I'm tired of cooking/preparing 3 meals a day. It's just the two of us but boy oh boy can that woman eat!! She stays slimish, I get fattish. It's bad enough I do everything here much less start making her one thing and me the other. At times I feel guilty when I buy her fast food cuz of the nutritional value....not to mention I eat it too.
You can see it in her face...she didnt like breakfast, didnt want lunch so threw it away, wouldnt drink any of the drinks I made her first time round so had to do fresh one, then we fought over her having something to eat and she eventually agreed she would have soup - dint like the soup! didnt want bread with it, didnt want dessert, did want an ice cream, didnt want the one I got for her so I had that and got her a vanilla one (she doesn't usually want vanilla) and to be nice i put meringue all over it cos she loves meringue....at least she did until today now she doesn't - dear Lord let it rain so that it cools down her and her temper.
I am particularly delighted that my mother chose to go visit my brother tomorrow afternoon after we get out of church. So we have a delightful Sunday planned -- church, then out to eat, then to my brother's house. She wanted to go today, but they weren't available. So tomorrow it is.
You know what I would really love? For someone to call and say they are going to come get Mom and take her somewhere. Let's face it. If anything gets done when it comes to my parents, it is me doing it. This old grouchy bear is mighty tired today and looking forward to Monday.
I think I'm going to get me a good old hot bath and just relax while Mama naps.quite a different 4th....but considering the situation, much better than wearing myself out.
I hope everyone is having a relaxing day....We're all in a similar pickle so I'm guessing none of us are sunning by the sea, cooking out with lots of friends and such...I'm just finding comfort in the one person on this earth whom I know loves and appreciates me....
Been cloudy here all day, the sky looks like Mother Nature will delight us with her own version of fireworks :)
My whine moment for the last 24 hours is last evening, on one of those rare, brief visits from my sibling who gave me a lift to get the groceries. It was a relief not to have to drag the bundle buggy on public transit and spend what I would have saved on groceries on a cab back. We even got mom out and had a tea and pastry, and we managed to get her to stay long enough in the optical store to get her glasses tightened.
The downer, and I couldn't help taking it to heart, was what happened to "dad" - a bulb that was given at a Veteran's Memorial Service in April. I planted "him" in a pot and put him with the rest of the flowers I bought this spring on the balcony. It was a joy to see the sprout finally shooting up a couple of weeks ago, especially since I had no idea what kind of flower it would be. It bloomed a few days ago, a pretty, small, purple flower; the plant looked like a trailer because the stem wound round and round.
Well, yesterday morning, mom asked me where the trowel was to loosen the soil (she went back to her homeland in England for 14 years and had a garden, but she doesn't realize that this technique doesn't really apply to the small amount of soil in these pots).
Alas, when I took my sister out to have a look at "dad", there was nothing but a pot of black soil - the shoot, the flower - everything was gone. I could of cried! And I felt so angry at mom at that moment and thought how destructive she is, even though I knew intellectually that she didn't know what she was doing.
The fireworks went off in two different areas and we could see them both from a short walk down the drive. Around here they do fireworks for several days. SO and I walked outside for a few minutes....it was strange, there was a beautifully lit up home with a small gathering going on inside nearby. As we walked by I heard a woman happily laughing at something and I realized that I cannot remember the last time I laughed so happily and carefree, or attended a gathering in a friend's home...it just seemed like I have been whisked away to a strange lonely planet for a long time and the laughter sounded so strange to me like some very distant memory, and I wondered if I will ever laugh again as carefree as the woman in the beautifully lit up house.
So not sulking but cheering - have a wonderful day today, and may the celebrations evoke happy memories for all your loved ones too.
We spent most of the day in the pool. My big pib has really leaned how to sit nicely in the raft. Such an awesome dog.
I have zero else going on.
