thanks to all that chimed in, in regards to the schpeel about our beloved pets. I harbor no angst towards anyone anymore, not even him. heh, we wouldn't be so diversified if we all shared the same beliefs, thoughts and feelings now would we? My new motto in life is "I don't bother you, please don't bother me". I go out of my way to keep to myself these days...

Susan, mom's party sounded spectacular!! Great job... a special one time kudo's to those who showed up :/ may they continue to do so, right? Yeah...I also understand crunching numbers... I cut back half on everything now that mom is no longer here with me, so I get it. My favorite evening meal is now cereal. Too hot for much else...I am sure you'll figure this out, as long as your beloved mother is keeping occupied and stays somewhat happy you'll be able to concentrate on all the rest.

Katie, do you ever check your messages?

Hope dear... I am with you on the billboard V suggested. Really though, with the new puppy and the other kids not being as happy... it is time you get that respite to find that special peace you normally have. Right?

57twin, I have wondered many times which is worse...your loved one at home or in a NH. A few times I thought AT HOME but when reading yours and others post, I do tend to lean towards a NH. You have to visit or else the guilt will eat you up, least it would me. I'm a chronic "Feel Guilty" person... meh, means I care, right? Lord, I just wish I could get 2 straight days of a decent nights sleep...the sky was lightening before I finally drifted off to a dream filled 2 hours of weirdness this morning, then up at 8.

A few years ago I disabled all "notifications" on my IPhone, heck, I barely let it ring now. If it is that important people do know my cellie #, if not, there is no reason for me to "hear" ping ping ping everytime I get a spam email or someone wants to post about their whatevers... in other words, I choose to participate when I want, even on here, I do not get email notifications. I like to be surprised these days.

Cap ole buddy, stop being so angry. You were and still are a good friend. We don't have to agree on things but I would never trash your way of thinking. All you did was make me give my big pib extra hugs and oh yeah, a few extra mouth kisses coming from you ;)...even early this morning as she's snoring softly in my ear I thought "wow, Cap sure needs a snuggle n snorer" to get him to smile again. hehe

Clearly today is rant day so take a moment to sit back and try to think of good times when the sun shone on your face and you din't get burnt, when the ice cold drink was made for you and not you making it for everyone else. When you had the time and inclination to lay back and listen to the breeze washing across the corn fields. When a shower took 10 minutes rather than 2, when someone hugged you and said it's ok you sit down - I will do it (whatever it was) when you went out to dinner and someone actually pulled the chair back for you. When you smelled perfume in your bedroom/house and not disinfectant/bleach.

Now go make yourself a warm drink congratulate yourself on yet another successful day. Successful? You're still here! xxxx bless you all

The next time someone tells me to have a great day when something is obviously going badly will be asked by me..."REALLY?? Under the circumstances how am I to have a great day????" People are so stupid and don't think anymore! I used to just get stunned when someone would say something stupidly insensitive or think of a comeback later when it was too late, but I am so used to stupid comments anymore after a year of dealing with people for my Mom, that I am ready for them now....No yelling on my part...just a quiet comeback.

Veronica91, I also don't Tweet, Instagram, or any other app type thing. But I will text if needed... only problem is that my OCD goes into overdrive and it could take me 15 minutes to text out two sentences because there are many typos due to the tiny keyboard and I'll be darn if I send out something not readable. Drives my nuts because there's no spell check. Heck, it's faster to just call.

I remember once when the JW folks came. I was sitting out in from of the house reading a book and having a beer. I offered them a beer but no takers.

Was really tired yesterday so didn't have the energy to do much so I did not see dad.
Just got back from visiting him and was told that he was having a rough day, something about selling his house with his permission- house was sold over 12 yrs ago. People swiping his stuff. Then he was looking out his window and it's a small field for his view and he thought the grass in the field were dogs, something about them having puppies. Eek... Distracted his though as I have a FB friend who is in the area for a hot rod convention. Tomorrow dad and I will go to lunch then dad gets a ride in my friend's hot rod. Hoping he will enjoy that.

CM, oh no!! Jehovah's Witness. A short story. When my kids were young probably between eight and two years old. The neighborhood had the missionaries on regular weekly rounds. We used to hide when they would just keep coming back. One day my two younngest were playing in the living room, there was a window seat that they would stand on to watch cars go by and whatnot. One day, though imagine my shock when my five year old daughter starts yelling "Mom watch out the Jesus people are coming!" Absolutely no offense to you JW's or anybody else out there whatsoever. So my kids jumped off the window seat, hid under the dining room table, and no I didn't answer the door.

