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Katie, I just read your comment about the laughing woman. It made me feel better. Why, I don't know. I can see her laughing in my mind. Grins and smiles.
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Well we started July 4th in the UK with a massive firework display courtesy of the skies - the lightning was spectacular no rain just lit up skies. Then today came....having not gone to bed until 1am Mum got up at 6 am and has been naggy all day long. I have stayed out of her way today because she is gunning for a fight. I have a sneaky feeling the Donepezil maybe responsible for it.

You can see it in her face...she didnt like breakfast, didnt want lunch so threw it away, wouldnt drink any of the drinks I made her first time round so had to do fresh one, then we fought over her having something to eat and she eventually agreed she would have soup - dint like the soup! didnt want bread with it, didnt want dessert, did want an ice cream, didnt want the one I got for her so I had that and got her a vanilla one (she doesn't usually want vanilla) and to be nice i put meringue all over it cos she loves meringue....at least she did until today now she doesn't - dear Lord let it rain so that it cools down her and her temper.
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Yes, I'm doing laundry, too. I left my cell phone on last night and was awakened this morning with a weather alert. Flash flood warning. After the phone woke me up, I couldn't get back to sleep. I feel terrible -- grumpy and tired and irritable as an old bear. If anyone poked me, they would be in for a good swat.

I am particularly delighted that my mother chose to go visit my brother tomorrow afternoon after we get out of church. So we have a delightful Sunday planned -- church, then out to eat, then to my brother's house. She wanted to go today, but they weren't available. So tomorrow it is.

You know what I would really love? For someone to call and say they are going to come get Mom and take her somewhere. Let's face it. If anything gets done when it comes to my parents, it is me doing it. This old grouchy bear is mighty tired today and looking forward to Monday.
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Well, yes indeed...the 4th of July....I fought the urge (didn't have to fight much) to tell my cousin she could drift down...It was pouring down rain this morning and I figured I wouldn't be worrying about cooking out either...not that i was worrying that much, but I ended up getting the food ready in the event I actually got to cook out...which I did...I also ended up getting on the Pandora thing on my phone and so I had great "doo wop" music while cooking out and playing with Annie...all dressed in her little frilly outfit..for a couple of hours I felt kind of normal again...but that little burst of energy did not last long...the brother is up at the lake house, cooking out with the wife's MOTHER and their extended family...of course there is no way we can join them nowadays, but they got to where they didn't include us anyway...I actually ended up posting a few things on FB and decided I wasn't NOT going to do it for fear of hurting the cousins feelings..This is a new feeling for me because normally I would have gone on and done myself in to keep someone else from feeling lonely on a holiday...I just can't do it anymore...especially for someone who can't lift a finger or anything else to help...Its also gotten offensive to me to entertain someone for three days and them not bring one thing...I guess i'm too easily offended now....

I think I'm going to get me a good old hot bath and just relax while Mama naps.quite a different 4th....but considering the situation, much better than wearing myself out.

I hope everyone is having a relaxing day....We're all in a similar pickle so I'm guessing none of us are sunning by the sea, cooking out with lots of friends and such...I'm just finding comfort in the one person on this earth whom I know loves and appreciates me....
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And here we are, a holiday here in the States, and we are posting on Aging Care. I still have to finish my on-line grocery order for pick-up tomorrow. Plus doing laundry. And a few minutes ago I threw out a couple of my high school year books, just saving the year I graduated.... and now eying other books that I haven't open in years to donate.

Been cloudy here all day, the sky looks like Mother Nature will delight us with her own version of fireworks :)
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Another holiday?and I wake up on the couch,next to Mother with the weight of the world on my shoulders as my 2 older brothers go hiking and berry picking.The brother that usually has us out to his home one time a year says hes too tired to have his Mother and sister out to watch fireworks in the country.Hes Too Tired????? From what?hiking?or picking berries or maybe from swimming with his dogs in the lake.....This is my current whine
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Hi everybody, my heart goes out to all of you; I often feel at a loss for words and afraid I will say the wrong thing, but know that I "hear" all of your posts. I love the sense of humour through it all (I'm sure people who do not understand what we are going through would call it dark humour and be somewhat mortified, lol).

My whine moment for the last 24 hours is last evening, on one of those rare, brief visits from my sibling who gave me a lift to get the groceries. It was a relief not to have to drag the bundle buggy on public transit and spend what I would have saved on groceries on a cab back. We even got mom out and had a tea and pastry, and we managed to get her to stay long enough in the optical store to get her glasses tightened.

The downer, and I couldn't help taking it to heart, was what happened to "dad" - a bulb that was given at a Veteran's Memorial Service in April. I planted "him" in a pot and put him with the rest of the flowers I bought this spring on the balcony. It was a joy to see the sprout finally shooting up a couple of weeks ago, especially since I had no idea what kind of flower it would be. It bloomed a few days ago, a pretty, small, purple flower; the plant looked like a trailer because the stem wound round and round.