Anyway while we were going through her history, she mentioned a bladder infection she has and the she did her own urine sample and gave it to the nurses at the NH and nobody listened to her! This is literally the first I heard of it! She said that she kept telling everyone but no one did anything about it. Then she said when she gave them the urine sample, they said they were going to test it, but again, I know nothing about it and this was several days ago at least because she has been home 2 1/2 days. I had already scheduled a follow-up with her Primary for next week, so the nurse from home health gave me a cup and bag to do a ur is sample.
After he leaves, I call NH and spoke with Nursing Director who said she would call me back. She had the nurse for the unit call me back and said that they had tested the urine and will send the results to her doctor and call the doctor this afternoon. I told them that she was gone already for the holiday weekend. They suggested that I call as well. I called and left a message with service and a few minutes late my primary who has been my doctor for at least 25 years. She said she would call in an Rx for another u ride and in the mean time to give her AZO because she is so allergic to antibiotics. If Mom did not say something, this could have gotten serious!
Susan I think you are making the right decision re: your mom and the NH. I know how hard it is though. It broke my heart when I left the first time after leaving my Mom at the NH. I left her in the cafeteria and every time I looked back at her she was looking over at me. I felt like a mother taking her kid to kindergarten for the first time. But her health was in a state where it was for the best so I knew it was the right thing to do.
Jeanette good for you that you are helping your aunt. I think thats probably what you need. Maybe I should adopt an old lady just so I can feel useful again too.
Lots of things to think about.
Today has been better overall - Mom has only called 2x so far, compared to 6x yesterday. I've asked therapy (PT and OT) to keep her extra busy and the CNAs to try to get her into all the activities they can to keep her mind occupied. The less time she has to sit and think, the better.
I got the seat removed from the van, now I need to figure out where to put the darn thing. I guess I could put it in my storage unit, but I have seen the odd trace of a mouse in there, so not sure that's a good idea - may have to store it here in the house somewhere. Maybe I can hang it from the ceiling. LOL
Salisbury, I appreciate the suggestion, but I have no intention of leaving my mom sitting in there for a month with no visitors. I think that suggestion may work for some folks, but not for my mom. She is terrified of being alone, and becomes extremely depressed when she's isolated from people. I promised her I would continue coming every morning and evening, and that the only time that wouldn't happen is if I go to visit my son in another state - and then I would make sure my siblings could fill in the gap and visit her every day while I'm gone.
I feel as though a weight has been lifted already, though I'm still heartbroken and sad that we've had to take this step so soon. Dad died at age 75. Mom will be 75 this weekend, and in the past 3 months, she's had a bad fall and a diagnosis of CHF and other health issues that have steadily worsened in a very short time. It's just a little too much to handle in such a short time.
Hope, thank you. It will be good for both of us. I will have a reason to force myself out into the big bad world. Oh...Veronica91 inadvertently posted this on the dysfunction thread.
** Jeanette was it you looking for a sign from your mother? I think you got one - at least from your dad when you saw your aunt and she looked like your dad. there was a "reason for that visit" **
Veronica, there are a few of us looking for signs and when I read above it gave me chills. I mean I literally stared at her face thinking omg how I could see my dad standing there. Personality wise, me and her are 2 peas in a pod. Quirky all the way! But yes... I would consider this a sign and yes, there IS a reason for that visit and I am working on it now.
Hope, right now your mom is your top priority and pretty much all one person can handle and taking on someone else.... just NO WAY! I'm doing it because I have such a void fill, my aunt needs someone really bad and I can get paid this time.
But when those are alone who have absolutely NO ONE who even thinks of ...let alone checks on them..it just breaks my heart.....I have asked myself why sometmes because seeing myself in the future I totally see me all alone....and I will be ok with it, aside from the health issues that will probably come my way eventually, but I'm probably going to be so ill and cranky by then I will just sit on the front porch of wherever with little gray haired kitties and pup and shake my cane at anyone passing by....