Kids Say the Darndest Things! And hopefully not in public.

Shilo :-O

I hope to goodness that as she put the phone down she thought "aaarrrggghhh ohmygod please say I didn't just say what I said…" She probably wishes she could bite her own tongue off.

My whine for the day. Of all the F***ing times and by a CASE MANAGER no less why in the world would you end a call with "HAVE A GREAT DAY!" ? Was that the most insensitive thing to say to someone who just lost a loved one? I need a punching bag right now because I can not believe she just said that and her tone just added to it too. Just no compassion at all. I wasn't the one to call her, she heard it from someone else and called me. I am so glad she has been the exception as others have been more kind and compassionate. I even talked to the health insurance person for over half hour about personal things, nothing related to insurance at all. She was extremely kind even though I didn't want to talk she did the talking and kept me busy for awhile, very kind hearted and all I could think was I hoped she didn't get herself in trouble for talking so long. There I kind of talked myself out of that bitchy mood but really...have a great day? I am going to get through this day despite the insensitivity of that case manager.

So far, so good today - no tearful calls from Mom. Looks like between my talk with her this weekend and my discussion with the nursing staff about keeping her busy, something is working. We discovered Friday that the problem is her being alone in her room. She absolutely cannot stand being alone - so I instructed the nursing staff to try and find a way to keep her busy - even if it's just sitting in the PT room or something where there are other people around. She doesn't necessarily have to interact with them all the time - just doesn't want to be alone.

Enjoying a much quieter work week compared to last week. 40 email blasts sent out Friday. 3 so far today. Huge difference. I'm also back on track with my eating, down 8 lbs since Mom went into the NH 8 days ago. Feeling far better about things compared to 10 days ago, when Mom was in the hospital again, headed for the nursing home, and experiencing Sundowners symptoms in the hospital. Dark days, those were. Things are looking a bit brighter.

I need to crunch numbers and see if I can go to see my youngest son later this year (just for a long weekend), plus need to see how to manage the expenses here at the house without Mom's income contributing. She didn't have a huge income, but enough to cover the house payment, utility bills and insurances, plus a couple other odd bills. I *think* I can do it, but may need to cut some expenses somehow. The grocery bill will drop drastically - I don't need (or want) a meat and potatoes meal every single night like Mom does. I'm good with a salad, or just a bit of protein, cheese and celery stick or cucumbers to munch on to keep me going. I occasionally make something bigger, but not often. I have a freezer full of meat to use up, so that's covered. My grocery bill will drop from over $100 a week to less than $50. Lots to think about and figure out.

Jeanette, I feel a kinship to you. I have three fur kids. One chihuahua mixed that I rescued for my mom when her little shitzu passed away. She was living on her own then and I didn't want her grieving too long or being home in a senior residential community without an alarm system. She would never remember to set a regular alarm so Buddy did the trick. When she went into the hospital for her first bout of pneumonia, I brought him home to live with my husband and our two Golden Retrievers. He quickly let everyone know that although he was sweet, he was loud and in charge.
I also have three older brothers that my mom did everything for. My dad passed away at 44 and Mom work 6 days a week to make sure that everyone had what they needed and sat at the kitchen table many nights helping them with Latin, Spanish, Calculus and architecture. They all have been successful, they have moved to different parts of the country and have at times needed a helping hand financially from Mom and my stepdad. They dutifully made time about once a year to visit when Mom and My stepdad moved to Florida. I moved down about two years later about 1/2 mile away. I had a very loving relationship with my stepdad. He had two adult sons and they also lived out of state, called regularly, and visited with their families at least once a year. My stepdad passed away about 6 years ago. It was very difficult but he had lived to the ripe old age of 91 and he was really ready to go.
When he passed, my husband and I asked my Mom to move in with us, but at that time she felt like it was too early.she continued her active life until she started to notice that she was forgetting things and felt it was time to start going through her stuff, getting rid, giving away, and telling me all the important stuff preparing for her move into our house. When she she was moving, no one volunteered to come down and help pack, or move. All they really did was put in dibs on her stuff!
Now that she is in my house they call less, help less if that is possible and don't offer much support emotional or otherwise. I did manage to get all my blood relatives here for her 90th birthday, which I felt was a major accomplishment.
I am sometimes pissed about their lake of care, but I am glad I have her all to myself!

