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Somehow I feel like I "missed the party" on here?

Balls or lack thereof...I'm personally thinking lack of balls. WTF indeed, if I boasted about my IQ in one sentence yet got beat up by someone whom obviously respects his DOG in the other sentence... hehe, well... I'd say the IQ isn't as high as you believe it is. Sounded pretty damn stupid to me. Sometimes I think you are jealous that people can and DO unconditionally their animals and you've never had unconditional love. I am proud of my big pibble. I spend a lot of time with her and trust me, it is me whose been rewarded with her big loving heart filled with trust that I'd never toss her from a truck, yes... I was rewarded for saving her, actually, many times I've felt she saved me during the most horrific time so far in my life. The fact that she may be looked upon as a bad dog or vicious because she's a pittie mix makes me love her even more and makes me think less of those whom IQ's are so damn high they can't find a spark of "love" in their old burnt up backwoods country canning heart. You've been on this website a lot longer than I have... yet apparently you can't read or else you wouldn't have the time to even bother with us animal lovers due to all the sadness and pain that goes on here. There doesn't seem to be an empathetic bone in your body anymore, which is very concerning...I mean, even a "graying" dog wants to do away with your hatred of life. Did caregiving for your mother do this to you? or is just the way you have always been... are people born a**holes or is it learned?

Being a kind person isn't being a doormat. It's being true to yourself and a very good attribute to have. Of course we feel stupid at times for always being the nice one when other's are so stoic and standoffish. Personally I don't care anymore, I will be who I am and do whatever makes me feel good inside. The dynamics of caregiving and siblings is almost unreal at times. We all seem to have went into this with the best of intentions and hopes that help would be there when needed yet more than likely help never arrives. We caregivers suffer from serious psychological trauma if you ask me... the anger and disappointment I feel towards my brothers is just plane unhealthy and I honestly need to let it slip away and be gone, never forgotten, just gone. I mean really now, it's just incomprehensible that 3 grown ass boys, all older than me, could be so uncaring for the ONE person who truly loved them. The more I try to understand people whom are capable of just not giving a shit the more headache I get.... so much easier scratching my big pibs back side... and pibbles do have the cutest beefy butts, and getting her sweet smiley kisses than trying to kiss family's ass just for them to act decent.

Shilo... please keep in touch/informed of what you're doing, God knows we worry!! I wish there was a way to help you with your final task... prayers that all goes well is all I can do from here :)
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Hope, you can "unfollow" your family members, which takes their posts out of your news feed, but does not unfriend them. Maybe join a couple of "closed" groups that interest you (closed = only group members can see posts). Although right now staying off it entirely sounds like a good plan.
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Tomorrow is Dad's evaluation appointment at the senior memory clinic. My whine today is that although we talked about going over their forms together, he now says he's done them all just fine and won't show me. So I gave up and downloaded another set and filled in *my* version. Plus a few useful insights from SO about changes in Dad's speech.

I'm guessing they'll be a bit like the tax form he's asked me about three times. And then proceeded to fill in with his prior address, sigh.
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yes, you're right...it's that part of "me" that keeps me being a doormat I guess...the old not wanting to hurt someone's feelings....the group thing sounds good...of course after the events of this day I don't even want to stay in touch with my family..the best option might be to stay off FB altogether... :)
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Hope, blocking is a complete cutoff. A blocked person can't see what you post, can't see tags of you, can't send you a message. It's unfriending on steroids :-).

If you don't want to go that far, you could just unfriend him, which would stop him getting notifications of your activity but would not stop him from searching for you on FB.

There is also a way to put FB friends into various groups (close friends, family, acquaintances, make-your-own-category), and only share your posts with selected groups of friends. It's designed for folks who want to share kids pics with "grandparents" and barn pics with "horse friends", for example. If you really want to keep him a friend but not have him see certain posts, that's an option. It does make extra work, and it won't stop him from searching/studying your activity.

