Follow
Share
Read More
Shilo8
I'm not sure what you are talking about (class action lawyers/lawsuits). I was commenting on the "Whine Moment".
(0)
Report

CM - I am trying now to find out more info so I know all involved to complain about...to the people involved, alzheimer's assoc and our govt. Once I decided to voice my opinion to someone I have not heard the entire commercial, as I said it has been cut off. As soon as I learn more will complete my whine. I am sure you are right, it is one of those class action lawyers/lawsuits.
(0)
Report

Not so much as a whine, but thought you'd all get a chuckle out of this. One day when I was caring for my mom, I whined about how she was being so negative. My friend made me laugh when she said "Have a little cheese with that whine!" I laughed so hard that I almost forgot what I was whining about!
(3)
Report

Who's the guilty advertiser, Shilo? Wouldn't be a class action lawyer, by any chance..?
(0)
Report

Has anyone else seen the commercial referencing nfl players and/or their loved ones maybe entitled to millions in compensation if the player was diagnosed with alzheimer's or dementia...? I can not get it out of my head and I am seeing it more and more. It angers me that anyone would remotely correlate playing football to getting the disease. It is insulting to everyone that has it...IMO...I can't make IMO large enough. The nfl is actually going to pay their players millions if they are diagnosed with the illness? and to put it on national television? What am I missing here? Please make me understand because I feel that is the most idiotic, rudest, most insensible thing the organization has done and I can't seem to come to terms with it. I may not be the only one because many time the commercial is cut off at the beginning and another put in its place. Makes me wonder what kind of trouble they are having with the commercial, al be it technical or something else.

I need a cream filled donut and I can't find any around here. :(
(1)
Report

Got my 3 hours of respite care today and spent it running around getting groceries, picking up charcoal for Mom's upcoming bday cookout, and picking up a new shelf for the kitchen. That, and returning the 3rd pair of slippers I've tried to get for Mom that don't fit. (sigh) Since her "shoes" (slippers, the only thing she can wear) were lost between the hospital and nursing home, I've been hunting for a similar pair. Apparently the company changed their sizing format and what used to fit her no longer does.

Came home and suggested Mom use the bathroom before she lay down for a nap again - she insisted she didn't have to go, then got up, leaving a soaked chair pad and got into bed, still refusing to go to the bathroom. This is the part of the process that I *really* hate. She is still mobile and lucid enough to refuse to use the bathroom and argue with me about it if I insist that she go, but has no sensation in that area to tell that she's already soaking wet and needs to go to the bathroom *and* get her brief and clothes changed. So she's sleeping, probably soaking the bed and when she gets up, I will have to change the bed (which was changed this morning), wash the sheets again (good thing I already washed the first set I took off the bed this morning), mop the floor, which will almost certainly get peed on as she makes her way to the bathroom (and I mopped it this morning before I left for my 3 hrs of respite)....argh. So frustrating. I don't want her to tip over the edge into that next stage of dementia, because I know what that means - but this stage is really frustrating sometimes.

Respite worker noted that Mom was short of breath today, so I'm not the only one seeing it. She slept for 2 hours while I was gone - up for about 45 minutes after I got back and then back down to sleep again and has been asleep for 45 mins already. Well, cancel that, she's up. Cleanup time.
(1)
Report

Your father is retired? He gets social security any other income?
He lives with you to save him money but does not contribute to any of his living expenses?
I would sit him down and have a conversation about contributing to his expenses.
If you do not need the truck I would sell it, reimburse yourself for the costs you paid for the vehicles.
(3)
Report

Jude and Salisbury - LOL!
(1)
Report

Hi Jude,

No, no, no, I meant:

This is what I ask my mother to distract her from her obsessions and fears!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It gets her focused on the "good old days."
(2)
Report

er... don't sell the care. I meant the car. :)
(0)
Report

tgengine, I think I would try to put him on an airplane and have a rental car waiting on the other side.