Haha...the bill board sounds perfect. That is awesome about the kitty. I totally believe it. I hope i do not offend true christian believers when i make a lot of the remarks i makebut i have a strong feeling you all understand where i am coming from. To be honest, i have been hurt more in my life by the "holy roller Bible thumpers"than i have some folks who, i suppose by society"standards" would not be considered up and up type folks. ..ie dolls with former and maybe continuing drug addiction, folks who probably drink a little more than they should. .. (i fall in that group when on rare occasion i have someone to watch Mama) folks who have major mental issues, etc...the latter group of friends i indeed consider my friends. ..much more than the fire and brimstone types..i know i know. .im judging there. .a big nono...but that is the way i feel about it. ...even through my mistakes in life i feel that i have a whole lot more compassion for people than these cross harping, religious wacky a dos who mainly seem it is their mission to look down their noses at what everyone is doing wrong when they would do wellr to look in the mirror... (imo)

Hope I had a friend one whose life was saved by a cat! She was just a tiny infant born in Argentina in the middle of winter and it was so cold her parents let the cat snuggle beside the baby in her crib to keep her warm.

I too have never been on Facebook and have no intention of joining. I don't tweet, scipe or text and have no intention of starting. Email is the furthest I will go.
I also have friends in the UK who regularily send me their post itinaries every Christmas to which I reply "Bully for you" I really don't want to go to Australia for the tenth time.
I do admit to sending a Christmas letter to far away friends with news of ourselves and the family. One set of friends told me they had kept all those letters for so many years.
Hope I think you need to get a bill board and march up and down the street with all the complaints you have. Start with "I hate my family, honk if you agree" and go in for there.
Common Sense is far more important than IQ. A PhD won't do you much good when you can't light a fire.
Shilo many hugs to you. This to will pass.

Oops, got sidetracked there...what I meant to be screaming about was how the spoiled brat 30 something kid friended me, (now I know why) for the sold purpose of trying to get me to take her cats because she was about to have a baby and the ladies at her church told her they would smother her baby...well toots, if those FIVE full grown great danes don't do it, two small calicos sure won't....(and of course the dogs won't either)..but knowing what I had on me and she and she had the gall to want to just put more on me...

I'm with you Jeannette re all the stuff you said about the pibbles..as well as the other animals...I can tell you I have NEVER been abandoned or let down by my furkids...but I cannot say that about my d*mn extended family. Amazingly, I have now forged a pretty good bond with the brother and while I will never understand the way he has handled...uh...NOT handled things, he and I are ok...but I know after Mama is gone...if I'm still here I will most likely not be seeing a lot of him because the SIL won't allow it...

Regarding people and their high IQ's...granted, having one doesn' t mean you automatically have social skills..because obviously some people definitely do NOT...but to brag about how high your IQ is and then throw a childish hissy fit because of a "graying" dog...that in all likelihood can't hear or see very well, or also very likely doesn't care to deal with a grouchy ass old coot....well, just by damn get over it....

I turned my filter off today and I think I am going to permanently disconnect it...I often wonder why my Mama raised me to be tolerant of everyone's BS...I am sick of it...as ridiculously childish as I KNOW it was, I did make the comment on FB last night that I was over it...and I already knew after Mama was gone I was on my own....I am not getting many likes, except for a few folks who know exactly what and who I'm talking about...I hope I don't get booted off here..but those can kiss my a**.

The more I think of that spoiled rotten brat 2nd cousin of mine, with her fancy a** lifestyle which has been handed to her while she sat on her butt and lived and was treated like a princess, her Mom (my cousin) posting at least 20 or 30 pics of her every week of her posed like a beauty queen...and the bragadacious sorry uncle (cousin's Dad) whom my Mama put through school, helped buy their first house, blah blah blah and when Mama was within 2 miles of his house he didn't have the decency to go visit her...I want to see him try to blame ME with that one...I wasn't even there because I was two hours away moving my stuff last year...sorry pieces of garbage..I hope they get the message I am done with them all....and yet he will be the first one here when something happens with Mama, with his good Christian manners, wanting to run the show, go to the funeral home, etc...I will tell him so damn fast "LOOK , IT WOULD HAVE BEEN NICE HAD YOU VISITED YOUR SISTER WHEN IT MATTERED, I DON'T WANT YOU HERE NOW".....

I'm afraid I have for sure been psychologically destroyed...I can feel it...I feel almost suicidal but I'm too angry to be suicidal...