My question is, if he's making you as uncomfortable as it sounds like he is, why would you want to stay FB friends? Gut feelings are usually right. He may not be a bad person, but if he's bad for you right now, get him out of your online life.
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Shilo, my aunt does not fly. She takes the train. It takes longer than driving, but the idea of trying to drive 650 miles in the state you must be is incomprehensible. You can get a sleeping room so you can be alone if you need to. Please consider this. Care for yourself and do what is best for you.
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Sometimes I like to pretend, if only in my head for now, that I have a small, but lovely wardrobe of light, flowing sundresses, pretty wide brimmed hats to match, pretty sandals, and I am sitting on a beach along a turquoise blue green sea, sipping a good wine, sangria, pina colada or whatever else hits me...the sea breeze just barely blowing through my hair and I know all the bozos back home can't bother me..Those are my plans...and they don't include going to anymore family all you can eat dinners, cemetery gatherings, or other big honking get togethers...they have all shown me their true colors too many times...
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Feeling lost...if I block him does that not in effect, unfriend him too? He doesn't seem like a mean person, and if he would just not "scout me out" as soon as I get on the laptop he might not be so bad...but can I just block him from seeing activity? He has a Mom who is elderly but not yet needing a caregiver....hmmmm..perhaps that is his motivator....he is looking for a caregiver in waiting.....NOOOOOOOOO
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Gershun....hahahahahahaha......ok, that was funny....

Twin...the thought of a video doing what I do on a daily basis and him watching would be something else again would it not??? I guess it could be punctuated with those impromptu moments where I just pitch over face forward while folding the laundry because I am so tired mentally exhausted....what a video it would be...

Yogagirl...those are my exact thoughts...the last thing on this earth I ever want (or need) to think of is getting involved with someone, which at my age, includes their kids, and they ALWAYS resent us whether we are jerks or not...and then they would probably need caregiving and boom, here we go again..no thanks....I have never gotten to live for ME in my entire life...NEVER...I think I was remembering that today and that is when I went on my downhill spiral...I have always been the dutiful child, the dutiful niece, grandchild, neighbor, etc. and it is feeling now like I was almost bred to be so....Looking back I do not remember my brother EVER being groomed to do this and now I can see things where I feel like I was always the caregiver in waiting...

I really aggravated tonight...I have no idea why but when I found out on Facebook that my cousin, who had recently friended me, because she promptly asked me after doing so to please take in her cat because she is going to have a baby and the ladies at the church told her cats would smother babies...I promptly told her they were a bunch of gossipy old biddies that didn't know what they were talking about and that if your cat was a family pet and you watched them and made sure the pet was not jealous, etc. then they were usually very loving and caring when it came to new infants...I then discovered her mother..my first cousin, had also unfriended me...Damn family...I am so over them all...when I look back at how Mama practically raised all of their spoiled brat fannies and now that they don't think she knows any different they have just abandoned her...and me..they can KISS IT.....

I get along with my brother now...that is all that matters...later on I am done with that bunch of bozos...and the crazy part is..they are some of the world's worst at juding everyone, a bunch of Bible thumping holier than thous...I wonder how proud God would be of the way they abandoned the very sister who took care of all of them, including their Mama...they are sorry in my book..I no longer want anything to do with them...

I'm going to start composing my video....I can get the appropriate music and everything....I'm ready for my closeup....
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((Shilo)) you're in my thoughts.

Mom's first trip out of the NH and her bday party went off without a hitch...more later....too tired now.
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Sooo true! And why would I want to meet someone at this age and probably wind up taking care of them too, while their kids resent me. My plan is to stay single and save up for a nice CNA to take care of me when I'm old so my son won't be burdened. I already bought long term care insurance. I'm going on 3 years of caring for mom and dad.
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I must be one of the few people left on earth that doesn't have a Facebook account... never did. Majority of my peer relatives don't even own computers or any new technology. For me, one less thing to stress over.