In your position, I think I would consider selling the truck and the care and providing one better, more dependable car. I know time is too short right now for the trip he plans, but it is what I would consider for the future. $5000 is a lot to invest in an older car.
(3)
Report

Dad moved in a year ago, I am burnt out, we barley survived his knee replacement surgery. Now he is mobile, going on a week vacation (I wish I could) to see family. I have had his car gone over, transmission is making a small noise but is fine. It may need a new one at the tune of $5000. His truck is now in may name and on my insurance to save him money. He is not the best of drivers so I hesitate letting him take a big work truck on vacation for 1200 miles. Should I sell his truck and just give him the money? Best option I guess. His car runs fine but as the mechanics say run it until it has a problem. He loves to spend money hence why he lives with me because he had no retirement. now going to visit family he is taking fresh lobster and planing on talking people out to dinner. He doesn't take me out to dinner and I pay all the bills here! I plan to let him hit my siblings up for the repairs to his car since I have had to pony up all the other cash and costs to get him moved and live with me. Am I being ungrateful? This is not what I signed up for.....
(1)
Report

Susan, I hope your Mom is feeling better and this is just the heat or if there is humidity it could make breathing different, even if the AC is on.
I refused to do facebook years ago and now I am glad. That stupid quiz about family stablilty is a bunch of nonsense designed to get people to click on things, provide info etc. Also...who needs all that facebook bragging a lot of people do? People are so busy taking photos to document vacations etc on facebook that I wonder if they are really experiencing things since they are so busy documenting.
Susan, you are right to process what happened and then get on with your life. It is better to do that than to pretend it never happened and invent a fake past. I think nearly everything about facebook is fake anyhow.I see so many people deluding themselves and others with it.
These sporty cars are difficult to get in and out of even at my age at times....but my neighbor was driving 2 of them until she turned 89 ! She would wear a gold lame jacket and blast Elvis. And they were the low 2 seater cars!
(2)
Report

That is true about the baby monitor they pick up every sound.
(0)
Report

Thanks Gershun - he's actually only one of the problems in the family history - there are others that are closer to me that caused more damage. But my relative's statement that her family was "more balanced than most" is what made me see red. There was *nothing* normal about our childhood, and when someone who *knows* what her father did, brushes it off as nonexistent...well, my ears lay back just a bit. It's one thing to forgive a wrong (or several) done to you in the past and move on so that you can live a relatively healthy life - it's another to act like it never happened. To forget a past wrong of this magnitude is to open a path to allow it to happen again.

I'm wondering if it's just the heat, too, Gershun - but I've got the A/C on in the house, so it really makes me wonder if that's it or not - I mean, it's cool in here, and the humidity is low....I just want to figure out why she's having such issues with her breathing. If it's just that her body is tiring out, I can accept that - I just want to be sure there's not something else I can do to make her more comfortable.

Twin - I don't have a baby monitor - I've considered it, but Mom's house is *extremely* small, so I hear every move she makes at night - I hear when she goes to the bathroom, turns the tv on in the living room, coughs or sneezes, etc. If she calls out for me, I'm up *right now*. I do worry that something might happen and I wouldn't hear her, but if I am totally honest about it, I think I probalby would, just because I'm so hyper-vigilant about her right now. And because she gets up a few times a night and turns the tv on, I'd be hearing *that* through the baby monitor too, so I'm not sure that would be good. LOL
(1)
Report

Susan do you have a baby monitor you can set close to your mom?
When my husband's family was doing overnight stays when my MIL was in hospice to give my FIL a break we had a baby monitor that we kept in the bedroom we slept in. Heard every little movement and sound quite well.
(0)
Report

Unbalanced more like it from the sounds of things Susan.I had no idea of your family history. I'm so sorry for you and that you experienced that. That relative that posted that needs to get their head out of their a**.