Not sure what crawled up Cap's backside (again), but I'll be honest with you, this new habit of randomly attacking people for no reason on here is getting old - fast. Chill out, dude. You had a problem with someone OFF the site regarding their dog - it has nothing to do with the rest of us here. No need to project it onto someone here.

Yesterday was sheer madness, but it came off well. Got up early, went to see mom for about 15 mins, then back home to make the bday cake (pound cake w/mixed crushed berries, topped with whipped cream and berries in the shape of a US flag on top). Yanked all the crapola out of the van that has been residing in there for a few months (haven't had time to clean it out), pulled the seat out, got the other seat slid all the way back and had PT at the NH check out the setup. They helped Mom get into the van using the lift and her wheelchair, and she transferred to the remaining rear seat. Worked like a charm. She was grinning like the Cheshire Cat as we pulled out of the NH parking lot. We didn't go far, just rode around for about an hour, but it was enough to make her happy. She only made one comment about hating to go back and how much she hated it at the NH, but no tears, and she was pretty accepting of it. I ran back home after I dropped her off, rested for about 20 minutes, loaded all the party stuff into the van and then back to the NH. Grabbed one of their food carts, loaded all the stuff onto it and wheeled it out onto the patio. Easy peasy! Had about 15 people show up for the party,which was fine - not too big, not too small. All the sibs showed up, plus one of my kids with 2 of the grandies. Mom received some very nice gifts and lots of cards, which I put up on her bulletin board in her room. I left around 7:45 to go home, and she called me 3x after that, saying how bored she was. (sigh) Can't win, I guess!

She's in far better spirits today - memory still bad, of course, so we're still doing the repeated questions thing, but that's to be expected. But she's not crying and saying how she wants to go home - at least today. She's living on the memory of her party and the nice day she had yesterday. I've arranged to take time off on Sunday mornings from here on out so I can go pick her up and take her for rides every Sunday, or out to breakfast.

So dad goes back home (8 hour drive plus visits). He ends up w the sibling (the nurse) at the end of the trip. He is dehydrated before he leaves there, altered mental status, cant walk more than a shuffle and she lets him get in the car ("oh he was fine"). 4 hours later he is disorientated (calls me to say he is taking a nap, usual drive ritual) gets home and then days on end of issues after with a visit to the ER and 2000 mls of fluid IV and an antibiotic. So this AM he tells me he had an "incident" on the way home in a parking lot, (last week). Now he is telling me a minor bump.... he got the guys info and "it just needs a buff". Anyway this is 6 days later. So I told him to call the guy and see what he is going to do, insurance or pay out. at least he had mind enough to trade papers. So as I anticipated he would have a driving issue. He told me he didn't want to tell me because I told him a few months ago if he had an accident I'd take his license away (I may have said that half joking). Anyway so now I have that to deal with....... anyone else have these issues? So now I have to be the bad guy and approve or disapprove any long distance driving. I told my wife he cannot drive long distances anymore. He is 79. Anyone else in this position? He has his own insurance but Now I have to worry 100% of the time, He can barley walk let alone drive. My sibling thinks he is just fine She sees him 2 times a year.....

CM so tell us when do you plan getting yourself a baby croc?!!!!!! giggles

I have never had a FB account and don't have any interest in ever having one. I do not Twitter either. I do not care for either of the individuals that developed the ideas. Just because someone comes up with an idea does not mean everyone HAS TO jump on their ban wagon or you go to jail. Maybe I am a modern day witch for not doing either?!

Annabell, I remember that ad "Calgon take me away". Gee whiz, you better tell Calgon to send the biggest bus they have and we will all go with you.

My mother and mother in law live my husband and I. I gave my husband a Siamese cat for his birthday. Now that she is full grown and spayed, he has decided to allow her to go outside with our other cat. The mothers are driving us nuts about this because they're worried something is going to happen to the cat. Calgon take me away.

Gospelgirl, regarding lactose in pills, most pills have no more than 12.5 to 25 milligrams of lactose, which is pretty small for the average user.... but those of us who are very sensitive to lactose, if one is taking many pills during the day those milligrams adds up.

If concerned about current pills one is taking, have on hand the "Physicians Desk Reference" (PDR) book which lists all inactive ingredients in virtually all prescription medications. But take note, pharmaceutical companies have a habit of changing their products.