I got rid of my LinkedIn account because it was becoming too much of a popularly contest. And the ex-husband of the neighbor across the street was boosting how great he was, yada, yada, yada, and he had 500+ followers... and he was still alive on Linkedin with all those followers even after being arrested on a drug charge. Show how much the followers are paying attention :P
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Hope if it were me. I would send your brother a video of you taking care of your mother. In fact if you were so inclined you could post photos on Facebook to specific people. And do it frequently. Or respond to people's fun posts by describing what you did over the weekend. Make them feel uncomfortable.
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Hope if its any consolation I don't have much fun and most of the others who post on here are all in the same boat. Plus I've always felt that if people were having as much fun as they would have us believe they wouldn't have the time or the need to yap about it.

You know the old saying "those who can do, those who can't talk about it" For instance someone who comes on here and says they have balls probably doesn't.
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Hope, FB allows you to "block" a person, so they can't see any of your activity or message you. Click the little down-pointing arrow in the top right corner of the screen, choose "settings" from the menu. You'll see "blocking" in the list of options on the left side, click to get a list of things you can block. I've had to block a couple people who just wouldn't take "no" for an answer. Poof, they're gone from your FB world.
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lucky...are you sure your brother and mine are not one in the same? Last night, I got two videos via cell phone of my brother and his wife and all HER family on their patio boat, which they had taken up the lake, which used to be where I lived, and they were all sitting there enjoying the beautiful fireworks over the lake....

Like yours, my brother tells folks that his sister takes care of his "Mom" and that he helps as much as he can..when I read your post I thought...good lord, it's my brother...I don't know what is wrong with me today...maybe it's that old holiday let down..another holiday coming and going and me, alone, pretending Mama is enjoying herself..in reality, I suppose she could care less what day of the week it is.I am worn out, fed up and exhausted..

And even though he's cute as a button, and I would never rehome him unless I KNEW she was better off than she is with me, the dog is creating a LOT of extra work and aggravation for me...mainly because my cats are now totally in upheaval, which means I can't get them to come in, which means I don 't get to rest..any...and my other cat never came home, which I am almost 99% certain was due to coyotes.I am having one of those depressed episodes where I am having to remind myself it will pass....but all I want to do is cry.

My friend, the one who excitedly offered to take me on a FIVE MINUTE DRIVE AROUND MY NEIGHBORHOOD....sent me a long email about how she and her family went to the lake as well, and all the great food they fixed, and all the cool fireworks they got to enjoy, blah, blah, blah...

Then there's this man who I do not even know whom I feel is practically staking me on FB because if there is ANY activity by me, he immediately sends me a pm (I have fixed my chat window so folks can't see when I'm on there) but he watches the activity apparently and he starts wanting to chat...I don't know him, I don't want to know him and I just want to be left alone...why do people not get I don't want to hear about their fun, their trips, their awesome weekends..my 24/7 life is the same morning noon and night..
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Shilo so sorry for your loss. I am praying for you.
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Katie you are so right about medicine side effects. I was suppose to take this one med for 5 years straight but after the 4th years said no-way, no how... it was affecting my quality of life. I rather have a shorter life than one that makes it hard to function each day. Unfortunately the panic attacks didn't go away once I stopped the meds :(

One thing I did learn was once you get a new prescription and have no major side effects, try to get the same pharmaceutical company each time you refill. I found there is a big difference between the pharmaceutical companies when it comes to fillers/binders/coatings used on pills.

Fillers are used in pills to make them large enough for the average person to handle. Some common fillers are lactose [milk sugar], microcrystalline cellulose, corn starch, sugars, whey and yeast.... and if a person can't tolerate say lactose, well it will cause stomach problems if the pill contains a lactose filler.

Binders are used to make the pill ingredients stick together when the ingredients are compressed to make the pill. Some common binders are povidone, xanthan gum, and Carbopol [an acrylic resin].

Now comes the coatings on the pills that help to prevent the pill from dissolving too soon. The coating also keep you from tasting or smelling the active ingredients. A common coating is shellac.... that's right, shellac.