If its hot that could explain your Mom's energy levels. Even I get exhausted when its hot.
(0)
Report

Mom's got me a bit baffled lately. Minimial movement and exercise gets her short of breath and tired to the point where she has to rest before getting back up and walking out to the living room from the bathroom (a distance of 15-25', depending on if she goes to her chair or the bed). She's on O2 at 3 liters and her O2 sats are in the 90s most of the time (but they do drop with exertion, like walking - even with the O2 on). Today, she's fatigued to the point of not even wanting to walk into the bathroom and seems kind of dazed when I talk to her - at least at first - then she makes an effort to appear a little more lively and says she's fine. Going to talk to the nurse about it when she comes this week and see what she thinks - the only thing we've been able to come up with is the heat and humidity, but today I've had the A/C on in the house all day and maintained a steady 72 degrees in the house, which is about as cool as she can tolerate, as she's on blood thinners. Any cooler, and she starts saying she's cold. Fans are running all over the place to keep the cool air circulating and again, her O2 levels are good, other than when she moves around. Frustrated. Going to talk to the nurse privately this week if at all possible and ask some hard questions. I think we have gone as far as we have in terms of treatment - I think Mom's body is just tired and this is about as good as it's going to get from here on out. I know no one can predict the future or give me any sort of timeline of events, but I'd like to have a heart-to-heart with the nurse and express my concerns and see what she thinks, given Mom's condition and the new health issues.

Mom's sleeping right now - I feel like I'm constantly watching her like a hawk lately, monitoring her breathing, and any sound she makes in her sleep has me twisting around from my desk to see what's going on. Had a talk with one of my siblings, and her feeling (and my own) is that Mom's body is just tired...that we might be looking at a couple more years, if we're lucky.

My major whine for the day - it's Facebook yet again. A relative posted using one of those *stupid* apps that predict your personality or whatever based on your name, or your age or shoe size - that's about how intelligent these things are. The result she got said that she came from a "balanced family" and she added in her comment that her family was "more balanced than most". I just about lost it. Balanced. Right. I guess she forgot that her father was a disgusting pervert and criminal that sexually molested every female he could get his hands on, including me and my sisters, possibly a few of her own friends? That he was arrested for shoplifting multiple times? That he was arrested for stealing women's underwear off clotheslines? Balanced family. Pffft.
(2)
Report

dad of course was in his room jist staring out the window when I went to see him. Opened is gifts-a new shirt and a handblown wall vase I bought a few months ago. We had a beer and looked at family photos from the 70's. He did not recognize my sister from a family photo nor did he recognize the house I grew up in.
Started something different with my sis as I am not automatically updating her on my visits with dad.
She texted me just a few minutes ago asking about what plans I had today as I am sure she wanted to talk with him while I was there. I have told her I visit early afternoons. Her loss I am not going to worry about it.
(1)
Report

I owned a sports car paid for with my own hard earned money. Gave it up when my mother started having trouble getting in and out since the seat was lower to the ground than most standard cars. It wasn't an expensive fancy sports car but it was mine. I miss that cougar!
(3)
Report

Salisbury - around middle to bottom of the class I am afraid but for some very good reason. My history teacher told my parents I had the brain of a dead plant (they would be sacked for saying this these days however true it may or may not be) My Latin teacher said there was no hope that I would pass my exams (I was the only one in the class who did and I got a better result than most in the next class up - go figure)

One thing I do know is that if authority figures tell me I dont have the capcity to do something - then there is every chance I will set out to prove them wrong. It's in my make-up I guess

Although I did A levels very young (16) I left school soon after and went back much much later to complete my education and complete my Honours degree (40 the week of my results) They said I wouldn't get work.....I did.

If you mean whereabouts was I at grammar school - in Hampshire
(1)
Report

Yes, JudeAH53, I ask," Now, where were you in grammar school?"
(0)
Report

In my young years. .i always wanted the snazzy sports car and pretty much kept one until i got to my thirties. Then as Daddy got more and more frail and i knew we would not have him a lot longer i finally realized what my parents always told us. ..all that stuff doesn't mean anything. Being a good, decent, honorable person with solid values did. .my fancy sports car has now turned almost 20 years old and i dice my Daddys little truck, which my brother and his wife practically stole before my Dad even passed. They would not being it back, even for Daddy and after he passed they let the two boys practically destroy it. After they pretty much tire up everything in it, and it would barely run, they face it back to me. But i am thankful because now i am working on it a little at a time and the engine is now almost like new. I just got a set of new tires and finally got the ac fixed so now i am working on the interior and exterior, making sure to keep the originality of it as Daddy drove it and even though it has a huge sent in one side. ..thanks boys...i am so happy when I'm driving my little truck. .it's like daddy and me are on an adventure. Little things truly are the best. I had another cream filled doughnut just now with my fresh pot of coffee...wish yall were here to enjoy one.
(1)
Report

Katie222, thanks for the heads up on the article in the Parade magazine. Very good article, loved the idea of the purple angel [international symbol of Alzheimers, which I didn't know] on the hospital patient wristbands of those with memory issues... to alert the staff that the info given by the patient might not be correct.