Well, yesterday morning, mom asked me where the trowel was to loosen the soil (she went back to her homeland in England for 14 years and had a garden, but she doesn't realize that this technique doesn't really apply to the small amount of soil in these pots).

Alas, when I took my sister out to have a look at "dad", there was nothing but a pot of black soil - the shoot, the flower - everything was gone. I could of cried! And I felt so angry at mom at that moment and thought how destructive she is, even though I knew intellectually that she didn't know what she was doing.
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Kathy, congratulations on finding such a nice place....it is encouraging to see that things can and do get better and that if we hang in there and do our best each day that maybe life isn't always all bad. We just have to find the good in each day.
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Sharadale, I am glad that you persisted with the UTI testing. It often takes a few days because they want to grow a culture to see what kind of bacteria is at work so they can prescribe the antibiotic or whatever other medicine would help. This is always a nervous time because it can progress into delirium if the infection is present for awhile. I hope all turns out well.
The fireworks went off in two different areas and we could see them both from a short walk down the drive. Around here they do fireworks for several days. SO and I walked outside for a few minutes....it was strange, there was a beautifully lit up home with a small gathering going on inside nearby. As we walked by I heard a woman happily laughing at something and I realized that I cannot remember the last time I laughed so happily and carefree, or attended a gathering in a friend's home...it just seemed like I have been whisked away to a strange lonely planet for a long time and the laughter sounded so strange to me like some very distant memory, and I wondered if I will ever laugh again as carefree as the woman in the beautifully lit up house.
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No whine, just tomorrow I move into a beautiful apt, overlooking the Delaware River in Bucks County, Pa. It has a 2 person Jacuzzi in the bathroom, my dream apt. I don't know how I found it. No family, just beauty, good books, farm stands, a place to garden and watch the river flow by. I feel blessed. So hang in there, it gets better.
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My daily newspaper is celebrating the 4th with all kinds of special features in its Saturday edition. It may strike Americans as a little odd for an English publication to be doing this, but as George Mikes pointed out the English press likes to approach our "various setbacks, defeats and disasters not with candour, but with gusto."

So not sulking but cheering - have a wonderful day today, and may the celebrations evoke happy memories for all your loved ones too.
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Happy 4th July all xxxxxx May it be peaceful
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aren't they tomorrow night? Fireworks?
We spent most of the day in the pool. My big pib has really leaned how to sit nicely in the raft. Such an awesome dog.
I have zero else going on.
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I had the home health nurse come for his first visit and review the discharge plans that the NH wrote. When he looked at them, he said is that all. I said yep. They didn't even have a meeting with me. It literally just had her medications listed and the name of the Home Health Agency written in every other spot.
Anyway while we were going through her history, she mentioned a bladder infection she has and the she did her own urine sample and gave it to the nurses at the NH and nobody listened to her! This is literally the first I heard of it! She said that she kept telling everyone but no one did anything about it. Then she said when she gave them the urine sample, they said they were going to test it, but again, I know nothing about it and this was several days ago at least because she has been home 2 1/2 days. I had already scheduled a follow-up with her Primary for next week, so the nurse from home health gave me a cup and bag to do a ur is sample.
After he leaves, I call NH and spoke with Nursing Director who said she would call me back. She had the nurse for the unit call me back and said that they had tested the urine and will send the results to her doctor and call the doctor this afternoon. I told them that she was gone already for the holiday weekend. They suggested that I call as well. I called and left a message with service and a few minutes late my primary who has been my doctor for at least 25 years. She said she would call in an Rx for another u ride and in the mean time to give her AZO because she is so allergic to antibiotics. If Mom did not say something, this could have gotten serious!
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Katie keep your chin up girl!! We had our Canada Day celebration on the 1st of July.I heard there were going to be fireworks near my place and I very half-heartedly opened my blinds when I heard them and went Meh!!
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My whine is I am tired tired tired tonite,feel weepy, and also very sick of in-law disfunction which I don't need right now. I am going to try to go to bed early...and then will get blasted out of bed most likely by the fireworks shows all around.
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Hey Hope and Jude. I know there is a spiritual world going on all around us even though we can't all see it. Some people are more in tune to it than others I guess.

Susan I think you are making the right decision re: your mom and the NH. I know how hard it is though. It broke my heart when I left the first time after leaving my Mom at the NH. I left her in the cafeteria and every time I looked back at her she was looking over at me. I felt like a mother taking her kid to kindergarten for the first time. But her health was in a state where it was for the best so I knew it was the right thing to do.

Jeanette good for you that you are helping your aunt. I think thats probably what you need. Maybe I should adopt an old lady just so I can feel useful again too.
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Took mom to hospital but had to come back home to get her meds since their pharmacy doesn't carry all her meds. She is slightly dehydrated and has fluid around the lungs. Her A-fib as been acting up since she was rolled into the ER. New that was going to happen, always does. Back to the hospital.
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Realized today while I was making arrangements for Mom to stay at the NH permanently that I will need to do some number-crunching to make sure I can afford everything here at the house, because within a month, all of Mom's income will go to the NH and Medicaid will pick up the rest. She will be allowed $60 a month to keep, which will go into her bank account for clothing or whatever she needs.

Lots of things to think about.
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Thanks all -

Today has been better overall - Mom has only called 2x so far, compared to 6x yesterday. I've asked therapy (PT and OT) to keep her extra busy and the CNAs to try to get her into all the activities they can to keep her mind occupied. The less time she has to sit and think, the better.

I got the seat removed from the van, now I need to figure out where to put the darn thing. I guess I could put it in my storage unit, but I have seen the odd trace of a mouse in there, so not sure that's a good idea - may have to store it here in the house somewhere. Maybe I can hang it from the ceiling. LOL

Salisbury, I appreciate the suggestion, but I have no intention of leaving my mom sitting in there for a month with no visitors. I think that suggestion may work for some folks, but not for my mom. She is terrified of being alone, and becomes extremely depressed when she's isolated from people. I promised her I would continue coming every morning and evening, and that the only time that wouldn't happen is if I go to visit my son in another state - and then I would make sure my siblings could fill in the gap and visit her every day while I'm gone.

I feel as though a weight has been lifted already, though I'm still heartbroken and sad that we've had to take this step so soon. Dad died at age 75. Mom will be 75 this weekend, and in the past 3 months, she's had a bad fall and a diagnosis of CHF and other health issues that have steadily worsened in a very short time. It's just a little too much to handle in such a short time.
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CM, if your dr daughter is too late, then this means you are depressed and therefor should go see you GP!

Hope, thank you. It will be good for both of us. I will have a reason to force myself out into the big bad world. Oh...Veronica91 inadvertently posted this on the dysfunction thread.

** Jeanette was it you looking for a sign from your mother? I think you got one - at least from your dad when you saw your aunt and she looked like your dad. there was a "reason for that visit" **

Veronica, there are a few of us looking for signs and when I read above it gave me chills. I mean I literally stared at her face thinking omg how I could see my dad standing there. Personality wise, me and her are 2 peas in a pod. Quirky all the way! But yes... I would consider this a sign and yes, there IS a reason for that visit and I am working on it now.

Hope, right now your mom is your top priority and pretty much all one person can handle and taking on someone else.... just NO WAY! I'm doing it because I have such a void fill, my aunt needs someone really bad and I can get paid this time.
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Jude, I'm a huge believer in things like you described...I have experienced similar things and don't really talk to a lot of folks about them because most people tell me I am wacko.....which I know I am not..I think some of us are more prone to picking up on and seeing those things...and some are not..I love it...it doesn't frighten me...just makes me remember how awesome the world is....
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You would be a Godsend to your aunt Jeannette...I think that is one of the saddest things to me..when elderly are pretty much "on their own"..they have otherwise been forgotten by everyone....many times due to circumstances like your aunts..ie her son not beng in very good health and her not wanting to trouble him..I can imagine my Mama being that way....

But when those are alone who have absolutely NO ONE who even thinks of ...let alone checks on them..it just breaks my heart.....I have asked myself why sometmes because seeing myself in the future I totally see me all alone....and I will be ok with it, aside from the health issues that will probably come my way eventually, but I'm probably going to be so ill and cranky by then I will just sit on the front porch of wherever with little gray haired kitties and pup and shake my cane at anyone passing by....

I got up today knowing tomorrow is the 4th...a day which was always a huge day in our family..when we stayed at the lake during the summer...we had a huge cookout , swam, had all the family over...and pretty much now as I recall ended up waiting on people hand and foot while they sat on their butts and enjoyed it all....Lord...a vision of things to come I think now....anyway I had decided I was just going to do it for Mama and me again this year...she doesn't "eat" except for the ensure..so no cooking there...but was going to do it just for me...well, that looked a lot better yesterday than today...I'm thinking WHY....why do all that work to make a load of food I don't need ...I will just play it by ear.