Then there are the colors, some people are allergic to some dye colors. And flavors used to make the pill taste better, such as grape flavoring :)
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Shilo, Is there a train or bus that would go to where you need to be?? We need better public transportation in this country, comfortable trains, etc. I like the idea of checking into a driving service too to not have to deal with the stress of driving yourself.
I was taking meds awhile ago that made me nervous about flying but I got over that...and now cannot fly anywhere anyhow. This same medicine gave me a huge phobia about snakes but that is over too, not that I like being surprised by them in the garden and I would still avoid the "reptile house" at a zoo. I am learning that medicine can have really unpredictable side effects besides the usual digestive issues.
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Shilo8, I have that same issue when it comes to the final phase for my parents. We all live on the east coast but my parents want to be placed in the mid-west, out where Dad was raised.

Well, that presents a problem with me, too, as I now have a fear of flying and my driving limit is now 5 miles tops. All this happened once my parents started to depend on me to drive them all over hill and dale, and that became very stressful for me. My fear of flying started up a few years ago when I had cancer and was taking meds that had a side effect of panic attacks. Oh great, now what. Well, I just won't go, I have no choice :(
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Shilo, I second Globetrotter's suggestion of hiring a driver. With or without a car, depending on the state of yours. Check the phone listings for limousine or town car services, which will have properly licensed and vetted individuals. Worth every penny for you to have the least possible stress in taking your mom "home".
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luckylu, we are there for you. Be glad in the fact that you have nothing to feel guilty for as your brother surely does for saying such lies, as you are doing a tremendous job taking care of your Mom.
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Thank you for your support.
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Just like I knew they would,my 2 brothers went hiking and then came by to show Mother the beauty they saw and the fun they had while I do every single thing Mother requires to continue to live.I couldnt stop the tears from rolling down my face.Ill never understand why they hurt me so and show me no respect.Yesterday,1 brother told a lady that was a stranger,that his sister takes care of his Mother,but he helps when he can.It was the biggest lie I have ever heard!!!Even when I asked for his help,hes always too busy or his back hurts,etc.My Mother is te sweetest Mother ever and she doesnt have much time left.I am trudging through every day,scared and alone exept for this website which is truly a Godsend.
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Shilo hun Keep your chin up hun but watch out for those who see it as a target ....time to take stock huge hugs sweetheart xxxxxx
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Globetrotter, interesting screen name especially with your fear of flying.
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Shilo, if driving is your preference and you have no one to drive you, what about hiring a driver? I did this for a few months twice a week when offered a part time position in another town. I can't drive so I went on the internet (driver needed) and found a "chauffeur" of sorts who does this thing. You have to be careful of who you are getting, and I don't know if you could afford it, but I thought I'd throw it out. I can certainly identify with your dread of flying, especially with the cartilege problems. I am phobic of flying to begin with, and the change in altitude does weird things to my oxygen level and other physiology (that's my theory, although it could also be panic).
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Shilo...my heart just hurts for you......I so wish I could do something....I am so sorry.
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My Aunt was scheduled to visit her sister (my other aunt) out of town today to celebrate her 80th birthday. She left this morning but didn't really want to leave me. I told her she needed to go and spend the time with her sister who is 86 years old with many health issues of her own. There is no one. I come from that family didn't even contact my mother on mother's day or her 80th birthday last month. No friends to help me because I never made any only living here for 3 years taking care of my mother. I am alone. Well, not exactly...I am going to go have dinner with 2 people my aunt lives with that are 84 (a priest with heart problems) and 92 (a social worker with hearing problems). I am going to eat and have a drink and pretend I am watching the movie they turn on.

Since this is a "whine thread" I am going to keep in tradition and whine. For several weeks now I have been trying to get W-mart and T-Direct to ship a tablet I ordered to me so I could use it to sit by my mother's side keeping her company and playing her games with her. I bought it from T-Direct through W-mart. T-Direct and system upgrade issues and W-mart cancelled the item because it was hanging in their system too long. When I was told to reorder it the price was $130 more. I finally received a shipping confirmation this morning. Too bad I don't really need it anymore.
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Shilo, you are in my heart and prayers...I am so very sorry for your loss.
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