Sadly only those of us here and those who have parents/spouses with memory issues will pay attention to this article.... everyone else will most likely ignore it until the pay comes and they are faced with a love one who is diagnosed, and that person wouldn't know where to turn next.

I always ignored articles about aging, because for some strange reason when I was younger I never pictured my parents getting old.... I never saw my grandparents aged [they lived a great distance from us, so did my Aunts/Uncles]. I had nothing to relate to.
(1)
Report

Tell or don't tell? My view is you do it once when the dementia is fairly advanced and then Don't mention it once the funeral is over.
Dementia is another subject to be avoided because it is such a life sentence while someone can still understand. Memory
problems I feel are acceptable after all we all have "senior moments" telling someone they have Altzheimers I feel is plain cruel unless you are dealing with a highly intelligent person who really needs to know and can participate in their treatment options. That is just my opinion and others will probably disagree. caregivers on the other hand definitely need to be given a precise diagnosis because there are many decisions the caregiver needs to make for their loved ones best future care. I broke the news of her husband's death to one lady whose dementia was fairly advanced. Her response was "Oh dear i don't want to be a widow"
(2)
Report

Oh Katie of course she has a sour face, she is afraid you will scratch her Lexus with your shopping cart and hubby will give her hell when she gets home. You see she was a trophy wife and now she is loosing her looks and appeal and sees all the signs that 80 year old hubby has a new twinkle in his eye and she is pretty sure she knows who has caught his fancy. Money is not everything.
(3)
Report

Hope, I so enjoyed reading about your little excursion for a burger and donuts and turning on some music for the drive. It energized me! It truly is the little things in life that help keep us going! The donuts sound fabulous too!

I have to laugh today at a person I saw a few days ago that I know. She is always sour faced and racing around in her Lexus...she is the unhappiest person I know, despite the vacations, cars, campers, etc. She feels life owes her these things and it is never enough. The sour face this woman makes! Too bad this woman doesn't know that happiness is found everywhere if we just take a moment to look! She wouldn't hear a bird's beautiful song or see the love in a pet, or the color of a flower if it hit her in the face. We caregivers are richer for appreciating the small things!
(6)
Report

Has anybody seen the Sunday Parade magazine that comes with most newspapers? It has an article called "People Power" on how caregivers and advocates are helping people with Alzheimers, and various resources are listed too.
(1)
Report

My whine moment again today is my selfish 2 brothers.Tonight,besides celebrating Fathers Day,we are also doing 3 Birthdays.It has taken everything to pull this together with gifts,cards,and food.Yesterday,I loaded the heavy oxygen in and out of the mall twice in the hot su and into Barnes and Noble and then the grocery store with alot of pain in my own body.One brother stopped by late to show Mother his pictures he took hiking and picking berries that morning.I really have no respect to loose.I am disgusted.
(1)
Report

It's interesting how this whole "tell or don't tell" affects our loved ones. Some simply can't be told that others have passed on, or that they have memory or dementia issues, because it's terribly upsetting for them (and rightfully so). Some are better off being totally aware of what's going on while they can still understand it - before the dementia gets too deep. It's my hope that my mother is the latter. So far, she completely understands that she has memory issues. She doesn't like it, of course - who would? - but she accepts it and understands that it's happening and advancing. I don't bring it up to her every day and rub it in her face, of course - but she and I have discussed it at length and she knows that she is forgetting things and wouldn't be ok on her own anymore. It's my hope that by discussing it with her now, while she is still mostly lucid and can retain *some* discussions we've had in her memory, that when things start to really "go" on her, she *might* retain some memory of these discussions and it might not be quite as hard on her at that point. Who knows...it might all be for naught.
(2)
Report

Start a Discussion
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter