My "whine moment today." What's yours?

Shilo, my dog Buddy wants to give you a hug and a million kisses

Captain welcome back! My Mom used to tell me about her pain and when the NH staff came in with the pain meds I asked for my mom would say oh I don't need these. It was almost like a pride thing with my mom.

Well, Captain...I have not seen you in quite a while. I may have missed your posts...but anywhooo...glad to "see" you again....and hope Aunt Edna is feeling well...you're her rock, and her angel...and I love how you spoil her . :)

Susan, sorry to hear about your day...I am also having junk food for supper..It is too late to be eating it, but of all things i am having some of those mozzarella breaded cheese sticks ..because all had to do was throw them in the oven...and I don't care either.... :)

Gershun I too believe that during one of those dreams your Mom is going to somehow let you know all is well and hopefully that will help you let go. I guess in my heart, I believe at the time of death our loved ones know so much more than we can even begin to imagine, even if we think they're mostly on the other side, I still believe they are able to understand things that we can't begin to imagine. As diligent as you were at your sweet Mom's bedside, I truly believe she knows you love her and heard your heart , if not your voice, say goodbye...I truly believe that...

I remember right after my Daddy passed, I was always wondering if I had told him I loved him enough...I always told him...always, so much that sometimes I feared I drove him nuts, but I had to say it always...anyway, after he crossed over, I started dreaming that I saw him in the most beautiful lush forest type setting, beside a crystal blue stream...He was so healthy looking and so happy. I saw him and ran towards him and then, just behind him, I saw my kitty, Miss Priss, sitting on a white fence beside him...I had had to have her put to sleep a couple of months before Daddy passed. Anyway, I saw her and I said..."Oh wow, Miss Priss!!!...they do go to heaven!!! and he said..yeah, she's a good cat....and he told me "well kiddo, I have to go"...I called after him...and said..Wait Daddy, I have to be sure you now how much I love you...he told me "yeah, Kiddo, I know...I love you too"...and he was gone....but I woke up exhilerated...I knew he was ok...and my pets were also there...and for a long time I would dream about him so often..and they were wonderful happy dreams. I think they are glimpses into heaven ..and to reassure me that's it's all going to be ok....once I got stronger, the dreams began to subside...and now I don't dream a lot about him, and that makes me sad...because it's always like a visit when he comes....but I know he's ok...and one day I'll see him...but I think it just happens, when God knows we need it most....I believe your Mom knows, and heard your heart before she left this world...but you'll get a message one day..when God knows you need it most...

Sharadale...very happy for you and your Mom....our nurse is coming tomorrow and I am going to insist they do another test for cdiff...I am always worried about that and every time I mention it they poo poo it away...hmmm... but it is so awful now that I am just going to have to put my brass knuckles on and get to it.....But for sure that's why I don't give her anything for diarrhea because I suspect cdiff and now that this is ongoing for so long I am going to have to insist....

Katie...I know it's not funny, but the thought of getting stuck behind a bunch of porta potties sounds about like the story of my life too...If I am not wiping hinies, I am scooping poop or wiping up doggie do....I can carry on a conversation for quite a while about nothing but poo....not exactly good conversation for a dinner date...thankfully the thought of dating is so unappealing to me now that I don't have to worry about that...

Captain, did you see pain in her facial expression or just tears on her face? I wonder if she was just too happy to see you. If she was in pain you maybe the only one she believes will say anything to staff about her pain/meds. Many older people can only express to a few people how they feel and they hide their pain from others. Hope she feels better soon. Did you get your chimney completed? I imagine it is built to weather any storm. Must have knocked you out a bit working on it in the kind the hot weather this June.

i had an interesting experience last week . stopped by to see aunt edna and she had tears running down her face because she was in so much pain . i patiently consulted with the NH staff as to whether she was getting frequent and adequate pain meds and they informed me that prior to my arrival edna was in fine spirits and teasing everyone around her . hells bells , shes rather demented and nobody else tends to her small comfort issues as closely as i do , so if shes playing me for a little sympathy ( at 91 yrs old ) i dont mind in the least .. in fact i find it rather flattering .