The cousin texted me yesterday having a fit and I do mean a fit because someone has called to get home health for her, which I think she is needing now..but she is NOT having it...I mean she was coming apart at the seams...demanding to know who did it. It wasn't me.so I don't know...this is a preview of what lfe would be like being her "go to person"...and this chickee ain't gonna be "it".....no way no how....good grief...what a nightmare....her meltdown also helped me immediately decide NOT to invite her down for the afternoon because I would have to hear her complain all day long and I don't feel up to that either....she had told me the day before she was feeling better than she had in years...well, this girl doesn't...so I'm not listening to it...she enjoys all the drama and I do NOT...I already have enough of that...more and more I am seeing why people don't want to help her ..because some people cannot be helped....
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Big, snotty, gulpy whine ahead - dr daughter wants me to go and see my GP "in case" I'm "getting depressed." Too late, chuck, too late. Note to self: when daughter calls to ask how one is, lie.
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Awh Susan, my heart is simply breaking for the both of you. I couldn't convince my mom to go to daycare much less a home. You've always had this planned and spoke to your mother many times concerning this. You've been visiting and keeping her assured this far, I see no reason to stop visiting for a month...you are such a wonderful daughter :) and strong, stronger than most. You got this!

I saw my Aunt yesterday. When she finally opened the door I swear I was looking at my dad. Now I don't know if it's that gaunt/sunken look or what but if her hair had been less fluffy I might not have known the difference!! Oh...she'd have to have whiskers too :) Such a sweet 83 y/o. Yes my heart broke for her too. Her only son is 56 with severe health issues and he does what he can. She however needs more help. She's basically a "shut in". Her diet consists of Pepsi, ice cream and loads of yogurt ... this I could tell by looking at all the mess piles on her counters, which was after I closed my eyes and removed a lid that had a kathousand sugar ants on it :O She seems pretty depressed since she basically lays around in bed all day/night. She is the typical elder who doesn't want to say anything to her son (since he isn't well) and suffers silently. So me, being the person I am, will inquire with Senior Disabilities Services and see how many hours a week she can get. Hopefuly she will be able to get at least 20 or so hours a week. Which I will do. She's about a 40 minute drive from me and I can bring my pibble. Sydney didn't eat her tiny old poodle Tiki yesterday, just looked pained when the mean little shit nipped her ankle!!! LOL by the time I left they were all kosher like a fine pickle. So for now, that's my plan. Win Win. She get's the help she needs. I get to start working, earning money, plus full health benefits so I can drop my private pay insurance and start saving a decent amount of money per month. It will be nice to take her places. She hasn't left the house in a year from what I could gather...her mind is pretty intact but she was showing what I think it normal age related memory loss, especially when it came to "how long ago".

I have no clue what a sign from mom or dad would be either. Perhaps looking to hard and being super sensitive about it doesn't help a person see it either. As far as the stages of grief, I am doing 3, 4 and 5 all at the SAME TIME!! No wonder I don't sleep at night, sheesh.....
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Susan it's harder sometimes to let them go than to keep them with you isn't it? Stay strong my angel xxxx
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SusanA43,

My heart goes out to you and your mom. Of course, you are doing the right thing. Remember that many NH and AL recommend that the family not visit for a month to let the resident settle in. I am not saying that you should do that yourself. Just remember that there is a reason for the recommendation. They do settle in and adjust.
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Finally starting to accept that Mom will not be coming home from the NH and putting things in place to have her stay there permanently. All the CNAs, nurses and therapists there have been very helpful and encouraging, telling me I'm doing the right thing for her - which I had serious doubts about. Especially yesterday, when Mom called me 6 times, crying to come home. It's been really hard, but I've had to stand firm and try to keep her spirits up. I'll be making a call today to talk to the administration at the NH to make sure everyone is aware that Mom will be staying on as a resident after her therapy stay is over, and to find out what all I need to do to make that happen (other than the obvious paperwork with Medicaid).

I'm taking the van in today to see if we can get one of the rear seats removed so she can be placed in the van using the rear lift and then can transfer to the remaining rear seat from her wheelchair - so I can still take her out places. She's been in the NH 5 days and is already wanting to go out and take a ride, so as soon as I can get that done, I'll start taking her out for a ride once a week to try and keep her spirits up.

She was a little teary when I visited her this morning, but I just kept reminding her that we were going to have to make the best of the situation, even if it's not what we all want. She was in better spirits when I left. I really hope today is better than yesterday.
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OK you all know I am weird but when I get into a dark place and the light at the end of the tunnel flickered and just went out as it were I tend to see a shaft of bright white light dropping to the floor. Now this started after my Dad died and I din't mention it to anyone - don't want 'em all thinking i am insane. I have always mentally called this light chookie and like I said never mentioned it. About 10 years ago I was following my daughter downstairs when I saw this light right in front of her. Not bothered remotely by it I carried on down the stairs but she didn't she had been surprised by the light but she too had been seeing it and like me never mentioned it. ABout 6 years ago might be more my son stopped dead in his tracks walking through a door again the same light situation.

You can put whatever spin you want on this but when you do I need you tell me why we ALL kept quiet about it but ALL call it chookie - the first I can understand the second - nope its very curious.
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If my Mom gave me a sign I'm really not sure what it would be. I guess when its a sign just for you, you have a knowing feeling. I'll know it when I feel it.

Sorry you had a rough day lucky. Hopefully tomorrow will be better.
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