It was just last year that my Mom told me she can only have pills made by a certain pharmaceutical company, otherwise she has various side effects [no problem with lactose, I got that from my Dad]. I couldn't believe it, it was the very same pharmaceutical company that I had narrowed down for myself. Guess I had inherited my Mom's sensitivity to stuff placed in pills [Mom didn't quite understand about the fillers].

Freqflyer. ...I didn't know they put lactose in pills...That might explain some of my stomach issues when I take certain meds.:(.

It is indeed a good thing, Katie, to block undesirables. I wish that parents of poor little teenagers being cyberbullied would demonstrate the use of the Power Off switch a bit more assertively. Right up to the use of the 'take the f***ing laptop outside and ceremonially set fire to it' technique, if necessary.

I sometimes wonder if my children were less vulnerable to bullies only because they were nothing compared to me. I told my youngest that she had nothing to fear from witches because I was one and I would see them off if they ever gave her any trouble. That may not have been my greatest-ever piece of lateral thinking. Nota bene: it takes quite some time for children to be absolutely sure that there are no such things as witches, so never assume that they will know you are joking.

In my defence, this was mainly the result of early training at reform school, as we described our modest boarding school. The parody of Psalm 23 that goes "yea though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death I will fear no evil - because I'm the meanest goddam' b*st*rd in the whole valley" made a deep impression on me, aged about 12. Way to go, I thought, and it sort of worked.

However. Speaking of matters biblical, there was a knock at the door twenty minutes ago and on a dull Monday lunchtime that can mean only one thing - the Jehovah's Witnesses are back. Fight or flight? [note: I am speaking figuratively - I am always polite to all well-meaning callers, if I can't manage to hide in the utility room in time.] I decided it would be quicker and less fraught to answer the door and plead pressure of business, so I did.

Just the one JW today (they normally hunt in pairs), and she said quickly that she knew I was having a difficult time (the last time we met was the day after mother had died and I was expecting the funeral directors. I may not have been quite myself on that occasion) so she had chosen a booklet specially for me and would leave it with me. Then off she scuttled.

This pamphlet is call "How to Deal With ANXIETY." There are various sections, such as

"The Challenge: Unchangeable Circumstances" which winds up with "Bottom Line: You may not be able to control your circumstances, but you may be able to control your response to them."

"The Challenge: Overwhelming Demands. Bottom Line: If you try to do *everything*, you may render yourself unable to do *anything*."

We also have a beginner's guide to Mongolia, an article about malaria and what symptoms to look out for, and a description of crocodile parenting in support of an argument for intelligent design.

There is even a boxed section cautioning those who are suffering excessive anxiety to seek medical help.

Have the Jehovah's Witnesses been taken over recently or something? Uncontroversial common sense and moderation in argument are not necessarily the first things I would have associated with them.

No I have no plans to join. But this is one call I'm glad I didn't block.

I have somehow managed to stay away from facebook and am glad especially now that I did. Good thing that one can block people that are not wanted.
I find the idea of a video interesting. Can you imagine some of these people watching what we must go through daily? I also imagine my follow up video to all who have failed me looking much like Hope's dream of sitting on a beach in a lovely dress someday sipping a tropical drink with a little umbrella and swizzle stick with fruits in it. Has anyone ever gotten those obnoxious Christmas holiday braggity newsletters? My Mom still gets one of those and we got one too this past holiday, and I am thinking what would ours look like telling of the day to day trials and worries we go through?!!...That would floor them!

Jeannette hun first off huge hugs xxxxxxxxx

I have a really silly high IQ and I have balls for other people BUT no common sense and no balls to handle my own fights - although the Lord help anyone when it comes to me fighting for my mom's rights.

As for dogs - not a dog lover but would never harm one and if i did ever feel the love it would always be for a rescue dog AND I would train him/her because as I am sure everyone agrees - well almost everyone - it is not the dog (well not usually) it is the owner - that said I do know that in the past some dogs with mental health issues (yes they get them too) can NEVER be safe around others.

Are people born assholes or is it learned? That made me smile I think we are all born with the potential to be the former but we only become the latter through our experiences and social upbringing

I agree with you on the caregiving - spot on matey - I didn't ever INTEND to do this - I find it hard, damned hard and sometimes noigh on impossible and anyone who tells you different is either incredibly fortunate or is lying.

Much love sweetheart xxx

Susan, it sounds like moms birthday went great! You are a good daughter, never forget that, not even when mom might forget, just know that you are. I know it must be very tiring for you, mentally and physically. I sure hope you can get the sibs to visit mom and give your mind a rest at feeling guilty.