Ugh...not a great day, nothing good to share tonight. I'm having a drink and eating junk food and couldn't care less.

You did the right thing Shilo. My mom always gave money to everyone. I used to say to her "they are just going to use it to buy drugs" My Mom said its not our business what they use it for, as long as we are doing the right thing by helping them. My mom was such a saint.

I don't just like your post, Shilo, I love it. People can be fabulous too :)

This is not a whine but more of a growl. It also will show you there can be more than one SUCCER around the corner.

Several people thought I needed a hug so I received 3 today.

The first was from the UPS driver. He was making a delivery when I found the damage to my car. I went off on hating the area and then everyone, etc. He has seen me before and even handed me his knife once to open a damaged box to make sure the item was acceptable. I turned away from him and said with the way I feel about people these days and I don't know how to use a knife I better open this away from you. He laughed and told me I was alright. (you think?) Anyway, he looked at the damage to my car and gave me a hug.

Second and third hug came when I stopped at the gas station. Someone pulled up in a car and asked if I would buy them some chew because they were disabled. I didn't want to help anyone out, not today and especially not to buy tobacco but when he said he was disabled I said yes. It was easier than to explain I wouldn't buy tobacco for anyone. Did he look disabled? No. However you can not always tell by looking at someone if they are disabled or not. I walked in and immediately went to the register in front of 2 other customers and said to them and the cashier 'help me remember (name of chew), it is for someone outside'. Cashier told me he was not disabled just lazy, he comes in the store all the time. I started crying and the cashier grabbed my hand and told me it was going to be alright. I told him I didn't need this to happen to me today. How can someone use the 'disabled card' like that? I apologized to the customers as I didn't mean to cut in front of them. They were understanding. I wiped away my tears, went out and asked the guy if that was what he wanted and said have a nice day. The cashier made sure I was coming back inside because I didn't get what I went there for myself. He then gave me a hug and one of the other customers told him to give me one from him too. They said that guy would get his someday. Then the cashier asked how my mom was he hasn't seen me for a week...he always asks how she is doing and then asks how I am doing.

jcabrl, my dad has been with us 6 months also, though I had "only" 7 months of back and forth across the country before that. We're going next week for an evaluation, it sounds strange but I'm secretly hoping they say he is slipping into dementia as the other possibility is that he is just being mean and manipulative at times (out of character for the man I used to know).

Can you get mom into an assisted living facility or memory care center? You're tougher than I am to have kept going this long and far into things, but we all have a point of having to say "I can't do this anymore". It sounds like your husband needs (not to mention deserves) your full attention.

Thanks everyone for your kind words and wishes! Mom is coming home tomorrow! And guess what happened when I went to see her today! She was no longer confined to her room and I did not have any gown or gloves. Her last test was negative, so she has not colonized, she is clean. She got to go down the hall to the therapy room! But she is very happy about coming home and keeps telling me to let the dogs know she is returning!
And Hope, have you had any stool sample done? This C- Diff is very common for elderly who get long series of antibiotics. They can get better and then have recurring diarrhea until it is treated.

Ugh....another bad bout of diarrhea this evening...I should have seen it as an omen when I got caught in traffic on a quick run to the store earlier behind a flat bed truck carrying several porta potties.....At the time I just thought that "getting caught in trafficdirectly behind the porta johns just about sums it all up"....my whole life revolves around poop anymore....

Twin, I don't like setting accounts up online especially if they ask for social security numbers...too risky. You are talking to someone who was involved in an identity breach. I called SS office 3 months ago to update our address and they should have updated it with medicare by now. If I have to make another call to them I will be letting out some of my built up anger. I will use it as a stress releaser.

Thats a good picture Shilo. I hope that happens. From your lips to Gods ear.

Gershun, I picture you having one of your dreams were your mom does wake up and you do get that chance to say goodbye. If only in a dream...then you may have closure.

The nature of the beast FF. When they were standing in line for the emotional gene someone yelled Beer! and they all went running :)

Gershun, why is it when we need a hug all we get are glib little remarks :P

57twin yesI have dreams all the time about my Mom. They are almost always her laying on her death bed and me hoping she will open her eyes and talk to me.
Gruesome eh?

I know its only been a couple of mths. since she passed and this is to be expected but I wake up so depressed because of these dreams. You see my Mom didn't ever regain consciousness in the hospital and the whole time she was there and I was sitting there with her I was hoping and praying she would wake up so I could say good-bye. So I understand why I have these dreams. I just wish they would go away.

My hubby is not an emotional rock either. He makes these glib little remarks so I don't even turn to him anymore for support.

I have had a mentally exhausting day and I find comfort when coming to this site and knowing I'm not alone, others understand and I want to whine, I actually wanted to scream today but after reading what other caregivers are going through I decided not to. My 89 year old mother been living with my husband & I for 6 months and I ran my a## off between Montana & California for 1 1/2 years before that. Only sibling & I don't speak, he doesn't want to help take care of mom. Mom suffers from dementia but sometimes I wonder, is she trying to manipulate me at times? Also my 71 year old husband is a heart patient. He is being so good about this but I see what quality of life we have left together passing us by. Mom was mean to me today and lied to my husband about me. He knew she was losing it and handled situation well but I am still so pissed my mother putting us through this. I feel so bad for complaining. I'm so tired today, just need some rest

Has anyone had dreams about their deceased parents?
I had such a vivid one this morning. I can remember parts like getting a birthday card from mom with a check in it. My sister "picked" mom up its seems like she was away but back now as she didn't want to miss my birthday.
She said she wanted dad out of that place now (his AL). I remember thinking I cannot cash check as I closed that account and it's now at a different bank and what is she going to think of how I have spent their money? then I woke up. Just a very unsettling dream but so vivid!

Shilo have you gone on the social security website and set up an account well it's not an account but you are able to change address. The website will ask you moms ss# and some odd questions that hopefully you can answer. It saved me lots of time vs having to waste time as ss officer calling.

waiting for things to get better...

I just went to get the garbage can in and found the front of my car has been dented. What a wonderful world we live in when a person can not even own up to hitting another person's vehicle and take responsibility for his/her own actions.

Shilo, I hope things begin to improve. I have gotten so angry so many times at red tape and bozos who just don't listen. I also have people calling me on my cell instead of at home which I tell them to do first. They don't listen...in one ear and out the other. Then people get all shocked when we put on our battle gear and dress them down. So much is expected of us as caregivers...but others always seem to fail and that is supposed to be ok....NOT!

Jude....I love it...may all these fools we deal with" become bowel incontinent while in a crowded spa at high noon" !!!

Hope, those little outfits sound cuter and cuter...a little sand crab...How adorable! This little dog is well loved by you and I am so glad.

Jude...HAHAHAHAHAHAHA....excellent! I agree completely....re the guilt overcoming them one day....isn't it sad how when we step out to help someone how quickly you develop the old reputation for being a "lifesaver" and then buddy watch out..the tidal wave of users begins flooding in not unlike this poo situation with which I am dealing today....

I have to say, as ridiculous as it may sound, it was almost impossible for me to hold myself back from stepping out and helping my cousin..even knowing what I know...but it is sooooo hard for me to not help people...but sadly, people all know that about me and so they sure have no problem dumping their responsibilities on me....and the term "sucker" is indeed right...for I am one...I'm a good sucker...but I'm a sucker...haha

I am loving my Mama so much...I do love her...I hope no one ever thinks I am an ungrateful hateful old 'b" but I miss her so much and I am so ashamed at people in my alleged family who have just disappeared off the face of the earth..and remembering how Mama and Daddy were there for all their sorry behinds makes it even more infuriating...

Shilo...Lord love you...I don't even know what to say...I understand how infuriating, frustrating and every other word you can think of dealing with all the hospice, medicaid, etc. you are having to deal with...now you do know that if your Mom has to go to dr. appointments and such associated with her hospice admission hospice will arrange those, right??? Ours does, folks please speak up and correct me if this is a state thing...but I know when Mama had to have her abcessed teeth removed, the hospice folks arranged the ambulance and everything and she was there and back in LESS THAN AN HOUR...but let me say as well, this was the thing that set about my looking for a new hospice provider as the old one just flat out informed me they weren't going to do anything for my Mama...as she lay here with her head swelled up like a melon...Well, needless to say, I started cussing them and they had to create a new section of ugly words in Websters but those folks found out this meek little sweet southern girl had a nasty temper.....but after I changed hospice providers (and it happened very quickly actually) but the new one started up pulling the same stuff on me...So I had to take off my southern belle bonnet again and put back on my battle helmet....I let it fly...the nurse was here that morning and after she left the house she called them and apparently let them know that I was about to go ballistic on some butts and within an hour, it was all arranged and the very next day it was handled...end of story... why is it we have to show our behinds to make people do stuff for our loved ones...I just don't understand it.....

Katie...yes, I hope she will tolerate the outfits...I already have found a little captains hat and a swim vest for when and if we ever get to go to the lake again.... I also found a cute hat that looks like a little sand crab...and just all kinds of cool stuff...hey...I never had kids...I guess this is my chance....

I heard a 7.8 on the richter scale...or is that sphincter scale....ugh...oh Lord, help me me calm.....

My eyes are puffy from crying. I told the aid service I would call them today to let them know if I wanted a different aide to start but she couldn't start until next Monday. I am so sick of everything getting pushed back and not getting the help I need. I am damned if I do and damned if I don't. If I go to another agency it will take just as long if not longer to set up.
I called a hospice agency in this area and asked them how they handle getting a medical bed. It is not a simple case with them. The person I spoke with made it sound complicated and without a wider bed my mother's heart rate would go out of control. I can not put her through something like that because it would be another trip to the hospital. I don't know why they have to make this hospice / medicaid thing so complicated. If you have one then you have to give up the other. My mother needs the transportation she gets through medicaid to get her to all her physician appointments.
I called Social Security 3 months ago to update our address but Medicare still does not have our current address. Once of my mom's physician's office told me I needed to call medicare to update the address or they will start denying the insurance claims. I told the woman that I already contacted medicare and I wasn't going to do it again. It is between SS and medicare and if the bills don't get paid I didn't care anymore. I am done...you have the correct address to bill medicare and I have done my work. I turned and walked away...as she suggested I take a few depth breaths. If I had all the time it takes to set up everything for this govt agency or that one and instead put that toward taking care of my mother I would be a whole lot happier.
I just ignored a call from her case manager from medicaid...so take that! I asked her to call me on the home phone which doesn't cost me anything but she continues to call me on my pay as you go cell phone. Yes, I just reminded her yesterday that it cost me money and asked her twice to call on the home phone. It just goes to show you people just do not listen to your messages or care about you.
Last but not least, I am tired of hearing people who do not help me end the conversation with "and have a blessed day". So so sick of that.

Hope darling you bent all you need but I am going to take you to task. You did change the world ...for your mum. AND DONT YOU FORGET IT.. Very easy for the others to sit back and let you and then have the bloody nerve to criticise too (dont start me on that one). DO they consider you at all? Nooooooooooooo of course they don't ....good old Hope (AKA SUCKER).

I'm sorry I couldn't wish one of them well and I just pray that one day guilt strikes them hard ( preferably on the end of their stuck up noses) actually my preference would be for them to become bowel incontinent while in the spa - no more trips there then!!!!!! Me ........Malicious? Oh yes!

Hope, It is amazing how a lot of people's true colors come out when someone needs caregiving and they stay away. I have several people I am feeling this way about right now...and again they can forget about any help from me in the future after they have disappeared on me.
The little dog outfit sounds adorable! I hope the little puppy will be ok with that and like the outfit...I had a dog once that would tear off any cute thing you put on her...even a little bow. Guess she liked being a nudist..heehee.