I got up today knowing tomorrow is the 4th...a day which was always a huge day in our family..when we stayed at the lake during the summer...we had a huge cookout , swam, had all the family over...and pretty much now as I recall ended up waiting on people hand and foot while they sat on their butts and enjoyed it all....Lord...a vision of things to come I think now....anyway I had decided I was just going to do it for Mama and me again this year...she doesn't "eat" except for the ensure..so no cooking there...but was going to do it just for me...well, that looked a lot better yesterday than today...I'm thinking WHY....why do all that work to make a load of food I don't need ...I will just play it by ear.
The cousin texted me yesterday having a fit and I do mean a fit because someone has called to get home health for her, which I think she is needing now..but she is NOT having it...I mean she was coming apart at the seams...demanding to know who did it. It wasn't me.so I don't know...this is a preview of what lfe would be like being her "go to person"...and this chickee ain't gonna be "it".....no way no how....good grief...what a nightmare....her meltdown also helped me immediately decide NOT to invite her down for the afternoon because I would have to hear her complain all day long and I don't feel up to that either....she had told me the day before she was feeling better than she had in years...well, this girl doesn't...so I'm not listening to it...she enjoys all the drama and I do NOT...I already have enough of that...more and more I am seeing why people don't want to help her ..because some people cannot be helped....
I saw my Aunt yesterday. When she finally opened the door I swear I was looking at my dad. Now I don't know if it's that gaunt/sunken look or what but if her hair had been less fluffy I might not have known the difference!! Oh...she'd have to have whiskers too :) Such a sweet 83 y/o. Yes my heart broke for her too. Her only son is 56 with severe health issues and he does what he can. She however needs more help. She's basically a "shut in". Her diet consists of Pepsi, ice cream and loads of yogurt ... this I could tell by looking at all the mess piles on her counters, which was after I closed my eyes and removed a lid that had a kathousand sugar ants on it :O She seems pretty depressed since she basically lays around in bed all day/night. She is the typical elder who doesn't want to say anything to her son (since he isn't well) and suffers silently. So me, being the person I am, will inquire with Senior Disabilities Services and see how many hours a week she can get. Hopefuly she will be able to get at least 20 or so hours a week. Which I will do. She's about a 40 minute drive from me and I can bring my pibble. Sydney didn't eat her tiny old poodle Tiki yesterday, just looked pained when the mean little shit nipped her ankle!!! LOL by the time I left they were all kosher like a fine pickle. So for now, that's my plan. Win Win. She get's the help she needs. I get to start working, earning money, plus full health benefits so I can drop my private pay insurance and start saving a decent amount of money per month. It will be nice to take her places. She hasn't left the house in a year from what I could gather...her mind is pretty intact but she was showing what I think it normal age related memory loss, especially when it came to "how long ago".
I have no clue what a sign from mom or dad would be either. Perhaps looking to hard and being super sensitive about it doesn't help a person see it either. As far as the stages of grief, I am doing 3, 4 and 5 all at the SAME TIME!! No wonder I don't sleep at night, sheesh.....
My heart goes out to you and your mom. Of course, you are doing the right thing. Remember that many NH and AL recommend that the family not visit for a month to let the resident settle in. I am not saying that you should do that yourself. Just remember that there is a reason for the recommendation. They do settle in and adjust.
I'm taking the van in today to see if we can get one of the rear seats removed so she can be placed in the van using the rear lift and then can transfer to the remaining rear seat from her wheelchair - so I can still take her out places. She's been in the NH 5 days and is already wanting to go out and take a ride, so as soon as I can get that done, I'll start taking her out for a ride once a week to try and keep her spirits up.
She was a little teary when I visited her this morning, but I just kept reminding her that we were going to have to make the best of the situation, even if it's not what we all want. She was in better spirits when I left. I really hope today is better than yesterday.
You can put whatever spin you want on this but when you do I need you tell me why we ALL kept quiet about it but ALL call it chookie - the first I can understand the second - nope its very curious.
Sorry you had a rough day lucky. Hopefully tomorrow will be better.